


Pursued by a Memory

by WolvenFighter



Series: Men of No Nation [1]
Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Age Difference, Anal Sex, Arthur is in the closet, Before the O'driscolls, Bisexual Arthur Morgan, Bottom John Marston, Chaptered, Drama & Romance, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Focuses more on John and Arthur, Gay Sex, M/M, Multi, Part 1, Past Character Death, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, Porn With Plot, Pre-Canon, Pre-Video Game: Red Dead Redemption 2 (2018), Red Dead Redemption 2 Spoilers, Self-Discovery, Sex, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Spoilers, Top Arthur Morgan, Vaginal Sex, Young John Marston, in the closet, plot heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-01-04 03:54:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 108,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18335675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolvenFighter/pseuds/WolvenFighter
Summary: 1890. Even when times were good they weren't, whether on the run or sacrificing for the greater good. Before the Van der Linde Gang, there was a family running from a world that was changing before their eyes. Growing from a family to a community comes with more challenges than ever before in the world of civilization.Prequel to Red Dead Redemption 2Focuses on the gang before Blackwater.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know an author of my record has no right publishing a new work after I've been gone for literally months. So a little back story to this, I have always adored RDR and just finished RDR2 (which ripped my fucking heart out). Arthur and John are a perfect pairing and I wanted to go way back before the gang began falling apart, before the O'Driscolls, before any of it. I plan on posting an update once or twice a week depending on how fast the story is coming.
> 
> SPOILER ALERT.
> 
> This story is chaptered but is also gonna be split into parts. Part one is gonna focus more on the feud between Dutch and Colm and the tension between Arthur, John and Abigail. The only things that have already happened is Arthur and Mary having been broken up and Arthur's son's death. The only people in the gang as of now are Dutch, Hosea, Arthur, John, Bessie, Annabelle, Miss Grimshaw, Mister Pearson, Reverend Swanson and Uncle. I tried to find out as much as I could about Bessie and Annabelle but couldn't find out much, if you don't like my portrayal of them I'm sorry but I'm doing what I can lol I imagine them both to be sweet ladies. The year is 1890, so without further adieu, have fun reading my story! If you're confused stick with it I promise it'll come together lol.
> 
> -Eros
> 
> [PS] There weren't many dates on when the other members joined, I can only guess so bear with me!

The feeling of lead scraping away at the parchment beneath his fingers, blue eyes blinked as he scribbled gently against the leather bound journal that he kept so close to his body, anyone who had looked in it before was dead... Not exactly by his hand but that kept most of his dysfunctional family away. Reaching up he ran his hand through his hair. It had been a few years since they had been this far up North but he always enjoyed going through the Grizzlies, this was his favorite detour. He had seen a rather large bull moose earlier and decided it was worth drawing shortly after setting up camp.

"Mister Morgan!" The familiar demanding tone of Miss Grimshaw boomed in his direction and he jumped slightly but thankfully not smudging his drawing... This time. "Can't be dilly-dallying we ain't composed yet." She scolded slightly and Arthur, despite his outer shell remaining stoic he inwardly cringed at her iron glare.

"Of course." He hummed and quickly stood up from his resting place beneath a pine near camp but just far away enough not to be noticed... Until now. "What should I be doing?" He asked as he began walking with her back towards the encampment, following the glow from an already lit fire.

"Well if you don't want to help with setting up camp you can always go hunting for our first dinner." She stated matter-of-factly, every time they moved they always had the first dinner to talk about the plan going forward, everyone was required to be there and it was a nice bonding session despite Arthur not being the most talkative of the bunch. "Or you can help Annabelle with the laundry." She added, watching Arthur shoot her a look of distaste.

"I'll go hunting..." Arthur growled slightly, which Susan replied with placing a kiss on the cheek for keeping his tongue.

"Thank you, dear. Something big enough for all of us, remember there are ten of us." She reminded.

"How the hell am I supposed to bring something big enough back on my own?" Arthur scoffed slightly from Susan's previous attitude.

"Take Little John with you. He can help you haul it all back." Susan solved and Arthur almost grimaced.

"Isn't there anyone else?" He exasperated.

"What's the problem with John?" Susan questioned with a level of amusement that Arthur didn't exactly appreciate either.

"You know the problem... Kid turns eighteen and suddenly he wants to be a big man out with Dutch and I and acts like a stubborn baby when he don't get his way." Arthur explained, he didn't want to deal with John's moodiness.

"I do not!" John wailed slightly as he stormed towards Arthur, looking for a fight as always.

"You sure as hell do." Arthur argued.

"That's bull! I just want to be taken more seriously is that a lot to ask?" John interrogated.

"Yes, when you're acting like you haven't had a tit in four hours." Arthur hissed.

"Boys that's enough!" Susan barked, making both John and Arthur wince and give Susan their full attention. "We have a whole camp to feed, you two need to get over yourselves and go catch us a meal... Understood?" She asked, her eyes narrowed, Arthur could have sworn he saw snakes emerging from her hair.

"Understood..." Both John and Arthur replied in unison.

"Good... Now make sure you bring a bear rifle just in case!" She reminded as she began walking away.

The two gunmen stood there in tense silence for a few moments, quietly brooding and thinking or more insults to hurl at one other. Eventually, Arthur heaved out another sigh and took off his hat, wiping the sweat from his brow before he looked towards the woods and then the sun.

"Let's not waste time, cowboy... Got a whole lotta mouths to feed." Arthur finally muttered and began walking forward.

John silently followed Arthur towards one of the wagons, Arthur climbed in the back while John waited patiently outside. Arthur tossed John a rifle and grabbed himself a rifle as well. They didn't need to pack a lot of heat, they were just hunting after all. The two men approached a large dark pelted horse with hints of a ginger shine in the light, Arthur wasn't sure of his exact breed but he was certain he was some kind of thoroughbred. He made sure his gear was secure and climbing on his horse, looking to John expectantly before remembering that the boy didn't have his own horse yet.

"Come on kid." Arthur said absent-mindedly as he helped John onto his horse.

"I'm not a kid anymore..." John quipped impatiently.

"Yeah, we all know." Arthur remarked with annoyance.

"Why are you always on my case lately Arthur? What did I do?" John asked seriously as they rode towards more profitable hunting grounds in the vicinity.

"It seems like I'm not on your case enough, you're always blowin' your stack, you're moody with Dutch and you've been utterly useless lately, why wouldn't I be on your case?" Arthur contended.

"I'm only useless because you and Dutch don't ever wanna let me help you guys! I only want to help and you won't even gimme a chance." John groaned.

"This again, look you're just not ready! When you prove to us-"

"How am I suppose to prove myself if you guys won't let me do anything!"

"How about prove you won't whine for the rest of the ride and then we'll talk." Arthur finally challenged, sick of hearing Marston complain.

John opened his mouth to say more but Arthur's words echoed in his mind and he begrudgingly stayed quiet for the rest of the trip to Arthur's satisfaction. Around noon, Arthur and John dismounted his horse, John watching Arthur closely and getting frustrated when Arthur wouldn't speak.

"What're you doin?" John inquired as neutrally as he could.

"Lookin' for tracks... Can't chase something that ain't there." Arthur replied, he wasn't the most skilled at hunting but out of the whole troop he was the best one... Having to babysit John wasn't helping.

"How do you-"

"It's easier to do in silence." Arthur grunted, John huffed softly and folded his arms.

Arthur crept around in the area, scouring the ground for tracks, dung or anything, while his mind thought of John. He was flabbergasted that John wondered why he had been on his ass lately, before moving to this location, Marston nearly had the whole town on them after a bar fight turned into a shootout all over some drunk calling Marston a kid. His bipolar nature made both Arthur and Dutch uncomfortable... Dutch was more lenient than Arthur felt was right, he always got away with his temper tantrums and never had to pay for his mistakes. Dutch was mother, Arthur was the bad guy and Hosea was the shifty uncle who always got an earful from John whenever Arthur breathed in his general direction.

When Arthur finally pulled himself out of his head he raised his brows and bent down, there were deer pellets... They must have been here not even a few hours ago, at least the area was populated, and thankfully there were tracks to follow. He thought for a moment, was deer enough to feed the whole camp? Perhaps if there was a big enough buck... Standing back up he turned back in John's direction.

"Hey, I found-" When Arthur turned around, John was nowhere.

Arthur swiveled his head in different directions and when John was confirmed missing, Arthur felt rage building up within him. This kid was going to get himself killed! Why would he just wander off! He knew taking him with was a mistake.

"John?" He called softly, he didn't want to frighten everything in the area.

Receiving no answer, Arthur cursed softly under his breath and began jogging last where he saw Arthur. Thankfully John's footprints were recorded in the moist mud of the forest. He was going to kill John when he got his hands on him... Arthur navigated through the forest with relative ease, he could see a clearing coming up in the distance and hummed softly, there could be game in the area but John was the first priority.

He searched the boundary of the clearing while also looking for signs of life until he saw John's form in the distance and he felt his fist clench again. He was aiming at something; Arthur hurried to see what John was aiming at and gasped softly, slamming John's barrel down before he could take the shot, John jumped in surprised as his focus was interrupted.

"Hey! I was aiming at dinner." John snapped.

"Don't be a fool, that doe won't feed all of us and once you fire that gun you'll scare off everything a mile around. Besides, you don't shoot doe, use your head." Arthur scolded as he looked out to the doe feeding alone in the prairie.

"How was I supposed to know? It's not like you were gonna teach me how to hunt so I decided to teach myself." John argued.

"Not now John we don't have time for one of your fits." Arthur provoked.

Before things could get out of hand, both John and Arthur heard soft hoof prints in the distance, they both became alert and quiet, relieved when they saw Hosea approaching. Arthur was more than relieved if he was being honest he was probably minutes from punching John.

"How are you boys getting along?" Hosea asked curiously. "I could hear you bickering, so I'll assume you haven't found anything." He teased lightly.

"He started it." John grumbled.

"That's neither here nor there, if we show up back at camp empty-handed tonight, Miss Grimshaw will have all of our hides." Hosea defused and Arthur nodded silently.

"I found some deer shit in the area, if we can get two large stags we should be just fine." Arthur revealed and Hosea nodded.

"I'm pretty sure there's a herd in the area, let's go." Hosea instructed, Arthur whistled for his horse and the company embarked on another ride.

The small posse voyaged over the wooded terrain, it had remained untouched by humans, it was truly wild. Arthur always thought that if he were to ever retire from gang life he would probably retire out in a place like this, where he would fade out of existence. Once they found real promising signs of prey, they dismounted again and continued on foot in relative silence. Before they knew it they happened upon a rather large gathering of white-tailed deer, it was fawning season and they flocked together to create safety in numbers.

"I got an idea." Hosea announced, gaining the others attention. "You two stay here while I flank the herd, when you shoot and startle them, I'll be in a better position to bag another." He explained.

"That's not a bad plan... I'll count to a hundred." Arthur agreed.

John hung back behind Arthur as Hosea separated from them. Quietly Arthur pulled out his rifle and began picking out the most profitable catch. As he finished counting he zoned in on what he thought was a prized stag, he had a large muscle structure with plenty of meat on his frame... However, he paused as he went to squeeze the trigger.

_How am I suppose to prove myself if you guys won't let me do anything!_

Arthur bit his tongue before peering over at John, pouting a few feet away. He came to a conclusion and withdrew his gun and turned his attention to John.

"C'mere." He ordered, John glanced over in confusion but did as he was told for once. "Take out your gun, hurry up Hosea is waiting for us." Arthur ushered.

"What? What do you-"

"You're gonna shoot our dinner..." Arthur interrupted, seeing the realization wash over John's features, both the excitement and pressure overcoming him. "Now look out there... Two o'clock there is a mean-lookin' buck out there." Arthur coached.

John quickly took out his gun and looked where John told him to, he saw the animal and it was intimidating. He felt more pressure than anything else, if he fucked this up the night would be ruined.

"Calm down." Arthur encouraged gently, John felt his demeanor relax some. "You got this... When you're ready... Exhale and pull the trigger slowly." He instructed.

John spared Arthur one last glance before he focused on the stag... He replayed Arthur's words in his head... He exhaled slowly... And pulled the trigger.

BANG!

"You got it!" Arthur whooped and clapped John's back, hearing the other pop from Hosea's gun shortly after the herd spooked. Arthur rose from his position, as did John once he blinked and came back to reality, he actually got it?

John followed Arthur out to the carcass and watched Hosea emerge from his hiding spot to claim his carcass as well, he too bagged a large buck, not as large as John's but it would feed everyone and that's what mattered.

"Nice shootin' Arthur." Hosea commented.

"Actually it was the kid." Arthur mused, John felt his ear heat up a bit.

"Really? Nice job son." Hosea praised.

"Th-Thank you." John murmured.

"Now comes the question of how we get both bodies back to camp..." Arthur contemplated.

There was a moment of silence as everyone thought, Hosea eventually looked to the smaller stag.

"I propose that we load the big one on my horse and strip this one for parts, fill your saddlebags as best we can." Hosea proposed.

"I think that's all we can do." Arthur mentioned before he and John hauled the larger carcass onto the steed.

"I'll meet you two back at camp to reduce the scent trail, I'll see you back." Hosea stated as he turned his horse around.

"Uh huh you just wanna take credit for that monster." Arthur snorted as Hosea rode off, he then turned his gaze back to John. "You know how to skin?" He inquired.

"Not really..." John replied, Arthur waved him over.

"We gotta work fast so we don't get eaten before we get back." Arthur joked as he pulled out his knife.

John only winced slightly as Arthur suddenly stabbed into the dead animal. He didn't flinch at anything else and listened intently. Arthur just wished he could behave like this all the time... They loaded up the horse as best they could, laying the pelt over the rump of the horse, Arthur climbed on top.

"Alright problem child, let's get you back to camp." He chuckled softly and held out a hand to help pull John up.

"Oh come on Arthur, are you ever gonna let me off the hook?" John protested. "I shot that deer didn't I?" He asked as they started back towards camp.

"It'll take a lot more than shootin' a deer... But you make more shots like that, maybe." Arthur pestered gently.

John was as satisfied as he was going to get with that answer and decided to remain silent for the rest of the ride. The view was really beautiful, Arthur always loved traveling through the Grizzlies, it was scenic, secluded and peaceful, the only downside was there weren't many settlements in the area so gathering provisions and trading was more difficult. When they rode closure to camp, a voice barked through the wood.

"Who's there?" It was Pearson.

"Arthur and John!" He called.

"Glad that your back Mister Morgan, just on time to start cooking. I already have the other deer skinned." He reported.

"Good to know." Arthur said dryly, both he and John got off the horse before starting to unpack the horse.

Once all was said and done he began brushing his mount. He was a good and reliable horse, he knew he'd want a faster one in the future but he was loyal and that mattered most. Loyalty always mattered most; Arthur turned his head as he heard Dutch roll in, speak of the devil. He packed his brush away and approached the darker skinned man while he dismounted The Count.

"How was it?" Arthur asked.

"What you'd expect, full of sad angry bastards who just wanna survive just like us." Dutch replied smoothly as he turned to Arthur.

"Are we really sad and angry?" Arthur quizzed, arching a brow.

"I'd advise that you look in a mirror, my friend." Dutch chortled while Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Very funny." Arthur scoffed.

"I'll explain more over supper, speakin' of which we caught somethin' right?" Dutch questioned.

"Yep, we'll eat good tonight." Arthur answered with some relief knowing that Miss Grimshaw wouldn't be roasting him over the fire.

Arthur was left alone for the rest of the evening while Pearson and Bessie prepared the feast. Arthur finished his sketch of the moose he saw before and also a drawing of the stag that John had shot before he was called to eat. Approaching the fire pit where everyone had gathered he sat down on a stump nearby, quietly listening while everyone talked amongst themselves. He looked out to the faces and felt relief in knowing that every face his eyes grazed over he had known for almost ten years or longer. There was Dutch and Annabelle, Hosea and Bessie, John, Miss Grimshaw and Mister Pearson, Reverend Swanson and Uncle. Hosea parked by Arthur since Bessie was busy finishing the food.

"Thanks for the help earlier." Arthur mentioned.

"No problem I enjoy hunting." Hosea replied.

"I mean with John..." Arthur muttered.

"Oh... I just showed up at the right time, but don't you think this pissing contest between you two needs to end? It's been going on for months." Hosea inquired.

"Every time I think we're getting past it something else happens and puts us back where we were... You can't tell me I'm wrong when I say that the kid is reckless. He changed... He went from John to this... Petulant teenager." Arthur vented.

"I didn't say you were wrong, but the more you push the harder he'll push back." Hosea argued.

"But if I don't push him who will?" Arthur asked, looking over to Hosea. "You and Dutch let him get away with murder..." He scoffed.

"Do I detect a hint of jealousy?" Hosea inquired with a small smirk.

"God no." Arthur hissed.

"Look, he's just a kid trying to find his way in a world that don't want him... Just like you were." Hosea explained as carefully as he could while trying to avoid landmines.

"Yeah well..." Arthur murmured before Pearson and Dutch carried the cooked meat towards the firepit to serve hot.

"Alright, everyone!" Dutch announced, gaining the gang's attention. "Thank you to John, Hosea and Arthur for catching this meal tonight, please fill your plates and your spirits." He declared.

Patiently everyone did as they were told, Arthur always loved deer, he preferred elk more but deer was more than enough, and Bessie's mashed potatoes warmed his icy soul. Once everyone began eating the meeting started.

"So, does anyone have any needs that need fulfilling?" Dutch asked.

"I know one thing..." Uncle murmured, earning a small immature chuckle from Arthur, Pearson, and John while the women rolled their eyes, Miss Grimshaw raised her hand.

"I know this is a low priority but basic supplies, blankets, clothing... Anything helps, with all the running we do our supplies don't last as long as we'd hope." She explained.

"Noted, anything else?" Dutch asked.

"Food, especially canned goods." Pearson chimed in.

"Good, Hosea and I did some scouting, unfortunately, the closest settlement is this rinky-dink rancher town a couple of hours South... I forget the name we've never been there before." Dutch disclosed. "What do we have to trade?" He asked.

"We didn't get a chance to tell our valuables before we moved, we could do with a trip south to get rid of it... We could probably get some good leads too." Arthur inclined.

"Good, I expect numbers soon. Which reminds me, remember any take, half of it goes to the camp... As for the Indian reservation, let's not cause more trouble for the poor sods that live there already... Anyone hand anything to add?" Dutch asked, he took the silence as a sign that the meeting was over and he nodded. "Good then, fill up and get a good nights rest... We start work tomorrow."

Arthur finished his food quickly, it wasn't often he got to fill his belly, he took every chance he got. He often was the first member to disband from the gathering, he didn't like crowds even when it was his family. He liked to separate himself and recharge, he wasn't a social person he had no clue how Dutch did it all the time. Walking into his tent he turned on the oil lamp that lit up his private space. The perk of his position was that he got his own room per-say, he sat on his cot and pulled out his journal, writing down the days events and recalling Hosea's words of wisdom. Should he really just let it go..? He was worried John would get himself killed by either mouthing off to some drunk or overestimating his own abilities...

Arthur didn't remember falling asleep, but when he woke up, sun was peaking through the dew covered trees. He stretched and emerged from his tent. It was still pretty early, the only ones up were Hosea and Susan, sharing coffee. He slugged over to the pot and poured himself a cup watching the steam rise as he felt his core awaken with the first swallow.

"Mornin' Arthur." Hosea greeted.

"Hosea." He replied dully, he didn't function well before having coffee.

"You retired early last night, everything alright?" Susan asked.

"Yeah, you know me, never been the social butterfly that's more Dutch's strong-suit than mine." Arthur mused.

Arthur knew it was a lie as soon as he said it but what else was he supposed to say? While he loved this family and they knew him, only a few people know the reason behind his social exhaustion, and two of the five were in front of him the rest were still asleep. Only Dutch, Annabelle, Hosea, Bessie, and Susan knew of his past and he planned on keeping it like that to his grave.

Slowly the camp began waking up, both Arthur and Pearson loaded up the wagon, making sure to include the skin and racks from the deer the day previous. Dutch and Hosea said heir goodbyes to Annabelle and Bessie, Arthur watched them from the wagon, it really amazed him how two people full of shit got so lucky... Then again it felt like all the bad luck in that department landed on his shoulders... Perhaps he hoarded all the bad luck so they didn't have any? It made sense, and in a way it made Arthur feel a little better about his past situations.

A thought came to him when he waited for Dutch and Hosea to cut the chord with their women. He took a walk towards the larger tent on the site where John, Susan, Pearson and Swanson stayed, figuring perhaps Hosea was right... Maybe he should just suck up his pride and try to make things right with John, if they were both too prideful it would never get better.

"John? You in there?" He asked.

"Yeah. Come in." John announced.

Arthur walked in and saw John at the far side of the tent cleaning his rifle. He took a breath, hoping this wasn't a huge mistake before trudging forward.

"Hey..." Arthur greeted awkwardly.

"Hey." John replied just as tensely, the two averted their gazes before Arthur spoke again.

"Dutch, Hosea and I are heading to that hillbilly town... You wanna come?" He offered.

"I can?" John asked with surprised.

"I mean if you don't want to-"

"I do, I do." John quickly quipped and stood.

"Slow down there cowboy... Rules." Arthur mused, raining on the parade as usual. "If you wanna go on your own, stay out of trouble... You do what your told and whatever you steal you share... Got it?" He inquired.

"Yeah, yeah I got it Arthur, jeez." John exasperated.

Arthur hoped this wasn't a huge mistake, but remembering that the more he hounded John the more he'd act out he sighed and simply walked out of the tent with John in tow. Thankfully by the time they walked out, Hosea and Dutch were done with the sentimental mushy goodbyes. Part of him was glad he didn't have a woman, it was insufferable to watch the public displays of affection.

"Bout time, John, you riding with us?" Dutch asked.

"Bout time?" Arthur chuckled as he climbed in the back with John.

"Yeah, I guess Arthur decided I wasn't grounded anymore." John affirmed, sending a side-eye to Arthur who rolled his eyes in response.

"Don't start John, remember your alias' folks. Arthur and John, you're brothers laid off from the fields out west, I want you two to ask questions and find out what this town is about. Hosea's an English investor whose going to find us a place to rob... I'm going to get a feel for the gang activity." Dutch suggested.

"And what part will you be playing Dutch?" Arthur asked curiously.

"Little ol' me? That's a surprise my boy." Dutch crooned.

Arthur laid back against the board of the wagon, John on the opposite side. It was nice not to argue for once but it was obvious the two were avoiding conversation. Arthur just hoped that he wouldn't come to regret this. He didn't want to focus on watching John, they had limited time to make contacts, without jobs they wouldn't last very long here. He was also worried this place was too remote but wherever there was civilization there was folk trying to overthrow it and others who controlled it.


	2. Chapter 2

The ride took a few hours, Arthur dozed off at some point as the trees in the mountain provided enough shade. He didn't dream often but when he did it was often a nightmare... He dreamed of Mary... Eliza and Isaac... But this nightmare was something completely different. He was unable to move on his back as Dutch stood above him, a revolver in his hand pointed down at him.

_It's over, Arthur._

"...-thur! Arthur! Wake up." John ushered, Arthur awoke with a small jump, his eyes wide as he looked around. "What's your problem? You look like you've seen a ghost." he commented, Arthur quickly shook his head and blinked before he looked around.

"I'm fine." Arthur croaked.

They were riding along a lake, if he were right the settlement they were riding towards was a small place called Shallow Trails, named appropriately since it was near the lake. Arthur took his map out of his jacket and looked over the settlement, didn't seem very large, he was curious as to what amenities it offered, he could definitely use a bath and a haircut... After doing his job of course. He glanced to John, he worried that he would one day bite off more than he could chew and get killed... However, those were John's choices to make he wasn't hs mother... Thank god. They rode in not long later, it was a little bigger than the company originally thought, a general store, a post office, a stable and a saloon. Arthur sighed realizing he would be taking baths in the nearby river for a while... It wasn't fun to think about.

"Alright, boys, any questions before we disembark?" Hosea questioned as Dutch parked near the general store.

"When are we meetin' back here?" Arthur asked.

"Five o'clock gentlemen." Dutch replied swiftly as he climbed off the wagon while Arthur and John spilled out of the back and Hosea slinked off elsewhere.

"John, come with me to get some things from the general store." Arthur commanded.

"Oh come on Arthur." John sighed.

"Look I'll cut you loose once we've got things Miss Grimshaw needs." Arthur snorted and gently shoved John near the building.

Arthur made sure to take his time after John's moaning, making him load every single thing onto the wagon himself. Arthur decided to stop torturing John after about an hour, they walked out of the store, John in a brooding silence. Arthur paused, looking over and finally rolling his eyes.

"Alright, alright... You're free to go." Arthur chuckled and John sighed in relief, but Arthur caught his bicep before he could escape. "Remember... Don't start nothin' that I need to drag you out of." He said seriously, watching John's eyes ignite with defiance.

"Since when have you had to-"

"Don't start." Arthur snapped. "... I'm serious John... Stay  _out_ of trouble." He ordered.

"I don't need you to nag me." John growled as he roughly pulled his arm out of Arthur's grasp, storming off.

Arthur watched him stomp away and silently cursed himself. That kid had so much potential but he was such a fucking prick... He sighed and eventually walked off as well. He was met with the usual rumors of affairs, secret children and corrupt politics... He was disappointed, he was hoping for something juicy, every place was the same... This person slept with that person, this family hates this family... Arthur leaned against a post near the corral by the stable and lit up a cigarette, breathing in the nicotine sharply. He noticed a few men riding into the town on horseback, they were obviously a posse... Arthur narrowed his eyes as he watched them hitch their horses near the Saloon, a small exhale escaped his lips feeling like he'd have to peel those gentlemen off of John's bashed corpse.

Thinking of John, Arthur knew they had to get over their shit... Even though he, himself, was right. He glanced towards the stable before he began sauntering towards it, flicking his cigarette away, perhaps he could propose a truce... Walking inside the building he was greeted by a heavily bearded man.

"Hey, there partner. You lookin' for horses today?" He asked.

"Maybe... We just got here from outta state and figured I should look." Arthur explained.

He looked down the line, he wasn't looking to spend a fortune... Just enough to call a truce between him and John. He noticed a rather gorgeous horse near the end... Chesnut Pinto, it looked reliable. He reached forward and allowed the horse to sniff his hand before he rested his hand on the massive animal's neck, she seemed friendly too.

"How much is this one?" He asked.

"Kentucky Saddler, four years old... A hundred and twenty-five dollars." He responded, Arthur, hummed and looked back to the horse.

"... Would you take a hundred for it?" Arthur inquired.

"I'm afraid I'm already selling her at a discounted price..." The stable hand noted.

"No problem I understand... My younger brother and I recently came from the west but got laid off... His horse up and died on him and I can't afford much." Arthur lied, his sullen nature perfect for attracting pity.

"W-Well... How much do ya got?" The stable hand muttered.

"A hundred." Arthur insisted.

Arthur knew he had the man when he asked how much money Arthur had. He could see the hesitation wash over the man's face and then the slight defeat as he sighed and nodded. He sometimes felt guilty for exploiting peoples need to do good... But he himself was good at it, not as good as Hosea or Dutch but he had some practice over the years as well, particularly with the ladies.

"I-I suppose I could let her go for that much... She should have been sold years ago..." The man finally caved.

"Wow, thank you, sir, you have no idea how much you've helped us." Arthur feigned gratefulness as he reached into his satchel for the bills. "Do ya mind if I leave her here till the end of the day? My brother and I still have some business in town." He asked.

"Oh yes of course! That'll be fine." He mentioned as he took the dollars from Arthur.

Once the deal was settled he looked at his pocket watch, he wondered where everyone had run off to, but if he was right he figured he'd find someone at the bar. He noticed that the horses from the small crew that rode in were still hitched outside. Once he walked into the saloon, he noted John at the bar drinking to himself to Arthur's relief. He sauntered over and pulled up a stool to sit by him. John glanced over and relaxed a little at seeing Arthur.

"You find anything yet?" John questioned.

"Not exactly, just the usual drama." Arthur replied coolly as he waved down the bartender. "Whiskey please." He ordered and tossed a quarter in his direction before looking back to John. "You?"

"Maybe... Did you see some burly guys walk in..? They're sitting near the window." John muttered discreetly, Arthur subtly darted his eyes in the direction, of course it was  _them_.

"Yeah... I was worried you'd pick a fight with them." Arthur chortled softly.

"Screw off... Listen to them... I think they're apart of a gang." John growled and nodded in their direction.

Arthur kept quiet and bobbed his head to the bartender as he was given his whiskey. He sipped on the strong tasting liquid and then took it all down, feeling the harsh burn travel down his esophagus.

"You guys think he's the real deal?" A foreign voice questioned.

"He seems to be, he already has a pretty big followin'... And he has solid leads." Another replied softer.

"And besides... That pompous ass Fairfax has plenty of money to go around... He owns that giant ranch outta town, he supplies all of the livestock in the county." A third man argued.

Arthur and John shared a look, Dutch would want to know about this. They had a choice, they either approached the men and tried to get in on their plans without seeming nosey or try and catch the information by continuing to eavesdrop...

"What do you think..? These fellas worth messin' with?" John asked.

"I dunno... I think we should leave this one up to Dutch... If they're goin' after someone important that could bring unwanted attention." Arthur sighed.

"But we might not have this opportunity again." John replied, Arthur usually didn't care for John's arguing but he did have a point. Arthur took his pocket watch back out, they had time to make a few new friends.

"... Follow my lead." Arthur quietly commanded before he stood up and walked over to the table where the men were. "Hello there gentlemen, mind if my brother and I join ya?" He asked, the three men glanced to one another as John followed before one nodded.

"Sure partner... What's you're name?" One of the men asked while the two pulled up a chair, Arthur waved the bartender back over to get a beer

"Arthur, Arthur Callahan, this is my younger brother John..." Arthur introduced.

"I'm Cleet." The dark haired man of the bunch replied, pointed to a bald man and a ginger mustached man. "That's Harris and George."

"Pleasure to make y'alls acquaintance." John said.

"I don't recognize you... Y'all new?" Harris asked, arching a brow slightly.

"Yeah, my brother and I are from the west, we got laid off after a drought put the farmstead we was workin' for outta business." Arthur lied. "You wouldn't happen to know anyone lookin' for some reliable men are ya?" He inquired innocently enough.

"Depends on the work... If you're not afraid to get your hands dirty there's plenty... How many of you are there?" Cleet quizzed.

"I can assure you sir there are enough of us... We ain't no army but we're hard workers." Arthur said casually enough not to be misconstrued as defensive. "And we  _ain't_ afraid to get our hands dirty." He said smoothly, the three strangers glanced to one another for a moment.

"If you're serious, meet us at Cotorra Springs in a few days... We gotta job planned, assuming you don't get shot I'm sure the boss would like more guns..." George chimed in and the other two nodded.

"Otherwise you know where to find us." Cleet mused making the small group of men chuckled.

Arthur and John spent the next hour or so buttering up the group of possible enemies, the next time that he check the time, their new friends were completely hammered while he and John were pleasantly buzzed, it was almost five.

"Well gents, would love to stay but my brother and I have some business to attend to before we join ya... Have a good evening." Arthur swiftly departed, John standing in tow.

"Make sure to join us again another time!" Harris hiccuped as they beelined for the door, once they were outside, John turned to Arthur.

"What do you think?" He questioned.

"I dunno... They seem... Like amateurs but if there's a lot more to them that meets the eye... They could pose a problem for us." We gotta find out who they're workin' for. Arthur sighed and looked to the falling sun before looking back to John. "Oh hey, come with me, I got something for you." He remembered and waved John to follow.

"It's not more crates to load right?" John scoffed.

"Oh shut it." Arthur replied as he led John to the stables, walking to the yard where the horses were being let out to get out of the stalls, Arthur leaned against the fence and pointed at the horse he bought prior. "That one is yours." He said simply, John gawked over at him.

"You better not be jokin' are you serious!?" He asked, Arthur chuckled softly.

"Yeah, I'm serious... But she's your responsibility..." He mentioned, however he was suddenly enveloped in John's arms, he tensed slightly in surprise.

"Thank you Arthur!" He said, Arthur stood there motionless for a moment before he cleared his throat and patted John's back before the younger of the two pulled away. "I'll pay you back." He said.

"You sure as hell will by doin' what you're told with no mouth... Deal?" Arthur asked, John huffed slightly but he nodded.

"Boys!" Dutch chorused as he began walking back towards the loaded wagon. "Aiden O'Malley at your service." He crowed.

"You get on okay _Aiden?"_ Arthur asked with a small smirk in his tone, Dutch always had to be extra dramatic.

"Got some leads, you boys?" He asked as he neared.

"Possibly, we'll fill you in on the way back." Arthur replied, looking over as Hosea made his way back promptly.

"I must say you boys look rather imposing... Disperse before we are seen as one." Hosea mocked in an English accent that was so outrageous to be believable.

"Old man has a point, let's get out of here before we're associated." Dutch affirmed.

"Go get your horse John. Tell him Arthur Callahan sent ya." Arthur instructed.

"Yeah, yeah... Thank's again Arthur." John quipped with a small smile before he hurried into the stable, Hosea flashing Arthur a look as he climbed into the back of the wagon.

"I see you took my advice." He crooned, no longer in his ridiculous accent.

"Yeah, yeah." Arthur grumbled hearing another snicker.

"I knew you couldn't stand John being mad at you, he's like your wingman, without him you don't know what to do with yourself." He teased.

"I wouldn't go  _that_ far." Arthur denounced, watching John riding out of the gate, Dutch snapped the reins to get the wagon going once everyone was settled.

"He did take right after you, and as I recall you were more than happy to take him under your wing." Dutch agreed, only making Arthur's cheeks heat up in provocation.

"That was before he became a pain in my ass." Arthur gruffed softly since John was still following.

Thankfully the conversation ended there and the ride went off without a hitch... Arthur watched the trees roll by, he reached into his satchel and pulled out his journal, flipping to the empty page that was bookmarked for his convenience. He sat there for a moment unsure of what to write... Or draw. He leaned his head back, trying to think and then glancing around for inspiration... His gaze landed on Marston riding his new horse. Arthur paused before he reached back into his satchel and pulled out his pencil before speaking.

"So John, you thought of a name yet?" Arthur queried curiously.

"I'm not sure yet..." John acknowledged and reached down to pat the newly saddled horse.

"You'll think of one, she's a beauty." Hosea commented.

Arthur drowned out the rest of the conversation of Dutch and Hosea praising John for literally doing nothing. They were getting soft in their old age... Arthur smirked to himself, knowing to stow that particular insult for later use when they were  _really_ annoying him. He just began sketching, occasionally looking up at Marston and back to his paper, drawing him riding his horse.

He hoped this was the start of their relationship getting back to normal...

* * *

They arrived back at camp once the sun had just gon down over the mountains, John hitched up his new mount and helped unload the wagon without being asked to which was definitely a positive improvement already. Miss Grimshaw was more than happy that her requests were fulfilled and the canned provisions were restocked. It was nice to be able to relax a little bit.

"Arthur what a lovely horse." Annabelle mused as she walked forward to greet Dutch.

"Arthur bought her for me." John mentioned, looking towards Arthur.

Arthur had to admit it was nice that John was looking at him with more than just a scowl for once. He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.

"I figured it was time... You wanted more responsibility so..." He explained.

"I'm glad you two seem to be getting along better... You two are so close it always breaks my heart when you two are fighting." She beamed as Dutch came to her side. "Have a good night, boys." She concluded.

Both Arthur and John stood there for a moment after Dutch ushered Annabelle away for some  _alone time_. Were they actually going to stay this friendly with each other, though, was the question... Arthur took a breath and averted his gaze, he hoped John saw it as a peace offering...

"Wanna smoke?" Arthur offered, John hesitated but nodded.

"Yeah sure." He said and Arthur nodded towards the fire pit.

The two trudged over to the smoldering fire and sat by it, Arthur took out his pack of smokes and held one out for John. The younger man took it and waited patiently while Arthur took out a lighter. He lit his own cigarette first before lighting John's for him. There was an awkward silence... They used to talk a lot, usually John was learning from Arthur one way or another, it sucked when they didn't know what to say to one another.

"... I know I've been a jackass lately." John finally spoke up, gobsmacking Arthur who looked over with a slightly shocked expression.

"Oh do you?" Arthur asked, inhaling the nicotine.

"Yeah... I just... I want to be an actual member of this gang... I don't want to be the kid that needs to be babysat anymore." John sighed as Arthur exhaled smoke.

"I know...  _We_ know." Arthur responded, but he knew John needed more than that. "... Look, John... We want you to succeed." Arthur started, making sure he had John's attention before continuing. "... But this ain't a game... You seem to act like this is just for... Something that'll suddenly turn you into a man... But let me ask you this, what would have happened if I hadn't shown up in that bar?" Arthur asked calmly, remembering the events of a few weeks prior when the saloon was shot up near their previous camp.

"How long are you going to-"

"Until you get it through your head that we don't want you to die." Arthur interjected seriously, shutting John up. "... Now answer my question. What would you have done?" He asked again.

"... I-I guess I dunno." John muttered.

"That's what scares us John." Arthur explained. "... We was worried about you when we heard them shots... We thought... Well, I dunno but if Dutch and I hadn't been around the corner, who the hell knows what woulda happened... Don't forget we're family John... We'd die for you but that doesn't mean you're immortal. We can't protect you from everything. You ain't a kid anymore, you're right... Now you're a man, men get shot, killed... Hanged, are you ready for those consequences?" Arthur asked, for once John was speechless before he looked down.

"... Got it." He finally murmured and looked back to John. "... I'm sorry." He apologized, Arthur couldn't believe his ears.

"We're good John... I'll always have your back." Arthur replied and gently clapped John's back, Arthur could see the relief in John's eyes.

Arthur was glad that the bad blood with John was resolved for now, he wouldn't hold his breath until he saw John in the field. If he really was sorry he'd behave... He stood up and stretched, he was glad to be home so he could go to bed. He knew they would meet in the morning to discuss the information they gained today.

"Don't stay up too late cowboy." Arthur mused before he walked to his tent.

As usual, once he was alone he slipped his boots and vest off before he sat on his cott and began writing down the events of the day in his journal, and he was happy to report that he and John seemed to be on good terms again. He cared about John more than he wanted to admit and he had become a bit attached to that loud-mouthed brat and he really was worried when he thought John had been shot in that bar. However, only time would tell is John would heed Arthur's warnings...

When Arthur woke up, he groaned softly, he hadn't slept on a bed in years but his back still wasn't used to it. He reached up and ran his hand over his stubble, he'd have to shave in the next few days, he didn't like how itchy his beard always seemed to get. He changed his clothes swiftly in the cool mountain air before emerging from his tent. He seemed to be the last person up this time, the camp was already bustling, he was wondering how long he slept for when he saw Dutch waving him over from his own tent where Hosea sat casually in a chair near Dutch.

"Mornin' sleepin' beauty." Dutch greeted with a chuckle.

"I ain't exactly awake yet." Arthur yawned.

"How was gatherin' information yesterday?" Hosea asked curiously.

"Honestly it was the usual bullshit town everywhere else is... Feuds and affairs..." Arthur replied dully.

"That's what I gathered, Hosea and I figured there was only one person worth robbin' in this whole godforsaken county and I'm pretty sure every thief within a ten-mile radius is sniffin' around the place... Heard some boys talking about it when I was doing some sniffin' of my own." Dutch noted.

"Actually John and I met some boys in the saloon that had plans of robbing a real rich fellow, has something to do with livestock? I think his name was Fairfax." Arthur mentioned.

"That sounds like the one, were these boys alone or with others." Hosea inquired as Annabelle returned, holding a cup of coffee for Arthur which he took gratefully and nodded thanks.

"They made it sound like there was a whole bunch of 'em but we don't really know, they invited us to rob the place with them." Arthur answered.

"That's great! We already have an in with these people." Dutch cheered.

"Hold on Dutch we don't know these people, do you think they'd willingly just give us a cut of the take that  _they_ planned?" Hosea questioned.

"Of course not... That's why we need to get familiar with these boys... When did they tell you to meet up with them?" Dutch asked Arthur.

"Few days, they mentioned hangin' around the bar though I bet we could catch them at some point." Arthur responded.

"What we need to do is follow them and make an introduction, get our foot in the door." Dutch decided and stood.

Arthur finished his coffee quickly, watching Hosea stand but was quickly ushered to sit back down by Dutch.

"You need to stay and spend some time with your wife my friend, Arthur go get John." He ordered to Hosea's surprise as he ushered him to her.

Arthur poured the last few remaining sips out of the cup before doing as he was told, stretching in the process. He began to think, did they have any insignias? They didn't look like they belonged to any faction in particular... The didn't mention any names besides their own. Looking around for the John the prodigy, he noticed him brushing his horse, Arthur didn't want to admit it but he was truly glad that John liked the horse.

"Hey, John." Arthur greeted more casually than he had in months.

"Arthur." John replied just as casually to Arthur's relief.

"You wanna come with Dutch and I into town? We're gonna  _investigate_  our new friends." Arthur explained and John eagerly nodded.

"Yeah, yeah of course." He replied quickly.

"C'mon then, cowboy." Arthur chuckled, the nickname he gave to John mostly being a term of endearment if he ever had one.

However, as both Arthur and John walked back towards Dutch's tent, they heard coughing... It was definitely Annabelle. She had gotten sick their previous winter and had never fully recovered, she almost died more than once and Dutch's mental stability proved questionable in those times. He relied on her in a lot of ways, Arthur worried for his oldest friend when it came time for Annabelle to leave them. He quickly glanced to John and held his index finger to his lips to quiet his partner just in case as he listened.

"How're you feeling, precious?" Dutch asked gently, Arthur couldn't see him but he imagined he was draping a blanket around Annabelle because he heard her sass quickly.

"I'm feelin' just fine, darlin'... Just a cough that's all." She assured, she always tried to remain strong for Dutch, but her health had been in a steady decline for years, last winter was finally a wake-up call.

"Of course, of course... Are you sure you don't need me today?" He inquired, trying not to pry or sound as worried, but Dutch was a miserable failure in that prospect.

"I'm sure... I'm okay, Dutch." She said with conviction, her voice was so gentle and so loving... He was happy that Dutch had that.

"Alright... I believe you." Dutch replied with a small sigh.

Arthur and John shared a look of concern before Arthur discreetly peered inside Dutch's tent just in time to see him kiss her forehead. It was often times hard to believe that Dutch had this side of him, the soft and doting side of him that no one but Annabelle saw. It was fascinating to say the least but he knew that his friend was stressing and worried... Annabelle smiled sweetly up at him, she was almost ten years younger than Dutch which used to make Arthur feel awkward. He sometimes looked at Dutch like a father, and with Annabelle being  _younger_  than him, even if just by a few years it was weird in the beginning, but truly Annabelle was an old soul by nature, it was only cosmic design that she and Dutch drifted together.

Annabelle's health had always been a mystery, she was young and lively and had almost perished multiple times due to disease. She baffled most doctors that Dutch took her to when they had one up on the law... He even bribed doctors large sums to see her in secret. When no one could figure out the cause behind her problems, Annabelle managed to convince him to stop wasting money on a lost cause. She was often tired and weak but Annabelle showed on multiple occasions that she was anything  _but,_ however, her strength and overall health had gotten better over the last few months, it took a lot of weight off of Dutch's shoulders...

When Dutch turned to walk out of the tent, Arthur quickly turned away, he didn't want to seem like he was spying after all. Dutch walked by them without missing a beat when he opened the flap of his tent. Arthur and John quickly followed as Dutch approached Susan.

"Miss Grimshaw?" Dutch inquired, watching the brunette haired woman turn to him.

"Yes Dutch?" She answered, Dutch glanced around for a second, almost as if to make sure Annabelle wasn't listening.

"... Can I ask that you... Check up on Annabelle today?" He asked quietly, Susan raised her brows in concern.

"Of course, is she alright?" Susan questioned with concern.

"... For now, she was coughing earlier." Dutch mentioned, dread lacing his tone.

"Don't you worry about her Dutch. She's in good hands." Susan reassured, seeing Dutch relax a bit.

"The best, thank you Miss Grimshaw." he praised before turning to Arthur and John who had been waiting patiently. "... What did you see?" He asked Arthur seriously, who sighed, nothing got by Dutch.

"Not much... Just worried, Dutch." Arthur explained, Dutch's serious expression softened some into something unreadable, but Arthur knew... He was scared.

"... Me too, brother."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had a small stroke of genius (in my opinion) when writing. I wanted to really include Annabelle and Bessie in this story as best as I can, we don't know a lot about Annabelle as of now so I have the opportunity to manipulate her character as I see fit. Please let me know how you like the path I chose and of course thank you for reading! :)  
> -Eros


	3. Chapter 3

The crew rode towards Shallow Trails in tense silence, Dutch was radiating stress and both Arthur and John could feel it. It wasn't like Dutch to stress seriously about something, even with the government breathing down their necks he was always the one anyone could lean on... But when Annabelle got sick, it was rough, Dutch wasn't himself and quarrels were often. Arthur frowned at the thought of things returning to the way they were before the spring thaw. He kicked his horse a bit to catch up with Dutch.

"If you want me and John to handle-"

"I  _don't._ " Dutch snapped, making Arthur wince slightly at its harshness, Dutch then sighed and pulled back a bit on The Count to slow him down so that Arthur and John could keep up comfortably. "I'm sorry." He apologized.

"It's alright... How is she?" Arthur inquired.

"She's... Herself thankfully." Dutch mentioned with some relief.

"Was she coughin' before?" John asked.

"No... But you know with Annabelle, any cough, any scratch... It could kill her." Dutch fretted.

"Don't think like that... If you go into this thinking she's gonna get sick you'll drive yourself crazy... Annabelle is a tough gal, if she made it through the winter the way she did, she can make it through anything." Arthur consoled.

"That's what I'm worried about Arthur... She  _barely_ survived... I'm worried about what else will come her way, every time she's gotten sick it's worse than the last... And last time almost... I don't know if-"

"Stop... You're already thinking too far ahead Dutch." Arthur reminded as gently as his personality would allow, and thankfully it seemed Dutch agreed, he nodded his head.

"You're right... You're right." He affirmed. "Thank you... I don't know what I'd do without you boys." Dutch sighed.

"We're behind you Dutch." John added for good measure.

Arthur watched Dutch discreetly as they rode towards town, he wished he knew of more calming words... He didn't. Arthur knew what heartbreak was like, losing the ones whom he cared for most... But he didn't have advice on how to prepare because there was no way to. All he knew was to be there for support if Annabelle's end was sooner rather than later.

Pushing those depressing thoughts out of his mind, he focused on the task at hand and figured both John and Dutch would like a distraction as well.

"So what's the plan?" He finally spoke up.

"You said you met those folks at the saloon right?" Dutch asked.

"Yeah."

"Well, figured we'd hang around town and observe... Follow them back to wherever they are and decide on whether to engage or not." Dutch replied.

"Seems easy enough, what're we gonna do while we wait?" John questioned.

"Probably park it at a restaurant." Dutch answered.

Content with the plan, the small company rode into the settlement, John and Arthur recognized their  _friends'_ horses. They slightly hurried into the restaurant conveniently across the street and got comfortable... Arthur was thankful to have a meal that wasn't roasted to a crisp or beans for once.

* * *

The hours passed slowly, so slowly, in fact, they took turns watching the window and agreed to give their server a large tip. Into the early evening, Dutch was watching the saloon, a drink in his hand while Arthur and John played poker. About four hours previous, Arthur and Dutch sent John to the general store to buy the cards out of desperation.

"I raise." Arthur mused, John looked up and stared at Arthur for a minute, it almost seemed as if they forgot that they weren't playing for actual money.

"... I call." John stated and laid down his hand which consisted of a flush, his eyebrow twitching when he saw Arthur smirk and do the same, his hand consisted of a four of a kind. "You're such a goddamn cheater." He huffed.

"What?" Arthur snickered.

"Boys, we got movement." Dutch announced, the others demeanors changing to seriousness.

They got up, Dutch left fifty dollars on the table tucked under a plate before they quickly walked out of the establishment just in time for the drunkards to start galloping away. Mounting their horses and kicking aggressively to catch up, the three followers pulled back once the men were in sight, they only wanted to follow after all.

"So what if we decide we wanna talk? We tryin' to be buddy-buddy?" John asked with slight distaste.

"Depends, John. We don't need anymore enemies." Arthur interjected.

"I know but we're not gonna suck up to them are we?"

"No one is sucking up to anyone... We're playin' the field, we have to test the waters before we make any commitments. I would prefer that we all go our own separate ways after we get our money but we all know the realistic conclusions." Dutch explained.

"Remember what we talked about John." Arthur encouraged as he turned his assertive gaze over to John and was pleasantly surprised to see him nod begrudgingly, Arthur nodded back in silent praise. He could tell John was slightly reassured for the rest of the ride.

"Look they turned into those woods... Slow down they'll probably have lookouts." Dutch instructed.

Not long after marching into the woods they could hear hollering and signs of a party. The gang went off the road and dismounted their horses before sneaking closer, nearly getting caught by a guard. When they had a decent enough view of the camp, Arthur pulled out his binoculars and observed the men, there were about fifteen people that Arthur counted.

"They outnumber us..." Arthur murmured. "We don't even know if this is everyone." He added uneasily.

"They seem easy goin'." John replied in an uncertain tone.

"Anyone can seem easy goin' drunk until they shoot ya for lookin' at 'em funny." Arthur scoffed.

"Let me see." Dutch ordered, Arthur handed Dutch the contraption and waited patiently.

"I think I see the leader... Or at least the person in charge." he mentioned off-handedly.

"And?" Arthur questioned.

"... Seem to be looking over something... Blueprints, a map... Something that looks important." He described.

"What's the call?" John asked.

"... I say we see how friendly they are... You two know a few of these boys so that might soften the blow of our arrival." Dutch decided, looking to Arthur and John who both nodded.

They snuck back to their horses somehow undetected by the very drunk gang of white trash. They made sure they were mostly unarmed before they started riding towards the commotion somewhat slowly not to appear imposing.

"Whose there!?" A guard commanded pointing a rifle towards the strangers.

"We're friendly!" Dutch quickly responded putting his hands up.

"We don't take to kindly to strangers, you better turn back." Another guard growled.

"We know Cleet, Harris and George." Arthur interrupted, relaxing when he saw the guards hesitate.

"... Wait here." one of the guards ordered and walked into camp.

After a couple of moments of tense silence, the three in question were brought over along with an unknown man. Dutch recognized him as the one in charge and immediately turned on the charm.

"You know these hoods?" The man asked, to his surprise the three men nodded.

"Yeah! That's Arthur and John Callahan... Don't know the dark one." Cleet replied with a slight hiccup.

"Pardon the intrusion we didn't mean to scare anyone." Dutch defused as he got off his horse, Arthur and John hesitantly doing the same.

"How did you find this place?" The unnamed man interrogated.

"Well, my boys here were told by your boys about a score... Said we could find 'em at the saloon in Shallow Trails, when they weren't there we asked around and were pointed in this direction... We're good trackers." Dutch appealed, knowing he already had this man in his pocket.

The obvious babysitter for the drunk soldiers looked them over for a long second, Arthur was tense, ready to reach into his holster if needed. However, eventually, the stranger nodded to the guards and they put their weapons down. Arthur heaved a sigh of relief as the man held out a hand to Dutch.

"Who might I be meetin'?" He questioned.

"Aiden, Aiden O'Malley." Dutch introduced with a smile as he took the offered hand and shook firmly. "These two are my close friends, Arthur and John Callahan."

"Cain... Cain O'Driscoll." The other replied, sending a slight chill down Arthur's spine.

Arthur was not afraid of these men by any means, but they had a similar bounty and reputation... Both wanted by the law, this bunch was also nearing twice as big as their group. John flashed a look over at Arthur and Arthur bit his tongue. They did not need to deal with these men any more than necessary, a feud was not needed and this was possibly where it was heading. Dutch began walking following the man into their camp along with John, Arthur reluctantly followed. He stopped listening to Dutch spin his web of lies to Cain, Arthur was too busy looking for possible escape routes... Just in case of course.

"Ya'll must be new, we been here a while and never seen the likes of you before." Cain observed as he walked back to the parchment Dutch saw from afar. It was a map of the territory they were robbing, Nathan Fairfax's prized ranch, the one he had heard rumor of around town.

"We just arrived as a matter of fact, we just came from the North..." Dutch answered.

"You look familiar, have we met?" Cain inquired curiously, Dutch cleared his throat and shook his head.

"No of course not, I woulda remembered." He deflected, thankfully Cain nodded and dropped it.

"You used to this line of work?"

"We know what we're doin'... Trust me." Dutch chuckled softly.

"... Perhaps, Mister O'Malley, if you wanna discuss the plans, your boys are welcome to drinks." Cain offered.

"That's mighty kind, let's go John." Arthur said casually enough and flashed a look to John before nodding in the direction.

Both John and Arthur left Dutch and Cain alone, there were open crates strewn all over the campground. They walked to a more isolated one and grabbed a beer. They were silent until Arthur surveyed the situation and made sure they were alone.

"This is crazy." He muttered.

"I agree." John affirmed.

"We should try to get Dutch and get the hell outta here." Arthur grumbled.

"We can't do that... We don't wanna offend anyone." John cautioned.

"You're right." Arthur sighed and took a drink of his alcohol, glancing around before looking back to John who seemed to be smirking. "What?" He asked.

"... I'm right, huh?" He asked, Arthur huffed and rolled his eyes.

It wasn't long before horses could be heard in the distance. Luckily Arthur and John were still sober when the stomping got closer, the two looked at each other with a sense of urgency before quickly making their way back to Dutch's side. Cain stood as soon as the unknown men returned.

"That must be my brother." Cain commented dryly, a small posse of four people riding in.

A man with a brown hat and coat got off a rather large mustang, he was obviously the center of attention as every person he passed by nodded or greeted him. He didn't say anything in reply but walked towards them, Dutch finally stood with John and Arthur beside him.

"Hello there Colm, this here is Aiden O'Malley, Arthur Callahan, and John Callahan their gonna help us rob the Fairfax place." Cain explained as Colm trudged forward, stopping only a few feet away from them, he smirked.

"Oh yeah..? I know who you are. Woulda thought this kinda score wasn't good enough for Dutch van der Linde." Colm sneered, the smirk was wiped off of Dutch's face but only for a moment as they started gaining viewers, Cain frowning at the lie, Arthur and John placed their hands on their guns.

"... I apologize for deceiving you brother." Dutch quickly articulated, putting his hands up once more, he had to gain back these peoples trust and quick. "... We had a harsh winter, a lot of us were in a bad way." He explained, slowly calming the situation. "I never meant to look like we were hidin' bad intentions... We're just like ya'll, trying to survive. We're gettin' back on our feet but we need income." He told, Arthur and John both stood in the uncomfortable silence, angry that Dutch basically outed them as sitting ducks. After a few moments, Colm laughed, and with Colm came Cain and the small party surrounding them.

"It's not gonna be an easy job... And with your gang of runaways recuperating after the easiest winter in decades, perhaps this is a little too much for you." Colm provoked, Arthur grit his teeth, knowing Colm was looking for an excuse to kill them, John was having a tough time remaining neutral, Colm turned his attention and grinned arrogantly. "Got somethin' to say boy?" He asked.

Arthur quickly reached over and grabbed John's shoulder and gripped it tightly but John said nothing.

"... No sir." He finally replied.

"My boys may look menacing but they won't hurt no one unless I say so." Dutch hinted a warning, Colm chortled.

"Just a joke fellas, don't be so serious." He taunted back to Dutch. "I'll tell you what... Meet us at the western end of Cotorra Springs in three nights... We'll see how you handle yourself... Whatever you find is yours to keep." Colm offered, the glint in Dutch's eye obvious to Arthur that he was interested.

"Consider that a deal Mister O'Driscoll." Dutch confirmed, earning a dumbfounded and betrayed look from Arthur.

Colm and Dutch shook hands, there was an uneasy calmness in the air as Dutch, John, and Arthur were allowed to leave, no bullets necessary. When they were far enough from camp, that's when Arthur exploded.

"Are you insane Dutch!?" He barked. "What were you thinkin'?"

"I was thinkin' that there's a lot of money in that place! And he basically offered us a free for all, we could be set for a long time." Dutch replied just as loudly.

"You didn't even give it a thought! He obviously has it out for us, I thought we were supposed to talk about big decisions like this!" Arthur chided.

"Did it look like he was gonna wait for us to talk it out, Arthur? I made a call, do you trust me!?" Dutch interrogated.

"O-Of course I do I just-"

"Then  _trust_ me." Dutch urged.

Arthur bit his tongue and silently fumed for the rest of the tense ride back towards camp. This was stupid, they were vulnerable and a rival gang knew that and also knew they were in the area. Arthur prayed this wouldn't come back to haunt them... There was also a small sense of betrayal radiating within him. How could Dutch put them in that situation without talking to him and Hosea? He was certain Hosea would also blow his stack when he found out, they were so good at communication it always hurt when Dutch didn't include them on important matters.

When they arrived back home, Arthur quickly dismounted his horse and stormed away, passed any welcomers. John dismounted with Dutch and watched Arthur, a frown forming on his face as Hosea approached, brows furrowed slightly.

"What's goin' on?" He asked.

"... Uh, might wanna ask Dutch." John murmured uneasily.

As predicted, Hosea blew up just as Arthur had, which created a rift in camp. The next day was uncomfortably quiet, Dutch on one side of camp, Arthur and Hosea on the other. Naturally, John was caught in the middle like always whenever there was a petty disagreement, and for once he tried to bring them back together. He was met with stubbornness and pride which only caused more frustration.

Walking out of camp towards the lake, he paused when he noticed Annabelle sitting on a blanket on the shore and Bessie in a chair beside her. He raised his brows and approached them, Annabelle's bright copper hair shining in the sunny morning. Bessie looked over when she heard John's footsteps and smiled when she saw him.

"Oh hello, John." She greeted warmly.

"Morning Bessie, Annabelle." He responded.

"How are you, John?" Annabelle inquired.

"Well... Not great... This thing between Dutch, Hosea, and Arthur is stupid." He sighed.

"Glad someone else agrees." Bessie chuckled softly.

"They'll come around John, just let us have some time with Dutch and Hosea... Why don't you spend some time with Arthur?" Annabelle asked.

"... And do what?" John asked, not exactly excited about the idea.

"Whatever you want. Go ridin' maybe, he just got you a horse." Annabelle giggled.

"I-I suppose I can do that... But I don't have the same kind of  _womanly_ persuasion you two have." John snorted.

"You'll think of something John." Bessie laughed.

As John began dragging his feet towards Arthur he wondered what he was going to say to convince Arthur to leave. Did he even want to go out with Arthur? John sighed, he hated feeling like spending time with Arthur was a chore... They used to have a lot of fun together. Their relationship had been strained so far these past few months. When he finally approached Hosea and Arthur he stood there speechless for a moment. Arthur looked up at him and arched a brow.

"Need somethin' John?" He asked as he drank coffee with Hosea.

"Uh... No, I mean, I was just wondered if you wanted to go ridin'?" John stumbled slightly, Arthur looked confused more than anything.

"I mean I dunno if it's a good idea with the O'Driscoll boys but... What's gotten into you?" He quipped, before John could make a fool of himself any longer, Susan appeared behind him.

"I think that's a brilliant idea Arthur." She said, backing John up since he was obviously struggling, Arthur turned his attention to Miss Grimshaw.

"Are you sure? I don't think that's wise." Arthur argued.

"What're you gonna do otherwise? Sulk around here? Go on, maybe catch something if you really want a purpose." Susan scoffed and thankfully Arthur wasn't in the mood to put up a fight with her, he sighed and got up and looking to John before nodding towards the horses.

John cleared his throat and turned away, quiet as they mounted their horses. He started a trot just wavering through the dense trees for a while, the air was anxious, the tightness of the trees reflecting the atmosphere.

"You know where your goin'?" Arthur asked in a somewhat suspicious fashion.

"Nope." John answered honestly.

"What? Are you serious?" Arthur questioned.

"Oh come on Arthur... Let's just see where this takes us you're turnin' into a real stick in the mud." John exasperated and to his surprise, Arthur simply scoffed to himself and quieted as the ride continued.

The ride went on for a few hours until it opened up to a waterfall, it was gorgeous, John was satisfied that he was right about their trip. He looked over and also saw Arthur gawking at the view, the creases in his face from his signature frown completely gone... John raised his brows, he didn't want to interrupt but he knew the real reason he was out here was to cheer Arthur up and make him get over himself. He thought and suddenly an idea came to mind when he saw the river following the waterfall.

"Hey, Arthur." He called, watching the other blink and turn his head over, surprised to see a playful smirk on John's visage. "... Wanna race down the river..?" John inquired, Arthur seemed to play hard to get first, but he knew his friend was competitive.

"... Maybe, what's the wager?" Arthur quizzed and John hummed for a moment.

"... Why don't we set up camp and the loser has to watch overnight." John suggested, and finally, the corners at Arthur's mouth turned a bit upwards.

"You sure you wanna make that bet John..?" He questioned in a devilishly charming way that John had never seen before, it was like he was seeing a completely different person, he blinked but quickly regained himself.

"I'm sure... But of course, if you don't think you're old bones are up for it..." John teased and he watched Arthur's eyes ignite with determination.

"Oh, we're gonna play that game huh? Alright, kid." Arthur chortled readied his reigns before positioning his horse so he was facing down the river.

"One! Two! Three!" John barked and the two raced forward.

John kicked his horse roughly, he felt like he was flying but he and Arthur were pretty close to each other most of the ride. Arthur looked over and snickered before he kicked his horse again, he was a thoroughbred after all, racing forward it didn't take long to pass John, but to Arthur's surprise, it also didn't take John long to catch back up.

"That all you got old timer!?" John taunted playfully.

"I can't hear ya, you're too busy eatin' my dust!" Arthur laughed in reply.

The race went on for a few minutes, neither Arthur nor John had this much fun in months. They howled and laughed like kids again, but the fun couldn't last forever. Arthur looked forward and squinted, it took him a moment to realize that there was a drop off ahead, gasping he looked over.

"Shit, John stop!" He yelled and pulled back on his reins.

"What?" John asked and looked forward, his eyes widening as he too pulled back roughly.

The horses skidded suddenly throwing them off balance and causing the huge mammals to fall hard, sending both John and Arthur flying from their saddles, they ended up only about ten feet from the end of the line. Arthur groaned and sat up, reaching up and rubbing his head before looking over.

"John! You alright?" He asked as he stood up, dusting himself off, he'd definitely be sore in the morning, seeing John slowly getting up, he noticed a pretty prominent cut over the younger man's eyebrow.

"Jeez, rough stop there." He groaned as Arthur approached and kneeled next to him.

"How many fingers am I holdin' up?" Arthur asked and held up his middle and index finger, John arched his uninjured brow.

"Uh, two? Why?" He questioned, Arthur sighed in relief.

"You got a pretty nasty gash there." He answered and pointed to his forehead, John seemed surprised, he took off one of his gloves and reached up, wincing at the touch and pulled his hand back and seeing the blood.

"Damn... Are the horses alright?" John asked, Arthur didn't even check yet, he turned away and noticed the two horses up and shaking off the dust from the fall.

"They're fine... I'm more worried about you... I'll set up camp, you just wait here." Arthur instructed.

"Arthur I'm fine..." John sighed.

"Please John?" Arthur asked and rested a hand on the other's shoulder before he stood up and walked towards his horse to get the supplies he always had on hand.

John opened his mouth to argue again but he huffed knowing that it would be pointless. He didn't like people worrying over him like he was some damsel in distress... However, he managed to put his pride aside for once, it didn't take long for Arthur to set up camp anyway, he started a fire by the time evening arrived and the temperature began dropping. John sat by the fire, looking up as Arthur approached with John's jacket that was stashed on his horse, he knew they'd need the extra warmth tonight.

"Thanks." He mentioned as he took the garment from Arthur.

Arthur placed his own jacket on a stump near where John was sitting and took off his gloves, he quietly went back to John's side and sat down next to him before reaching forward and looking at the cut, his hands were calloused from his line of work, they were almost rough against John's skin but it wasn't unwelcome. Arthur reached down into his satchel and pulled out a small clean rag and some whiskey, he popped open the bottle and poured a little bit onto the rag and gently dabbed John's forehead, he hissed at the burning but sighed in relief after.

"You don't have to do this... I'm supposed to be takin' care of you." John sighed in frustration, Arthur tilted his head in confusion as he continued working on John's wound.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Well... After the fight you had with Dutch... You seemed like you could get out for a bit... Take your mind off it." John disclosed and Arthur would be lying if he said he wasn't touched, but his expression didn't change much.

"... Thanks." Was all he said, John nodded in reply.

John looked up to Arthur as he wiped his wound, he was a little close for comfort, he could see Arthur's details easier this way. He noticed a small scar on Arthur's jaw... And from this angle he could slightly see into Arthur's shirt and from there he saw even a few more scars on his partner's chest, from the view he was given anyway. John swallowed and quickly took his gaze away. He was beginning to wonder what Arthur's body looked like... Was it heavily scarred?

Realizing this was an improper thought, John quickly pushed it out of his mind and looked at anything  _but_ Arthur. After a few minutes of cleaning the wound, which felt much longer to John, Arthur pulled back to both John's slight dismay and relief. However, when Arthur stood up away from John he suddenly began unbuttoning his shirt.

"W-What are you doing?" John stammered wondering if Arthur had read his mind, Arthur glanced over without much of a thought and kept undressing.

"Hm? Oh, I also took a pretty hard fall, just looking for any wounds and I think I might have another shirt on the horse... I think this one is ruined." He responded.

John quickly averted his gaze as Arthur's chest became exposed, he didn't want to seem like... Like he  _wanted_ to look... But John's curiosity was getting the better of him. He was beginning to realize that he didn't know Arthur the way he thought he did. The way he smiled during the race... The laugh that came from him, it was like he was a completely different person and now he was the same block of marble he always was. Gulping, John discreetly looked over.

The darkness of night had finally settled and the fire illuminated Arthur's body perfectly, the shadows sculpted his muscles like artwork. Without warning, John's heart sped up as he saw multiple scars that he didn't know his friend had. John was grateful that Arthur didn't notice him staring, because John was treated to just as sweet of a sight when he turned away, his back muscles just as defined as his abdomen and pectoral muscles, and few more scars he didn't know the stories behind...

Arthur wondered off for a few moments, it gave John some time to settle his racing mind and heart. Why did he look at Arthur? Why did he feel this raw need to look? It felt more powerful than just sheer curiosity... Whatever it was, it was buried by the time Arthur returned to the fire, sitting near John before taking out his journal.

"Hey, cowboy... You owe me." Arthur mused, John tilted his head.

"For what?"

"I won... But with that head wound, I'm gonna stay up and watch." Arthur chuckled, and like that John saw that smile again, the relaxed, almost vulnerable smile... It was different than his usual lopsided smile when he was laughing at something with Dutch and Hosea... He looked completely different.

"... How'd you get that scar on your chin?" John suddenly asked, watching Arthur pause the scribbling in his journal, his eyes darted up to meet John's, for a minute John was worried he crossed a line, he knew Arthur didn't talk about his past.

"... Bout a year before we found you, we were slumming in this town back out west, I don't even remember the name I was drunk most of the time..." He began, John raised his brows and listened intently. "Somehow I ended up in bed with the daughter of the mayor, I don't know how or when but he caught us in bed together and he smashed a bottle in my face, it was a huge scandal." He snickered as if remembering it fondly. "I didn't live that down for a long time." He commented, John was almost disappointed it happened to do with a woman, whether Arthur remembered her or not.

"Sounds like you." John chuckled in response, it still was a pretty funny story after all, glancing over to see Arthur back to scribbling in his journal. "... What are you always writin' in there?" He inquired, wondering if he'd get away with two personal questions.

"Why do you wanna know?" Arthur quipped back almost playfully as he continued drawing or writing, John couldn't tell.

"I dunno... You're good at avoiding the subject if the subject is you." John retorted, his breath hitching as he noticed Arthur's pencil pausing in its stride again.

Arthur looked up once more and back to his current sketch of John sitting by the fire, the first scar to grace the young man's face surprisingly enough. He thought it was an important moment and knew it would be a fun memory to look back on. However, he wasn't too keen on John seeing it.

"You're right... Cause there are some things in life you don't need to know." Arthur explained coolly, gentle enough to let John down nicely but firm enough to tell John not to push the subject.

John deflated anyway, he knew that it would take more than just Arthur being in a good mood to show him his precious journal but there was no shame in trying. Just as John started feeling sleep tugging on him, Arthur spoke up again.

"Get some sleep John... I'll keep watch." He stated, John blinked sleep away from his eyes but he ended up nodding.

"Goodnight, Arthur." John said groggily before laying down on his bedroll to get comfortable.

"Night, John." Arthur concluded.

John turned away from Arthur when he was comfortable. He missed being like this with Arthur... Close. Despite not knowing a whole lot about Arthur, he  _did_ know a few things others didn't, like the patient teacher that taught him everything he knew about guns and horses. Dutch and Hosea may have taught him how to read and write, but John would argue that the lessons Arthur had taught him were more important... But now John was curious, how many other sides of Arthur were there? What was he like behind closed doors?

He was determined to find out.

 

> Something must've gone wrong in my brain  
>  Got your chemicals all in my veins  
>  Feeling all the highs, feeling all the pain  
>  Let go on the wheel, it's the bullet lane  
>  Now I'm seeing red, not thinking straight  
>  Blurring all the lines, you intoxicate me  
>    
>  Just like nicotine, heroin, morphine  
>  Suddenly, I'm a fiend and you're all I need  
>  All I need  
>  Yeah, you're all I need  
>    
>  It's you, babe  
>  And I'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe  
>  And I could try to run, but it would be useless  
>  You're to blame  
>  Just one hit of you, I knew I'll never be the same  
>  It's you, babe  
>  And I'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe  
>  And I could try to run, but it would be useless  
>  You're to blame  
>  Just one hit of you, I knew I'll never ever, ever be the same  
>    
>  source: Never Be the Same - Camila Cabello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to start including the lyrics to songs that gave me inspiration for my work, in particular sections and chapters that more focus around Arthur and John, if you think they're pointless or plain dislike them, lemme know in the comments! Also, fun fact I guess, the hairstyles I chose for Arthur (both in my game and my work) were short to none on facial hair and the swept back fade for his ACTUAL hairstyle, lmao as always thank you for reading and supporting this story with kudos!  
> -Eros


	4. Chapter 4

When John opened his eyes, the sun was up once again. He blinked and rolled over, groaning slightly as he did so, he was  _very_ sore this morning. He stiffly sat up and brought up a hand to rub the back of his neck.

"Mornin' sunshine." Arthur yawned softly as he readied a pot of coffee, he was definitely taking a nap when they got back.

"Hey." John grunted softly in displeasure as he stretched. "Did you ever go to sleep last night?" He quizzed.

"A little, fifteen minutes here and there, there's wolves in the area so I wasn't asleep long before I heard something too close for comfort." He explained.

"I'm sorry you coulda woke me up." John muttered.

"John remember I told you I was gonna watch?" Arthur snickered. "Besides, I found somethin' cool this mornin'." Arthur mused, earning a curious look from John, he waved him to get up and follow.

John raised his brows and quickly got up, quickly stretching his back again before following after Arthur.

He began walking towards the drop off where they almost died the night before. However, when they actually observed the view and got close to the edge, John gasped softly as he looked down. They must have been up several hundred feet, this waterfall was probably at least five times the size of the one previous. The hushed flow of water beneath them along with the wildlife waking the land up, it was beautiful.

Arthur briefly glanced over at John's awed expression, it was then that Arthur realized that John was finally becoming a man. That cut on his forehead almost seeming as if it had jump-started John into puberty, this wasn't true obviously but Arthur noticed more details about John than before... The rough stubble on his chin, his feisty brown eyes, his strengthening muscles...

The moment was fleeting, Arthur's gaze quickly returned to the view before them. Arthur didn't want to admit it but he was glad that John asked him to go riding... He definitely needed this, just to get away for a little while after the stress of the winter and the quarrel with Dutch.

Dutch...

The thought made his gut twist a little bit, he knew that Dutch had their best interest and he felt guilty for not just trusting Dutch. He didn't understand  _why_ he was so offended and betrayed... He sighed softly and turned away from the waterfall and began walking towards the fire. John blinked when Arthur moved and turned to watch, frowning when he saw him walk away, noticing his trademark scowl on his face.

"You alright?" John asked, Arthur looked back to him, his look softening some.

"Yeah... Just thinking about Dutch." Arthur scoffed honestly. "... Do you think Hosea and I were overreacting?" He asked John, who was flabbergasted that Arthur was actually asking for his opinion, it must've been weighing on him.

"... Not exactly, you coulda handled it more gracefully but..." John mused with a small snicker, seeing the hint of a smile on Arthur's features. "... We both agree that gettin' involved with the O'Driscoll's is ridiculous... But Dutch does have a point with the amount of money we could make if this score is good." John explained. "... As for talking to you and Hosea about it... Yes, he should have but at the time it was a little intense... I don't think it'll be something you can ever know for sure if he made the right call... Let it go." John urged.

Arthur huffed softly at John's words but as he brooded and actually thought about John's words, he puffed out a slightly exasperated breath and nodded. John's advice was actually solid for once, he was truly grateful for it, he looked up to meet John's gaze. For a split second, time stalled and there was something in John's eyes... Something he had  _never_ seen in any other person before, there was a flutter within him but when he blinked it was gone.

"... When did you actually get a brain, Marston?" Arthur asked with a small smirk, there was a twinge within John this time, it felt like his heart had clenched... There was some... Entity in Arthur's voice, John knew that he was absolutely crazy and there was no actual way that Arthur was trying to sound sultry... He had no idea why he felt a stir deep within, shoving it down once again.

"Shut up." John retaliated and shook his head. "Last time I'm doin' you any favors." He grumbled.

"Oh so sensitive." Arthur laughed softly, gently clapping John's back as he turned away. "Alright cowboy, let's head home... We should probably put this thing to bed with Dutch." He mentioned, hinting at dread.

Confrontations with Dutch always lowered morale and it was always a painful and foreboding silence, a calm before the storm, they always came together in the end but it was still not fun to think about. John sighed in relief and nodded, beginning to tear down the camp and make sure their horses weren't seriously wounded before mounting them and beginning to trot back towards the woods. Arthur allowed John to take the lead and took out his watch which thankfully didn't get damaged, it was about seven in the morning, they would probably be back to camp by noon at the latest. Arthur caught up to John quickly and rode by his side and looking over to him when a thought came to him.

"We should do more of this." He commented as a nonchalant offer, John glanced over with a puzzled expression, but when he thought of it, he learned a lot about Arthur in their time spent alone together... It was nice.

"We should." He agreed to Arthur's relief, he knew now that their relationship was repairing, for real this time.

* * *

As Arthur thought, they returned to camp around eleven o'clock, and while he was utterly exhausted and needed to sleep, he needed to talk to Dutch... Hopefully, Annabelle and Bessie had softened both he and Hosea.

"Welcome back you two..." Annabelle's voice was the first to greet them, standing by The Count, seeing when they rode in.

"Mornin' darlin'." Arthur greeted back to her, happy to see her standing and doing things. "Is Dutch around?" He inquired, Annabelle's eyes seemed to light up.

"As a matter of fact, he is..." She simpered and lead them to Dutch's tent where he was smoking a cigar, he quickly ashed it when he saw Annabelle coming his way.

"Hold on, Hosea!" Arthur called. "C'mon old timer!" He barked.

"What?" Hosea asked as he turned from the firepit, he stood and quickly came to Arthur's side as they stopped in front of Dutch, who also seemed somewhat surprised as Annabelle sat by his side and took his hand in hers, John on Arthur's other side opposite of Hosea, he was mostly here for moderation but he was confident he wouldn't have to this time around, Arthur took a breath before he spoke.

"... Look, you were right." Arthur admitted, shocking pretty much everyone except Annabelle, she seemed more proud than anything. "... We can't know what  _could've_ happened... I know you was just doin' what you thought was right... I respect that. There's no one I respect more than you Dutch." He clarified, knowing that Dutch felt that Arthur didn't trust him. "... I know that sometimes we just have to trust you... And I do." Arthur stated seriously, sucking in his pride before he reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. "... Are we alright?" He then asked.

Dutch sat there, staring at Arthur in complete shock, Arthur was known to be one of the more stubborn members of their dysfunctional family, but he was also one of the most reasonable people. At first, Dutch wasn't quite sure how to react at first, or what to say, too many things came to mind. He glanced to Annabelle who just grinned happily before he turned his attention back to Arthur and slowly stood before holding his arms out. Arthur visibly sighed in relief before embracing the other. It was brief but it meant a lot, Dutch was like his father after all... They didn't always openly share affection like this, Dutch wasn't afraid to share how he felt but there wasn't a whole lot of physical contact.

"O'course, son. O'course." He said, he also seemed relieved, the two then turned to Hosea.

"... I suppose I agree, you always have a plan Dutch." Hosea sighed, Dutch laughed and brought Hosea in as well for a brief hug.

"I'm sorry too old friend." He chuckled before looking back to Arthur fondly. "I just felt that this was a great opportunity... I can feel it." He explained and Arthur nodded.

"... I trust you." He stated and Dutch beamed, it was glad to see the light flare in Dutch's eyes when he was really excited about something. "But for now... I really need to take a nap." He mused before fingering a quick salute.

"Whoa, John where'd you get the shiner?" Hosea questioned as Arthur walked away, smiling and rolling his eyes as he could hear John fumbling to explain what happened.

Arthur was used to staying up days at a time but with the turmoil in camp and the fall off his horse, he was exhausted and sleep wasn't hard to come by. When he woke up again the sun was still high in the sky, he estimated he probably just took a couple of hours. He wiped the sleep out of his eyes and managed to slither out of his tent, yawning and rolling his shoulders. Dutch was discussing with Hosea the plan, when Dutch saw him he quickly motioned Arthur to come over.

"Arthur! Ride with me!" He instructed.

"R-Right now?" Arthur asked.

"Yes! We have  _two days_ my friend... I want to go check the place out, while we were at the O'Driscoll camp I managed to memorize the map they had, for the most part, they want to bust open the front door but I bet we could go around back while they're causing a commotion." Dutch explained.

"You want me to get John?" Arthur asked.

"Sure if you think he wants to." Dutch approved as he started walking towards the horses.

Arthur turned and walked to John's tent and threw open the flap door. He opened his mouth to say something but when he walked inside he saw John was still fast asleep and comfortably so. He was turned on his side, facing Arthur, his arm draping over the edge of the cot as he silently slept. He was bewildered at the fact that John looked... So cute and innocent... And he would have felt guilty waking him up. He exhaled and looked over, noticing John's jacket haphazardly tossed on Susan's cot... Arthur paused and took it and gently draped it over John's torso before ducking out of the tent to follow Dutch.

"No John?" Dutch inquired.

"Nah, he's asleep." Arthur replied.

"Very well, let's ride!" He barked and the two began galloping off towards the Fairfax Ranch.

The ranch was located northwest from Shallow Trails, it only took them a few hours to arrive, it was about four o'clock when they arrived, the ranch was bustling with activity and Arthur couldn't help but be a little intimidating by the amount of security they seemed to have, he could see dozens of people, and while Arthur knew not everyone would be a threat, he was going to have to fight much more than he wanted.

"Are you  _sure_?" Arthur asked glancing to Dutch.

"Yes." Dutch replied curtly as he looked through the binoculars. "It looks like there's a cellar door, we could probably sneak in there undetected when the fighting starts..." He noted.

"Really?" Arthur inquired curiously and Dutch nodded, handing the binoculars to Arthur who took them. "We'll have to see what the security situation is like at night." Arthur mentioned casually albeit exasperated since he knew he would have to wait here until nightfall so he would have to go to bed late again.

They had a lot to get done before the raid. He knew they had to go and grab some extra ammo at some point tomorrow, he sighed at the thought as they found a spot near some shade... Arthur didn't even remember falling asleep.

* * *

When John woke up, he noticed the sun was going down, it was darker in his tent than when he fell asleep. He grunted softly and stretched as he rolled onto his back before sitting up, he could feel a radiating soreness coming from his head and he groaned, reaching up to gently touch his forehead, he would have to have someone look at it. When he walked out of the tent, the smell of Pearson's cooking was enough to nearly make him drool but at the moment he knew he should have Susan look at it.

"Miss Grimshaw." He greeted as she took clothing off the clothesline.

"Oh, John I was getting ready to check and make sure you were still breathin'." She snorted, not even glancing over to him.

"Yeah... Sorry, I didn't realize I was that tired, I was actually wondering if you could check my eye?" He questioned, she paused and turned to him, gasping slightly.

"Oh my goodness, John." She exclaimed and quickly tossed the laundry in a nearby basket before she led him towards one of the wagons and reached in to grab some gauze as she examined the wound. "Hm, I think it's developing a puss pocket." She muttered and reached into one of the kits before pulling out a scalpel that was probably stolen at some point, she popped open a bottle of alcohol and doused the sharp object in it.

"D-Do we have to do that?" He asked.

"Unless you wanna die." She stated matter of factly, John sighed and took a seat near her so it was easier to work on.

Susan stood over him and gently pressing on it, unrelenting when she heard John hiss. He remained seated and quiet though, knowing she wouldn't take him being childish. She hummed and readied the scalpel.

"Ready?" She asked.

"I suppose." He muttered.

Without any warning she quickly plunged the blade into John's wound, he yelped softly but just like that the pressure from the developing infection was relieved. She applied pressure on the opening and because it wasn't very old there wasn't much infection to be pushed out thankfully. John would live to get another scar like it, after it was cleaned up and disinfected properly, she gently pressed some gauze against it to stop the bleeding.

"You know you have to clean wounds, John." She scolded.

"We used what we had." John defended and Susan rolled her eyes.

"You men." She scoffed.

Once John's eyebrow was bandaged properly, Susan let him go, he thanked her graciously before he began trudging towards Arthur's tent, curious to see if he too was still asleep. However, when he opened Arthur's tent he noticed that his friend was gone, a small pit of disappointment welling within him. When he thought about it, Arthur's and Dutch's horses were gone... He wondered when they'd be back.

John was about to exit the tent when he noticed something peeking out from under Arthur's pillow... His journal. John arched his brows and quickly looked around frantically as if he were being watched before he slowly walked forward and reached out, his hand stopping in mid-air, did he want to..? He knew Arthur's journal was sacred to him and that no one was  _ever_ allowed to look in it. He knew that if he did this he could never go back... And if Arthur found out he couldn't imagine the punishment he'd receive, be it emotional or physical.

There was still nagging in his mind... Desperately wanting to know more about Arthur, his illusion of knowing who Arthur really was had shattered when he saw Arthur become a completely different person right in front of his eyes. He took the leather-bound journal in his hands, it was a little dirty having been used countless times, there was a bookmark showing where he was, he was about three quarters through, which lead to another question, he couldn't remember a time when Arthur never had a journal... Where did the previous filled journals go?

John gulped as he held the biggest puzzle piece in his very hands...

* * *

"Arthur! Wake up!" Dutch nudged, Arthur gasped softly and opened his eyes.

"S-Sorry I didn't mean to nod off." He apologized, noticing it was beginning to get dark.

"Don't worry about that, it looks like the day shift is leaving for the day." Dutch murmured, holding the binoculars to his face.

Arthur yawned and looked out to the ranch, they had found a place on higher ground to survey the whole property. Dutch pointed behind him towards a dying fire.

"Use that rifle." He ordered and Arthur leaned over to grab it.

When he held the scope up to his face, he watched as quite a few of the men that they had seen previously had departed. It was only a skeleton crew at night... Perhaps this job would be easier than expected, but he knew not to let his guard fall.

"This guy isn't as smart as he is rich... Why would he have such a small crew for a night watch..?" Arthur inquired.

"Easy pickings... Perhaps he thinks he's untouchable cause of his money..." Dutch replied.

"Let's not get too comfortable... You never know what they have behind the doors." Arthur mentioned.

"O'course brother..." Dutch inquired, but there was a twinge in Arthur's gut that something wasn't right here.

"... I don't mean for this to start problems but... Are you  _sure_ workin' with the O'Driscolls is wise?" Arthur asked.

"No." Dutch said honestly. "But right now this is all we got... We have to go with it." He explained and Arthur nodded, he wasn't wrong after all.

"I understand." Arthur accepted.

"In fact... I bet we can rob them blind..." Dutch mused.

"What?" Arthur asked seriously, turning his attention over to Dutch.

Dutch took the binoculars from his eyes and reached into his pocket when, pulling out a folded up paper, handing it to Arthur, when he opened it he tilted his head, it was a map... But not of the ranch, it looked like... A train route.

"... Is this what I think it is?" Arthur inquired.

"It is." Dutch replied, smirking.

"... I dunno Dutch... A train that's... Big, I don't know if we have enough manpower for that." Arthur muttered, unsure.

"Look, tomorrow when we go to town I'm gonna ask around... See what I can dig up about this train... But my thought was to do this job with these boys, rob the train before they do and get the hell out of here... Before they even know they were robbed." Dutch explained, Arthur frowned.

"But don't you think they know you stole their map?" Arthur questioned.

"Arthur they're a bunch of drunk fools... I doubt at least half of them even know we were there." Dutch scoffed, Arthur shrugged and nodded.

"... We don't even know what's on that train Dutch." Arthur sighed.

"I have some contacts in the area... As I said, I'll do some digging." Dutch mentioned and Arthur eyed him suspiciously.

"When you say digging does that mean Trelawny?" Arthur inquired, frowning.

"Arthur he's a well-versed man who is good at gathering information." Dutch assured.

"He's full of shit Dutch, he's good at talking but saying nothing." Arthur sighed. "Look I like Trelawny... But he's slippery and he knows a lot about us..." Arthur muttered, Josiah Trelawny had been in on their plans for a few years and Arthur didn't necessarily dislike him but his way of slipping away right when the heat was at the door was both annoying and alarming.

"He's loyal Arthur and that goes a long way." Dutch stated.

"... I suppose you're right." Arthur mumbled.

"Of course I am... Let's get out of here before we're spotted, we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow." Dutch mentioned and stood up, kicking some dirt on the weak smoldering embers.

"Can't wait." Arthur mused sarcastically as he mounted his horse.

"You know Arthur, I'm beginning to think John inherited his attitude from you." Dutch teased, honking a laugh when he saw the twist in Arthur's expression to nothing less than offended, Arthur huffed softly. "The look on your face." He snickered, mounting The Count and kicking the horse's sides.

"Very funny, Dutch." Arthur grumbled, following Dutch away from the property.

* * *

John stood there for god knows how long, the book in his hands. He had never been so unsure of anything in his life, he was so focused, he didn't even hear Annabelle open Arthur's tent.

"John?" She inquired, John gasped harshly and turned, the incriminating evidence in full view to see, she glanced down and her expression seemed just as surprised as he was.

"I-It's not what it looks like." He quickly explained.

"... Are you sure?" She asked arching a brow slightly.

"I haven't looked in it yet." He stumbled.

"Yet?"

"No, I mean I won't, I don't want to..." John babbled, he was afraid she'd tell Arthur, he'd never trust him again if she did...

"John calm down... Tell me what's going on." She stated, placing her hands on her hips.

"... I don't know." John finally sighed, Annabelle reached forward and took one of his hands, nodding out the door.

"You know this ain't right... There are some things in life that you don't need to know." Annabelle explained.

"But how do I  _know_  him..? I feel like I've been lied to my whole life about who Arthur is..." John finally confessed and Annabelle tilted her head.

"Is that what this is about?" She inquired, watching John nod almost pitifully, she sighed and looked to the journal. "... If you feel that this is what you need to do I won't stop you... But there are some lines that can't be uncrossed." Annabelle reminded.

John felt like a jackass... He knew she was right, he knew it was wrong to violate Arthur like this from the start... He exhaled slowly and nodded before placing the journal back where he found it. John wasn't fully convinced that he  _wouldn't_ have to read it but for now, he could have a clean conscience. He walked out with Annabelle and followed her to Dutch's tent. She made a pot of tea and gave John a cup, he was never a big fan of the drink but the way Annabelle made it was so good, he never denied a cup if she offered.

"So why are you suddenly interested in Arthur?" Annabelle inquired curiously, John's face lit up from the unexpected wording of the question.

"I-It's not like that." John mumbled.

"I never said it was." Annabelle mused, which only made the color in John's cheeks deepen, of course she didn't mean it like that, why did he think she did?

"O-Of course." John stammered and cleared his throat. "I wouldn't say I'm interested in him... I just..." John sighed, how could he explain what he saw to Annabelle without seeming like he was one of  _them,_ a queer, Annabelle seemed to notice John's hesitance and reach over, taking his hand.

"John, you know you can tell me anything right?" She asked, worrying as John seemed to calm a little bit.

"... He and I went ridin' like you suggested and we had a lot of fun." John stated, causing confusion to wash over the young woman in front of him.

"And..?" Annabelle prodded.

"We had  _fun_. A lot of it." John replied, Annabelle still wasn't grasping.

"John you two used to always have fun." She commented.

"Not like this, this was different... It was like I saw a whole different person, it wasn't Arthur. He smiled and he laughed... He even said we should spend more time together." John explained, Annabelle nodded.

"Isn't that good though?" She questioned.

"I mean yes but... I feel like I don't even know Arthur. I thought we knew just about everything about each other and now I'm not sure." John muttered.

Annabelle finally understood, but she knew John didn't know half of what made Arthur into who he was... Annabelle did know. She released a small breath as she took a drink of her tea, mulling over her words in her head. She knew telling John about Arthur's secrets was just as bad as John going through Arthur's journal... She had to pick and choose her words carefully.

"... There's a lot you don't know about Arthur." Annabelle started, breaking the news first, she knew John was still naive in some ways, he was only eighteen, Arthur was nearly ten years his senior. "... Like how he's a wonderful artist." She chuckled softly, knowing giving John a few innocent things wouldn't hurt. "Or how he got caught in the bed of a mayors daughter and was chased away by gunfire." She stated, John's eyes lit up slightly.

"No, he told me about that." He stated and Annabelle pointed at him.

"See..? He's opening up to you... Why ruin it by snooping through a journal, which I'm pretty sure is filled with insults about how we all pissed him off at some point." She snickered, and John immediately felt foolish because, at the time, John didn't realize the  _actual_ significance of Arthur's words... It was the fact that he said them which John should have taken away from it.

"You're right... I feel stupid." John scoffed and Annabelle quickly shook her head.

"John there's no shame in loving someone." Annabelle beamed with her signature sweet smile which only made John blush some more.

"I-I wouldn't go that far." John stuttered nervously.

"Then why do you want to know more about Arthur?" Annabelle quipped with a small smile and John sighed.

"He's my brother, of course I care about him but-"

"John... There is  _no_ shame in loving someone." She repeated, gentler.

John paused in his words and nodded, at least Annabelle wasn't accusing them of being faggots. That wasn't what this was about anyway, John couldn't imagine being with Arthur in that way, in fact, the thought made his gut churn with discomfort. Before any more words could be exchanged he could hear horses approaching, just to be safe he quickly put his empty cup down and exited the tent, relieved to see Dutch and Arthur.

"Where'd you disappear to?" John inquired approaching the two.

"Had to do some reconnaissance." Arthur replied as he dismounted his horse. "We were gonna take you but you were passed out." he explained and John nodded.

"How'd it go?" He asked.

"Well we're alive." Dutch mused and John rolled his eyes.

"For now... I'm gonna get some rest for tomorrow." Arthur yawned.

"Tomorrow?" John inquired.

"We gotta prepare for the job, are you coming to town with us?" Dutch questioned back and John quickly nodded.

"Of course." John stated as Arthur gently brushed passed him, turning his head and following Arthur's form.

Watching Arthur walk away towards his tent, John exhaled slowly. Arthur had always been a mystery, and John wondered if he'd ever get to the center of Arthur's dysfunction, but despite not wanting to admit it, Arthur was his brother... And John loved him.

 

>  
> 
> I've been watching you  
>  For some time  
>  Can't stop staring  
>  At those oceans eyes  
>  Burning cities  
>  And napalm skies  
>  Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes  
>  Your ocean eyes
> 
> No fair  
>  You really know how to make me cry  
>  When you gimme those ocean eyes  
>  I'm scared  
>  I've never fallen from quite this high  
>  Falling into your ocean eyes  
>  Those ocean eyes
> 
> \- Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm actually pretty proud with how this chapter turned out but I'm concerned at the message that it's sending. John has NO feelings for Arthur yet lmao I feel that should be obvious but I've reread this like five times and I still feel like the vibe I sent could be misleading I just wanted to clear it up. I feel like I failed as a writer since I feel the need to explain it lmao but maybe I'm just overthinking it. As always, thank you for reading and I hope you are enjoying, feel free to tell me how you feel in the comments below! Hearing from readers is literally my favorite thing in the world. Much love!  
> -Eros


	5. Chapter 5

Thunderous hoof stomps boomed against the dusty surface of the American forest as Arthur, Dutch, and John traveled towards Shallow Trails early the next morning. John was a bit tired, sleeping for as long as he did the day before, he had messed up his sleep schedule, he managed to fall asleep at about four o'clock. It also doesn't help that he kept thinking about what Annabelle had told him... Arthur  _was_ opening up to him? He still had so many questions, John wasn't the most patient person.

He kept glancing over at Arthur every now and again as they rode, Dutch took the lead as always which left Arthur and John to ride side-by-side. He hoped he wasn't being obvious... John took a breath, he was worried that he was beginning to become borderline obsessive about this... He needed to find a hobby.

"Are we clear on the plan, gentlemen?" Dutch asked as he pulled back on The Count, they were nearing the settlement.

"Yeah, John and I will handle the ammo, we'll look for Trelawny after." Arthur assured.

"Good, hopefully, if we split up we can find him sooner." Dutch mentioned.

"Pretty convenient that he was in the area if you ask me." Arthur snorted.

"Why do you hate that guy?" John inquired out of curiosity.

"I  _don't_ hate him..." Arthur stated seriously. "He's... I can't figure him out... That's why I'm... Hesitant." Arthur tried to explain nicely.

"So you're saying you don't hate him, you hate his slippery ways." John chortled.

"Exactly." Arthur snickered.

"Well, slippery or not, he's valuable." Dutch defended. "All his leads have been mostly solid." he added.

"I suppose you're right." Arthur sighed.

"Of course I am, we're here. Any problems we meet at the cemetery outside of town." Dutch instructed as they rode through the gates of the town, earning a nod from both Arthur and John once they dismounted their horses, Dutch stayed upon The Count. "Good... Stay out of trouble." He remarked, slightly side-eyeing John who subtly rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, we know." Arthur acquiesced, watching Dutch ride off before turning his attention back to John. "Let's go cowboy." He mused with a small and familiar, almost soft smirk as he threw an arm around John, taking all the angst out of the younger man, marching them towards the gunsmith.

John rolled his eyes again but this time was more playful than anything, chuckling as Arthur lightly shoved him away once they arrived. John  _missed_ this... Missed  _being_  with Arthur... Missed being his brother. Walking into the store with the older man, he felt like he was twelve again following Arthur like a puppy while trying not to seem like he was, always having an attitude no matter what. Arthur didn't exactly care about winning John's affections since he was usually the tyrant of John's life... Dutch and Hosea were the good guys, Arthur was not. However, John remembered walking into a general store with Arthur about eight months he had joined the gang, he was really eyeing some chocolate, he had never had any after all.

_What'chu starin' at kid?_

_N-Nothing._

They rode back to camp, they were all sitting around the camp for dinner, while John was always a brat he never wasted food and was always grateful for it... He recollected that Arthur approached him after their meal and sitting by the fire, lighting up a cigarette casually before simply reaching into his satchel and handing the chocolate so nonchalantly that John wasn't sure what he was given at first.

_Y-You got this for me?_

_You don't want it?_

_N-No I do! Thank you, Mister Morgan..._

_Arthur... I ain't that old._

_Oh... Thanks, Arthur._

"John!" Arthur snapped, John jumped slightly and looked over. "Come on and help me get these on the horses." He ordered, John blinked a few times before quickly walking forward and taking the boxes of bullets and walking them out to the horses, they made a few trips back and forth. "You feelin' okay John?" Arthur asked, arching a brow after they walked out the last time.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm alright, just fantasizin' I guess." John said absent-mindedly, piquing Arthur's interest.

"Oh yeah..? What'chu fantasizin' about? Me?" He teased, earning a sour expression from John to his satisfaction.

"You wish. No... Just rememberin' old times." he cleared up, Arthur nodding in reply as he pulled out a cigarette, offering one to John who took one in reply and nodding back is own thanks, Arthur spoke after lighting them, taking a long drag.

"Well, I guess we should go look for Trelawny." He sighed, the smoke billowing from his lungs into the open air.

"Where should we look first?"

"Honestly I don't even know where to-"

"Get away from me!" A woman's voice screeched, Arthur and John glancing to one another before they looked up, across the way was the saloon, a woman with long brunette hair tied up sloppily was backing away from two larger men. She was obviously in distress, one of the strangers grabbing her wrist roughly, her clothes had been slightly disheveled, Arthur assumed a working girl.

"You think we was gonna let you just walk away after robbin' us!?" One of the men barked.

"I  _didn't_ rob you! You're hurting me!" She yelled, John stepped forward, earning a rough arm barring his way, he glanced over at Arthur, his expression turning to anger.

"What're you doin'?" He growled.

"Dutch said not to cause trouble..." Arthur reminded.

"Are you serious!?" John spat softly, Arthur looked over back at the girl getting harassed, watching as she was shoved into an alleyway, no one lifting a finger to go to her aid.

"... No." He replied, quickly walking forward his walk turning into a jog with John close behind as they followed the men, catching up just in time to see the aggressor slap the unknown woman across the face, sending her to the floor. "Get your hands off of her!" He snarled, the two men looking up to him, as well as the woman, seeming surprised.

"This bitch stole from us... We're getting back what we're owed." The burlier of the two men growled back.

"By beatin' her?" John asked.

"Get back to doin' whatever your hillbilly ass was doin' we have business to attend to so if you'll excuse us-"

"You put one more hand on her the only thing you'll be doin' is being buried far from here." Arthur threatened, narrowing his eyes.

Even John felt a shiver go up his spine at Arthur's promise, he knew that if these men were even a little bit smart they would walk away now... Arthur didn't repeat himself. The two men paused in their actions, obviously intimidated by his partner's words. The original assaulter scoffed before backing away from the lady, glaring down at her before he and his partner turned and walked away.

Arthur approached the woman as she watched them walk away, still on the ground, her eyes darting to Arthur as he held out a hand for her. She looked Arthur up and down suspiciously, turning her attention to John for a moment as he walked to Arthur's side before looking back to Arthur and taking his hand, allowing him to help her up, swiftly letting go of his hand once she was.

"Are you alright miss?" Arthur inquired.

"... I suppose, thank you for... That." She muttered softly and Arthur nodded.

"No worries... Those men threaten you often?" He asked.

"No... Ralph and Hector have never been like that until..." She trailed off.

"... You stole from them?" John questioned curiously.

"Maybe..." The woman mused, earning a small smirk from Arthur, however before any other words were spoken, Arthur suddenly felt a barrel of a gun at the small of his back and John did too.

"Drop your weapons." Another woman's voice drawled aggressively, Arthur and John slowly held up their hands.

"Wait, Karen, Tilly... These men are safe." The unnamed woman spoke up.

"You look like you've been hit." a different female voice countered.

"That was Ralph... These two saved me."

"We don't want any trouble ladies." Arthur commented.

Slowly, Arthur and John felt the metal relieve the pressure from their backs, Arthur quickly looked back to see a woman with blonde curly hair and a darker skinned woman. They both had revolvers in their hands, Arthur was surprised that he and John had to step in at all considering this woman had armed friends.

"I'm John, this is Arthur... We don't mean any harm." John introduced.

"... I'm Mary-Beth, that's Karen and Tilly." The brunette battered woman replied, pointing respectively two the blonde woman and then to the African American woman.

"Nice to meet you, ladies..." Arthur said casually, they all looked young, probably about John's age.

"Thank you again." Mary-Beth said a bit less tense, nodding. "Is there any way we could repay you?" She asked just in time for Arthur to catch John wiggle his brows at him, Arthur shook his head and shoved John aside before speaking.

"Actually there is something... You see a real... Out-there kinda feller? His name is Josiah Trelawny, he's usually dressed like he's about to pull a rabbit out of a hat and has a funny accent, you'd know him if you saw him." Arthur explained.

"Actually, I think I know who you're talkin' about." the blonde woman, Karen, mentioned. "Heard about a man scammin' about gold prospectin'."

"Sounds like him." John scoffed.

"Have any idea where he is?" Arthur asked.

"I bet you can catch him playing everyone in town at poker." Tilly piped up. "We can take you to him." She offered.

"Thank you, ladies." Arthur stated.

Arthur and John followed the women on horseback out of town, Arthur was beginning to worry they were going to rob them when they happened upon a warehouse, the women dismounted making the two men do the same. Arthur was relieved to hear the sound of Trelawny's charming yet annoying voice coming from the structure. The group walked inside, seeing a poker game going on just as Tilly said.

Arthur could see that Trelawny had horded pretty much all the money, Athur was truly curious as to how the swindler hadn't been shot yet. He was a notorious cheater, the familiar man looked up, a pleasantly surprised expression washing over him.

"Oh! Arthur and John! What're you doin' here boys?" He asked, standing from the table briefly.

"Sit back down the game isn't over yet." One of the players growled.

"Sorry to interrupt but he'll have to take the rest of your money a different time. Mister O'Malley needs some information." Arthur said to Trelawny.

"Oh! Of course! I'm so sorry gentlemen but I must say adieu!" Trelawny said dramatically as he grabbed his earnings.

"I said sit back down! You're not robbin' us all that easily!" the angry player seethed standing up and unholstering his gun, so much for staying out of trouble, Arthur and John quickly unholstered theirs, causing everyone else in the room who had a firearm to react defensively, soon there were about a dozen guns pointing at various targets.

"Don't be stupid, friend." Arthur warned, Trelawny gulping. "Don't make us kill you."

"Kill us huh? I guess we'll see about that." The men huffed.

Arthur quickly shoved Josiah into cover as a firefight began, gunshots booming from the old building. Arthur and John were both quite impressed with the women's' skill with a gun, they put down their attackers rather quickly, Arthur knew it wouldn't be long before law began checking out the noise.

"Well, I suppose I should say thank you." Trelawny panted as he came out from behind cover once there was a ceasefire.

Arthur quickly looked around, breathing a small sigh of relief when he saw John come out of cover as well, unscathed.

"Is everyone in one piece?" John asked, seeing Mary-Beth, Karen and Tilly emerge.

"I think so." Mary-Beth muttered.

"I must say I was not expecting my day to go this way... Where is Dutch you said he had to speak with me?" Josiah quizzed softly.

"He's somewhere around here... We should probably get out of here before the law come lookin'... Hard to explain a bunch of dead bodies scattered around." John suggested.

"... You boys have a camp near here?" Karen asked, Arthur and John both paused, Arthur eventually nodding. "... We'd hate to impose but... We don't really have a place to lay low..." She explained, Arthur hesitated, they were thieves and could probably rip them off if they saw the opportunity, but they did just join them in a gunfight... It was only right.

"I suppose... You helped us after all, that fight woulda been a lot harder if me and my simple-minded friend had to deal with it alone." Arthur decided, earning a glare from John.

"Thank you so much, Mista' Arthur." Tilly thanked graciously. "W-We have a caravan not far from here." She added.

"John, take Trelawny and the women to camp, I'm going to find Dutch." Arthur instructed as the troop walked outside of the crime scene.

"Why do I have to do it?" John asked.

"Cause I said so. Get goin' we'll meet you back in camp soon." Arthur asserted, shutting down any chance of argument immediately as he whistled for his horse.

* * *

It took several hours on horseback for Arthur to track down where Dutch had gone. It was hard to ask people if they had seen him since Arthur and Dutch both had rather large bounties. He didn't want to risk alerting anyone to their presence. He was riding south of town when he looked into the sky, seeing smoke rising from the distance. A small twinge of worry settled in his gut as Arthur kicked his horse towards the location, hoping that Dutch didn't get himself killed.

He arrived at a small scorched homestead, Arthur would have high-tailed it away if he hadn't seen The Count grazing peacefully near the tree line, he nearly jumped off his horse, needing to find Dutch to cease his endless worries. Thankfully it didn't take long for him to find his friend, kneeling near a pile of burned corpses. Arthur's nose wrinkled at the smell, a mixture of burnt hair and cooked flesh succeeding at making Arthur queasy.

"The hell happened here?" Arthur asked, Dutch not moving in his spot.

"I'm not quite sure..." He replied standing, Arthur walked over and stood by his friend, looking towards the pile, noticing something even more unsettling.

"A-Are those... Children?" He asked, noticing two much smaller bodies on top of the mass grave.

"Seems to be." Dutch muttered uneasily.

"Jesus..." Arthur cringed, his past suddenly coming back to him in flashes, quickly shaking his head and looking away.

"I'm sorry you had to see this." Dutch consoled subtly, making Arthur shake his head again.

"Don't... I'm fine." Arthur warned softly, Dutch nodded before turning his hard gaze back to the hoard of bodies. "... You think they did it?" He queried, referring to the O'Driscolls.

"I don't know." Dutch answered honestly. "But they're the only gang in the territory that I know of... I doubt one person could do all this." He sighed.

"I don't like this Dutch..." Arthur cautioned. "We robbed a lot of folks but... We ain't never done anything like this."

"Arthur, we just have to make it through tonight... After tonight I don't ever plan on involving us with them again." Dutch exasperated.

"I sure as hell hope so." Arthur grumbled before the two men began walking back towards their horses.

The ride back to camp was a bit tense, Arthur was incredibly uncomfortable after walking in on the burnt bodies of those kids... He didn't deal with children well, whether they were dead or alive, and in this instance... He just felt sick. Dutch sent his concerned gaze over every now and again.

"I'm fine." Arthur announced.

"I know, son." Dutch replied smoothly.

"Do you?" Arthur asked, looking over.

"I do... You wouldn't be my right hand if you weren't." Dutch praised, Arthur bit his tongue, he hated when Dutch did this, trying to make him feel better over something he truly wanted to just erase from his mind.

They were silent the rest of the way, the tense air growing thicker as they approached camp. It was late afternoon when they arrived back, knowing they should rest before they head out tonight. Arthur quickly got off his horse and bee-lined towards his tent to avoid any sensitive subjects.

"Hey, Arthur!" John called, Arthur cursing under his breath before turning to him.

"What?" He asked a little more hostile than he intended, stopping John in his tracks.

"Uh... Are you alright?" John asked, Arthur exhaled, looking away.

"... I'm fine." He repeated. "... I just want to be alone for a bit, sorry John nothin' personal." He murmured, retreating from the conversation quickly, he wanted to be  _alone_.

Was it something he said? John stood there in surprise as Arthur more or less stormed off, did he make his friend upset somehow? He didn't understand, jumping slightly as he felt Dutch's hand rest on his shoulder, he looked over and sighed in relief.

"What's with Arthur?" John inquired.

"... It's not my story to tell, he'll be alright but you should probably leave him be for a while." Dutch advised.

"What? What do you mean?" John prodded.

"Trust me, son. Leave it alone." Dutch recommended.

Leave it alone? Leave  _what_ alone? He was so confused and wasn't getting any answers either, but he followed Dutch to introduce him to their new members for the time being. John was glad that Dutch wasn't angry about having more mouths to feed, he was more proud than anything that he and Arthur saved Mary-Beth from that brute, and John was indeed happy to have women  _his_  age in camp, perhaps he could woo one of them into bed with him.

It wasn't long before Dutch retired to rest and encouraged John to do the same and John was tired... But he couldn't help but think about Arthur. Why was he so upset? Did he and Dutch get into  _another_ fight? He found himself walking towards Arthur's tent and standing outside of it for a moment. Part of him wanted to try and console his friend and part of him wanted to heed Dutch's warning.

 _There are some things in life that you don't need to know_.

John sighed and walked away from the opening. Annabelle was right, and he knew prodding Arthur would only result in him getting punched. He was tired after all... He knew he needed to rest for the raid tonight. Slipping into his tent, John walked to his cot and plopped onto it with a small sigh of comfort... Sleep didn't take long to claim him. He wasn't sure how long he had been asleep but when he woke up, the sun was going down, he was probably gonna be woken up soon if he were still asleep. Stepping out of the temp, John reached up and wiped the sleep out of his eyes.

He let out a yawn and stretched, the first thing he thought of after he walked out was Arthur... And he cursed himself for it. Why he cared so damn much was beyond him, he began walking towards the river nearby, wanting to wash his face but stopping in his tracks when he heard Arthur and Dutch talking.

"Sorry for before." Arthur murmured.

"There's nothin' to apologize for." Dutch replied.

John quickly ducked into the shadows beneath a tree and peeked out, seeing Dutch and Arthur standing by the river. Dutch was smoking a cigar and Arthur a cigarette. John already felt guilty for snooping but... This was more innocent than reading Arthur's journal.

"You don't have to bullshit me..." Arthur mused, taking a long drag of his cigarette and releasing the smoke.

"Arthur it's alright... We know what you've been through, and don't start this ain't a pity party..." Dutch commented. "... Are you alright?" He questioned.

"Yeah. I'll be fine... Just gonna drink a lot when we get back." Arthur chuckled softly, earning a small laugh from Dutch, John huffed softly in frustration at the lack of details.

"... I don't know how you do it." Dutch admired, Arthur looked over with slight confusion. "... If anything ever happened to Annabelle I-" Dutch cut himself off, he couldn't imagine. "You're definitely a stronger man than I, my friend." Dutch exhaled the smoke, Arthur looked away.

"I just... Dealt with it." He said simply. "I know you don't know how but that's just it, I did. It hurt like hell but what else was there to do?" He asked, looking over. "I used to think that I was lucky, I didn't know them real well, I wasn't as attached as I coulda been... But it hurt." He murmured, looking out into the river.

John furrowed his brows, who were  _they?_  Arthur never married Mary, and he never mentioned getting her pregnant... His parents were dead, who were these mystery people? Dutch reached over and gently rested his palm on Arthur's back for some silent support, which was Arthur's favorite kind. John sighed, figuring that he wasn't going to get a lot of information... Now was probably the best time to reveal himself, he walked out of the shadows and down towards the water, both Dutch and Arthur looked over.

"Mornin' sunshine." Dutch chuckled.

"Mornin'." John greeted lazily, feigning just waking up, trying to ignore the slight sting when Arthur didn't say anything to him.

John approached the flowing water and reached down, cupping his hands in it and splashing it up into his face, gently scrubbing it before using his bandana to wipe the water off. Feeling refreshed he stood up and turned his attention to Arthur.

"Feelin' better?" He asked, hoping that he would get a verbal reply.

"Suppose. I just wanna get this job done." Arthur sighed, John breathed a small sigh of relief seeing as Arthur wasn't taking a verbal fast from him.

"I guess it is that time. We should probably head out, think of it gentlemen, soon we'll finally have some cold hard cash again." He chuckled softly.

The crew got their weapons of choice together as well as all the ammo they would need for the job ahead. Mounting their horses and saying their goodbyes, the company charged towards Cotorra Springs, the ride was mostly silent, John was still thinking of the events previous to Arthur's current tense attitude. He was pretty sure that he didn't cause it but... Maybe he should talk to Arthur privately later?

Day turned into night before their eyes as they neared the large pools of blue water, they were right on time, they could hear a slight ruckus from afar. Arthur felt extreme discomfort as they rode in, he didn't trust the O'Driscolls at all. He was certain that if the time came they would betray the small group. Dismounting their rides, they walked into the small temporary camp, there were about twenty people not including Dutch, Arthur, and John. Eyes were on them immediately as Dutch walked towards Cain who was talking to a few of his associates.

"Cain, how do you do?" Dutch asked.

"Not bad, Van der Linde." Cain commented snarkily, Dutch took a breath.

"I hope there isn't distrust between us... I know my words only go so far but I can only promise that it was for our safety." he charmed, Cain looked the small group up and down.

"As long as you didn't lie about being able to do your job, we're good." Cain quipped before he whistled to get the crowds attention, speaking once they were quiet. "Mount up gentlemen time to get rich!" He bellowed, the team shouting in excitement, only annoying the small company along for the ride. "What's your plan?" he asked curiously to Dutch.

"Not sure yet, we may join you head on or not I haven't decided." Dutch lied.

"Well if ya go out on your own we can't save you." Cain snickered before he brushed passed Dutch.

The three men sent irritated glances to each other, these guys were such  _assholes_. Arthur, Dutch and John hung back some as the large militia rode towards the Fairfax Ranch. The ride was silent for them, they didn't want to give away their plan after all. When everyone began dismounting their horses, the three men smacked their rumps to flee them into the forest until further notice. It would be chaos when it was time to leave.

It wasn't hard to slip away from the large crowd of men and flank the property, they knew they had a limited amount of time before the invasion started, Dutch was hoping to be inside by the time the shooting began. He wanted to be ahead of the opposing gang after all, they pulled up their bandanas and readied their weapons.

"There are two guards up ahead, any takers?" Dutch asked.

"I got the one on the left." Arthur offered.

"I can get the other one." John responded.

The two looked to one another before unsheathing their knives. Under normal circumstances, they would try to get in and get out without killing, but they knew it was unavoidable this time around. They crept towards the two unsuspecting men who bullshitted about nothing in particular. Arthur looked to John silently and held up three fingers, nodding and counted down before the two in unison took down the guards and dragging them away from their post to cause the least amount of suspicion.

"We're making good time." Dutch whispered once they made it inside the building.

"Let's just make sure we're out of the main hall before the shootin' starts." Arthur grumbled. "People are gonna be running through here." he added.

"Good point let's move." Dutch said quickly.

There was suddenly gunfire outside, Dutch cursed and unholstered his weapons as the shouting began. Orders to defend the front door ringing out and men poured into the halls. Dutch held up a rifle and fired as a man came into view.

"Run!" He yelled.

The three men ran down the halls, the confusion and overall insanity keeping them from getting completely cornered. The more shooting that was outside the quieter the halls became, there was still a few people in the building but Dutch concluded that they were much safer in here than out there.

"Arthur, you take that way, John you take the left, I'll head upstairs." Dutch ordered and the men split up.

Arthur wasn't fond of the idea but he didn't question it. He ran towards the undiscovered house and was suddenly running through the most beautiful mansion he's ever been in. If he wasn't in such a rush he would have liked to look around, but as he jogged into the kitchen, he grabbed all the silverware and moved on to the dining room, finding nothing of value there, he did manage to find an office.

In the office, he found some rather expensive collectibles and a gold pocket watch. So far he figured he had about two hundred dollars worth of items and once his side of the house is clear he ran up the stairs.

"Arthur! John!" Dutch yelled, Arthur gasped and ran towards the voice, sighing in relief when he saw Dutch in a  _second_ office upstairs, this one much larger and pristine than the first and it seemed Dutch had found a safe. "Think you can crack this?" Dutch inquired and Arthur nodded.

"Just cover me!" Arthur said and ran over to the large box, John then ran inside only for Dutch to push him back out and shutting the door behind him to hopefully help Arthur concentrate.

Arthur pressed his ear against the contraption, listening closely, hearing three distinct clicks before he swung the door open. He wanted to be mad at Dutch for being right about this place but seeing large stacks of cash within he could have drooled. He grabbed about 70% of what was in there before shutting the safe back up, he didn't want it to be blatantly obvious that they were robbing the O'Driscolls after all. He was getting ready to go tell Dutch they could head out when he heard some shuffling behind a door that hadn't been investigated yet, Arthur guessed that it led to a closet or bedroom, he wasn't sure but he readied his shotgun and pointed it towards the door.

Walking towards it he kicked the door in, flinching as he saw three people cowering in the bathroom they had locked themselves in. It was a middle-aged woman and two younger teenagers a boy and girl, he presumed this was the Fairfax family minus the patriarch.

"P-Please don't kill us!" The woman cried, Arthur stood there gawking for a moment, his blood running cold as Dutch ran back inside.

"Arthur, are you done?" He asked.

"No one told me there would be goddamn kids here!" He snarled.

"What?" Dutch asked approaching Arthur. "Shit." He hissed. "Did you get the safe open?" He asked.

"Yeah, we have more than enough to go around." Arthur replied.

"Then let's get the hell outta here." Dutch ordered.

Arthur glanced back to the teary-eyed family before turning away and running back downstairs, facing many fewer opponents than before, it wasn't hard to slip back out the way they came. This job was much easier than Arthur was expecting, he was actually thankful that the O'Driscoll boys did the hard work, now they could breathe a sigh of relief for the moment. The group whistled for their horses as they sprinted away from the property, they could still hear shouting and gunfire but the gunfire had drastically lessened in the half an hour they had been inside the house, Dutch assumed the O'Driscoll's were raiding the house now.

Once on their horses, the three men began riding away without a goodbye, but a sudden twinge of curiosity tugged at Dutch, he looked around and saw some higher ground in the distance. He wanted to know for sure what kind of gang these men were apart of.

"Up that way boys!" Dutch called.

"But camp is the other way!" John replied in confusion.

"Come on John!" Arthur ordered, also wondering the same thing.

When the men were far enough away not to be spotted but close enough to see what was going on, they dismounted their horses and kneeled in the trees. Arthur and Dutch pulled out their binoculars.

"How much do you think we scored?" Dutch asked casually as they waited for the end result.

"Well, I got some valuable stuff probably worth a couple hundred, but I also found alotta cash. It's hard to say but I think it's safe to assume this job was worth the risk." Arthur explained.

"That's what I like to hear." Dutch chortled.

About an hour passed by, in that time Arthur had counted the money he found and concluded that out of everything found, they probably scored upwards to fourteen hundred dollars, nine-hundred of it being solely cash. They definitely made out good, Arthur could only wonder what else they could have found if they had both the place to themselves and more time to comb through the place.

"Arthur, take a look." Dutch said almost grimly, Arthur was nervous as he picked up his binoculars, John simply picked up a gun with a scope and peered down as well.

It was unclear what was being said but it looked like the family had been found, as well as Mister Fairfax, Arthur wondered where he was being held up. The men roughly dragging the tied up woman and teenagers and tossing them to the floor as the man of the house was held out knifepoint. Arthur wished he could hear what they were saying but without warning, the older man's throat was suddenly slit, blood pouring as the body went limp... It would take a while for the echoes of the family's screams to leave his mind.

"The hell was that?" John asked in shock.

"These people are psychotic." Arthur growled softly, beginning to believe that they were the ones who burned that farm to the ground.

"What is he doin' now?" Dutch asked seriously.

Arthur zoomed in as best he could but a lot of it was uncertain, but what was blatantly obvious was that he was touching the younger girl. He felt enraged and hoped he was seeing wrong but the more they watched the more he wanted to go down there and stop it. He could see some of the other men running in and out of the house with things in their arms but Arthur couldn't tell what they were holding.

"This is turning ugly." Arthur snarled softly.

"It is... We should get out of here." Dutch noted and pulled his binoculars from his face to be met with a slightly horrified expression from his right hand.

"Are you crazy?" He spat, Dutch deadpanned at the question, he could tell where this was heading.

"What do you expect to do Arthur? There is three of us and at least a dozen of 'em down there!" Dutch hissed.

"Are you really gonna just walk away!? Did you see what he was doin' to that kid?" He spat. "You know what's gonna happen, and I don't know about you but I won't be able to sleep." He badgered.

Dutch sighed and turned away, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Arthur was right but what could they really do? Dutch didn't see many good outcomes once they walked down there and challenged the treatment of the innocent family. However, another scream caught the small troops attention, making both Arthur and Dutch put their binoculars up. They were dragging the teenaged girl away from her remaining family, her mother was shrieking something unintelligible but Arthur knew where this was heading and he settled his glare on Dutch and John.

"I'm goin'... With or without you... She's a  _kid_." He sneered and walked to his horse and mounting it quickly.

"Wait, wait." Dutch finally said, making Arthur turn his head, watching both John and Dutch mount up. "You're right son... This ain't right." Dutch said and nodded. "But lets at least try to avoid a fight." He mused and kicked The Count.

Arthur sighed in relief when his partners realized his point when Dutch led them back towards the property. Their horses were in a sprint, hoping to get back before they did anything truly disgusting to that little girl. They could hear whooping when they arrived and Dutch dismounted when he could hear the commotion loudly.

"Leave the loot on the horses." He ordered, Arthur nodded and stuffed his saddle bags.

When they strutted into the middle of what was almost like a party, the men laughing and taunting the already traumatized family, the dead body of the patriarch laying in a pool of blood, lifeless. Cain was laughing as well before turning to Dutch, smirking.

"Oh hello there brother, we was wonderin' where you had gotten off to." He snickered.

"We found our own way... What's goin' on here?" Dutch asked trying to sound curious as the girl was still screaming as the followers tied her up to most likely be kidnapped.

"Oh, we're just lookin' for a little fun... You can take her if you want, we just had first call." Cain mused with a smile that even Dutch found creepy, pointing to the middle-aged woman.

"And why on earth would we do that?" Dutch asked, Arthur and John just focusing on keeping their mouths shut.

"Why not? They're easy pickings."

"And what about the boy?"

"Leave him for the wolves, I don't really care." Cain chuckled.

"P-Please! Not my little girl take me!" The older woman begged, Cain glancing over to her, reaching into his satchel and pulling out a knife.

"You want her or not? She's beginning to annoy me... Maybe I should make use of that pretty mouth of hers before I kill her." Cain commented with a rich laugh and began walking towards the cowering woman before Dutch suddenly stood in his way.

"You're not gonna touch that poor woman again..." Dutch glowered, Cain's demeanor suddenly changing to shock.

"Excuse me?" He asked.

"Let the girl go... And let this family be... Or we'll kill ya all." Dutch threatened, so much for trying to avoid a fight, Arthur and John readied the guns as Cain glared up at Dutch before grinning again.

"You wanna be the hero..? Alright." He snorted before turning to his subordinates who seemed confused. "Get the girl." He ordered.

The men seemed hesitant but did as they were told, one of the men throwing the girl over his shoulders as he marched over to Cain.

"... Take her and her family inside... Upstairs." He commanded.

A few other men grabbed the rest of the family who seemed both scared and relieved as they were taken back inside. Cain reached into his own satchel and pulled out a cigarette and a match, he struck the match on his boot and lit the tobacco stick before offering one to Dutch. When Dutch didn't take one he shrugged and took a drag of his cigarette.

"... I must say... Do you smell somethin'?" Cain asked, wrinkling his nose and looking to the house, Dutch furrowed his brows and looked to the house as well, he inhaled sharply and there was a slightly spicy smell in the air as if he stuck his nose too close to his tequila.

Before the smell clicked in the opposing group, Cain suddenly flicked the match over to the wooden patio and without warning the wood burst into flames. Arthur gasped and quickly shoved John backward and Dutch looked on in complete horror. There were screams coming from the house as flames consumed the structure within thirty seconds. Dutch realized the smell was alcohol... They were planning to torch this place from the beginning.

"Dutch get back!" Arthur barked and yanked Dutch away from the blaze, Cain casually walking away with his cigarettes.

There were screams from both the family and Cain's men who had taken them inside. Dutch was truly in awe that he could just burn his own men alive like that... It was then that Dutch decided for certain that he would  _never_ involve his gang with these savages again. Smoke billowed up from the destruction, Arthur went to attack Cain but was held back by John.

"You goddamn psychotic scum!" He howled, Dutch blinking as he was brought back to reality. "Those were children!"

"And? You seem to have this assumption that I care... If you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I have a date to keep." He concluded and smirked at Arthur as he and the men who he had arrived with (who hadn't been killed of course) mounted up and departed just as swiftly as they had arrived.

Arthur, Dutch, and John were left at the scene of the fire, there was no more screaming but it was a cruel sight to see. Dutch seemed so disturbed by it all as he looked to the building, watching it collapse.

"... He killed his own men... Those kids... That mother." He muttered.

"I knew they were bad news." John sighed.

"We need to put a damn bullet in that man." Arthur scowled, Dutch quickly looking over.

"We most certainly will not." He countered.

"What!? You see what he's capable of!? We kill Dutch, but not like this." Arthur growled. "We need to make sure this never happens again!" He shouted.

"Arthur what we  _need_ to do is take that train and get the hell outta here... We need to steal from them..." Dutch said.

"Who gives a damn about stealing from them!?" Arthur bellowed.

"They sure as hell will." John piped up softly, trying to calm Arthur down as he turned away and took a few steps away.

"Son we can't afford a war right now... If we had the bodies and money to, you know I would hunt those bastards down but we  _don't_." Dutch explained firmly but as gently as he could, Arthur reached up and rubbed his forehead.

"... I hope you don't come to regret not ending this now." Arthur finally sighed before quickly walking away, he called his horse and galloped off without another word.

"Hey, wait! Arthur!" John called.

"Let him go son." Dutch muttered with a small exhale as he watched Arthur ride off.

John turned his attention back to the way that Arthur had gone, he understood why Arthur wanted to hunt that bastard Cain down, but he what he didn't understand was  _why_ he was so torn up about it. There was obviously something more than simply just doing what was right... And John was going to find out.

> Tell me somethin', girl  
> Are you happy in this modern world?  
> Or do you need more?  
> Is there somethin' else you're searchin' for?
> 
> I'm falling  
> In all the good times I find myself  
> Longin' for change  
> And in the bad times I fear myself
> 
> Tell me something, boy  
> Aren't you tired tryin' to fill that void?  
> Or do you need more?  
> Ain't it hard keeping it so hardcore?
> 
> I'm falling  
> In all the good times I find myself  
> Longing for change  
> And in the bad times I fear myself
> 
>  
> 
> source: Shallow by Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys appreciate the extra long chapter lol! I just couldn't figure out a way to cut it that wouldn't seem sloppy so I just melted it all into one chapter! I also know that canonically, Mary-Beth, Tilly and Karen aren't technically supposed to arrive in the gang yet but I figured I could make a few minor changes. Hope you enjoyed! Let me know in the comments below!  
> -Eros


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning after the deadly robbery, Arthur still wasn't back... John was worried, as was everyone else. He wanted to go look, make sure he was okay... See him and just comfort him. He didn't understand why Arthur reacted the way he did and no one was willing to tell him. It frustrated the hell out of him, Dutch eventually had to order him to stay in camp after begging multiple times to go look for Arthur.

_He needs time son!_

_Time for what!?_

_... I-I can't._

John sat by the river, his knees to his chest as his thoughts were filled with Arthur... The day blurred by both quickly and sluggishly, John fell asleep at some point during the afternoon, knowing he'd be up all night now... He had said goodnight to Miss Grimshaw who was always the last one to go to bed and the first one to get up, he had no idea how she did it... But now he was alone.

It was kind of nice to be by himself for once, in the serene silence of the forest night. The fire still glowed as everyone slept, part of him was angry that they could sleep peacefully knowing that Arthur was out there, god knows where. What if he was hurt? Surely he needed to have more faith in Arthur but... John lit up a cigarette and sat by the fire, poking at it gently.

However, when he heard hoofprints in the distance, John quickly grabbed his gun and loaded it, pointing it in the direction.

"Who's there?" He hissed.

"John?" Arthur asked. "Why're you up?"

John's eyes shot open and he nearly dropped his gun as he watched Arthur's horse ride into view. He was so relieved... And then so angry. Once Arthur got off the horse, John charged towards him.

"Where the hell were you!?" He asked.

"Shh! You'll wake the whole camp." Arthur hushed, whacking John upside the head.

"But where were you? We were worried Arthur." John badgered as Arthur walked towards his tent.

"I was out John... That's all."

"What do you mean that's all?"

Arthur exasperated a sigh as he walked in and out of his tent with a towel in his hand, trudging towards the river.

"I mean just that, John... I just needed to get away for a while." He explained, leaving out all the details.

"But why? No one is saying anything, everyone is whispering, you won't talk, what the hell is going on, Arthur?" John asked, following Arthur who stopped at the edge of the river.

Arthur remained silent as he kneeled down and wet the rag in the creek, standing back up and washing his face. He eventually looked to John with a hard expression, obviously not willing to come clean. John finally threw his hands in the air.

"You know what? Screw you Arthur." John scoffed. "I can't believe I wasted so much of my time trying to care about you."

"You watch your mouth boy-"

"Or what!?" John snapped, turning to Arthur.

"Don't make me beat you, kid. I'd hate to embarrass you like that." Arthur provoked, throwing his towel to the side, John huffed.

"I'm not a damn kid anymore!" He barked, rushing towards Arthur and throwing a punch.

No matter how many times John tried to fight Arthur, Arthur always won, this time would be no different. However, Arthur had to admit, John had definitely worked on his strength and skill, he was sure one day the kid would rise against him, but not now. Arthur quickly dodged the hit and stepped aside, shoving John away.

"Don't do this John, I'm not in the mood..." Arthur scolded, which only angered John further.

When John took another sudden swing at him and actually landed a hit against his left cheek, Arthur really became pissed. The next punch John threw, Arthur caught quickly and took his opposite fist, slamming it harshly into John's nose. He released a cry of pain as he flew onto his back, Arthur rubbed his face and stood over the young man, glaring down at him. John refused to admit to defeat, usually either Dutch or Hosea had to break it up... But there wasn't any Dutch or Hosea now.

John got up quick and as always, faltering by always being on the offense, making his attacks predictable. He was getting better though, after taking a few punches, one to his face, one to his ribs and one to his nose. Although now that John was tiring, Arthur was just beginning, throwing all his strength into his hits, he would teach John his place.

Neither of them realized they were getting closer and closer to the river's edge when one of Arthur's many hits caught John off balance... Sending him into the frigid and fast waters. Arthur's eyes widened as it happened as did John's, when John's body disappeared into the water, Arthur blinked.

"Fuck... Fuck!" He cursed and began sprinting down the river.

Damn John for never learning to swim! Usually, Arthur would try to at least take his shirt and shoes off before swimming but there was no time for that now. When he saw John manage to come up for air, Arthur dove into the river. The current was getting stronger the further they traveled downstream. Arthur knew that if  _he_ found it difficult to come up for air he couldn't imagine John staying alive for long. That realization hit his gut hard... If he hadn't been such a fucking asshole...

"Arthur!" John cried, fear enveloping his entire body as the freezing water consumed him, John was  _terrified_ of deep water.

"John! I'm coming!" Arthur called as he swam towards him.

Before Arthur could get to him, John was sucked under water again. Arthur took as deep a breath as he could and dived beneath the water's surface. He managed to catch one of John's sleeves and yanked him up. He heaved in a breath once he got up, pulling John roughly up as well. John choked in a breath, Arthur quickly looked around in the darkness for  _anything_  to grab.

Somehow, Arthur didn't know how, but he saw a low hanging tree branch as if it were illuminated by the moonlight. He was  _not_ gonna die this way, he wasn't finished kicking John's ass. His stiff arm reached up and grabbed the wooden appendage.

"J-John help me!" Arthur gasped, his grip on John beginning to loosen due to the near freezing temperature of the water.

John reached over and grabbed Arthur's arm, climbing up Arthur's form and grabbed the branch for himself, making Arthur's grip easier and they slowly meandered up the tree branch to the bank. Roughly panting, both John and Arthur crawled onto the solid ground and collapsed on their backs, panting roughly, but now there was a different problem. They both began shivering, they were cold. Arthur pushed himself up and groaned, clutching his hands in fists, they were in excruciating pain from the cold.

"C-Come on John you gotta help me." Arthur prodded, John coughed roughly and slowly got up again. "Strip your clothes off." Arthur ordered as he began taking his garments off.

"W-What!?" John asked, still trying to calm his frantic heart from the experience.

"Dammit John do what you're told!" Arthur fumed, John blinked at Arthur but obeyed, beginning to slip off his clothes. "They're soppin' wet with freezin' water, if we keep them on we're dead." He explained once he got to his drawers.

Arthur had union suits but he hated having a whole body suit underneath his clothing so he settled for the bottom only drawers, and it seemed John agreed. Neither of them had been this exposed in front of one another for a long time, probably not since John was fifteen. At the moment though, they were more concerned about freezing. Working together, they managed a sloppy makeshift campfire and after several attempts from Arthur's stiff fingers, he chuckled in relief once he got a fire started.

"Thank god... I can't feel my hands anymore..." He murmured, blowing to expand the fire further.

Once the fire was full and Arthur got feeling back in his fingers, he hung their clothing by the fire on a nearby tree branch... And then they were sitting next to each other in awkward silence. What were they supposed to say after having a literal fist fight minutes before Arthur saved John's life? John gulped, they were within arms reach for sure, he wanted to look over again, to see Arthur's body as he had before, and he didn't know why.

"... You remember Mary?" Arthur asked suddenly, breaking the tense silence, John glanced over for a moment before nodding.

"Yeah... The one you almost married?" John asked, earning a small wince from Arthur.

"Yeah, that one."

"What about her?"

Arthur took a breath, it seemed as if he were contemplating something serious.

"After she and I broke things off... I had an affair with a young girl named Eliza when we were in Clear Water." Arthur muttered, looking into the fire as they dried off. "She was nice and all, but we weren't in love... She got pregnant." Arthur revealed, John began putting the pieces together. "... I knew this life wasn't for her and we didn't know each other but I tried to do right by them... She had a baby boy, named him Isaac." Arthur croaked, clearing his throat, it felt as if his esophagus was closing on its own at the sore subject, John listened patiently.

"She was a waitress, I always sent her money for his needs and tried to see them... Remember how I used to disappear for a week or so every couple of months?" Arthur inquired, John quietly nodding. "... I was visiting them." He stated.

Arthur looked up into the cool night sky, despite it being spring, the Grizzlies were the Grizzlies, it was always cold. He looked to the stars and then back to the fire, he was glad that he could focus on something while talking.

"He was a good kid... He was smart." Arthur chuckled bitterly, he could feel the stinging in the back of his eyes, but he hadn't cried over this in a long time. "... One day I rode up... And there were two crosses outside." He muttered solemnly, John quickly looked over, he could see the pain behind Arthur's eyes. "... Found out later they were murdered by some thieves... All over ten bucks." He finally sighed.

"Jesus..." John mumbled, he felt like such an asshole for forcing the painful information out of Arthur. "I-I'm sorry." John quickly apologized, turning his full attention to Arthur, who looked over, he seemed tired. "... I'm a jackass... I shouldn't have... I didn't mean to..." John stammered, unable to find his words.

"... It's fine, John." Arthur said simply, meeting John's slightly panicked gaze, the younger man seemed very relieved.

"Still, I-"

"John." Arthur interjected. "... It's fine." He asserted before he looked back to the fire. "I wasn't much fun to deal with anyway... Seeing those kids just..." Arthur mumbled.

"I get it." John sighed. "Still... I shouldn't have acted like I did... I was worried about you and..." He groaned softly and looked down, making Arthur look over at him. "... I was just scared that you got hurt or somethin' we hadn't seen you in a while." He rambled until he suddenly felt Arthur's strong arm wrapped around his shoulders, he looked over in complete shock.

"... Sorry for worryin' you." Arthur apologized softly, meeting John's surprised gaze with his gentle one.

When John's carob iris' met Arthur's calm ocean hues, a sudden warm feeling blossomed in John's chest. There was a calmness in the air that really caught John off guard, feeling Arthur's arm around his shoulder, he felt like he was melting and he was sure he was blushing, but perhaps the hypothermia would mask it. John was by no means a virgin but he felt intimidated under the experienced gaze of his older partner.

He quickly broke eye contact with Arthur and looked to the fire. Part of John wanted to shrug out of Arthur's grasp but he also felt so safe and warm with Arthur... It was shocking that just half an hour prior they were trying to kill each other. He didn't remember falling asleep but he must have, because, without warning, Arthur was on top of him.

He could feel Arthur's breath against his neck as he panted, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, his favorite being:  _good boy._ Arthur held John's legs open and John could only feel an overwhelming sense of pleasure, moaning and begging for more with every thrust. It felt so  _good,_ he didn't want Arthur to stop. Only a few minutes in did he realize that something was wrong, opening his eyes and looking up, actually seeing Arthur on top of him, John came back to reality.

His eyes flew open... It was a dream, John was relieved but with relief came horror and disgust. Why the hell would he be dreaming of Arthur  _fucking_ him? The more he thought about it the more blood he felt rushing to his morning erection. Once he actually fully woke up, he gasped, realizing his head was leaning against Arthur's chest, the others arm still lazily draped over him. John swallowed harshly and slowly unraveled himself from Arthur.

When he was finally free from Arthur's grasp, John quickly stood up and looked down at Arthur who was fast asleep against the tree that was hang drying their clothing. He took a shaky breath and looked around, he didn't recognize his surroundings. He thought of the night previous, wondering how far they traveled... He didn't panic because he knew that if they followed the river they'd end up back at camp.

Seeing Arthur stirring slightly, he tensed but sighed in relief when Arthur stayed asleep. John thought about the story Arthur told him... He couldn't believe that Arthur had been a father, it made sense when Arthur would disappear and have some elaborate story of why he was gone. He couldn't imagine losing a child the way Arthur did... Over ten dollars.

A shudder went up John's spine, a cold shudder. It all made sense now... John blinked, still staring down at Arthur but soon he was staring at the other man's muscles again. He knew Arthur was in good shape but he never looked at his older partner like this. John bit his tongue as he felt his cock swelling, he shook his head and quickly averted his gaze. What the fuck was wrong with him!?

John grabbed his clothes and was glad when they were dry, a little stiff but dry and thankfully not frozen. He reached down and adjusted his member in his pants trying to make his hard-on less obvious before turning back to Arthur to wake him up. Only this time... John's eyes went down, seeing that Arthur too had morning wood, he felt his shaft flex slightly and gently nudged Arthur with his foot, hoping he wasn't blushing.

"Hey, partner." He muttered as Arthur stirred again, his eyes finally opening.

"Shit, it's mornin'?" Arthur seemed surprised.

"Yeah, we should probably get back to camp before we're really missed." John ushered as Arthur sat up, stretched and slowly got up.

Arthur was either blissfully ignorant of his stiff shaft or he was good at not giving a shit, John betted on the latter. It was normal after a nights rest, after all, John could only wonder if Arthur was dreaming as well...

"You're probably right." Arthur yawned, dusting himself off before he began slipping his clothes back on.

John was freed from his impure thoughts when Arthur finally slipped his clothes back on. He reached up and slicked his hair back with his fingers as it messily began hanging in his face, John couldn't help thinking it looked charming, but Arthur knew it was time to cut his hair. A thought came to the older man, and while he didn't think it'd work he'd try his idea anyway.

Whistling into the forest and listening carefully, sighing when his horse didn't come.

"You tried." John chuckled softly and Arthur rolled his eyes with a small smirk.

"Shut up and walk." He snorted.

The walk was actually kind of nice, they talked, laughed, John even learned a bit more about Arthur with little bits of information that he let slip. John learned that Arthur had never had a day of certified education in his life, although he could have guessed that, and he was a good cook... Perhaps he'd have to make Arthur prove it.

Even though they were little bits of information, it meant the world to John, it meant that he was getting somewhere with Arthur, especially since he willingly came forward with the information about his son... A sudden question popped into John's head but he wasn't sure if he should ask.

"Hey, can I ask about... Eliza and Isaac?" He inquired cautiously, Arthur visibly tensed at the thought but he didn't want to leave John hanging.

"I suppose." He said nonchalantly enough, but John was still concerned.

"... Do you ever regret bein' in the gang?" He asked. "Like do you ever wish you coulda been there instead of here?"

"No." Arthur said without hesitation. "... Sometimes I think about what coulda been, especially about Mary, but there's no use regrettin' and day-dreamin'... In the end, I'm alive and I'm here." He explained and John nodded, when another thought came to John and he felt like an asshole yet again.

"Hey, by the way, uh... I-I never thanked you for... Saving my life." John mumbled, Arthur glanced over and shrugged.

"What was I supposed to do? You can't swim." He teased gently.

"I'm serious." John stated. "... If you had been such an asshole to me I might have let you drown." He scoffed, Arthur chuckled.

"Trust me the thought went through my mind." Arthur snickered a bit before stopping and grabbing John's shoulder, stopping him from walking and turning the other's body to face his own. "Look... I-I'm not good at this but... If I hadn't been such a prick this wouldn't have happened to begin with... So don't beat yourself up over it. " Arthur explained and nodded, John sighed in relief and nodded back before they started walking again.

It took about an hour before they suddenly came up to a fork in the river. Arthur looked both ways and cursed, it was so dark last night that he couldn't remember which direction they came from, and the fact that they might have to cross the river wasn't pleasant. John seemed confused too and while Arthur was good at a lot of things, he knew that John was better at navigating.

"You think you could figure this out?" He inquired, John arched his brows and stepped forward, looking around and trying to visualize a map, blinking eventually he hummed and nodded.

"I think we gotta go that way..." He muttered pointing diagonally across the river, Arthur sighed.

"I was afraid of that."

John rested his hands at his hips as he continued to think, but a realization hit him and he looked to Arthur.

"I think there's a shallow crossing area up that way." he mentioned pointing down the opposite river. "It'll take longer but it's safer, and when we cross over the land we should be able to whistle for the horses... It'll just take a while." He sighed, bracing for the fact that they would probably have to stay in the wilderness overnight again, he was getting hungry, it wouldn't kill them but he'd just be starving by the time they got back.

"... Suppose that's the only way, c'mon then." Arthur concluded and began walking down the wrong river, he wasn't excited.

About another two hours past, they kept mostly silent but Arthur was pleased that their little tousle didn't ruin their relationship. He was just beginning to think John could stand him again, he would have hated for their relationship to end that way. A random thought hit him and a cold chill went down Arthur's spine as he reached into his vest and pulled out a pocket watch. He didn't open it but he was sure it was ruined, it was an antique, the only thing he had of his family's, his father had given it to him. Normally Arthur wouldn't be sentimental about anything his father gave him, but the man had said it dated back four generations... Arthur knew it was silly to believe him and to be disappointed it was ruined but...

He opened up the watch and reached up, listening to it, feeling a small frown crease on his features as his predictions were right. John watched the display and felt curiosity gnaw on him long enough before he had to ask.

"What's wrong?" John inquired, Arthur glanced over, his first instinct was to just say it was nothing, but reflecting on recent events, he knew keeping things from John wasn't the smartest idea... Besides, it's not like it mattered right?

"... Nothing too bad." Arthur replied evenly, it technically wasn't a lie. "Pocket watch got drenched." he elaborated, John felt a twinge of guilt hit him once again, there was a long pause.

"... Sorry, if I coulda swam you wouldn't have drowned your watch." He muttered, he was always ashamed of the fact he never learned how to swim, he always had a fear of drowning, ever since he was a boy and was swallowed by aggressive rapids before his father died, his survival was a miracle.

Arthur arched a brow and sighed before he shook his head and stopped, forcing John to stop too, who looked at Arthur with confusion.

"Look, we both agree that we wished you knew how to swim." Arthur joked mildly, watching color coming to John's cheeks, it was rather charming, even if he was slightly pouting. "... But I'd rather this drown, rather than you." He mused, reaching over and gently ruffling John's hair just to irritate him, which he succeeded when John swatted his hand away.

"Uh huh, right." He grumbled.

"Nah I'm serious... How else would I live without this face?" Arthur asked, referencing to John's frown.

"Oh shove it." John growled, earning a small laughed from Arthur before he looked back to the watch, despite John being annoyed, he could see the slight sadness in Arthur's eyes no matter how little of it there was. "... We could probably get someone to fix it." He noted.

"This thing is pretty old I doubt anyone would have the parts..." Arthur replied, shaking his head.

"How old?" John asked, his annoyance seeming to vanish.

"Not sure, my pa told me that it was his great granddaddy's, so... My great-great granddaddy." Arthur explained.

"Whoa, that thing is old." John commented with surprise.

"Yeah... Had a good run I guess... No reason to keep it." Arthur sighed softly before he simply dropped it.

"Don't you think you could get some money for it?" John questioned and Arthur quickly shook his head.

"Nah, not enough to be worth sellin' anyway, it's been through hell and back." He mentioned, turning around swiftly before he could feel guilty enough to pick it back up.

John was shocked that Arthur was so okay with ditching something that was tied to him by blood. He looked to the watch and to the form of Arthur walking away from it. He bit his lip before snagging the watch and quickly slipping it into his satchel pocket. John realized he just found something out about Arthur that had been in front of his face the whole time...

Arthur dropped his pain, leaving it behind so he would never have to face it again. He never spoke of his son, never spoke of Mary... Never spoke of his parents. John kept this finding to himself, however, Arthur didn't need it thrown in his face after all.

The walk went on silently after that, Arthur had so many walls, every time John thought he broke through one he was presented with another... He knew he didn't mean what he said during their fight... He cared deeply about Arthur, maybe too much.

* * *

They had been walking for hours, Arthur was beginning to worry that John was wrong. It was early afternoon but they were both hungry, the only supplies that Arthur had on him since he had been gone was one pack of crackers that they would have to share. John was big for an eighteen-year-old but he didn't quite compare to Arthur yet, he knew they would run out of energy fast.

"Are you sure you know where we're goin?" Arthur finally asked, yawning softly, sleeping against a tree didn't help his fatigue especially after their brawl.

"I'm pretty sure, I coulda swore there was a pass near here." John sighed, worried as well.

Thankfully, just when Arthur was going to give up and have them cross, the beautiful sight of the crossing had appeared, the two men nearly gasped a sigh in relief. However, there was one problem... It was shallower than the rest of the river, but it was still obvious that it was too deep to simply walk across. Arthur could see John staring with dread, he quickly rested the palm of his hand on John's shoulder, regaining his attention.

"Don't worry about that yet." He said gently, John exhaled and nodded as Arthur pointed to a log near shore.

The two trudged to the fallen tree and sat upon it, both of the releasing a small groan of relief. Arthur didn't waste time in taking out his crackers. He opened the pack carefully and handed John three of the six crackers he had.

"I know it's not much but I'm gettin' tired." Arthur mentioned.

"Somethin' is better than nothin'... Thanks." John murmured, Arthur nodded and they ate their small meal, eating slowly to try and savor the act of eating itself, John was more or less trying to stall before having to cross deep water.

Arthur stood up when he was done so he didn't get sluggish, walking to the river's edge and observing the flow, it was  _much_ calmer than where they had fallen for sure, Arthur didn't foresee many difficulties getting across this.

"I-I don't know if I can..." John suddenly muttered, appearing beside Arthur, his entire body rigid. "M-Maybe you should just go and get the horses or somethin'..." He mumbled nervously.

"John it could take all night to get back and you don't have anythin' to survive." Arthur shot down immediately, deep down John knew that and was ashamed for appearing weak.

Before John could get into his head, Arthur walked around to his front and carefully took John's forearms in his hands. John looked up, the familiar shade of color hinting at his cheekbones, obviously surprised and confused.

"Take hold o' me." Arthur instructed seriously.

John swallowed harshly and hesitantly reached forward, his fingers wrapping around Arthur's forearms. His heart was beating out of his chest, why did he feel this... School-girl-like-attraction to Arthur? He didn't understand! It had to be because he idolized Arthur... John calmed down significantly when that thought came to mind, it made some sense now... Arthur was definitely his role model growing up and if he were honest, he still idolized Arthur in secret. Maybe it was all normal, but when Arthur began backing up into the water, his breathing deepened and he visibly became fearful.

"Don't panic." Arthur hushed, and just like that John was seeing another side of Arthur, the calm patient side... The side of him that taught him how to shoot the buck they caught for their first dinner... The side of him that he hadn't seen since he was a kid.

"I-I'm tryin'..." He mumbled as they continued further into the water.

Even when John bathed when they camped he didn't go deeper than his waist, as the water climbed from his ankles to his calves, to his thighs and then his hips, he inhaled sharply when he felt the water caress his ribcage.

"Good boy." Arthur praised.

Despite being in cold water, John's member abruptly became stiff and the hint of color on his cheeks became flushed over his entire face. Those fucking words... Of course, Arthur had to say those fucking words while he was having a panic attack. Thankfully though because of the anxiety, Arthur didn't make any weird connections.

"Calm down, John." he cooed, trying his best to comfort the obviously stressed John.

The water distracted John from his hard-on which he was actually grateful for despite the current calamity. It rose from his ribs to his pecs, his grip was locked onto Arthur, his grasp trembling in fear.

"I got'cha John," Arthur promised. "I ain't lettin' you go."

John looked up to his taller mentor and nodded stiffly, but once his feet could no longer touch the ground, his arms quickly came around Arthur's shoulders and clutched him for dear life. Arthur always gave John shit about not being able to swim, but seeing how truly fearful his younger protege was he only wished he could comfort him. When John hugged him he tensed slightly but rested his hands on John's sides, regaining his balance and just standing there for a moment.

Arthur didn't say anymore, not really knowing what to say as he held John in his arms, beginning to back up into the deep water, he managed to just barely be able to touch the deepest point of the river, John was just a little too short. Still in reverse, eventually the water began to recede down their bodies, but Arthur didn't rush John to let him go, knowing John needed the support despite how close they were and how wrong this would look if they were seen.

... And they were seen.

Arthur was so concerned about John's wellbeing he didn't notice the eyes that were prying in on them. There was about a group of five men, nearly naked and camouflaged in the trees, by the time Arthur had realized they stumbled into hostile territory it was too late.

"Look what we have here boys?" A foreign voice drawled with amusement once Arthur and John were up to waist-high water, both men gasped and turned to it. "Looks like we have a couple o' queers." He chortled.

Arthur narrowed his eyes and let go of John only to stand in front of him, John was still trying to come down from his high during the panic attack, the adrenaline making him completely useless, but he did his best to be imposing. Arthur's eyes blazed with aggression at the accusation, the thought of people looking at the two of them... The thought of being with John... Arthur bit his tongue and kept his cool.

"We're just passin' through, gentlemen," Arthur warned, looking onto the shore where the men stood like a wall blocking their path.

"Sorry for interruptin' you... Obviously, you was in the middle of loosening him up." The man snickered, eyeing John like a predator on the hunt, Arthur quickly obstructed his view and got into a more defensive stance.

"Back off." He growled, the way they were looking at John disturbing him beyond comprehension, he could see where this was heading and he knew he had to keep John  _away_ from them.

As John became more cognitive he began to feel nausea settling in his gut as he realized that these men were preying on him. He felt sick at the way they looked at him and while he wanted to prove that he could take care of himself, he had never been so thankful to have Arthur by his side.

"Come on, partner. Don't you wanna share?" The pack leader asked, the groups slowly beginning to close in on them.

Arthur looked around and quickly unsheathed his knife.

"I said  _back off_ you son of a bitch!" Arthur barked threateningly, pointing his knife at the obvious enforcer.

"Oh yeah..? What're you gonna do to stop us?" The other questioned before lunging.

Both Arthur and John fought hard, but being outnumbered and weak from hunger they went down too easily for comfort. Arthur was nearly beaten into unconsciousness, tied up and beaten some more, while John, on the other hand, was mostly unscathed, but he was tied and obviously roughed up, he didn't give up without a fight. His shirt was ripped and his nose was bloodied.

Arthur received a black eye, a broken nose, a busted lip, a broken arm and he was certain a few of his ribs were broken as well. Breathing was excruciating and his arm was suffering. He laid on the floor, wheezing slightly as John was tossed on the ground next to Arthur.

"A-Arthur!" John gasped, seeing the state of his friend, Arthur was fading in and out of consciousness.

The last thing he remembered was John yelling his name.

> Thought I found a way  
> Thought I found a way, yeah  
> But you never go away   
> So I guess I gotta stay now
> 
> Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here  
> Even if it takes all night or a hundred years  
> Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near  
> Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear
> 
> Isn't it lovely, all alone?  
> Heart made of glass, my mind of stone  
> Tear me to pieces, skin to bone  
> Hello, welcome home
> 
> source: lovely by Billie Eilish and Khalid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry this chapter took me a little longer it's been an extremely bad week at work and I'm finally off for a few days lol. There's both fluff and drama in this one so I hope you all enjoyed! Expect both an update soon and plenty more Billie Eilish lmao.  
> -Eros


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning for this chapter there were be a couple of trigger warnings (dubcon and noncon elements but tbh idk if it's even dubcon). I'll label where and why, otherwise enjoy this chapter!  
> -Eros

When Arthur began coming to, he had no idea where he was, it was dark and all he could see was fire. Blinking he could feel that his arms were in front of him again, his wrists were tied, shaking his pounding head he released a small groan.

"Arthur?" John whispered, Arthur's head craned in the direction and he finally found John's face.

John nearly cried tears of relief when he saw Arthur wake up. He seemed confused but alive... He continued to look around until his eyes finally adjusted, the fire he was seeing was torches along the wall. Were they in a cave? As he gathered his surroundings, his gaze finally focused back on John.

"W-What happened? Are you alright?" He rasped, he was dehydrated.

"For now." John confirmed to Arthur's relief. "A-After they hurt you they tied me up and they carried us here on horseback." He explained.

"Do you know where we are?" Arthur inquired.

"Not a clue." John sighed.

They were royally fucked here, not only did Dutch have no clue where they were,  _they_ didn't even know where they were.

"We have to get them horses." Arthur coughed softly.

"But how? We're both tied up and in a damn cage." John mentioned.

A cage? Arthur didn't even realize there were bars around them, he was really hurt. He couldn't defend himself or John... How were they supposed to escape? Arthur replayed the conversation in his head and the only solution made his blood run cold due to the high possibility of something horrible happening.

"... You gotta get them to trust you." Arthur muttered.

"How?"

"... You remember what they were sayin' about you?" Arthur asked, John's eyes widened. "I'm not saying give in to them... But maybe distract 'em, I can still use my legs... They're all I got, if you can distract one of 'em I can stun 'em and we'll have an advantage." He explained, John looked away, not keen on the idea of possibly getting raped or worse. "... You know I wouldn't ask this of you if there was another way." He stated, his bound hands coming forward, his good hand resting on John's.

"I-I dunno Arthur..." John mumbled, gulping.

"... I ain't lettin' anything happen to you, John." Arthur promised.

John met Arthur's gaze, he knew that promise was a foolish one but it helped anyway... John eventually nodded. They discussed what to do and when to do it in hushed whispers before they got into position. Arthur laid back into his original place, John arranged himself closer to the door... All they could do was wait.

"Th-They almost..." John murmured, Arthur's gaze resting on John. "... They didn't." He added and Arthur sighed in relief.

"I'm sorry we're in this mess."

"Me too."

* * *

_** TW: Forceful Touching/Molestation (dubcon and noncon elements) ** _

About an hour had passed before they could hear footsteps coming towards them and the familiar glow of fire beginning to show on the walls. Arthur quickly nodded to John and hunched over where he was positioned, his eyes closing. John gulped and tried to steady his nerves, he couldn't believe he had to  _submit_  to these bastards, he hoped it was only one person or they were fucked, somewhat literally, the thought made John want to vomit but he kept his nerve as the door opened, the man who had spoke to them before was there and thankfully he was alone. He smirked as he saw Arthur still hunched over, seeming dead and then looking to John who was glaring him down like a hawk.

"You got somethin' to say, boy? You got a purty mouth." He chortled, John grit his teeth but said nothing. "The silent type huh? My favorite kind." He snickered.

What the fuck was wrong with these people!? John slid himself back a bit as the man walked towards him, hanging his torch on sconce right above his head inside the cell as he looked down at John on the floor before he suddenly lunged at John. He forced John onto his back, who quickly looked over at Arthur who was still hunched over, he knew that it was too soon for Arthur to act but he was panicking, he struggled as the man grabbed John's bound hands and moved his hands above his head, John had no means of fighting back. He flinched away from the touch when the man's hand caressed his cheek, just the touch to his face alone made John feel violated and he hadn't even begun.

"You sure are somethin' else... Be a good boy and I'll make you beg for more." The man mused.

Those words, John's body tensed as he looked away as the hand went fro his face to his chest, his shirt was ripped from the shoulder down, exposing one of his pecs. The foreign fingers delicately grazing his bare nipple as it traveled down some more. The man's smirk disgusting John to the point of just closing his eyes and waiting for it to be over once he felt the hand toying with the buckle on his pants.

Arthur heard every word and heard the small scuffle, and he could feel a sort of... Primal anger building within him. He knew that it was because of the position John had in his life... Or at least that's what he thought.

_Be a good boy and I'll make you beg for more._

Those words set Arthur off, opening his eyes discreetly and watching just for a moment, trying to wait until the last possible moment to make his move, but seeing John under this stranger... Seeing this man touch John in ways that he couldn't imagine... He suddenly felt territorial, he wasn't sure why, but when he saw the man go for John's pants he knew it was now or never. John had done his part, he was faced somewhat away from Arthur so that he could get up without being noticed, assuming he could get up... He hadn't tried since he woke up.

He gulped and slowly, as quietly as he could, pushed himself up, holding in a strangled groan, his ribs shifting when he forced himself up. He figured two were broken and a couple of others were bruised, he was lucky they hadn't punctured his lungs yet...

The hand that was playing with John's belt suddenly dove beneath it to grab his member. He gasped harshly but without any warning. Arthur's foot slammed into the strangers head, sending him off of John whose eyes flew open, panting in relief as he saw Arthur standing above him, a darkness in his eyes that he had never seen.

_ **End TW** _

"Get up." Arthur instructed, not having time to comfort John now.

Without question, John sat up and quickly stood, trying to shake the idea of the man's hands on him as he saw Arthur wobbling slightly. They were still tied up but the familiar glint of something on the man's body made Arthur arch a brow.

"John... Grab the knife." He ordered, his good hand pointing at the body. "I think that's mine." He huffed.

John nodded and kneeled down, carefully slipping the sharp metal out of the man's pants and began cutting his binds short before working on Arthur's. When Arthur's hands were free he hissed and grabbed his broken arm and looked at the torch. Before they could focus on getting out of here he needed to set his arm. He took hold of his wrist and suddenly yanked on his arm, a sickening crack ringing out in the cell they were kept in, Arthur's expression nothing short of agony.

"You okay?" John asked, Arthur panted and looked up to John.

"I will be once we get outta here..." He murmured but remembering that bastard putting his hands on John he bit his tongue. "Are you?" He questioned, John paused but nodded.

"Yeah, thanks to you." He replied, Arthur shook his head.

"If it weren't for me we woulda never ended up here..." He sighed before looking to the body of John's molester before that familiar rage began burning within him again.

Looking up to the sconce that held the torch, Arthur reached up and took it before tossing it onto the man without hesitation, the little clothing he had catching on fire quickly.

"W-What was that!?" John gasped as he saw the man's body light on fire.

"I'm makin' sure he never does this again." Arthur growled before he looked to John.

John wanted to argue but at the same time... He felt a sense of satisfaction at watching the unconscious man burn. Arthur's good hand rested on his ribs as he and John crept out of the cell. He didn't hear any other voices, Arthur couldn't imagine how many people they had done this too... It made him sick. Following torches for about fifteen minutes, they found the opening of the cage, looking at the position of the sun, it seemed as if it were evening.

"It's been quiet." Arthur wheezed softly.

"He was probably just guardin' us... Look I bet that's his horse." John pointed to the animal grazing quietly, there weren't other horses, both men felt a bit more at ease when it became obvious they were alone for now, John grabbed the silver mare's reins.

"I-I don't know if I can get up there." Arthur panted.

"I'll help you... I ain't leavin' you." John stated seriously and offered his hand.

Arthur's ego told him not to accept the help but when he stepped forward, his ribs sent a painful jolt through his body, he nearly fell into John's arms. John caught him, the rough handling making Arthur release a painful cry.

"I-I'm sorry!" John gasped.

"I-I'ts fine... Help me up." He coughed, John gulped as worry really started gathering in his stomach.

John boosted Arthur into the saddle and he hopped on the back. Arthur didn't care where they were they just had to get away from here. He kicked the horse's sides roughly and sent the horse into a gallop quickly. In less than ten minutes Arthur managed to find a path and before long they came upon a bridge, both Arthur and John recognized where they had been... They were so close to camp... Less than an hour away.

"Just stay awake Arthur." John begged, Arthur had been going way downhill in the last few minutes, he was having issues staying conscious, they were so close.

"I... I'm tryin'." He groaned, and upon seeing the glow from camp, John sighed in relief.

"Arthur we're here!" He said, but getting no response and seeing Arthur's form hunch his heart broke. "Shit! Shit! We need help!" He yelled frantically as they approached camp, reaching around Arthur and pulling back on the reins to stop the horse and watching their camp member spill out to see them.

"John! Arthur! What the hell happened!?" Dutch gasped.

"Oh my lord get him off the horse!" Susan shrieked and began running towards them as John quickly hopped off the horse just in time to catch Arthur as he fell off the horse.

To say there was commotion was an understatement, Susan was yelling at everyone, Annabelle was fretting over John, Dutch was trying to figure out what happened but the ladies refused to let him talk to the two before they were under control, and that meant John wasn't allowed to see Arthur either. He was worried, Arthur didn't look good when they escaped the cell and had been deteriorating since. Annabelle made the call that John's nose was also broken and cracked it back into place to John's dismay and helped him stop the bleeding as well as patching up all the cuts he had acquired since they had originally disappeared. Once Annabelle was done treating John, Dutch didn't take long to find him.

"What the hell happened to  _stay in camp,_  John!?" Dutch snapped.

"Hold on Dutch don't kill the boy yet." Hosea intervened as he saw the vein popping out of Dutch's head.

"It wasn't like that I promise!" John quickly defended.

"Then what was it like?" Dutch interrogated.

John didn't hesitate to tell Dutch and Hosea everything, John was a good liar and had lied to Dutch before but he spilled  _everything_. He told Dutch about the fistfight, their conversation by the fire and crossing the river. However, Dutch's expression twisted when John told him about the hillbillies in the woods. Dutch had always heard the stories of them in the bayou, but never in the mountains, all he knew right now was that he wanted to  _exterminate_ the rest of these sick men for doing what they had to his boys.

"For their sake, they better hope Arthur recovers." Dutch snarled softly as he finally left John be.

"We definitely have to do somethin' about this... With them bein' so close, they sound like Skinners." Hosea explained.

"What?" John asked.

"I'll tell you more in the morning, son, go relax." Hosea concluded swiftly and followed after Dutch abruptly.

John sighed in relief, so happy to be home... But a twinge of anxiety hit him when he remembered their rape cave was only about fifty minutes away from here. He shuddered quietly before looking to Arthur's tent where he could see Susan, Bessie and Reverend Swanson running in and out. He bit his lip, praying that Arthur was alive... He couldn't stand the thought of Arthur dying on that horse...

Seeing Reverend Swanson walk out for what seemed like the final time, John quickly got up and walked over to him. He had to find out and he was certain Susan would slaughter him if he went anywhere near the tent.

"Swanson, how's Arthur?" John asked.

"That's  _Reverend_ Swanson boy." Swanson scolded softly, which only pissed John off.

"I don't have time for this, how is Arthur!?" He barked.

"I think he's passed the worst of it." Bessie suddenly said as she walked out of the tent with Miss Grimshaw, both of their hands caked in blood as Susan wiped her off with a slightly bloodied cloth, John sighed in relief.

"C-Can I..?"

"Let him rest John." Susan denied, shaking her head. "He's exhausted and you should get somethin' to eat." She ordered and pointed away from the tent.

John huffed softly but obeyed her words, hesitating before walking away from Arthur's tent. Realizing how starving he was, he was pleasantly surprised that Pearson didn't berate him for eating as much as he had and felt so much better once he changed his clothes. It was dark and he was exhausted, he wanted nothing more than to pass out in his cot but he wanted to see Arthur... He desperately needed to see him. He knew Miss Grimshaw wouldn't lie and say he was fine when he wasn't but for some reason, John just had to see for himself.

So he stayed up, he knew he couldn't sleep anyway without seeing Arthur. He stared at the fire, his thoughts were filled with two things... Arthur and the smell of that man's sizzling flesh in his nose. He kept thinking about how tenderly Arthur held him in the river and how patient and soothing he was. However, he also kept thinking about that man... His hands were so rough and foreign, something he  _never_ wanted to experience again and yet...

When he thought of Arthur's hands on his sides as they were in the river, John's heart swelled so much so he thought that it would burst. He lit a cigarette to calm his nerves, his heart racing when he thought of his dream of Arthur whispering so many vulgar things in his ear... He was trying to understand why he was so okay with the thought of Arthur's hands on him when he was filled with so much fear of the other man.

John knew that was foolish, obviously, he hated the stranger because he was a rapist... The real question was why he was even okay with Arthur's hands on him at all. Exhaling smoke he looked into the woods, he was quickly filled with fear again... Scared that he would see men come from the trees... The subtle breeze making the bushes and trees sway slowly, teasingly... As if they were hiding something.

He jumped harshly when Susan placed a hand on his shoulder, causing her to jump as well, he sighed in relief.

"S-Sorry Miss Grimshaw." He apologized and she quickly shook her head.

"It's fine... I just wanted to tell ya that I'm glad you're home safe, I didn't get to see you much when you arrived." She mentioned, John was genuinely surprised, even more so when she kissed the top of his head. "Try not to scare us like that again, alright?" She asked with a small smile, a soft hand resting on his stubbled cheek, John quickly relaxed.

"I can't promise nothin', Miss Grimshaw but I can sure try." He replied, she chuckled softly before nodding.

"I suppose I can live with that... Goodnight, boy." She yawned softly before her hand slipped away from John's cheek.

He watched her form retreat as she disappeared into their tent, he was grateful to have her in his life. She was always so strong and independent, it was often hard to remember that she was indeed human. She and Bessie were the best mother figures in his life, he knew Annabelle would have been too but he was already fifteen when she joined the gang, but he loved her all the same.

When he was alone, he was brought back to the couple nights previous when Arthur had returned. He looked to Arthur's tent and swallowed harshly, John glanced to his own tent, there were no sounds except for soft snores... He slowly got up and walked by Dutch's tent, stealing a chair that was placed outside before he ducked into Arthur's tent, he couldn't see Arthur very well do to the very dull lighting but he could hear him breathing, which filled John with nothing but relief.

He put the chair directly at Arthur's side by his bedside table that contained pictures and a small oil lamp. John didn't want to wake up Arthur but he wanted to see him... Although he knew turning on the lamp might draw attention from Miss Grimshaw, he would just have to wait until tomorrow to truly see him. He reached forward, his hand carefully coming in contact with what felt like Arthur's stomach, John blushed but quickly drew his hand upwards, trying to avoid any tender spots before catching Arthur's hand. He wasn't sure which arm was broken so he didn't more Arthur's hand just to be safe, he just clutched it gently and leaning back in the chair, getting as comfortable as he could.

With Arthur's hand in John's, the anxious young man managed to fall asleep quicker than expected, he would be asleep for a while...

* * *

The next morning when Miss Grimshaw came to check Arthur's tent, she wasn't surprised to find John there. She would indeed scold him later but seeing his hand still latched to Arthur's in his sleep she exhaled and smiled softly and closing the tent, returning not long after and gently draping a blanket over John before exiting again. It was about noon when John finally opened his eyes, his back was still in knots from the uncomfortable chair but it was better than the wilderness. He was just glad that he could finally see Arthur.

It seemed that both Bessie and Miss Grimshaw had not only treated his wounds, they cleaned him up considerably and even changed his clothes for him, he was in a slightly looser fitting shirt that would be more comfortable on his midsection. Despite the bruising around his left eye, he looked so much better than expected, he even seemed to sleep peacefully. Arthur's expression was relaxed and his eyes were shut calmly, his hair was only slightly tousled... He looked so attractive even with a black eye. John envied that, but he felt much more optimistic.

Arthur's eyes fluttered as well, John gasped softly as he watched Arthur's utterly exhausted cobalt gaze open. John choked out a sigh of relief as he saw Arthur look at him.

"Hey, partner." John greeted, reaching up with his free hand to feel Arthur's head for fever, gripping his hand tightly.

"Hey..." Arthur rasped quietly, his voice hoarse.

"How you feelin'?" John asked, taking his hand away when he was satisfied with the temperature.

"Like I got ran over by a damn horse 'n carriage." He groaned softly, John chuckled a bit.

"Just be happy you're alive... I-I thought... On the horse..." He stammered, having difficulty with the thought of Arthur being dead.

"... I did too." He replied honestly.

There was a moment a silence in the tent... Both seemed scared but relieved at once, John couldn't help but blush when he felt Arthur gently grip his hand as well. He cleared his throat and looked at their joined hands.

"I-I was worried." He defended as subtly as he could, worried that Arthur would be disturbed by John having taken his hand.

"Such a sweetheart you are, John Marston." Arthur teased gently, John huffed quietly but when he felt Arthur's fingers conjoin with his own his heart fluttered in his chest, however remembering Arthur's broken limb he looked over to it, he was glad that the hand he grabbed wasn't Arthur's broken arm but he could see it was wrapped and had a splint to keep his forearm straight to set it.

"How's your arm?" He asked.

"Hurts but it'll heal... Thank god it's my right hand." Arthur sighed in relief, John furrowed his brows when he realized that Arthur was left handed... He never noticed in all these years until now.

"I keep finding new stuff about you." He mused softly with a small smirk, now it was Arthur's turn to be a bit flustered, but he kept his blush discreet.

"Yeah, yeah..." He grumbled, making John laugh softly.

"Arthur, you awake in there?" Dutch asked as he heard John's laughing.

Quickly, the two men released their hands and pulled them back.

"I suppose." His voice was strained, he winced at exerting his diaphragm.

"Want some water?" John offered, Arthur nodded silently.

Just as Dutch walked in, John slipped out, seeing Arthur he too seemed relieved. He stole John's chair and rested his palm on Arthur's exposed bicep as a form of consolation.

"How're you feelin' son?" He asked.

"A bit better... Sorry for stormin' off when I did." Arthur sighed, he hadn't seen Dutch since the robbery.

"Don't be... I know that you suffer when you think we don't know." He muttered, Arthur averted his gaze, this wasn't what Dutch wanted to talk about anyway. "... Was what John said true? The men in the woods... The attack?" Dutch wanted to believe John but the tale was still hard to believe even though Dutch felt that John wouldn't lie about that.

"It's true." Arthur confirmed, a glint of anger in his eyes. "They're savages." He growled.

"That's all I needed to know... They're gonna regret layin' a finger on either of you." Dutch replied seriously, Arthur tilted his head.

"I thought revenge was a fool's errand." He commented.

"When some hillbilly trash nearly cripples one of my sons and tries to rape the other, I can't let that one go Arthur." Dutch asserted, obviously not changing his mind.

"Fair enough... I wish I could come... Suppose Miss Grimshaw is gonna bind me to this bed for a while... Won't be able to run and gun until this is healed either." Arthur muttered with a hint of worry as he looked at his broken arm, Dutch shook his head.

"The only thing you need to stress over is gettin' better... You don't have to worry about anythin' else." Dutch promised.

While Arthur was glad that Dutch understood his situation he hated the thought of being useless while he was healing. He didn't like not earning his keep, he was Dutch's right hand, his enforcer. Now he was weak and frail, he hated feeling this way. Dutch pulled out his own pocket watch and looked at the time, he still had to investigate leads about this train, especially now that he was short his most trusted partner.

"I'm going to let you rest for now, son... I have some business to attend to, you want anythin' from town?" He asked, willing to get whatever Arthur wanted.

"Whiskey, a lot of it." Arthur replied, causing a laugh to come from Dutch.

"You got it... I'll be back later." He concluded before he walked out of Arthur's tent just as John had arrived back who seemed surprised as he left.

"He wasn't here long." John commented, a metal mug full of water.

"You know Dutch, can't sit still longer than a minute." Arthur mused, John nodded in agreement before he waved John closer. "Help me up so I can drink that." He grunted.

"Absolutely not." Miss Grimshaw's voice snapped as she threw open Arthur's tent, scaring both men as they stared dumbfounded at her.

"... But I'm thirsty." Arthur argued rather pathetically, Susan rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"That's fine but you're not to sit up from this bed for one  _week,_ Mister Morgan, do you understand me?" She asked, but it was more like a command, Arthur gulped and nodded before she sighed and took the cup from John. "I'll be right back... If I catch you sittin' up Arthur I'll skin you myself." She threatened and retreated form the tent.

Both Arthur and John looked to one another, their shocked expressions amusing each other, both chuckling as John sat back down by Arthur.

"Ain't she holdin' me hostage?" Arthur complained.

"Nope... I'm not gettin' my hide ripped off me." John chuckled and shook his head.

Susan returned shortly with a bucket of water, a ladle resting inside it, making it much easier for Arthur to eat and drink without straining his midsection. Despite Arthur being embarrassed due to being literally hand fed, John had no issues doing it. Arthur refused to allow John to feed him but managed to bare John giving him water. It was going to be a slow recovery process... But Arthur was alive, John was just thankful for that.

> And now I know the only compass that I need is the one that leads back to you.  
> And I know the only compass that I need, oh is the one that leads back to you.  
>   
> And the burning blisters on my feet will calm,  
> So hold me as I'm close to flaw.  
> Away from the warmth of your arms I stay,  
> off the radar and into harms way.  
>   
> Now I know the only compass that I need, oh is the one that leads back to you.
> 
> source: Compass by Jaime Lidell


	8. Chapter 8

The week was a long and hard one, by about day five, the pain in Arthur's ribs had greatly decreased, he wanted to stretch and move around but Susan was adamant that he was grounded to his bed despite Arthur being a fast healer. John made it bearable though... He spent most of his time with Arthur, leaving him alone to sleep and eat. Arthur was growing to love the boy again... Just a year ago the two were nearly inseparable, it was mostly John following him around but Arthur didn't mind. Dutch accused Arthur of encouraging him on multiple occasions which he always vehemently denied.

However, today Arthur was getting up. He had never been so excited to sit up before, Susan and John were with him.

"Be slow, Arthur, John help him." She ordered, John jumped into action and went to Arthur's side.

"A-Are you sure all this fuss is necessary?" Arthur muttered, a slight hue of pink rising to his cheeks.

"Don't start Arthur." Susan scoffed.

Arthur huffed as John leaned down, their faces nearly grazing each other as John's hands gently wrapped around him. As he rose and gently helped Arthur up, Arthur winced slightly, his ribs were still extremely sore and knew they would be for a while. He swung his legs carefully over the cot, Susan quickly approached him with a makeshift sling she had made for Arthur while he was bedridden. Once she had helped him slip into it he nodded his thanks to her.

"Alright, Mister Morgan I suppose I can stop pestering you for now... Just take it easy and make sure John helps you sit up and lay down." She instructed, while Arthur wasn't fond of the idea, he had to admit that his ribs  _hurt_ when he sat up even with the little effort he put into it.

"Fine, fine." He scoffed and waved her off as she slipped out of the tent.

Arthur sighed, taking a slow deep breath to test the capacity his ribs would allow, they were getting better and he could feel it. He remembered when he was falling unconscious on the horse... He was scared.

"You okay?" John asked, Arthur blinked and looked over to him.

"Hm? Yeah, just trying to get my bearings." He replied evenly and went to stand, John quickly went to Arthur's side who was quick to swat him away. "I ain't an invalid John." he grumbled.

"Yeah I know." John mumbled. "Just wanting to help." He mentioned.

Arthur glanced over to John, there was worry still laced in his hickory colored hues. He sighed and nodded, he knew that John really was just making sure he was as comfortable as he could get. Remembering where being an asshole got him last time and he sucked down some of his pride and looked to John.

"If you wanna help... Go into that chest and grab me somethin' to wear, I can't bend that far down yet." He mused, slowly and carefully beginning to slip the shirt over his splinted broken arm.

John raised his brows, pleased that Arthur actually asked for his help, and while he was tempted to help Arthur take his shirt off, he knew that Arthur wouldn't allow that, and he didn't think his shaft would either. He was still battling over his borderline obsession with Arthur and his impure thoughts that often preyed on him in his sleep. He quickly turned and walked to the chest that Arthur had motioned to, he was surprised to see that Arthur was actually a pretty neat person. His outfits were stacked and organized in the storage unit, he was glad he didn't have to rifle Arthur's belongings.

Reaching forward and grabbing a bright cobalt colored shirt as well as dark pants and belt. Standing he turned around and caught himself gawking since Arthur had taken his shirt completely off. He averted his gaze quickly, trying to be respectful, but his eyes were soon drawn to the deep black and purple bruises on Arthur's ribs. He couldn't help but stare. As Arthur grabbed the shirt he looked up and followed John's gaze to the bruising.

"Looks like shit." He chuckled softly, John was just in awe.

"... You took all that for me?" He suddenly asked, he felt so fucking guilty for allowing this to happen to Arthur while he just got away with a nearly healed broken nose and a few bruises, Arthur paused his movements and shrugged, looking away as he slowly slipped the shirt on.

"... I said I wouldn't let anythin' happen to you, John... I meant that." He stated too casually for John's liking, feeling a sudden stinging behind his eyes and a burning ball in his throat at the sudden realization of what a fucking coward he had been during the whole ordeal, John turned away.

John was good at keeping most of his emotions at bay, but the shame was nearly too much to handle. Without saying another word to Arthur he quickly placed the rest of Arthur's outfit on the cot and suddenly ducked out of the tent, shocking Arthur.

"John? Wait, where are you..." He called but John had disappeared.

Thinking about their conversation, he was so confused. Had he offended John somehow? He didn't seem angry, Arthur sighed, he wasn't fast enough yet to catch up with him and he still had to put on his pants... To be honest he was a little grateful that John couldn't see this process of Arthur pathetically slipping on his pants while doing his best not to bend down... It was a long process.

After about fifteen minutes, Arthur finally emerged from his tent and John was nowhere to be found. He wasn't able to look for long without anyone stopping him and speaking with him on behalf of his near-death experience, and while he appreciated everyone's kind words he just wanted to find John. Seeing Hosea and Dutch near the main hub of the camp which non-coincidentally was Dutch's tent, they seemed to be scheming, but perhaps they had seen John?

Walking towards them, the two looked over, their expressions lighting up and they both smiled, Dutch stood and opened his arms, hugging Arthur gently, barely embracing him at all, and while Arthur was glad that Dutch and Hosea seemed to be happy he was up and moving again he was still looking around for his boy. His face had healed almost completely, there was only a few discolored marks on his face near his eye from the ordeal.

"My son you're walkin' again!" Dutch cheered.

"I am... You should know it's not that easy to be rid of me." Arthur joked, Hosea chuckled and gently patted Arthur's good shoulder.

"We're grateful you're safe... We were just discussin' how to take care of those parasites that did this to you." Hosea remarked with a small grin that Arthur found unsettling.

"Speakin' of parasites, where is John?" He inquired curiously.

"Oh, Arthur you know he was just worried." Annabelle suddenly scolded from behind as she walked towards them, a cup of tea in one hand and handing the other cup, which contained coffee, to Dutch, Arthur chuckled softly but nodded.

"Yeah I know, have you seen him? He disappeared earlier..." Arthur explained, Annabelle frowned slightly.

"I saw him headin' towards the river, he seemed upset, you didn't have another fight right?" She asked.

"No, at least I don't think so... It was weird though." he commented, then looking to Dutch and Hosea. "I'm gonna go look for him, you too keep connivin', be sure to tell me bout this later." He stated, nodding.

"Hey, Arthur, when you find John let him know we need to talk more about that train!" Hosea called after him as Arthur walked away.

Arthur sighed knowing that he wouldn't be able to rob the train with Dutch and John... But he was worried, how the hell were they supposed to rob a whole train with two men? He figured if they were desperate they could probably requisition Karen, Tilly, and Mary-Beth, but Dutch was keen on keeping women out of their affairs if he could help it. Perhaps they could go recruiting, but that only made Arthur nervous too at the thought of the O'Driscolls.

Pushing the stressful thoughts out of his head, Arthur sauntered towards the river. He felt a small ball of anxiety swelling in his stomach when he didn't see John right away, but upon further inspection, he could see John standing, leaning against a tree by the side of the river. Annabelle was correct to say he looked upset, Arthur actually felt nervous, worrying that he had made John angry somehow. He took a breath and walked forward, and when John noticed him he quickly averted his gaze which only concluded Arthur's thoughts.

"I uh... Dunno what I said to upset ya." He admitted, John glanced over and sighed, shaking his head.

"Nah it wasn't you." He muttered, Arthur furrowed his brows in pure confusion despite the slight relief knowing he didn't piss John off.

"Then what happened? Why'd ya suddenly run off?" Arthur inquired curiously as he approached John, facing him and stopping just a few feet away, John had a hard time speaking at first.

"... It shoulda been me." John mumbled, Arthur still wasn't following. "You almost got killed protecting me... Because I was a fucking coward."

It finally made sense, Arthur sighed and shook his head, turning his body out to face the river as John had.

"It wasn't like that John, you know that." He scolded gently.

"Then what was it like? You basically had to be my guard dog while I was shaking in my boots..." John sneered softly. "Maybe, in the end, we both woulda been hurt anyway, but I barely had a scratch and you... You nearly died. What does that say about me? I know everyone thinks it to they just don't say it." He scoffed, Arthur rolled his eyes at the drama.

"John no one thinks that." he argued. "They're just happy we're alive... But ya know I'd rather me get seriously hurt rather than you being as hurt as I was." He articulated, hoping his words made sense, he didn't talk well.

"Arthur I thought I watched you die!" John snapped, turning to him, actually startling Arthur slightly at the sudden volume shift.

Arthur turned back to face John again now that the other was finally turned towards him... And while he wanted to call John an idiot and tousle his hair, he could see that behind his brunette hues that he was ashamed and hurting. Arthur just wasn't sure how to fix it, but he blinked and turned his gaze down to John's hand and back up to his eyes.

"... I was fine with it." Arthur suddenly said, John seemed taken aback by the unexpected words. "Don't misunderstand, I don't wanna die... But I saw the campfire in the distance... And I could hear you speakin' to me... And I knew you were gonna be alright, John." He explained softly. "... If my last act in this world was making sure you lived to see the rest of your life... I was fine with that." He stated seriously.

"I  _wasn't_ fine with it." John shuddered. "W-When I saw you slump over on the horse, I-" His voice cut out and he turned his body away as he felt that familiar stinging behind his eyes and this time he wasn't sure if he could keep his tears back, he refused to allow Arthur to see him cry, he was  _not_ fucking weak. "... I thought that the most important person in my life was gone... Just like that. All them years and all those memories... Gone. I thought you were  _gone,_ Arthur." He choked out, reaching up and covering his eyes, his other hand stiff in a fist, it trembled. "And it was my fault."

Arthur was shocked, he couldn't believe that he was seeing John break down over the thought of him dying. Arthur had been close to death before but he knew for John that this time was different because he had been there... He saw the decline and he saw Arthur go down, but hearing the wavering in John's voice, Arthur quickly slipped the sling off and tossed it aside before he abruptly gripped John's collar with his good hand and yanked him towards his body. Without warning, Arthur embraced John tightly despite the painful hit to his chest, his bad arm resting against John's back while his good hand gently cradled the back of John's head, his fingers gently dove into the soft ebony locks. In that moment he was thankful that John rarely cut his hair.

"... Shut up." He finally said, John stood there rigid for a moment, surprised by the hug but soon melted into it, wrapping his arms around Arthur's larger form and breathing in his scent, Arthur always smelled so good. "It was  _their_  fault." Arthur snarled softly, the power and authority in Arthur's words almost making John's knees weak as he felt the anger reverberate in Arthur's voice.

John didn't know what had happened in that small exchange of words that made this embrace go from comfort to intimate, but he felt his face flush despite the few tears that still stained his face. He felt Arthur's broken arm resting on his lower back, and while he knew Arthur couldn't help where his hand was positioned but he felt his palm resting on the small of his back, feeling his fingers on his other hand surf through his hair, he had to focus on not getting an erection.

Arthur eventually pulled back some, their faces were only about a foot apart, seeing John's tear-stained face, he reached with his good hand to gently wipe his tears away. Seeing John actually crying over him stirred something inside Arthur that made him uncomfortable, after wiping John's tears away, he carefully pushed John's hair out of his face. Neither knew what to say right away.

"... I wasn't gonna let anything happen to you, John... If they had-" All of a sudden Arthur's voice clenched for a moment at the thought of those savages in the woods. "... I don't think I could bounce back from that." He admitted, and while Arthur had better control over his emotions, John could tell Arthur was straining slightly and he looked away. "I couldn't let them hurt you."

John felt butterflies all over his body, for the first time, John was wondering if Arthur felt what he had felt but he was unsure of what to do about it. Certainly, Arthur didn't want to sleep with him, not that John wanted it anyway... He knew the obsession would eventually fade... At least he hoped.

The only thing John was certain of now was that he would  _never_ put Arthur's life on the line like that again. He turned his eyes back up to Arthur's, they were so beautiful and wise, he couldn't imagine all the things that they had seen. There was a comfortable silence in the air, the two just existing for each other at that moment, John wanted nothing more than to feel Arthur's hands on his body again.

"Arthur! John!" Dutch called, quickly pulling both men out of their amorous trance.

Arthur instantly realized how close he was to John and swiftly took a step back as he tried to control the beating of his heart. He cleared his throat and reached up, running a hand over his head and slicking his hair back as he tried not to make this moment seem more awkward than it was. John swallowed harshly worried that they had fucked up and got too close too quick, but quickly feeling Arthur's arm wrap around his shoulders once more, he felt safe and home... Looking over to Arthur in slight surprise as Arthur looked down to him, his calm gaze seeming to have that effect as John breathed a small sigh of relief.

"C'mon cowboy." Arthur mused with a small smile and John smiled as well before he and Arthur walked back to camp casually after retrieving his sling.

When the two arrived back, Dutch looked over, pleased to see that the two were obviously on good terms.

"Was wonderin' where you two had run off too." He chortled.

"You know John can't be mad me forever." Arthur teased gently as his arm slithered off of John's body.

"I'm glad there were no fists thrown." Hosea commented.

"That's how us folk conversate don't you know anything?" John joked slightly and the four had a good laugh, they needed it for sure.

"So what's the plan about the train? Arthur surely can't go are you sure it's worth the risk Dutch?" Hosea asked, obviously they had been arguing about it for a while because Dutch groaned softly in exasperation.

"Trust me, my friend!" He bellowed dramatically before looking to John. "Do you trust me?" He asked.

"Well... Of course Dutch but-"

"But nothin'... Trelawny has some contacts in Shallow Trails about the route, he'll know when the best time to strike is. It comes through in one week gentlemen we need to prepare. Hosea is taggin' along are you two gonna come into town with us?" He inquired, nodding to the wagon, and while Arthur knew that he was sore, he desperately needed to get out of camp for a bit.

"I'll come if John does." He mentioned, glancing to John, knowing that John would pretty much have to be his aide no matter how much he cringed about it.

"Oh, sure yeah I'll come." John mused.

"Excellent, come along fellas." Dutch crooned.

Arthur and John glanced to one another, their eyes catching each other and for a moment they were entranced again. Thankfully Arthur averted his gaze and motioned to the wagon, John blinked and came back to reality, nodding and walking with Arthur to the wagon. When they approached the wagon, John gently pulled Arthur up, he grimaced but once he was up he sighed in relief.

"Here John help me sit." He instructed.

John sat down with Arthur, supporting some of Arthur's weight by holding onto his arm. When Arthur felt his rear his the wood he sighed in relief and carefully leaned back against the wood, John then sat beside Arthur as the ride began. During the ride, Arthur slipped his sling back on and leaned his head back. He could feel John's arm lightly brushing against his own and he enjoyed it.

He couldn't help but think of what happened back at the river... Why did they freeze up the way they did and why did he feel a primal urge beginning to swell within him? He wasn't jealous of John nor was he threatened by him he didn't understand where the territorial feelings were coming from... But seeing the way John looked at him... Something else started to swell.

Opening his eyes Arthur felt a slightly cold shudder running down his spine, he did  _not_ just think about fucking John. He couldn't believe himself... He needed to get laid if he was seriously thinking of John as a partner in any other form besides friends. Arthur felt a bit better thinking that perhaps it was just the fact that he hadn't had sex in a while... Maybe it was just his body's way of telling him to fuck someone.

Arthur wasn't past using a working girl but he preferred not to if he could help it. He had nothing against them or people who used them, but he personally didn't like fucking someone knowing many other people had fucked them too... He knew John hadn't been fucked, the thought made his gut clench with a territorial urge that Arthur shoved down without a second thought.

Huffing softly he reached into his satchel and pulled out his journal to distract him, it had been a while since he had drawn anything, he wasn't sure how good it would be due to one of his hands being incapacitated. Then there was the next issue of figuring out what to draw... Perhaps he should draw the person that wouldn't leave his damn mind.

Looking over, John was watching the sky and Arthur felt a flush go to his cheeks seeing how innocent he looked. It had been many years since Arthur had called John innocent but now, seeing his deep dark eyes watching the clouds above them he quickly broke the stare and began scribbling... For once not caring if John saw.

And John saw.

He had never seen the products of Arthur's skilled hand and when he saw Arthur suddenly beginning to move his pencil he couldn't help but subtly peer over. John could see the gist of what Arthur was drawing, it was a person given the outline but he couldn't tell who. He had to look away occasionally, worried that Arthur would see him staring and close the book, the curiosity was killing him... But Arthur knew he was watching.

It was almost as if this was the most appropriate way Arthur could tease John, making him want to beg for more. He knew that John was always curious about his journal and somehow, knowing that John was watching and he wanted to see more, it gave Arthur a small sense of fulfillment, he smirked lightly as he continued drawing. This was beginning to feel perverted in the best kind of way.

He began drawing John's hairline and outlining the newest scar, Arthur would never admit it but John was often his muse for drawing, he often drew both him and Dutch. Both of them had such strong characteristics that Arthur just couldn't help but draw... But he knew he drew John more. He was sure that if John knew how often he actually drew him that John would probably be uncomfortable... The thought made him want to snap the journal shut but he persevered, maybe if John actually had a problem with it he'd say something?

Arthur calmed down a bit at that thought, it made sense... So he continued, beginning to work on John's intense eyes. John often reminded Arthur of a wild animal the way his gaze settled on something, especially when he was pissed off... Occasionally in secret, they would take Arthur's breath away... He'd never seen such eyes.

John continued watching as discreet as he could, they could hear Hosea and Dutch babbling upfront about the plan... He bit his tongue as Arthur sculpted the eyes and making sure that he wasn't being too obvious, he didn't inherently want Arthur to know he was watching. However, when he started connecting the dots, John's heart sped up... There was no way...

After about an hour of atmospheric foreplay from the two men in the back of the wagon, Arthur was nearly finished, he drew John looking up at the sky, his eyes were so expressive he hoped he capture the image as best he could on paper... And to be fair he was impressed with John keeping his cool. He knew he couldn't just put it away with what a good boy that John had been... After a few moments of contemplation, he leaned over, his hand reaching over almost into John's lap to show him the portrait.

"What'chu think?" He asked curiously.

When John was  _finally_ given permission to look, he looked on, greedily drinking in the picture... He could feel blood rushing to his cheeks. Arthur had done such a good job and he almost felt unworthy. He reached forward and gently ran his fingers over the picture and chuckled softly.

"... I think you made me look better than I actually am." He snorted softly, Arthur chortled in reply.

"Maybe." He confirmed, sending a playful wink at John which only made him blush deeper.

"But why'd you draw me?" John asked curiously.

"It's not the first time." Arthur replied, taking the journal back, which only made John more curious.

"What? Really?" John asked with excitment. "Can I see?"

Arthur's first instinct was no, but looking over and seeing the excited puppy look on John he sighed softly. Besides, his other pictures of John were better due to using both his hands.

"I'll show you  _one._ " He caved.

"There's more than one!?" John asked.

Arthur quickly blushed, John couldn't believe his eyes but he saw the color appear on Arthur's cheeks quickly. He cleared his throat awkwardly and shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe." He admitted as he began flipping through the pages.

John could see writing and could have sworn that he saw his name written but Arthur was surfing through the pages too quickly until stopping on the drawing of John on his horse. Arthur handed him the journal to allow John to really look at it, he was so flattered and was so baffled at how Arthur made him look so good.

"H-How do you make me look like this?" John asked, Arthur arched a brow.

"Like what?" He questioned.

"Like... A person." John explained, and for some reason, Arthur felt a pang hit his chest at the thought oh John not even thinking of himself as a person, and at that moment Arthur regretted every jab that he made about John's appearance despite all being said in innocent fun.

"What makes you think you're not a person?" Arthur mused, John hesitantly looked over, glad that Hosea and Dutch weren't listening to their quiet conversation.

"I-I mean I know I'm a person but... I dunno." John stumbled, not knowing how to explain his insecurities without a sense of shame that kept him from talking about them in the first place.

"... John, I just draw what I see." Arthur stated, there was a sort of sultry drawl in his words that truly caught John off guard but he was sure that he misconstrued Arthur's intention, but looking up to meet his gaze... There was something there that wasn't before.

Arthur could see John staring through him and to be honest, it frightened him. He was worried that he was too straightforward with the lust in his tone, and it scared him that the lust was there to begin with. However, seeing John blush yet again from his words, a new fear encompassed him, and while Arthur knew that it was unrealistic to think of, for a moment he was worried that John felt the way he had in that moment... Because for the two of them, there was sexual tension in the air that they had never experienced before... And it scared the shit out of both of them.

Arthur was going to town on a new mission... To get laid.

> That Arizona sky burning in your eyes  
> You look at me and, babe, I wanna catch on fire  
> It's buried in my soul like California gold  
> You found the light in me that I couldn't find
> 
>  
> 
> So when I'm all choked up  
> But I can't find the words  
> Every time we say goodbye  
> Baby, it hurts  
> When the sun goes down  
> And the band won't play  
> I'll always remember us this way
> 
>  
> 
> Lovers in the night  
> Poets trying to write  
> We don't know how to rhyme  
> But, damn, we try  
> But all I really know  
> You're where I wanna go  
> The part of me that's you will never die
> 
>  
> 
> So when I'm all choked up  
> But I can't find the words  
> Every time we say goodbye  
> Baby, it hurts  
> When the sun goes down  
> And the band won't play  
> I'll always remember us this way
> 
>  
> 
> source: Always Remember Us This Way by Lady Gaga

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg guys thank you so much for the support of this story! I always appreciate hearing from you in the comments, tell me what you think! Thank you so much for reading and keeping this story going!  
> -Eros


	9. Chapter 9

When the group arrived to Shallow Trails, John and Arthur were quick to get off the wagon... Well, John was quick, but he still helped Arthur off the wagon when he approached the edge. Arthur groaned and rested a hand on his lower ribcage, he figured their attackers broke his lower ribs since the top didn't hurt as much.

"Alright, you two." Dutch mused as he and Hosea walked around the side. "I want you two to have some fun today, if you find out any information stow it away but Arthur, go have a drink you deserve it." He ordered.

Arthur wasn't about to argue with that, and since he came here to look for someone to have sex with he was glad he wasn't given a mission by Dutch. He nodded and John nodded as well.

"We'll meet here by five, don't be late." Dutch ordered before he and Hosea walked off in the opposite direction of John and Arthur, leaving them alone.

There was an awkward silence once John and Arthur looked to one another. Neither of them knew how to approach what happened on the wagon... So they didn't. Arthur shrugged and looked towards the saloon, he only had slight reservations about going towards it only because he knew that was a common O'Driscoll hangout...

"We probably should avoid those O'Driscoll boys we met in the saloon." Arthur mentioned.

"I don't see their horses." John commented.

The two glanced to one another before nodding and walking towards the building, Arthur didn't have alcohol for almost a week, John tried to sneak him some once but when Miss Grimshaw found out, all hell broke loose... They didn't try it again, plus Arthur knew that if they went to the bar there was likely gonna be a woman there with questionable morals that wouldn't mind sleeping with him. Walking into the bar, Arthur's censors immediately went off, there were already women in the joint and now it was just a matter of who.

Arthur and John got a table as opposed to the bar, and as Arthur surveyed the area, he didn't quite see anyone he was more than willing to have sex with until a waitress walked up to their table. She had long ginger hair, tied up in a bun, her freckles covering her nose like a million stars in the sky... She looked like a classic Irish woman, she was gorgeous.

"Afternoon boys what can I get ya?" She inquired, no traces of an Irish accent to Arthur's surprise.

"Two beers, miss." Arthur replied, briefly looking her up and down as she walked behind the bar to grab some, when she arrived back she opened their beers for them and placed them on the table.

"Is there anything else I can get for you?" She inquired, looking to Arthur, their eyes met and he could see something in her eyes, perhaps he could really do this after all.

"I think we're all set darlin', if you wasn't so busy I'd invite you to join my brother and I." Arthur mused a little too smoothly for John's taste.

He could see Arthur's eyes, it was obvious what he was after. He grabbed his beer and took a drink quickly, he was foolish to get used to taking up all of Arthur's time, he should have seen this coming... But it didn't hurt any less to see Arthur making eyes at this woman... Only for her to make eyes at him back.

"Well, if you're still around in a while... Perhaps I'll do that mister..?"

"Callahan... Arthur Callahan, this is my brother, John." Arthur introduced, motioning to John briefly, who barely held up his beer in greeting.

Brothers... Right. That's all they were and that's all they would ever be. He frowned and looked down to his drink, suddenly not feeling very thirsty as Arthur and this woman continued to exchange pleasantries.

"Well, it's nice to meet you two... I should get back to work." She chuckled, but Arthur caught her arm gently as she went to walk away, even seeing Arthur  _touch_ her sent a painful pang up John's spine.

"You can't walk away like that without givin' me your name." He swooned, once John saw the woman blush, he knew it was over.

"... My name is Alice." She replied, sending a sweet smile to Arthur.

"... Will I see you later?" He asked curiously to her, winking discreetly, she blushed again and giggled.

"Perhaps, Mister Callahan... Perhaps." She flirted, her tone signaling that Arthur won.

"Proud of yourself?" John asked a more hostile than he meant to come off.

"I am, you jealous?" Arthur asked with a small smirk, John rolled his eyes before taking another drink.

Arthur and John spent most of their free time drinking... Probably more than they should, John definitely did. He kept thinking about the way Arthur looked at that woman... And the way she smiled at him when he seduced her. It was killing him... It felt as if his heart was being ripped out and he didn't understand why!

So he drank, hoping that if he drank more the pain would stop... It didn't.

After a few hours of constant drinking, John was pretty trashed, and despite the gnawing feeling of heartbreak clawing at him, he was able to ignore it for a while and laugh with Arthur who was also pretty drunk but he was still cognitive, he had to be for when Alice wanted to see him after all. Feeling a sudden hand on his shoulder blade, he glanced over and there she was, John looked up and his heart plummetted.

"Hello there." Arthur mused, hoping she still wanted him... Because he still wanted her.

"Hello, Arthur, right?" She asked, Arthur nodded as he stood up.

"That's right... Can we maybe go somewhere quieter?" He inquired as casually as he could.

"Well I rent a room upstairs, maybe we can go there." She replied, batting her eyelashes at him.

"After you." Arthur mused and was quick to follow her.

Arthur hoped he was reading things right with this woman, he was a bit drunk so he was hoping she was still interested, he also hoped he didn't reek of the stuff since he had been marinating in it all day, but she never seemed to be put off by him at all which was a plus. When she led him up the stairs and went down the hall the noise was drastically reduced, she unlocked her room and opened the door. She glanced to Arthur for a moment before she opened it and walked in, allowing Arthur entry.

"What happened to your arm?" She asked curiously as he walked through the door, she shut it behind them.

"Horse threw me." He lied, looking over to her. "It's not so bad, my brother insisted I sling it." He mused as he gently slipped the sling over his shoulder and placed it on a small end table by the bed.

When he got a chance to look over the room it was pretty plain but he could see a few pictures aligning the walls of what he assumed to be her family. When she moved over to him, he could see her brows were furrowed with slight worry as she reached in and gently took his arm in her soft hands.

"D-Does it hurt?" She asked, Arthur shook his head.

"Nah... I just have to adjust the way I normally do things." He mused, winking at her, he could see a blush rising to her cheeks.

"Oh..? Well is there any way I can help you... Normally do things?" She asked, stepping closure to him.

Arthur missed this, the chemistry, the flirting... He missed a lot of this. As he leaned down, she leaned in, their lips meeting and Arthur knew this was a done deal. They went from standing to sitting rather quick, Arthur led the way since he had the injury, he knew the best and easiest way possible was for her to ride him and he didn't mind that one bit. He led her into his lap and she responded beautifully, climbing onto him and resting her hands on his cheeks, they slid down to his shoulders as his hands traveled from her hips to her ass, he made sure to give it a nice squeeze. She gasped softly and pulled back, a playful glint in her eyes.

"Such a gentleman you are." She commented.

"I know, it's one of my specialties." He replied, grinning as she pushed him onto his back.

He got to watch as she reached up and began to unbutton her shirt, exposing her brassier to him which only made blood rush to his member. It had been so long... Probably at least a few months and for him, that was a lifetime. While Arthur strayed from relationships he didn't starve himself of God's most cherished activity. He generally slept with at least two women within every settlement they traveled to... He always wrote their names in his journal ever since Eliza, there were no explanations, no feelings, just their names, and the date just in case.

Within about two minutes, clothes had been shed and Arthur was on his back, his head resting against a comfortable pillow as Alice straddled his waist, she was surprised by his bruising on his ribs and he was thankful she didn't refuse him. She positioned his erection at her entrance, both contorted by lust. As he felt his cock slide within her, all thoughts were out the window, a small guttural groan escaping his lips, a gasp and a sigh slipping from hers. Arthur's hands came up to rest on her hips, his good hand coming up to caress her breasts, his thumb running over her nipple. She flinched slightly, the pleasure overwhelming her as she lowered herself.

Arthur knew he was a bit more lucky with his size, he wasn't giant by any means but he was above average when her hips rested against his a small rush went through Arthur's blood. There was nothing beyond this room... And if he were honest he wasn't even thinking of Alice anymore, all feelings went out the window as soon as he entered her. He was focused on the feeling and not thinking about the outside world. He knew it was selfish despite being a generous lover, he always made sure his partners were satisfied.

When she began a pace, rising and falling on his shaft, sweat began forming at Arthur's brow. He wanted to just sit up and bury his face in her tits but he knew his ribs wouldn't allow that. She moaned in time with coming down on him, and he began huffing, Arthur wasn't the most vocal because he preferred noisy partners, he liked feedback and he liked hearing the most primal form of pleasure. He wanted to hear more... His hand moved from her breast down, tracing her curves as he did so, but he quickly moved to her bud. He gently toyed with her clit, wanting to provide more for Alice, she gasped softly and released a high pitched moan, Arthur smirked.

Her pace got faster as the minutes ticked by, she was soon bouncing on him, sweat forming on Arthur's chest as he felt an oncoming orgasm, but the closer he got he was sucked away further... Every time he felt he was close to orgasming he would lose it and have to work for it again. He never had this issue before, he didn't understand why... His mind began wandering, trying to find something to focus on that was enough for him to cum, no matter who he thought of he couldn't get off.

He thought of Mary, he thought of other women and nothing... Until his mind wandered too far...

Arthur thought of John.

He thought of John on his back, that hillbilly on on top of him and how angry he felt. Arthur remembered being angry because he wanted that...  _He_  wanted to be on top of John. He wanted to  _fuck_ John. Thinking of John by the river, he had to hold himself back from shoving him against a tree and fucking him until he couldn't  _walk_. He wanted to fuck John into his place.

"Fuck I'm gonna cum." He warned, in case she wanted him to pull out and for once, he was thankful she didn't seem to mind.

The shame of thinking about John wasn't enough to stop him, he felt his orgasm coming, thinking of John beneath him moaning Arthur's name into the summer air was the final straw. His orgasm hit him, and it hit him  _hard,_ Arthur released a slightly strangled groan as he came. She was still riding, crying out loudly as she came on top of him, Arthur allowed her to ride out her orgasm but when she seemed to be done he quickly made sure she got off of him, he did what he could to prevent another tragedy, he had been lucky so far.

She nearly collapsed next to him on the bed, both of them panting harshly as they came down from their high. Arthur had to take deep breaths since he gave his lungs a workout during their fun. He still couldn't take large breaths due to his broken ribs so he made sure to get as much oxygen as he could into his body.

"That was amazing." She giggled softly in her afterglow. "We'll have to do it again sometime."

"Maybe." Arthur lied, he was a one and done kind of person, he never slept with the same person twice and he knew he would sneak out soon.

* * *

"Well I rent a room upstairs, maybe we can go there."

"After you."

John watched the scene unfold as he tried hard to ignore it, but he was too drunk to do so. He finished his beer as Arthur swooned the waitress from before, and just like that he was alone... He watched Arthur walk away with what he knew was a pitiful expression plastered on his face. Arthur didn't even spare him a fucking  _glance_... He just left, no goodbye or anything.

John was actually surprised at how betrayed he felt... He felt fucking heartbroken. He looked to his multiple bottles and then to Arthur's remaining bottles...

"And that bastard left me the bill." He growled softly before he shook his head and looked to where Arthur had disappeared up the stairs.

John hoped that Arthur would come running down and telling him he had changed his mind but he knew that was stupid. Arthur had been drooling over that woman as soon as he saw here, there was no turning back from that.

Fuck this.

John stood up quickly, wobbling slightly from the alcohol consumption as he trudged to the bartender. He paid the bill since he was supposed to stay out of trouble and sauntered out the door, nearly face-planting once he was outside. He eventually walked next door to purchase a bottle of whiskey to-go, intimidating the cashier when he commented that maybe John had drunk enough by his stance and the smell of alcohol permeating off of him.

Clouds gathered in the sky quickly and thunder began rumbling throughout the sky. John looked up and groaned as water began hitting his head.

He didn't know where he was going, he was just going away from  _here_. John just kept walking, more like stumbling as he drank his whiskey. All those times with Arthur, all the mixed signals he had given him... And the first ginger  _whore_ had him gone from John's side. He was so angry but he was too drunk to do anything about it, he'd probably end up punching someone, but as he looked up and looked around he furrowed his brows, where the fuck was he?

The rain had been pouring for a long time and as he looked around he didn't recognize his surroundings. He ducked under a tree when he realized he was nearly soaked, John pulled out his watch and sighed, knowing he wouldn't be back by five. He needed to sit for a while... When he leaned his back against the trunk of the tree he released a small breath. He still thought of Arthur...

John knew he was only mad because anger was an easy thing to feel... It was so easy to be mad... It was hard to be heartbroken.

* * *

A loud crack made Arthur open his eyes, he fell asleep? Fuck! He didn't mean to take a nap, looking over he could see that Alice was asleep, facing away from him. He was thankful for that... But he had to sit up. He took a breath and slowly pushed himself up with his one good arm, pinching his eyes shut as he had to use his abdominal muscles to haul his frame up. He held in a massive groan of pain but he released a shaky breath once he was up.

When he looked down at Alice, a small pang hit his chest as he remembered the  _events_ of their time together... He could see still see John beneath him and he could feel their skin brushing against once another. Before Arthur's cock could get hard again with the taboo thoughts rushing through his mind, he quickly turned away to put his clothes back on and escape the horrid memories. What the hell was wrong with him? When he snuck out of the room he was quick to make his way down the stairs, looking for John and biting his tongue when he didn't see him in the Saloon.

_Shit. John must be pissed._

He walked up to the bar to pay his tab and get the time, but seeing as John had paid and realizing he had been asleep for over an hour, he had to go tell Dutch and Hosea that John was lost... He hoped John didn't go far, he hated feeling like a damn babysitter. He was actually a few minutes late to the wagon, he didn't realize that he was with Alice for almost two hours... He silently hoped John was just with Dutch and Hosea.

As he approached his two leaders, the rain making him shiver slightly, Hosea and Dutch were waiting for him and he cursed silently when John didn't show up.

"Where's John!?" Dutch called, the roaring of the rain getting more intense by the second.

"I dunno! I got caught up in somethin' I don't know where he went!" Arthur replied, the horses getting increasingly more agitated, he huffed softly and knew that he needed to be the one to find John. "Just go back! Come back tomorrow after the weather clears up! I'll find John!"

"Are you sure?" Hosea asked.

"Just go! The rain's gonna spook the horses!" Arthur barked.

"We'll be back tomorrow mornin' son! Find John!" Dutch ordered and snapped the reins.

Arthur quickly ducked undercover in the stables, shaking his head and slicking his hair back. The only thing he hated about the mountains was the unpredictable weather, it was sunny this morning and now it was hard rain with no signs of stopping. How in the fuck was he going to find John in this? He sighed knowing that he would have to ask around, he started back at the bar and worked from there.

About an hour of questioning people in the rain, Arthur was pointed south of town where he discovered some rather peculiar tracks. This wasn't the first time Arthur had to track down John... And he knew those were John's boots. He would kill John for making him do all this unnecessary hunting. He tracked John's footprints for about a half an hour, out into the goddamned wilderness until he saw the man passed out under a tree with a whiskey bottle in his hand.

"Jesus Christ." He sighed and quickly ducked under the tree, he was sopping wet, he didn't hesitate to lightly kick John's thigh. "Hey! Get up!" He snapped, John's eyes fluttered open.

John was horrified to see Arthur standing beside him, he wasn't ready to face the other yet. He actually looked away from Arthur quickly, he couldn't stand to look at the other man.

"Where the hell have you been!?" He growled.

"Could have asked you the same thing." John challenged, Arthur huffed, knowing he deserved that...

"... Thanks for paying the bill." He muttered, sitting next to John, grunting as he lowered himself down without any help.

"Y-Yeah." John mumbled softly, he had been talking himself up about how he would let Arthur have a piece of his mind, but now that he was here... His lips wouldn't move.

"... And I'm sorry for ditching you." Arthur added, that's when John rolled his eyes and chuckled bitterly.

"No, you're not." He said, and even though he laughed when he said it, his tone was devoid of any humor, Arthur looked over at John, worried about where this conversation was leading, he  _couldn't_ fight back if John decided to throw a punch.

"What, did you want her?" Arthur asked, trying to stay casual as his fantasies of John haunted him, but John suddenly stood up, despite the wooziness from his drinking.

"You're such an asshole." He sneered and started walking away again, he needed to be away from Arthur before he did something he would regret.

"W-What? John wait!" Arthur called as he struggled to pick himself back up.

He had been pushing his injuries today, he was only a week healed and he had already stressed out his broken bones. Getting up wasn't easy and he was angry that John could essentially get away. Arthur had to catch John, he had to talk to him... He had to see him.

He had shoved down the events of before with Alice... And watching John walk away in the rain only made those feelings come back, remembering all the things he wanted to do to John... Part of him wanted to just let John go so he could calm down and force those thoughts back down but he couldn't. He quickly hauled himself up, releasing a groan of pain before hurrying after John.

"John stop!" Arthur commanded as John kept walking. "Goddammit, John stop!" He yelled, finally causing John to stop in his stride, he was John's superior after all.

When Arthur caught up, he was panting and coughing softly which only hurt his chest beyond belief. John just stared at the floor, his hair and clothes soaked, he didn't even feel it. Finally catching his breath Arthur looked at John, he didn't understand why John wouldn't look at him.

"... What do you want?" John sounded defeated.

He needed to get away from Arthur, he didn't have enough time to purge those desires he had for Arthur... Today was a harsh reminder of no matter what kind of thoughts John had, no matter the fantasy, it wasn't meant to be.

"Look at me John." Arthur instructed, John hesitated but eventually tilted his head up, his gaze meeting Arthur's and Arthur was shocked to see the amount of hurt in John's gaze, he actually blinked and swallowed.

"... Why can't you leave me alone?" John asked.

"J-John, what did I do?" Arthur asked, he didn't realize how hurt John was and was desperate to fix it. "I-I'm sorry." He stammered.

"Don't." John warned and looked away. "You're not fucking sorry." He cursed.

"John what is this about?!" Arthur asked, frantically trying to get the answer out of John so he could fix it.

Suddenly he felt John's lips on his own... His entire body tensed up for a moment but without warning, it relaxed... As if he were relieved. Arthur's first instinct was to shove John away, maybe even punch him... But he couldn't. The thoughts of John under him came back like the storm above them and his eyes fluttered shut, his good hand coming up to dive into John's hair while his other arm wrapped around John's waist, pulling him close. The familiar taste of cheap whiskey was actually a nice touch to John's natural taste.

John actually expected to get punched, so when Arthur embraced him, he also tensed. It didn't take longer than a few seconds for him to wrap his arms around Arthur's neck and pull him closer. He didn't anticipate kissing Arthur, it was like a dream come true somewhat literally, feeling Arthur's fingers run over his scalp he had a hard time containing himself. Although, when Arthur's tongue prodded at John's lips, he eagerly allowed Arthur entry.

Their tongues danced and fought for dominance but of course, Arthur's won... It felt so right and it came to them naturally, and John wanted more, he craved more. Arthur wanted to give it to him but the familiar taste of the whiskey hit him again and a realization hit Arthur... John was drunk, Arthur wasn't even sure if John would remember this in the morning. Arthur harshly pulled back and looked down at John, his visage paling. This was a mistake, John would regret it... What if he regretted it and remembered Arthur kissed him back?

His hands slowly released their hold on John, an exhale escaping Arthur's lips as he averted his gaze, John was confused. Had he done something wrong?

"... We shouldn't be doin' this." Arthur murmured, releasing John and turning his body away as he tried to calm his heart rate.

"W-What?" John asked.

"I know you're drunk... I know it was a mistake but I can't let it happen again." Arthur warned a bit harsher than he wanted to.

John winced from his partner's words, he knew acting on his urges was wrong... But why was Arthur so passionate with his response if this was simply a mistake? Feeling Arthur's hands on his body during their kiss... That wasn't just a regular coincidence.

"Arthur no one has to know." John said, which only made Arthur's gut clench.

"... We'll know... You're not in any state to be makin' these kinds of decisions." Arthur said as he walked back under the tree where he had originally found John, and John was quick to follow.

"Arthur I don't need you protectin' me-"

"Oh? And what were you expectin' outta this?" Arthur asked, turning back to John and narrowing his eyes, John paused, he hadn't got that far yet.

"I-I dunno..." He admitted, Arthur sighed as he took a step towards John, reaching forward, his bad hand resting on John's shoulder while his good one caressed John's cheek.

"... John, I will always care for you." He stated seriously, making John gulp. "... But this  _thing_ between you and me? It needs to stop." He said barely above a whisper.

John widened his eyes slightly as Arthur finally mentioned the elephant in the room... There had been something there and Arthur had felt it too, which only made this more painful because he knew Arthur was right. He leaned into the touch longingly as he bit his tongue, this  _was_ wrong and Arthur was right to try and protect them both but he also wanted to make Arthur happy... Make  _himself_  happy.

"... I know." He replied. "I-I'm sorry for-"

"Don't be." Arthur interjected, he knew that he was egging John on the entire time, it wasn't fair for John to take all the blame. "Just don't let it happen again." He instructed, his hand falling from John's cheek to his adjoining shoulder, when John nodded Arthur managed to take his hands off of John before he looked back in the direction towards town, he remembered there being a small inn on the outside of town near where they rode in. "We're stuck here for the night... C'mon let's get outta this weather."

Arthur knew he was right, he knew that it would be selfish to pursue any kind of relationship with John... That denying their want to explore whatever this was, was right... But it didn't make it hurt any less to reject it.

The walk back towards town was rough... The silence in the air was tense and awkward now that they knew their relationship would never be the same. The rain gradually began lifting, it was only drizzling when Arthur and John finally got to their room, Arthur was relieved to see two beds. He was quick to shrug out of his wet clothing once they were behind closed doors, John paused in his movements when he saw Arthur's shirt fall off his shoulders. He blinked but quickly turned away and began doing the same.

John hoped his clothes were wet and cold enough to stop an erection from forming, once the two were in nothing but their drawers Arthur glanced over, admiring John for a moment. For the number of scars that John had acquired on his body, Arthur was so turned on by them... Arthur wanted to kiss each one. Before he got carried away he cleared his throat and got in bed.

"We gotta be up early, I dunno when Dutch plans on pickin' us up." He informed.

"Got it." John replied dryly.

It was going to be a long couple of months... Once the two were in bed and ready to sleep, Arthur reached over and turned off the oil lamp and plunged them into the darkness. Both men were having trouble sleeping... Arthur kept thinking about their kiss and how much he had been wanting it. He felt like an idiot for turning John down, obviously, they both wanted this but... Arthur knew John would regret it, maybe not today or tomorrow... But Arthur was a lonely bastard with no future, he wasn't going to ruin any good future John may have.

John would eventually find a girl he liked enough to sleep with more than once and that would be it... Arthur would be left behind, and Arthur wouldn't blame him but he wasn't going to set himself up for more pain... He had dealt with enough.

The younger of the two also laid sleepless, staring at the ceiling. He had royally fucked up with Arthur and he was terrified, what if he told Dutch? He knew Arthur wouldn't do something like that but... The fear was still present.

Maybe he just needed to stay away from Arthur for a while until the feelings that overwhelmed him died... It was for the best, right?

> Here I am  
> Torn into a thousand shapes and folds  
> Torn into a thousand ways, I know  
> Fornicate inside your broken homes  
> Before I throw a smile your way, no more  
>   
> I can't tell  
> If all my answers correlate at all  
> I'm telling you a thousand things I know  
>   
> I've been missing a long time  
> To know I had to move  
> I've been waiting my whole life  
> To know I wanted you  
> Are you feeling me slowly?  
> You can take your fucking time  
> And I promise I won't lie  
> We'll make it out alive  
>   
> I'm on trial  
> I'm not so good at hiding wholesome truths  
> You see it on my face when I turn blue  
> So punish me, I'm hanging on your noose  
> So pull me up so I can breathe with you  
>   
> I know  
> I've been missing a long time  
> To know I had to move  
> I've been waiting my whole life  
> To know I wanted you  
> Are you feeling me slowly?  
> You can take your fucking time  
> And I promise I won't lie  
> We'll make it out alive
> 
> source: WANTED U by Joji

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao I know I keep teasing you all with these two and when something finally happened we're back at square one! Don't worry everything happens for a reason! :)  
> -Eros


	10. Chapter 10

It had been six days since either John or Arthur had spoken to one another, every time Arthur tried to interact with John, John was swift to avoid Arthur like the plague. It hurt, if Arthur knew it would 've been this bad he would have just slammed John against a nearby tree. Shaking his head, he looked down at his journal, it had been the only thing keeping him sane. He was able to take out all of his frustrations in it, his relationship with John was finally beginning to improve when the kiss happened... And now they didn't have a relationship at all.

Arthur sighed and leaned against the trunk of a tree, he needed to give John space, he knew that... But it was hard, John was his right hand, the only people who knew more about Arthur than John was Dutch and Hosea who were still out and about  _preparing,_ the plan to invade the train was tomorrow... Even though he knew he did the right thing, the guilt of rejecting John and the shame in feeling the same way consumed him as Arthur slapped his journal shut and reached up, rubbing his face.

John, on the other hand, was getting his hair trimmed by Annabelle, it had been unusually tense and quiet around camp and she was determined to find out what changed. She snipped away at the dead ends of John's hair, she noticed the blank stare that John wielded and frowned, unable to stay silent any longer.

"... Everything okay, John?" She asked softly, John blinked and yawned softly, he had obviously zoned out.

"Huh? Oh, yeah..." He mumbled, something was definitely wrong.

"John, you know that I don't take well to lyin'..." She mused, snipping the scissors close to his ear, making John jump.

"Hey now! Don't play like that." He grumbled, pouting slightly.

"John." Annabelle stated firmly, resting her hands on her hips, narrowing her icy stare at him

John flinched and looked away, sighing as he thought of Arthur... The coolness in his eyes as he shot John down. The way their kiss felt so right... What was he supposed to say? He couldn't tell  _anyone_ about this, the fear of Dutch or Hosea finding out making a chill run through him.

"John!" She badgered to get his attention back.

"I-I can't!" John finally said and looked away, the response surprised Annabelle.

John was stubborn and he was more prideful than the rest of them, but his reply sounded like one of fear or doubt and she furrowed her brows. Taking a step forward and resting her palm on his shoulder.

"John... Did something happen?" She asked, John remained stoic and shook his head, she frowned. "... You know you can tell me anything right?" She asked.

"What if it's somethin' you can't tell Dutch?" He questioned, challenging her, she hesitated, obviously thinking her response over.

"... Anything." She muttered, reaching up and caressing John's cheek, the gesture making John flinch back as it brought memories of Arthur once again.

John was surprised but he still doubted her, but he raised a shaky hand up to run through his hair. The action causing a feeling of worry crawl up through Annabelle's small frame.

"John you're scarin' me... Come on, let's wash your face." She mentioned and motioned to the lake, perhaps if they were away from camp he would feel more comfortable talking, besides he just had a haircut, he needed to wash the stray hairs off of him.

John nodded stiffly and walked with Annabelle silently towards the lake, the walk was uneasy and Annabelle was silently hoping it wasn't something she would have to break her promise about. Annabelle could keep almost any secret... Unless it brought danger to the gang's safety. When they got to the water, John kneeled down and cupped some water in his hands, bringing it up to splash his face, ridding it of the hair and sweat that had gathered there.

"Please talk to me John." Annabelle pleaded as he stood back up, handing him a rag to wipe his face with.

"I-I don't know if I can." He gulped.

"... John is the gang in danger?" She asked, John's expression scrunched up slightly and he quickly shook his head.

"No, no nothin' like that... At least I don't think so." He sighed and Annabelle rested a palm on her chest as a sign of great relief.

"Then how bad could it be?" She asked.

"I kissed Arthur." John blurted softly.

Annabelle raised her brows, John stared at her, his body rigid with fear. As she processed the information, Annabelle shook her head and smiled.

"John is that all?" She asked, John gawked at her in shock.

"H-How can you say  _is that all!?"_ He interrogated in pure disbelief.

"John, you act as if it's the end of the world... I had a feeling something along these lines was coming." She mused, looking out to the water.

"How can you say that?" He asked, his visage turning red with embarrassment at the mere idea that someone else thought of them that way. "B-Besides, Arthur does  _not_ feel the same way... I fucked it up." He murmured, Annabelle tilted her head in surprise.

"He doesn't?" She inquired.

"No... I'd been drinking and he said that it was a mistake... He said I'd regret it." He explained, Annabelle sighed in exasperation and shook her head.

"No wonder, John you can't do that kind of thing drunk..." She scolded.

"But it  _was_ a mistake! Th-The way he looked at me... He must be disgusted."

"Oh, John." Annabelle chided. "Believe it or not... Arthur is probably just as scared as you are. He's not been in a relationship since Mary... And After-" She paused, not wanting to give Arthur's secrets away.

"... Eliza and Isaac?" John asked softly, Annabelle was relieved again.

"He told you."

"Yeah... When we were missin'."

"Well, yes... After Eliza and Isaac... He shut off." She exhaled, her voice hinting at grief.

"Yeah... I remember him changin'... I never understood why until now." John commented.

"After losing that... Both the love of his life and his only child, what did you think would happen springing this on him?" Annabelle asked gently.

"I-I dunno. I was drunk remember?" John scoffed slightly. "Besides, why are you tryin' to encourage this?" He questioned, arching a brow.

"Who said I was trying to encourage this?" She asked playfully. "... I just want you two to be happy." She explained, John felt a bit calmer at Annabelle's words and nodded.

"Are you gonna tell Dutch?" He asked.

"No... He doesn't need to know. I don't know if he'd appreciate the knowledge anyway." She murmured and John swallowed harshly but she shrugged. "But honestly I don't know... Look, if you have a choice between being miserable and happy..." She trailed off, looking up as she saw Arthur approaching them from afar, she smiled. "... Choose that." She whispered, nodding in Arthur's direction.

John turned his head, his entire face becoming pale. He wasn't ready to face Arthur yet, his heart began racing, his knees weak and his stomach was doing flip-flops. He felt nauseous... He quickly reached up to scratch the back of his head and looked away as Arthur stopped near Annabelle.

"Dutch just got back, he's lookin' for you... Seems like he found a new gun." Arthur grumbled, his voice oozing with distrust.

"Oh! I suppose I should go meet them... I'll see you two back at camp." She said and quickly departed before John could trail after her, he watched her, silently cursing her for doing that on purpose.

Arthur and John were left alone... The air was awkward again, Arthur exhaled and turned his gaze downwards, worried that this would never change... He would hate for them to always be like this. It had just been nearly a week, he knew that they wouldn't be buddy-buddy overnight, but the fact that John couldn't even look at him hit his core harder than it should have. He turned his body back towards the settlement when John suddenly spoke.

"Wanna smoke?" He asked, Arthur paused and turned back to John who had actually turned his attention to him and held out an open pack of smokes, overwhelming relief flooded through Arthur's veins and he nodded.

"Yeah, sure... Thanks." He muttered as John took out a cigarette and handed it to Arthur, his broken arm was still in a sling after all.

Arthur slipped the cigarette between his lips as John pulled out a lighter, he lit his own first before he leaned in a bit to light Arthur's. Their gazes met as Arthur inhaled the rich nicotine that would hopefully help ease them into a conversation. However, as his eyes met John's... Those feelings and urges returned and now it was Arthur's turn to feel the heat rise to his face and he quickly broke the stare, looking out to the lake and exhaling a small cloud of smoke, John did the same.

While the air wasn't as anxious as before there was still a feeling of awkwardness... What were they supposed to talk about? The weather? Politics? The urge to fuck each other into oblivion? Arthur cleared his throat, he had to say something to distract his train of thought.

"Dutch found some guy in Shallow Trails... Bastard tried to rob him so he brought him here." he snorted, he couldn't believe Dutch was that foolish.

"He what!?" John asked, turning his attention fully back to Arthur, who chuckled.

"My thoughts exactly." He crowed.

"What the hell got into him?" John asked curiously.

"Beats me, you know Dutch. He always says how he can see the good in people... I guess he hasn't been wrong yet." Arthur puffed out more smoke.

"Yeah but... He was getting robbed." John scoffed, Arthur shrugging.

"He  _has a plan_." Arthur chortled, John couldn't help but chuckle too at Dutch's expense.

They loved Dutch like a father, but they couldn't help but sometimes make fun of his questionable decisions. It was nice to laugh with John again, the last four days felt like years, the veil of discomfort finally lifting for the moment. They smoked peacefully but once they were brought back to reality John sighed and looked to the ground, thinking of Annabelle's words, he knew it was wrong from the start when he kissed Arthur... He could see the fear in Arthur's eyes when he pulled back, the fact that Arthur repeatedly tried to talk to John should have been enough to signal the other didn't have any ill feelings about it.

"... Sorry for being an ass the last few days." He finally said, glancing to Arthur.

"It's your specialty I'm used to it." Arthur teased gently, John scoffed and gently shoved Arthur's good shoulder.

"I'm serious." He stated.

"I know..." Arthur replied, wiping the slightly annoyed look off John's face.

Arthur had been plagued by only thoughts of John in the last few days, if he were honest with himself he had been thinking about John for a lot longer than that. It was like denying John made him only crave it more, he had been given a taste of what he was in for and then cut himself off... Now he wanted more. Arthur took a long moment to look over John's features, his eyes settling on the scar that was over John's eyebrow the one he gained just recently. It was healed but the scar tissue was still pink, he knew it would fade eventually but he reached forward, his thumb gently running over it, stunning John slightly.

"... This suits you, John Marston." he hummed, the tone almost coming off as a purr.

If Arthur was honest, he loved the innocent flirting... Seeing John get flustered and seeing him blush. It got Arthur off in a way that was perverted and he knew it, but this was enough for him. He was serious about not letting another  _inicident_ between them happen again, but he could let these kinds of things slide for now at least. Before John could get any more ideas, Arthur took his hand away and nodded back towards camp.

"Let's go... You need to meet the new guy." He instructed, John hesitated but he gulped and nodded before he and Arthur began walking towards camp together.

Maybe things  _could_ go back to normal... Arthur had noticed John looking at him differently before the kiss but was unsure of what John wanted. Now that they knew this...  _Thing_ between them was there, maybe they could use it to their own advantage.

Arthur knew that was unrealistic and in a way unfair, especially to John... But seeing his face go from a petulant teen to a man willing to please, it made a shudder go up Arthur's spine... He wouldn't use this against John for his own gain, that would be cruel... Perhaps it could be a good punishment tool?

The thought almost made Arthur smirk, whenever John mouthed off he had something up his sleeve... So much for not using against his younger partner.

Arriving back at camp, Annabelle looked them over and seemed pleased that they came back together looking less constipated around each other. Dutch was introducing the new member to Hosea, the man was pale and had a somewhat impressive ebony beard, he was radiating agitation. Arthur was betting that he and John would probably get into it within a week.

"John! C'mere!" Dutch called.

When Arthur and John stopped in front of the small group, the new man eyed both John and Arthur suspiciously, Arthur had already voiced his disagreement in allowing him entry. Seeing John beside the man that had rejected his presence obviously didn't sit well with the new member.

"John, this is Bill, Bill this is John, my other son." Dutch introduced warmly to John's surprise.

"Bill Williamson." He mentioned, hesitantly offering a hand at greeting.

"John Marston." John replied, looking to the hand and shaking it.

"John, Bill here is gonna take Arthur's place on the train." Dutch explained to Arthur's distaste, he hated not being able to go but he was given a job anyway.

"You sure? You just met him." John commented, doing his best not to sound too confrontational.

"I can assure you I can take care of myself just fine." Bill interjected in warning.

"I don't doubt that, but seein' as you tried to rob my friend here I may have some reservations." John mused, his tone laced with both venom and sarcasm, Bill rolled his eyes and Dutch shook his head.

"I don't need you worryin' about anything John... It's not gonna change nothin'." Dutch stated to John, his tone also hinting at a warning, John huffed but nodded, not having a choice but to accept the uneasy alliance. "Now gentlemen, tomorrow is the big day, for now, John you're gonna bunk with Arthur until we can get more space to expand our housing." Dutch explained, Arthur's eyes nearly popping out of his skull, he hadn't been told that yet.

"Wait-wait what?" Arthur asked.

"No arguing, Arthur." Dutch asserted, both Arthur and John feeling increasingly more uncomfortable, they weren't ready to be confined together but didn't have a choice. "We need to go over the plan, boys." he added casually and motioned over to the map of the train route.

Once they all gathered, Dutch began explaining the plan, Arthur was glad he was at least included and given a job in this. He hated feeling useless, the plan was: Dutch, John, and Bill meet the train at one o'clock in the morning as it went through a remote stretch of mountains a couple of hours from their current location. While they robbed the train, Arthur and Hosea would gather everyone else and move away from here to avoid any retaliation from the O'Driscoll's. They planned on going to a small remote lake near O'Creagh's Run called Moonstone Pond, it would be a  _long_ drive... Two or three days at least.

"Are we clear on the plan?" Dutch asked seriously, looking at everyone nodding their head. "Good... We should get packin' that way when the time comes we're ready to go, John, move your stuff to Arthur's tent, I'll go introduce Bill to everyone." Dutch ordered.

Arthur wanted to make a snarky comment about what Miss Grimshaw would say but he was too busy thinking about sharing a tent with John... All the thoughts about flirting with John went out the window, he was just hoping they would survive this. John did as he was told and moved his things to Arthur's tent while Arthur moved his stuff around to allow John room inside, making sure their cots were as far away as possible but they still weren't far at all, just a few feet away.

By the time it was time to head to bed, Arthur and John wanted to avoid the inevitable. Arthur was casually writing in his journal, mostly cursing Dutch to force this discomfort on them when John slipped into the tent, looking to Arthur. Their gazes met only for a moment before they looked away.

"What's the time?" Arthur asked curiously since he didn't have a watch anymore, John glanced at his own.

"Eleven." He replied, Arthur raised his brows.

"Really? Damn." He said in surprise as John began slipping off his shirt.

Arthur hated this... He wasn't ready to be exposed to John like this yet, the hotel was bad enough. He tore his gaze away from John as the younger man took off his belt and his boots before laying back on his cot, Arthur looked over once more, confusion washing over him.

"... You're not going to bed like that right?" He asked.

"Uh, yeah why?" John asked, turning his head over.

"It still gets pretty cold at night remember?" He asked.

"I usually get pretty hot." John replied folding his arms behind his head when Arthur gave up and shrugged.

"Fine, but when you get cold I'm not giving you any of my blankets." He snorted.

Arthur took his vest, belt and boots off, simply unbuckling his pants before he got comfortable on his cot. Once they were both settled in, Arthur turned the oil lamp off and got cozy with the wolf pelts that he hunted himself and yet he wasn't surprised when he couldn't sleep, neither men could. Both assumed the other was also sleepless but was too afraid to acknowledge it. Annabelle's words kept flooding John's mind, he was shocked at how... Accepting she was, he was almost expecting her to slap him.

Arthur kept thinking of that night when John kissed him, he played it over and over again in his mind. He almost couldn't believe it actually happened, feeling John's body against his own, it felt better than any woman he had ever been with... Even Mary and that thought scared him. Hopefully, he wouldn't have to bunk with John for long if the take from the train was a good one...

* * *

The next day was a busy one, Miss Grimshaw was ordering everyone around while Arthur avoided her like the plague, it's not like he could do much for her anyway. His ribs were feeling better by the day, every day he was able to bend further and further and was able to sit up easier. He figured it would be just a few more weeks of easy work before he was requisitioned for the big jobs again.

The day passed by so quickly that when the small party of criminals began getting ready to leave, a ball of anxiety began building in Arthur's gut, something didn't feel right. He watched Dutch and Annabelle share a loving goodbye, she always worried when Dutch went out to break the law. He looked to John who was petting horse and readying to ride off, the twinge of anxiety getting bigger and bigger. When John mounted his horse, Arthur suddenly spoke up.

"John." He called, the other turning his attention to him. "Be careful." He managed to say, John couldn't help but smile.

"Will do." John replied with a nod.

"Ready boys? Arthur, Hosea you know the plan." Dutch said as he mounted The Count.

"We'll see you at Moonstone Pond." Hosea concluded.

"That you will, my friend!" Dutch chuckled and kicked his horse, when the small company disappeared, Arthur's worries didn't.

"You okay Arthur?" Annabelle asked.

"Huh? Yeah, I just... I dunno, I got a feelin' in my gut." He sighed but quickly changed the subject. "We should get movin' too you wanna ride with me, darlin'?" He asked, making Annabelle chuckle.

"Of course, Arthur." She replied.

Arthur was glad that they had packed everything prematurely, it made the process so much easier. In total, they had four caravans traveling out of their prior campsite. Arthur and Annabelle led the way, Hosea and Bessie followed with Uncle and Swanson riding in the back, the girls with their own caravan and lastly Susan and Pearson coming up the back.

"So how have you been Arthur? It's been a while since we've talked." Annabelle asked, leaning against him affectionately.

Some people might have seen the display and taken it the wrong way but Arthur would never come on to Annabelle which made her platonic gestures never a problem.

"I've been... Alright, I suppose." He murmured.

"That didn't sound genuine." she mused, Arthur chuckled tiredly.

"I suppose not." He replied.

"What's going on, Arthur?" Annabelle asked curiously, wondering if he would come clean about the kiss as John had, she was curious about his view on it seeing how upset John was over it.

"I'm not sure you'd wanna know." He said seriously, Annabelle shook her head.

"Arthur you know you can talk to me about anything." She prodded, hoping she wasn't being too nosey.

"... Have you spoken to John?" He asked, arching a brow at her as he remembered her standing with John by the lake.

She paused and averted her gaze before she sighed and nodded. She wouldn't lie to Arthur after all, a small awkward silence hung in the air for a moment, Arthur was too afraid to ask.

"... What did he tell you?" He finally inquired.

"He told me enough... He was really beatin' himself up over it." Annabelle said truthfully, making Arthur sigh. "Don't be mad at him I basically ripped it out of him." She added for good measure.

"Nah I ain't mad... Just confused." He murmured.

"And why is that?" Annabelle inquired, there was a long pause, Arthur didn't talk about his feelings openly and it took some thinking before finding words he was comfortable with.

"... Because some part of me wanted it." He admitted intriguing Annabelle.

"Only part of you?"

"Oh come on, you don't have to pretend its natural to want that kind of thing." He snorted softly.

"But how is it unnatural?" Annabelle challenged gently, making Arthur pause. "Two people who love each other as pure and honest as anyone else I don't see anything unnatural about it." She explained.

"If only it were that simple." He chuckled tiredly.

"I guess you're not wrong... I understand you being... Hesitant."

"Hesitant? It's never gonna happen again." Arthur quickly clarified, making Annabelle arch a brow.

"And why not?"

"Why not? Because he... He'll realize that I was right, that it was a mistake, this time we were lucky... Next time? It could be too late if we..." He trailed, unsure if he himself was able to say it, Annabelle took a breath and sighed softly.

"Arthur, there's no shame in loving someone." She giggled softly, recalling the words she had said to John.

"But what if it ain't love?" Arthur asked, glancing over.

"You'll never know if it is or isn't if you don't take the chance... That's all I'm sayin'." She stated, seeing Arthur getting increasingly more uncomfortable, he puffed out a breath and shook his head.

"I think you're just too damn wise for you're own good." He mused, making Annabelle giggle again.

Arthur was happy the conversation was over, he was able to digest her words as they drove. He thought of John and hoped they were getting on okay, he still felt anxious but Annabelle had calmed him, she had that talent. The drive went on peacefully for another few hours but coming towards the bridge they had to cross to get into the Eastern Grizzlies, he could see a line of men on horseback ahead, this didn't look good... And it looked worse when he recognized them.

"Arthur..." Annabelle murmured, worry infecting her usually cheerful voice.

"I know." He whispered softly. "Stay calm." He instructed.

"Evening ladies and gentlemen!" Cain chorused as they got closer, Arthur knew his gut feeling was right, he had to stop the caravan train.

"Lovely to see you again." Arthur mused trying to sound as casual as possible. "And what do I owe the pleasure?" He inquired.

"... Where's Dutch?" Cain asked curiously, Annabelle gulped and reached over, grabbing Arthur's hand for support.

"Not here... He went scoutin' up ahead." Arthur lied smoothly.

"Oh really? We been scourin' these trails for days and we ain't come across no Dutch..." Cain chortled, Arthur swallowed harshly, he knew getting involved with thse men was a bad idea. "... You know we been lookin' for something, maybe you can help us find it." he explained, cutting to the chase. "... Seen a map? It's not just any map... It's a train route."

Fuck.

"Can't say I have..." He replied, gripping Annabelle's hand gently and sending a glance over to her.

"Arthur what's goin' on up there!?" Susan called.

"Nothin', catchin' up with old friends!" He replied, those words meant something was wrong and it gave them time to prepare for a fight.

"I think you're a liar... Just like Dutch." Cain said simply as he pulled out a watch.

"Don't do anythin' stupid, these are innocent people." Arthur warned.

"Innocent? Really? Following a brain dead sack of shit through a barren wasteland, desperate to find something to hold on to." Cain provoked.

"How dare you!" Annabelle sneered.

"Annabelle." Arthur muttered.

"Oh someone's fiesty." Cain commented, riding his horse closer to her to get a good look at her challenging gaze. "... You his whore?" He asked.

"That's enough." Arthur commanded. "We ain't done nothin' to you, just let us pass and you'll never see us again." Arthur pleaded, he didn't like where this was going.

"... Very well." Cain mused, before he looked to his associates. "... Let's make sure we never see them again." He ordered.

"Annabelle get down!" Arthur yelled as a shootout began.

Arthur nearly rebroke his arm dragging Annabelle off the edge to the safe side of the caravans, the horses spooked and ran off quickly, leaving Annabelle and Arthur vulnerable.

"Run to the woods!" He yelled to everyone and managed to find cover behind a tree, Annabelle on the floor behind him. "You alright?" He asked.

"Fine, give me a gun!" She barked, Arthur paused but tossed her his other revolver since he could only use one due to his injured arm.

"Torch them!" Cain commanded before riding away, Arthur cursed knowing that he couldn't go after him, what a coward.

One of the gunmen took out a molotov cocktail and chucked it at one of the caravans that was still in view, in that moment Arthur was thankful that the other horses had spooked. He had to kill that fucker, by the time the other gang had begun advancing on them, everyone had got their bearings and began shooting back. The Van der Linde's didn't take well to being shot at.

"Kill them sons-a-bitches!" Susan yowled.

Arthur scoffed, Cain should have brought a bigger army because they were already outnumbered, and seeing how easy they were to pick off one by one, Arthur felt better about their situation. Once the bullets stopped whizzing by his head, Arthur panted and groaned, holding his arm slightly.

"Is everyone in one piece!?" Hosea asked.

"I think so!" Arthur replied before looking over at Annabelle and his heart plummetted.

Blood had started to pool beneath her as she held her leg.

"Shit! Shit! I need some help!" He yelled.

"I-I'm fine." Annabelle winced as Arthur neared her.

"Lemme see it." He instructed, Annabelle whimpered as she lifted her dress to see the bullet lodged in her thigh. "Damn, why didn't you say something?" He scolded as he put pressure on the wound, she cried out as he did so.

"Th-There were more important things going on." She replied, Arthur admired he strength, he admired a lot of things about Annabelle but right now he was focused on not losing her.

"Coming through!" Susan barked as she ran towards them with bandages and alcohol, Arthur backed away for Susan and Bessie to work.

The thought of losing Annabelle hit him hard but not as hard as it would hit Dutch. He had to think of something else... His mind was racing as he looked at the large volume of blood on his hands. Fuck.

"Arthur!" Hosea called, walking towards him Arthur was relieved that the older man had brought him out of his head. "You alright?"

"I will be, we gotta find those caravans... The ones that ain't burned at least." He sighed.

"I'm pretty sure we only lost the one." Hosea replied.

"How about you take, Pearson, Swanson and Uncle and I'll take the girls, if we split up we'll find them easier."

"Anything to have some women follow you ey?" Hosea snickered as he walked away from Arthur to grab everyone.

They were put behind schedule by several hours, thankfully they managed to find the three other caravans that had survived their assault but they didn't have time to assess what they lost, they had to get the hell away from here. Annabelle was loaded up in Arthur's Caravan, Susan and Bessie in the back with her.

"Where should we go? If we continue this way we might end up meeting up with the O'Driscolls again." Arthur inquired.

"Once we go over Bacchus Bridge we should take more secluded trails through the Cumberland Forest, it'll take longer but it'll be safer."

"S-Someone needs to warn Dutch and John." Uncle piped up, Arthur glanced over, that was the first smart idea that old oaf had in a long time.

"You should go, Arthur." Hosea quickly added, Arthur shook his head.

"I don't think that's wise, what if those bastards turn up again?" He asked, he wanted to be here just in case.

"They recognized you Arthur, maybe if you go we'll be less likely to run into trouble... No offense." Karen mused, Arthur huffed but she wasn't wrong.

"... You sure?" Arthur asked.

"Someone needs to catch Dutch before he walks straight into another ambush." Hosea said sternly and Arthur sighed.

Hosea was right but Arthur worried about Annabelle, looking towards the caravan that Bessie and Susan watched her closely. He nodded and whistled, he never had to tie his horse to the caravans, the loyal beast always followed. The horse whinnied and approached Arthur, fidgeting in place, obviously stressed from the prior events.

"Whoa there." Arthur soothed and patted the steed's neck gently before mounting the horse with a bit of difficulty, he hadn't ridden in a while this would be interesting.

"... Be safe Arthur." Hosea muttered, Arthur paused but nodded.

"You too, keep that girl safe."

"You know we will."

Arthur nodded to Hosea before he kicked his horses sides, speeding off back towards the direction they came from. Getting back in the saddle wasn't as bad as he thought it would be so soon, but worry distracted him from the pain. He worried about Dutch and John... Especially John. What if there was an ambush waiting for them at the train? What if they're already dead..? A cold pit settled in Arthur's stomach as he kicked harder.

There were some things he had to talk about with John, after all.

> Been sitting eyes wide open behind these four walls, hoping you'd call  
> It's just a cruel existence like there's no point hoping at all
> 
> Baby, baby, I feel crazy, up all night, all night and every day  
> Give me something, oh, but you say nothing  
> What is happening to me?
> 
> I don't wanna live forever, 'cause I know I'll be living in vain  
> And I don't wanna fit wherever  
> I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home.
> 
>  
> 
> I'm sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind  
> Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life, oh
> 
> Baby, baby, I feel crazy  
> Up all night, all night and every day  
> I gave you something, but you gave me nothing  
> What is happening to me?
> 
> I don't wanna live forever, 'cause I know I'll be living in vain  
> And I don't wanna fit (fit, babe) wherever (wherever)  
> I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home
> 
>  
> 
> I've been looking sad in all the nicest places  
> Baby, baby, I feel crazy  
> I see you around in all these empty faces  
> Up all night, all night and every day  
> I've been looking sad in all the nicest places  
> Give me something, oh, but you say nothing  
> Now I'm in a cab, I tell 'em where your place is  
> What is happening to me?
> 
> I don't wanna live forever, 'cause I know I'll be living in vain  
> And I don't wanna fit wherever  
> I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home
> 
>  
> 
> source: I don't wanna live forever - Zayn Malik & Taylor Swift


	11. Chapter 11

The take was good and as easy as Dutch made it out to be, it was almost  _too_  easy. Bill looked out for any law or O'Driscolls, guarding the train attendants that they had captured while John and Dutch scoured the train, it was on a long route across the country so when the small team hit them, they weren't ready for it which made robbing them that much easier.

"How's it lookin' John?" Dutch asked as John went through crates and lock boxes, so far he had already found five hundred dollars, it was almost too good to be true.

"It's lookin' good, I have five hundred." John replied, motioning to the empty boxes.

"Looks like some kinda payroll transport, I found a thousand in the safe in the main cart." Dutch mentioned as he began helping John finishing opening what was inside the last of the lockboxes.

In total, they found about seventeen-hundred dollars, it was so satisfying to know that they had stolen something of precious value to the O'Driscoll's. They had been here for about a half an hour now and it was nearly time to get the hell out of here, they had already been here too long but the loot was too good to pass up.

"Alright, boys we need to get a move on." Dutch ordered as he whistled for The Count.

"How's the take?" Bill asked curiously.

"It's good." John replied with a nod. "I haven't counted the final number yet but it's well over fifteen-hundred."

"Holy shit." Bill chuckled softly as they whistled for their horses as well.

"We did good, both of you will be rewarded handsomely for your participation." Dutch chorused with a grin, it was nice not to be bankrupt anymore.

"And how will  _we_ be rewarded for finding this tank in the beginning?" A familiar voice chortled, the three men looked to one another before looking to the treeline.

They had only interacted with him briefly once but it was none other than Colm O'Driscoll, emerging from cover with a small army behind him.

"Shit." John hissed softly.

"... Hello again, brother." Dutch greeted, he knew he wasn't going to swindle his way out of this but he'd sure as hell try. "So glad you could join us."

"Oh are you?" Colm snickered softly.

"Who the hell are they?" Bill asked softly to John.

"Oh Dutch I'm offended you didn't tell your rag-tag-bunch-a-bastards about me..." Colm antagonized.

"I'm sure we can work this out, Mister O'Driscoll... You're welcome to some of the funds." Dutch tried to compromise.

" _Some_  of the funds? That's funny... I think I'd rather kill you and take all of it." Colm chortled.

"No one needs to die here, Colm." Dutch growled, losing his persona.

John looked back towards the train car, they were so close they could duck in easily. He glanced to Bill and subtly nodded his head to it, they just needed cover. Colm looked to John and then to Bill.

"Where's your other friend? Real angry lookin' fella?" Colm asked out of curiosity.

"He and everyone else is gone, it's just us." Dutch replied, trying to protect the family, Colm suddenly smirked and looked to his watch.

"Oh yeah... They should be dead by now." He stated almost absentmindedly.

"What?" John asked, his heart beginning to pound in his chest.

"Oh, you didn't figure that out either? You're dumber than you look... We knew where you've been hiding... We've had this region under our thumbs for years it didn't take long to find out." Colm snorted.

"... If you've laid a finger on any of those people-"

"What're you gonna do? Kill me?" Colm inquired with a grin. "... You don't got anyone left to back you up now... It's real dissappointin', the government put such an impressive bounty on your head and you and you're inbred little  _family_  was so easy to take out." He scoffed, shaking his head.

"You're a goddamn dog!" John snarled, unable to hold his tongue.

"Am I..? Cause you're about to be shot like one." Colm mused before he looked to his men. "... I'm done with them... Finish this." He ordered.

"Dutch the train!" Bill yelled and the three men quickly ducked into the cart as bullets began ricocheting off the metal.

The three men quickly armed themselves and began shooting back. They were hideously outnumbered and the possibility of everyone they ever loved actually being dead was not helping their aim. John hyperventilated as he thought of Arthur... He had been in situations like this but not with this kind of pressure.

_Don't start nothin' that I need to drag you out of._

_I'll always have your back._

_John! I'm coming!_

_... Sorry for worryin' you._

_Good boy..._

_Calm down, John..._

"John!" Dutch shouted, John blinked as Dutch held his face in his hands, did he really get sucked into his own head?

"D-Dutch?"

"We need you to focus boy, or we'll never get outta this!" Dutch encouraged, John opened his mouth to speak but he quickly shut it and nodded. "Good, let's get outta here!"

John took a breath, he didn't remember fading out, he felt ashamed and embarrassed... He'd never live this down, but he quickly followed Dutch and Bill out the back end of the cart and began sprinting down the train on the opposite side. The opposing gang followed, shooting through the openings and a few flooding through the cart and behind them. They had no access to their horses from here, it wasn't long before they came to a cliff, the train had stopped on a bridge. They were really fucked here, looking down John could see water... A river. Could it have been the same river that Arthur had helped him cross before?

"Shit! What do we do!?" Bill asked, Dutch looked from the river, to John to their impending doom.

They had two options... Try to hold their ground and get shot, or jump and risk losing the money and dying anyway... Dutch bit his tongue and rested his serious gaze on John. They had no choice...

"... We gotta jump gentlemen!" He ordered, John's face went pale and he looked to the water and back to Dutch, fear present in his eyes as Dutch rested his palms on John's shoulders. "... You can do it son."

John gulped and nodded, he didn't think about it... He couldn't. If he did he wouldn't be able to do it, without another word to Dutch and without hesitation, John jumped... Into the cold dark water.

* * *

Arthur had been going through the woods for some time, he wanted to remain close to the road but not on it, he had nearly stumbled on O'Driscoll's three times, every time he heard them he would stop and listen, just in case it had anything to do with his brothers. He had been on the road for about an hour and had already covered most of the ground he had lost when they were driving the caravans.

He thought about Annabelle occasionally, praying she survived, there was a lot of blood when he saw her... However, most of his thoughts were plagued with John. He was worried, there had been a feeling in his gut all day before they left. Arthur tried to focus on the road ahead but he could suddenly hear gunfire and howling voices not far away, he furrowed his brows and pulled back on the reins.

Arthur heard them rapidly approaching, whoever it was they were excited and laughing about something. He made a split decision and dismounted his horse and ducked behind a tree as the large group passed, he poked his head out as they rode by, gasping softly as he saw Colm amongst the faces. He paused and looked towards the way he was originally going, if they knew Dutch stole his map why would he be racing in the opposite direction...

Making a call Arthur quickly got back onto his horse despite his ribs protesting. He began following the large band of drunks and murderers, Arthur knew it was somewhat unfair to judge them for that since he and his family were one and the same... But they didn't kill for the fun of it. Arthur knew that this could possibly end in disaster in more ways than one and hoped that he didn't have to follow for long just in case it was a waste of time.

The ride felt like hours but he was only following the entourage for about a half of one, watching them dismount just a hundred feet off the trail Arthur pulled back on his reigns once more and dismounted again. He was a natural at stealth despite his rather large frame, he could hear conversations going on but he was still too far to hear them. This was a real risk getting this close to such a large gang but he approached silently, listening carefully.

"So Cain's taking care of the rest of 'em now?" A man asked.

"Yeah, we'll be rid of those rats once Cain finishes them off." Colm replied taking a swig of whiskey, Arthur already didn't like where this conversation was going.

"But are you sure Van der Linde and his mongrels are dead?"

**_Ba-bump._ **

Arthur felt his heart nearly stop, they  _were_ ambushed, he was too late. He gulped and shook his head to rid his mind of thinking the worst.

"I'm sure, jumping into the Dakota River so close to Donner Falls like that, if they didn't drown in the rapids they'll be sent over the falls." Colm snickered.

_**Ba-bump.** _

Donner Falls!? Jumping in!?

Arthur took a shaky breath as all the words after that were drowned out in his mind as he thought about John struggling in the water... If anything happened to John before they were able to settle their... Debts, the grief was overbearing. Just the thought of John being dead sent a cold shudder down Arthur's spine, John couldn't swim, the cold hard truth was beginning to force it's way into Arthur's head, his stomach was in knots.

What was he doing!? He had to go look for them! Arthur bit his lip as he crept away, thankful his horse was still where he had left it. He didn't hesitate to take off towards the Dakota River, he had an idea of where it was but knowing they were above Donner Falls was helpful. When he was a ways away from the O'Driscoll rest stop he pulled out his map and looked for the falls, he was glad to see that he wasn't too far but he'd have to go up the mountain trails...

The horse instinctively slowed down once they began climbing the steep mountain, all he could imagine was finding John's dead body or worse... Finding nothing at all. He bit his tongue, reaching up and slicking his hair back, this was a disaster... Another forty-five minutes of navigating dangerous mountain cliffs, Arthur found himself at the Indian reservation. He knew the river wasn't far, he had never been both more relieved and more terrified in his life when he could hear the sound of rushing water.

Looking up he could hear the slow hum of a foreign object, he figured it was the train... He was surprised it was still there and that no one had gone to investigate it... Then again if he had heard a bunch of commotion he would have minded his own business as well, sooner or later it would get reported. That was neither here nor there, the fact was that this was the general vicinity where Dutch, John and Bill would have jumped into the water.

Arthur scanned the area as best he could in the darkness of the night. Arthur ventured to guess it was nearing three o'clock, he was exhausted.

"John! Dutch!" He called, looking around, he knew to call out for them wasn't smart but... He didn't have much of a choice.

Hearing no response, Arthur frowned and reached into his saddlebag and pulling out a lantern, it didn't exactly illuminate the area but it was better than nothing. Kicking the horse once more he began scouring the river, calling out to them every few minutes. Arthur squinted, in the distance he could see a small glow of light, riding towards it he gasped when he saw two hunched figures, one turned to look at him, it was Dutch.

"Arthur!" Dutch called.

"Dutch!" He yelled and nearly fell off his horse as he walked quickly towards the edge of the river, unable to run yet.

"Oh, my son I've never been so glad to see you!" Dutch laughed as Arthur watched him get up from sitting on the bank stepping away from the make-shift fire, he was soaking wet and shivering, both men had taken off most of their outer layers but left on essentials like their shirts and pants.

"Holy shit you look stiff what happened? Where's John?" Arthur asked as he whistled for the horse to come closer, he shoved a fist into the satchel and pulled out his winter jacket that he stashed inside just in case, throwing it over Dutch's shoulders and awaiting an answer he looked to Dutch's face and his heart stopped again, it was solemn.

"I-I..." He mumbled, he had obviously been thinking about it for a while. "... I don't know, Arthur." He replied, picking his gaze back up to see Arthur's slightly horrified expression.

"H-He jumped right?" Arthur asked, Dutch nodded in response.

"... I shouldn't have made him, I could see he was scared we shoulda just... Held our ground." Dutch sighed and turned away towards the river.

"If we woulda done that we woulda  _all_ been dead." Bill stated as he stood up too, shaking from the frigid water they had escaped from.

Arthur stood there for a moment, he didn't know what to do or say... He wanted to be angry at Dutch, he wanted to go look for John... He wanted to dive in that river with him. He reached up for a moment and rubbed his jawline, but Dutch's next question caught him off guard, managing to distract him.

"Wait, Arthur what're you doin' here?"

Arthur hesitated as he looked at Dutch... Annabelle.

"... W-We got ambushed." Arthur mumbled, now it was Dutch's turn to be horrified.

"By the O'Driscoll's?" He asked, Arthur nodded, Dutch's expression dropped for a moment but it quickly changed into a neutral expression, Arthur could see the darkness swelling in his friend's deadpan. "Is everyone alright?"

Arthur didn't respond, he didn't want to tell Dutch for two reasons, one was that he knew Dutch would blow up, secondly was that there was nothing he could do about it now... But he couldn't lie about something so important.

"Arthur?" Dutch asked, concern beginning to take over his deep tone.

"... Everyone's alive." He finally stated.

"That's not answering me." Dutch countered quickly, Arthur cursed beneath his breath.

"... Everyone was fine, the last time I saw them." He reiterated, Dutch quickly grabbed Arthur's collar roughly and pulled him close, it actually scared Arthur seeing Dutch's serious, cold and unforgiving eyes as they bore into his.

"... Tell me, now." He said just barely above a whisper.

Arthur held his tongue only for a moment longer, it wasn't like Dutch to get physical with him. He took a shaky breath and averted his eyes, he felt at fault for Annabelle getting hurt in the first place.

"... Annabelle was shot." He confessed.

Arthur wished he could have avoided seeing the realization wash over Dutch's expression, his eyes slowly widening from a squinted position, his lips going from a tight line to slightly agape, the look could only be described as one of terror. His rough grip slowly loosening as he suddenly just let Arthur go, turning away.

"She's okay." Arthur quickly added but he looked down to the floor. "... It was my fault, she was up front with me when they attacked us I couldn't get her to safety in time." He murmured, Dutch slowly turned back to Arthur and Arthur braced himself, he deserved to be punished after all.

"... It wasn't your fault." Dutch managed to say, his tone surprisingly calm. "What happened?" He asked, but the question was more of a demand for an answer, Arthur was almost too relieved to reply.

"We were followin' the plan, right after you left we started for Moonstone Pond, around one in the morning Cain and his band of crooks rolled up on us, I tried to tell them you were gone and tried to avoid a fight but... We couldn't. Annabelle was the only one seriously wounded, but she was stable when I left." Arthur explained.

"Where'd she get shot?"

"Thigh."

Dutch nodded, his visage was unreadable, there was obviously something going through his mind and Arthur was afraid to find out what it was. Right now he needed to focus on getting them the hell out of here and finding John...

_John._

"I need to look for John." Arthur announced, Dutch nodded. "I'll be back as soon as I can but... I-I gotta look." He mumbled.

"Go, son." Dutch granted.

There were no more words exchanged as Arthur mounted his horse and took out his lantern again. He was worried about leaving Dutch and Bill alone unprotected, but he figured they had been there long enough without being found, he was sure they could survive a little bit longer.

Time passed faster than Arthur was prepared for, before he knew it he could see the sun slowly beginning to hint over the horizon. He couldn't look much longer, in the morning, the law was going to begin searching for the train. They needed to be  _gone_ by then but he couldn't give up until he was certain John was alive or not... He couldn't leave not knowing.

"John!" He hollered, it was beginning to feel hopeless.

Every mile, Arthur would get off his horse, resulting in a  _very_ sore torso. Susan was going to kill him for doing this to his wounds, but he looked around for any sign of John and so far had found nothing... Until now. Arthur sighed, a small billowing cloud of fog erupting from his mouth from the near-freezing temperature, he was ready to give up and get on his horse again but looking down to the bank, he saw something embedded into the mud.

Kneeling down, Arthur pulled up a glove from the earth, furrowing his brows he walked to the water and washed it. Suddenly a glimmer of hope shined through, this was John's glove! The water was much calmer in this area, perhaps it had washed up on it's own? Looking around again in a slightly panicked state, he tried to calm down, knowing that this didn't mean John was alive... He had been missing for nearly four hours now.

Arthur made the decision to go on foot from here, knowing he wouldn't be able to look as closely when riding. He still kept parroting John's name in the forest as he searched, he felt so close, trudging on the banks for what felt like days, he eventually came upon a figure lying motionless in the mud. Arthur couldn't tell what it was when he saw it in the distance, at first he thought it was a log or a dead animal but as he approached it, he could see clothing.

"John?" He whispered, once he was close enough to see John's lifeless features he choked out a breath and ran over to him and knelt, uncaring that his knees were sinking into the mud beneath him. "John!" He yelled as he pulled the other into is arms.

John didn't twitch a muscle, his lips were blue and his eyes were sunken in... John was really dead, he reached up and caressed John's cold cheek, wiping away the dirt and grime that stuck to his pale skin.

"John, open your eyes!" He begged, his fingers running through his dripping hair.

Arthur didn't realize there were tears gathering in his eyes until it was too late and they were falling down his face. Once again he was revisited by the worst pain he had ever imagined... The pain he had tried so hard to hide from all those years.

"Goddamit you stupid kid! I was supposed to go first!" He spat angrily, but his anguish had taken any bite out of his words as he cradled John's limp form in his arms, hugging him close as a sob wracked his body, his worst nightmare coming true.

* * *

"... We gotta jump gentlemen!"

Jump!?

John looked over, his panicked eyes meeting his mentor's as their gazes met.

"You can do it son."

The next thing John knew he was in the water... Unable to come up for air. He struggled against the current as it dragged him down, his lungs feeling as if they were convulsing as he managed to push against something, his head bursting through the surface of the water as he sucked in a breath. He had no clue how long he had been under water but it had been a long time.

"Dutch!" He cried, but got no reply as he was swept down the river.

John gasped in water as he was sucked under again in the rapids. Water filling his lungs causing them to burn like none other, it was so cold he was getting to tired to fight... He really was going to die. John pathetically flailed underwater as he looked up, he could see a brief white light from above, he did what he could to paddle towards it in a desperate attempt to stay alive.

He didn't know how he did it, but the next breath he pulled in was air, he coughed and gagged, still trying to force the water out. In total, he had only been in the water for about ten minutes, but the current was so volatile that it had carried him miles away from the train. He was freezing, his joints beginning to lock up despite the water beginning to calm and his body floating on the surface as he looked up at the moon.

For some reason, John didn't struggle against the water... His body was done fighting. He was so tired and he figured now was the best time to die before he was sucked under again but he never was. He wheezed softly as his body was slowly carried to the shore but in all honesty, he didn't realize it. He laid on his back, his legs still in the water as he stared up at the moon.

He didn't want to die like this, alone in the woods at night he figured he'd be eaten by some animal by morning, no one would ever find him... And yet, he felt calm as if he were ready for it, he wondered if death was like this for everyone... His body was warm and his eyes were heavy... He didn't even realize they had closed.

When he opened his eyes again, John was at a house. He was confused, this place felt familiar but he didn't understand why because he had never been here before. Was he dead? He didn't know, approaching the porch he walked up to the front door and held up his fist, knocking. When no one answered he carefully opened the door, hoping he wasn't trespassing.

"Hello?" He asked, but when he walked inside, it was evident he was alone but there was a fire lit, the flames were still strong, someone was here not to long ago.

John had never been more confused in his life, he looked to his hands and his body, he wasn't wet anymore and he felt fine. Approaching the fireplace there was a note on top of it. Perhaps it would shed some light on the events here.

_John,_

_Gone down to the river to enjoy the view. If you wish to join me you are more than welcome._

This didn't make sense, this wasn't what he pictured after death, not that he expected anything great. He walked out of the house, the note still in his hand, the only way to find out was to do what it said. Whoever it was, knew his name.

He had no idea where he was how was he supposed to know where the river was? However, when John started walking, it was as if his body knew where he was going, the strange feeling of familiarity making him increasingly uncomfortable. He kept walking until he heard the faint sound of the water rushing and it didn't instill fear in him like he thought it would after his experience, he was just calm.

John's eyes looked ahead of the path he was following and he could see someone in the distance.

_John!_

John paused, that was Arthur's voice... Was that Arthur? John's heart fluttered at the thought, he would love to see Arthur, to make sure he was okay!

"Arthur? That you?" He asked, smiling and squinting.

As John got closer his walk slowed when it became apparent that whoever was indeed in front of him wasn't Arthur. He was nervous, scared even.

"Wh-Whose there?" He asked.

It seemed to be a woman with long ginger hair, almost resembling Annabelle's but this woman's hair was wavy and shiny, near perfect. The form slowly turned to look at John, the woman smiling, John felt a strange attachment to this woman, the feeling so overwhelming that he feared he would sob if he opened his mouth. He had so many questions but a sudden jolt went through him.

_John open your eyes!_

What was that? It was Arthur! But where was he? He didn't understand, it sounded like Arthur was above him but he was nowhere to be seen. The woman seemed to sigh, her smile was sad but she approached John, she was standing right in front of him, he had no idea who this woman was and yet... He was so overcome by emotion at seeing her. She shook her head and reached up, caressing John's cheek.

John was confused, he couldn't feel it but he was certain she was touching him. Her lips began moving but no sound was coming out, but she didn't say much, she shook her head again and took her hand away. Meeting her gaze felt like looking in a mirror.

_I was supposed to go first!_

John inhaled sharply and took a step back, the force behind the words so gut-wrenching and so powerful. Arthur was talking to him, calling him... He didn't understand but he looked to the woman in front of him, the tears streaming down his cheeks beyond his control. She smiled somberly before her lips moved again...

"Goodbye... My son." she whispered

* * *

When John blinked again, he was staring up into the dark sky, the sun was rising but the light was dim. He couldn't move but he could feel something holding him tightly until he felt moisture dripping on his cheek, looking up he could see Arthur. He was crying..?

"... Arthur?" He wheezed. 

Arthur gasped and pulled back looking down at John, he was alive!? Arthur stared at him, stunned for a moment before he released a shaky breath.

"John, can you hear me?" He asked, John nodded weakly, making Arthur nearly heave out a sob of relief. "I'm gonna kill you." he chuckled tearfully as he caressed John's cheek.

"You're... Alive." John muttered, seeming relieved as well.

"Of course I'm alive, I'm more worried about you."

"Colm O'Driscoll... Said ya'll were dead." John coughed.

"He'd gonna wish we were." Arthur growled softly.

The next thought that came to Arthur was that he had to get John  _warm._ He knew if John was barely hanging on that he was in a bad way, why were they just sitting here!?

"Can you move?" He asked, quickly wiping his cheeks as he got ahold of himself.

"N-Not really..." John croaked.

"Alright, I'm sorry if I hurt you but we gotta go." Arthur stated and gently scooped up John's body in his arms, grimacing at his broken arm but hauled John up anyway, he was so cold he had no clue how John was still alive.

Despite the radiating pain in Arthur's arm, he trudged to the horse and managed to get John on top before he too climbed back on.

"Just stay awake John." He said and kicked the horse.

"... I-... I think I saw my mother." John mumbled.

Arthur looked down to John who weakly leaned against Arthur, normally he was skeptical of those kinds of stories but seeing how dead John actually looked he was inclined to believe him. The thought made him shudder, he'd have to ask about it later when John was more coherent.

"Don't talk, save your energy." Arthur instructed.

"... You were cryin' over me?" John asked ignoring the order, Arthur paused.

"No, you musta been dreamin'." He lied, relieved to here a small weak chuckle from John, followed by a cough.

"Sure I was." He mused, for some reason, Arthur knew John would be okay from his response, he knew John was far from out of the woods but for some reason, hearing John be himself was extremely reassuring.

It didn't take long to meet Dutch and Bill, Arthur was thankful the fire was still going.

"Oh my god, you found him!" Dutch gasped in sheer relief. "Get him by the fire!" He said as he ran over to the horse.

"Take him." Arthur said since his arm felt like it was going to fall off.

Dutch carefully slid John off the horse and sprinted to the fire, Arthur was quick to follow. Dutch took the jacket off himself and nearly swaddled John in it as Arthur sat behind him, his legs coming around John from behind so that John's back was pressing against Arthur's chest as Arthur hugged him, doing their best to get John as warm as possible. Arthur was unsure if John was still conscious, but he wouldn't blame John for sleeping through this. Bill put another large tree limb on the fire for good measure.

"He was barely alive." Arthur murmured. "I coulda swore he was dead."

"I'm so glad you found him." Dutch said, gently clapping Arthur's shoulder.

"A miracle for sure." Bill muttered in disbelief.

"Are you two feelin' better?" Arthur asked.

"Much." Dutch replied.

"Why don't you two take my horse to go find yours? I'll stay with John, just bring the horse back once you find The Count. John needs to get warm before we can go anywhere, but you guys should disappear." Arthur explained and Dutch nodded.

"A solid plan, keep that boy warm." Dutch ordered as he and Bill climbed onto Arthur's horse.

Dutch left Arthur a rifle just in case before they galloped off, Arthur leaned his chin on John's shoulder as he listened intently to John's breathing, worried that it would stop.

"Arthur..?" John asked softly, Arthur was relieved John was still awake.

"Hm?"

"... Do you believe in an afterlife?" John asked, thinking about the vision while he was  _dead_.

"I dunno." Arthur replied honestly. "I think it's more complicated than just goin' to heaven or hell..." He explained.

"... You ever see anythin' before?" John inquired.

"... Not yet." He replied. "... Why don't you take a nap, cowboy... You've had a long night." Arthur cooed softly.

"Yeah maybe... This is nice." John mentioned softly, Arthur tensed slightly but he eventually let out a small sigh.

"Yeah... It is."

> It can be born anywhere  
> In the last place you'd expect  
> In a way you'd never dream
> 
> It can grow from nothing  
> And lost within a second  
> A single glance is all it takes  
> To get inside you
> 
>  
> 
> Invading every thought  
> and every beat of your heart  
> Love can make you scream  
> and it can leave you speechless  
> Love has a thousand stems  
> but only one flower
> 
>  
> 
> It can grow alone till it turns into dust  
> it can tear your world apart or bind you forever  
> It can grow in darkness, make its own light  
> Turn a curse into a kiss  
> change the meaning of your world
> 
>  
> 
> Love makes no sense, Love has no name  
> Love drops you in tears and it sets your heart on fire  
> Love has no fear, Love has no reason
> 
> So infinitely fast stop standing on the edge  
> Take my hand, erase the past forever  
> My Love is you, My love you are
> 
>  
> 
> Love makes no sense, Love has no name  
> Love is never wrong and never needs a reason  
> I'm drowning in my tears but my heart is on fire
> 
>  
> 
> It can make you better, it can change you slowly  
> And give you everything you want, ask for nothing in return  
> In a blink of an eye, a hint of a smile  
> In the way you say goodbye, and everytime you find me
> 
>  
> 
> Love makes no sense, Love has no name  
> Love drops you in tears and it sets your heart on fire  
> Love has no fear, Love has no reason  
> Love makes no sense, Love has no name  
> Love drops you in tears and sets your heart on fire  
> Love has no fear, Love has no reason  
> My Love is you, My love you are  
> My Love is you, My love you are
> 
>  
> 
> source: Love Exists by Amy Lee


	12. Chapter 12

It had been about two weeks since the train robbery, both Arthur's ribs and his arm felt so much better, they weren't healed yet but they were getting there. John, on the other hand, suffered no lasting effects from the severe hypothermia to Arthur's surprise. He had tremors for a few days after but then was fine, Arthur was jealous for sure but he was more thankful than anything.

Annabelle was also still alive, she couldn't walk but she was healing. Miss Grimshaw ended up having to dig the bullet out of her leg on the drive to their current location at Moonstone Pond but she didn't have an infection and was now just waiting for the wound to finish healing. She would probably be up and walking in another two weeks, but Dutch didn't take seeing her wound well.

Dutch could forgive plenty of things, but wounding the love of his life wasn't on the list. Hosea was worried that he was clouded with the thought of revenge and that he should leave it, but Arthur actually agreed with Dutch. After seeing the brutality of the opposing gang, they needed to be put down and after nearly killing John, it was the last straw. It would be no easy feat though.

As for the money, thankfully none was lost, just wet, it took a week for it to dry enough to be used and John knew exactly what he was spending his share on. He had been thinking about it for weeks, they were getting ready to head to a small settlement called Whitewood to purchase more supplies due the stuff lost in the fire. It was supposedly larger than Shallow Trails.

In total they lost about four cots and one of the canvas tents, it seemed as though John was going to be bunking with Arthur permanently for the time being, they ended up having to give up their cots as well but they didn't mind seeing as one was for Annabelle and the other was for Bessie. Their hideout was also warmer, it wasn't a desert or anything of the sorts but Arthur never saw his breath anymore since coming down from the mountains.

In all honesty, after John's near-death experience, neither of them minded so much about being stuck together. Arthur still kept an arm's length away from John but they weren't awkward anymore.

"John, go and get Arthur so we can head out." Dutch ordered.

"Sure." John replied before walking away from the wagon and towards their tent.

Arthur had just finished changing when John opened the flap.

"Whoa, I was changing you know." Arthur huffed softly.

"Well, you're not now." John replied.

"My point is, announce yourself." Arthur grumbled.

Despite the usual quarrels they had it was nice to be back to normal again despite their current situation. They hadn't spoken of  _it_  yet, and now Arthur wasn't sure he wanted to. They were back to their usual shenanigans, he didn't want to fuck that up. Little did he knew John had his own little plan in mind.

"Whatever, come on, Dutch is waiting for you." John ushered.

Arthur slipped on a belt and his holsters before following John out of the tent and to the wagon, thankfully this town wasn't longer than thirty minutes away. Normally they would take the horses to a town so close but there would be plenty of heavy things to haul back. Arthur sat close next to John who looked over once they were situated on the wagon, when their gazes met they quickly tore them away.

Not only had they not talked about their feelings but they hadn't talked about the night that Arthur's heart had broken all over again. Every now and again, John could tell it affected Arthur, like when he mentioned going with Arthur and Dutch on the next plan and there was hesitation in Arthur's tone despite trying to hide it well, or how Arthur would ask about how John was feeling. Arthur was good at making it sound casual but John could tell he was worrying.

John knew he was a coward, unable to just bring it up to Arthur but he was worried about ruining their relationship a second time. He was lucky Arthur was so accepting after kissing him but as he thought about the kiss he thought of Annabelle's words.

_If you have a choice between being miserable and happy... Choose that._

John had an idea to test the waters with Arthur a little more subtly, not that he was going after Arthur but he was curious to see how Arthur would react to a gift of sorts. Feeling his arm brush against Arthur's, he gulped and kept his eyes forward, he liked it and didn't want to risk Arthur stopping. John was more than thankful that the ride didn't take longer than an hour and the band was pleasantly surprised to see a bustling little town... Arthur was more than happy to see a hotel across the street, a bath sign in the window. Thank god, John offered a hand to Arthur once he stood and Arthur took it, hauling himself up and getting off the wagon.

"I'm gonna go get the supplies and scout around, ya'll know the drill." Dutch mused shortly before turning on his heel and walking away.

Arthur and John glanced to one another, Dutch had been a bit... Twitchy since returning from the robbery. Any time Arthur tried to coax some information out of Dutch he just said that he had a plan and to trust him. Arthur wanted to but he was worried, while he agreed on taking out Cain and Colm O'Driscoll, he was concerned about Dutch's mental state.

"He's worryin' me." John murmured.

"You and me both." Arthur sighed before turning to face John. "I dunno about you but I'm headin' over to the hotel for a bath, you wanna come?" He offered.

"I would love to but I actually have an errand to run." John replied.

"Errand?" Arthur inquired curiously. "What errand?"

"Don't worry about it, I won't be long." John mused before he smiled and began walking away from Arthur.

Arthur huffed softly at John's quick retreat before he walked to the hotel, he tossed a quarter to the clerk before heading back to the baths and opened an empty room. He was pleased that there was already a bath ready, he hadn't had a proper bath in probably six months. He bathed in rivers and lakes but it wasn't the same, he leaned back and sighed in relaxation in the steaming water. He only wondered what John was up to.

* * *

Once John had escaped Arthur's prying gaze, he ducked down an alleyway down the main street. He knew there was a fence around here, he needed an expert. Seeing an open door after a minute or so of walking he peeked inside before knocking.

"Anyone here? I'm lookin' for business." John called.

"Oh come in." A man replied as he walked out from another room and sat at a desk that was in front of the open door. "What can I do for ya?" He asked.

"... I was wonderin' if you knew anything about antique watches." John mentioned.

"I know plenty, what're you lookin' to sell?"

"That's the thing, I'm not looking to sell, I'm looking to repair." John explained, sitting in the chair across from the man, who seemed intrigued.

"Interesting, can I see it?" He asked.

John reached into his bag and pulled out Arthur's family heirloom and handing it to the man. The stranger looked it over and opened it before humming softly and opening one of the drawers at his desk and pulling out a few tiny screwdrivers and magnifying glasses that he sat on the bridge of his nose, John watched curiously as he used one of the screwdrivers to open the watch carefully while looking at the inner workings.

"You sure you don't wanna sell? It has all the original parts, modifyin' it will make it decrease in value."

"I'm pretty sure it's already decreased in value since it don't work." John mused. "Besides it ain't mine to sell." He added, the man nodded before sighing softly.

"It's not gonna be cheap and I can't promise anything, I may have some parts lying around that I can work with but if I don't you're out of luck..." He explained.

"I have plenty of cash." John assure.

"Alright, it'll be two-fifty."

John took out the cash and handed it to the man, he gave him half to start and promised to pay the other half when he came to pick up the watch, after showing the man that he did have the cash for the rest of the payment, John walked out to let him work. He was worried about leaving Arthur's watch with the fence, but if the man did steal it at least Arthur would never know about it... However, John truly hoped and nearly prayed that it didn't come to that.

* * *

Arthur laid in the tub for he didn't know how long after scrubbing his body and thoroughly washing his hair, he had plans to head to a barber today too to trim his hair. Feeling the water beginning to cool, Arthur finally got out and dried himself off. It was too bad this place didn't have  _deluxe_ bathes but Arthur was more than grateful just to be able to wash in peace and comfort. He assumed he had been in there for about a half an hour, as he walked out of the hotel, John rounded the corner of the alleyway, Arthur eyed him with suspicion.

"What're up to, John?" He asked seriously, John sheepishly looked over to Arthur before shrugging.

"Nothing illegal, I swear." He promised, Arthur looked him up and down, wondering if he had to babysit John for the day.

"... Alright, I believe you for now." Arthur acquiesced hesitantly.

"Good, where you headin' to now?" John inquired, Arthur reached up and rubbed his stubble.

"Barber, I need a haircut, you comin'?" He asked, John seemed to mirror John's actions to feel his face, despite only being eighteen, John had an impressive amount of facial hair, he usually kept a closely trimmed beard but lately with the incidents in the last few weeks both of their facial hair needed some TLC.

"Yeah sure, I need to get rid of this." John agreed and walked with Arthur towards the barber.

The two walked in content silence, and while they hadn't talked privately yet, they still walked closer than they used to and sat closer than they used to. Arthur was still unsure about what he really wanted let alone what was for the best. Was it even worth pursuing a relationship with John? What if they both went all in on this only to realize that it wasn't what they wanted and it was a mistake? After... Being together, they couldn't go back from that and Arthur still wasn't even sure if he wanted to go all the way with John.

"Arthur." John quipped, Arthur blinked and looked over in reply. "You alright?" He asked.

John himself was in a slightly different boat, he had no clue that Annabelle and Arthur had talked. He was just grateful that Arthur was still okay with being close to him after the kiss, he seemed to be even closer after the robbery but John didn't complain. Pushing that thought out of his mind he focused on Arthur's face... That was easy.

"Yeah, the last few weeks have just been crazy, it's been a while since we've been able to just relax." Arthur explained in response.

"You're tellin' me." John chuckled softly gently and playfully nudging Arthur. "We both nearly died." He snickered, Arthur felt a pang hit his chest when John mentioned almost dying, Arthur had blocked it out for the most part but he knew it would be raw for a little while until he was able to acknowledge the experience again, he wasn't sure why it had affected him the way that it had.

"Yeah." He muttered absentmindedly once they walked into the barber.

They sat in silence as John's face was shaved and Arthur's hair was cut, he was thankful that his barber wasn't the talkative type. For the first time since that night, Arthur thought back to finding John on that bank. He remembered feeling so undeniably heartbroken. There was no doubt in Arthur's mind that he  _loved_ John, no matter how much of a little shit he was Arthur would always love him, but the kind of pain he experienced when he saw John's lifeless body... The only thing that it had come close to was losing Isaac and Mary.

It worried him, it only meant that he was attached to John far more than he had originally thought. He knew before that he probably would have cried over John if he had passed away but the sobs that had spilled from his lips... Arthur gulped and discreetly glanced over, John's eyes were closed as he was shaved. Arthur sighed, he had to make a decision about what he wanted and soon.

They walked out of the barber about an hour later since Arthur got both a haircut and a shave, he was glad John didn't cut his hair often, he only got it trimmed to get rid of the frayed ends every few months. John was reading a newspaper when waiting for Arthur and when they stepped onto the street he handed Arthur the bulletin.

"Look at this..." He muttered.

Arthur took the paper and looked down, furrowing his brows at the main story. It headlined the train that they had stolen from, there was reward money for up to five hundred dollars for tips to help track down the robbers. It also stated how all the train attendants on board had been murdered, it made sense now.

"... That explains why it was still there when I went lookin' for ya." He murmured, looking to John. "... Ya'll didn't do this right?" He asked as they began walking towards a restaurant, Arthur was starving.

"God no." John vehemently denied. "We tied 'em up but we never intended on killin' 'em." John whispered as they walked, Arthur was relieved but he never assumed it was them to begin with.

Arthur remembered seeing the engine above him, wondering why it was just sitting there without any explanation, there was no law and he didn't hear any ruckus. It's because everyone was dead... He couldn't wait to kill those fucked up brothers.

"You hungry?" Arthur inquired to chase away his rage, John thought for a moment and nodded.

"Yeah, I could eat." He replied as they stopped in front of the door, Arthur nodded to the doors.

"C'mon then." He ordered and held open the door for John.

John raised his brows, the offer and the almost chivalrous action was so casual it threw him off guard. Was Arthur just trying to be friendly? Probably, his mind was just reaching, he cleared his throat and lightly brushed passed Arthur as they walked into the restaurant. It wasn't any kind of high-class place but the food smelled good. They were shown to a table and they sat, John watching Arthur as they did so. There weren't any lasting gazes or flirtatious remarks, it kind of relieved John. He wouldn't know what to do otherwise.

Arthur ended up ordering steak and eggs while John ordered biscuits and gravy, while they both loved hunting their food, there was something different about a freshly cooked meal they didn't have to work for. When they were finished eating, Arthur thought of Dutch, normally he never worried about Dutch going on his own but lately he had been acting a little more erratic.

"You see Dutch when you did your errand?" Arthur asked, John shook his head. "... Any idea where he went?"

"He mentioned visiting someone to Hosea... What was his name..? Austin? Alexander?" He asked as he thought carefully before snapping his fingers. "Archie!" He exclaimed.

"Archie? Archie who?" Arthur inquired, he had never heard the name before.

"Archie uh... Phillips I think. Just said he might have information on the O'Driscoll's." John recounted.

"Oh great." Arthur scoffed. "We should go lookin' just in case."

While Arthur also wanted to kill Cain and Colm, he was worried that Dutch was obsessing over it, he knew that under the facade Dutch felt at fault for all of this happening in the first place. Whenever he tried to talk to Dutch alone about it, the conversation went nowhere and it just frustrated Arthur.

After asking around for about an hour on the location of Archie, they were finally pointed to a small homestead outside of town, well within walking distance. Thankfully this time of year made the walk bearable, they could see it about a mile away, about ten minutes had gone by they and were on the property now. Their pace was leisure... Until they heard a gunshot.

"Shit." Arthur growled, they started running towards the house.

Once they raced up to the porch, they could see that the front door was cracked open and a scuffle could be heard inside. Arthur pulled out a gun as he nearly threw open the door.

"Come on Archie, I don't have this kinda time." Dutch sighed, his tone indicating that he was bored.

"I swear! I don't know anythin'! I told you I haven't ran with'em in years!" An unfamiliar voice cried. "Just let her go!"

Arthur and John looked to one another with shock as they followed the voices through the entryway and down the hall into the living room. The scene before them was shocking to say the least, there was a woman tied up on the floor Dutch was standing above her while a man cowered on a sofa across from them.

"Dutch what the  _hell_ are you doin'!?" Arthur yelled in disbelief.

"You two get outta here I'm almost finished." Dutch ordered seriously.

"Dutch look at yourself!" John barked.

"P-Please help us!" The woman whimpered, there was a bullet hole in the floor next to her head.

"I said get the hell outta here!" Dutch sneered coldly, Arthur glared at Dutch before he sighed and slipped his gun back into it's holster and walked over to Dutch.

He knew Dutch was capable of reason, but this was the first time that Dutch had ever faced losing Annabelle without any warning beforehand. When she was sick, they had time to say the things they needed to say, to love each other and brace themselves for the worst... When Annabelle was shot, Dutch wasn't prepared beforehand and it scared him to his core. Arthur looked to the man on the couch, Dutch's form was rigid his eyes glaring at the stranger as well.

"... If you know anythin' about what my friend here wants to know... I'd spit it out now." Arthur said calmly.

"I-I promise! The last time I conspired with Colm was two  _years_ ago! I told him I wanted out and that I couldn't do any side jobs for him! I haven't been contacted since!" The man babbled, Arthur stared at him before looking to Dutch.

"... Does he really look like a liar to you? I'm pretty sure he's pissed himself." Arthur said coolly to Dutch, but Dutch seemed gone, he was still glaring at the fearful man in front of them.

Arthur carefully reached up and rested his hand on Dutch's gun, slowly beginning to lower it.

"... C'mon Dutch, do you really wanna be like them?" He asked softly.

Dutch finally blinked and glanced over, he was still obviously fuming but he forced out a long exhale. It took a moment but Dutch finally put his gun away and reached up, running a hand down his face.

"... You're right." He muttered, Arthur sighed in relief and nodded.

"Let's get outta here... I think you need to spend some time with your woman." He opined gently before looking to John.

"Cut this woman free and... Explain to them our terms for lettin' them live." Arthur instructed as he led Dutch outta the house.

While he was nowhere near as scary as Dutch or Arthur, John intimidated the couple enough that he was sure that they wouldn't go to the law about Dutch's home invasion. He walked out of the house to see Arthur and Dutch smoking next to each other, he sauntered over to them and nodded his head.

"I think we should go while we can." he said.

"We should probably leave town for a few days just in case." Arthur commented, John remembered Arthur's watch and spoke up as the three men walked back towards town.

"Probably a good idea, I just need to go pick somethin' up before we head out." He noted, Arthur raised a brow, suspicious again.

"Like what?"

"You'll see soon enough, jeez Arthur you're not tryin' to fill Miss Grimshaw's shoes are you?" He teased, Arthur felt a blush heat up his cheeks at the insinuation but when he heard an honest and genuine chuckle pipe up from Dutch, both men looked over to him, he had been silent the entire walk.

"You boys kill me." He mused, despite the blush still raging at Arthur's cheeks he smiled at Dutch before looking to Arthur, narrowing his eyes.

"... Fine, but when you're done, come to the general store  _right after_  and help us load up the wagon... I still have a broken arm ya know." He grumbled.

"I think you'll manage for just a few minutes." John scoffed.

Once the group got back into town, John veered towards the fence he had originally visited while Arthur and Dutch went to the general store to replace what they had lost in the fire. Arthur was so damn curious what was so important that required John's attention right away, John did mention he would find out... It helped quell his assumptions.

John felt anxious as he approached the open door on the side of the building once again, he saw the man sitting at the desk, pleased to see he was working on the watch, glancing up and back down the man spoke.

"I think I've got it." He mentioned, excitement lit up John's face.

"Really?" He asked.

The man turned the watch back around and observed it for a moment before flipping it back again, fiddling with the parts silently. John sat down at the desk, he fidgeted knowing Arthur and Dutch were waiting for him.

"In a hurry?" The man inquired, not even looking at John again.

"Not exactly, I just wanna return it to it's rightful owner." John replied, the man nodded.

He flipped and fiddled, flipped and fiddled for a few more minutes before there was a small but distinct  _click_. John's brows rose as he peered at the watch, angling his head in different ways to try and see if the watch was working. The man flipped it around before grinning and showing it to John who grinned at seeing the hand moving.

"I believe you owe me another hundred and twenty-five." The repairman stated proudly.

John rolled his eyes but fetched the money handing it to the man. He counted it carefully once more before he sealed the watch back up and handed it to John.

"If the owner ever wants to sell it, tell 'em I'll give 'em a good deal on it." The fence merchant beamed as John placed the watch carefully in his bag.

"I'll keep that in mind, thank you so much." John stated gratefully as he shook the man's hand before darting out of the room to help Arthur and Dutch.

By the time John had returned, Arthur was only able to watch as Dutch and one of the store workers loaded the heavy crates onto the wagon.

"I can take it from here." John offered to the clerk.

"Bout time." Dutch teased. "What've you been up to?"

"Nothin' just had some business to take care of." John mused, deflecting the subject.

Arthur huffed at the conversation, John still wasn't budging? Arthur didn't understand why he was so curious about what John had been up to. Normally he wasn't big into being in other peoples business but it wasn't like John to be so secretive.

With John helping Dutch, they loaded the rest of the wagon up within a few minutes and were heading back towards camp. This time Arthur's drove while Dutch relaxed beside him and John snoozed in the rear. The ride was quiet, Arthur knew he would have to talk to Dutch before he hid away in his tent with Annabelle, he did that a lot since they moved to this location.

They arrived back in camp around three in the afternoon and while Susan ordered everyone to unload the wagon, Arthur quickly followed Dutch, giving John an ample opportunity to sneak away.

"Hey, wanna smoke?" Arthur asked, Dutch hesitated and turned his attention to Arthur. "... Please?" Arthur asked, Dutch finally nodded and took a cigarette from Arthur.

The two ended up walking away from the bustle of camp as everyone pitched in to build the tents, Dutch had purchased two, one for their newest ladies and one that replaced the destroyed one which acted as the larger community tent for everyone else to share, though because they could only afford two tents at the moment it meant that John would still be staying with Arthur, who didn't really mind.

"Can I ask what the hell happened?" Arthur asked once they were out of earshot, Dutch sighed and shook his head.

"Honestly I couldn't tell ya, cause I don't even know." He replied, Arthur nodded in understanding. "... I know I've been crazy lately, the family has never been put in danger like that, I realized that no matter how cautious we are, they are always in danger simply by being affiliated with us... So I decided to snuff out any threat I could from now on. I reached out to Trelawny who pointed me in Archie's direction, he warned me it wasn't the best lead but... I dunno." He explained.

"Dutch let's be honest, they're much safer being with us than out there... You alone keep the monsters at bay." Arthur teased, Dutch chortled softly.

"... Do I though..? The O'Driscolls had been right under my nose the entire time and I didn't realize it... What does that make me?" He sighed, beginning to feel like he wasn't worthy of leading this gang.

"Dutch, they're slippery damn worms... It's no wonder you didn't see them." Arthur scoffed as he tossed his cigarette butt away. "... Don't you forget that they burned their own men alive..." He reminded, a shudder coming over Dutch at the thought. "... We're a family just tryin' to survive, they're just looking to justify their wages... I bet they'd set an orphanage on fire if the pay was good enough."

"You're probably right." Dutch muttered.

"I know I am... Look, remember we're behind you that's all I'm sayin'... I wanna kill those bastards just as much as you do... I know everyone else does too after what they did... You don't have to keep all this to yourself." Arthur explained, he hoped he wasn't being too sappy but he had issues talking about his feelings, it was easy to talk to Dutch but even now he felt as if he was making a fool of himself, Dutch, however, looked over and smiled, gently resting a hand on Arthur's shoulder.

"... I'm so grateful for you, my son." Dutch stated seriously but he seemed to be returning to himself again, light-hearted and happy.

"I try." Arthur chuckled before nodding to Dutch's tent. "... Go be with Annabelle." He dismissed, wanting Dutch to take a day off and recover from his own trauma.

Dutch nodded, deciding not to fight Arthur and walked away from him, ducking into his tent and disappearing. Arthur was relieved, he didn't think Dutch would lose his mind that easily but he had been worried. Hopefully, now they could move forward with clear heads and formulate a solid plan before attempting anything foolish. Arthur could relax for the moment but now he was thinking about John again. Where did he run off to?

He didn't remember seeing John after they got back, perhaps he was in the tent? Arthur hummed as he scanned around the camp, he didn't see John doing anything for Miss Grimshaw, truly he was nowhere to be found. Furrowing Arthur's brows he couldn't help the small twinge of worry as he walked towards the tent.

"John you in there?" He asked before opening the flap.

Arthur frowned, John wasn't here either, he was about to go looking again but he saw something shining on his pillow. Squinting he walked in further and kneeled down by his bedding. Upon closer inspection, Arthur stopped breathing. Was it really..?

He picked up the watch and stared at it in sheer disbelief, it couldn't be the same one right? Arthur turned it around, it looked like it, but the truth was inside. Opening the pocket watch, he released a shaky breath of sheer joy, inside there was an engraving of a name, it was worn but it could still be read clearly.

_Cas Morgan_

His great-great grandfather's name was still there and seeing the watch working he gasped softly. How in the hell..? Did John pick it up after he had left it behind in the woods? His heart clenched in discomfort as he felt butterflies racing through his body from the gesture, how John had kept it a secret for  _weeks_ he'd never know. He had to make sure, he had to thank him, he had to...

Once again Arthur was stuck in trying to figure out what he wanted... His heart sped up as he stared at the watch, John went out of his way to fix his watch. Was this wise..? There was only one way to find out. Arthur bee-lined out of the tent, he had to find John right now. Walking up to Susan, she glanced over.

"Where'd John go?" he inquired.

"Dunno, I think I saw him goin' towards Moonstone." She replied shortly. "If you see him, tell him to get his ass back here, he has to work just like everyone else." She grumbled.

Arthur snickered and rolled his eyes, of course, John would already be in trouble. They were currently located in a small area near the pond, the land had sunk down making almost a divet in the terrain that hid them perfectly in the wilderness but they were still close enough to Moonstone to get fresh water if needed. Arthur started trekking towards the water.

Was he absolutely certain this was a good idea? Anxiety began to gnaw at Arthur, his palms were beginning to sweat, but seeing John in the distance on the shore of the small pond, standing smoking a cigarette he took a breath. Now or never, Arthur continued forward until he was standing next to John.

John glanced over and raised his brows in slight surprise, he wasn't expecting Arthur to be finished talking to Dutch already.

"How's Dutch?" He asked.

"He'll be okay..." Arthur replied shortly, he was beginning to lose his nerve but his lips moved without thinking. "... Did you do this?" He asked, turning to John and pulling out the pocket watch.

John hesitated, both Arthur's tone and his expression were unreadable and for a moment he thought he might be punished. Was Arthur mad he fixed it?

"Yeah... You like it?" John asked sheepishly, intimidated by Arthur as he towered over him, he didn't realize Arthur was standing so close.

Arthur knew that John was the one who had fixed the important piece of his past but hearing the confirmation something took over Arthur... He was so overwhelmed by gratitude and something unfamiliar. When Arthur didn't answer right away, John gulped and looked back out to the water.

"S-Sorry, I thought you'd be happy." He added just in case, Arthur scoffed softly, but when John looked over, Arthur was smiling.

"... I love it." Arthur replied, John sighed in relief.

Suddenly it was quiet again, John wondered what got into Arthur, the gentleness in his eyes and the smile that graced his lips as he looked down at the watch. Arthur eventually inhaled and placed the watch in his bag as he examined John's face. He reached up and caressed John's smooth cheek, though he liked John with a clean face, he much preferred the facial hair he usually acquired. John flinched at the touch, staring up at Arthur dumbfounded, he wasn't sure whether to lean into it or to pull away, he didn't want to fuck this up twice. What had gotten into Arthur?

At that moment, Arthur remembered how feisty John was when they first met when he had the noose, he was just twelve. After saving the little brat from being hanged, John had the gall to point a knife at both him and Dutch, he admired John's bravery despite him being a little punk in the beginning. He had blossomed into a (mostly) well adjusted young man... And the fact that John looked up to Arthur all those years, Arthur was so conflicted, seeing John staring up at him he seemed frightened and he had every reason to be.

"What's goin' on Arthur..?" John asked finally breaking the silence, his voice soft and almost timid.

_Arthur no one has to know._

_We'll know..._

"... You sure you wanna know?" Arthur asked, not necessarily trying to reply to John's current question but John took it that way anyway.

"Of course I do... Are you alright?"

Arthur was taking long breaths to calm himself down... His eyes met John's who quickly felt Arthur's hand slowly sliding from his cheek, to his neck trailing fire as it did so, and from his neck, it fell to John's shoulder. It rested there for a moment, John was so confused despite blushing from Arthur's touches until he watched Arthur's other arm come up, his other hand resting on John's opposite shoulder.

Without warning, Arthur slowly started walking forward, guiding John backward. John furrowed his brows but he didn't fight it, the look in Arthur's eyes beginning to make his heart speed up, what was happening? The slow waltz sped up and suddenly John was shoved against the trunk of a tree, Arthur's hands coming up to catch John's cheeks as his lips slammed into John's.

John gasped at the sheer force behind Arthur's actions but melted quickly into it. The kiss was powerful, it only lasted a few seconds but when Arthur pulled back, John's knees felt weak as he looked up at Arthur, both panting despite the kiss not taking longer than ten seconds. They had been holding back for so long... Their eyes were locked and their breathing synced up to one another. John quickly reached up and wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck, pulling him back a second time.

When he felt John pull him back for more, Arthur knew they were done fighting this. Instinct guided them as their tongues met once more, rough and rushed, wanting to make up for lost time. Like before, Arthur dominated John only this time, John's hands began wandering, one coming up to explore Arthur's soft freshly cut hair while the other ran down Arthur's back, exploring his muscle structure.

Arthur's hands quickly lowered from John's face to his hips, pulling him close and pressing their bodies against one another. The next time Arthur's lips parted from John's they quickly met John's neck, John shivered and released a shaky breath as he felt Arthur's lips beginning to tickle and tease him. He had never let a woman do this to him, it was such a submissive gesture at and yet, feeling Arthur explore his skin in ways that no one had done before was so erotic that John couldn't deny it.

Hearing positive reinforcement, Arthur's hands gently snuck under John's shirt, resting his palms against John's sides, his skin hot to the touch. He was surprised at how much  _fun_ he was having, he wanted more, he needed it. However remembering how close they were to camp, Arthur managed to pull back once more. John's face was as red as a cherry, huffing out small breaths and staring up at Arthur in dismay from having stopped.

"... We can't do this here." Arthur eventually breathed out, reaching up and wiping his mouth before glancing around them to make sure they were still alone, John sighed but knew Arthur was right. "At least not out in the open during the day like this... Besides, Miss Grimshaw asked me to tell you to get your ass back to camp, she had work for ya." He mused, smirking down at the disheveled young man, John frowned.

"You're terrible." He growled as he shoved Arthur away, Arthur chuckled softly in response as he put his hands up in mock surrender, however, he caught John's wrist as he went to storm off, he pulled John back, his pout reversing as he looked up to Arthur once more.

"... I'll tell you what." He began, John eagerly listening. "... No one's gone hunting for a while... I bet Miss Grimshaw would release you to me if I offered to go." He explained, John gulped, he didn't want to get his hopes up but he could only imagine what their little  _hunting trip_ would entail, but Arthur quickly released John and shrugged. "If you want." He added.

"O-Of course." John replied quicker than he was proud to admit, he quickly gathered himself before he looked to Arthur.

"... Let's go then." Arthur concluded and nodded back towards camp, his eyes hooded with lust at the thought of getting John alone.

When they began venturing back towards camp, they were silent. They had a secret to keep now after all... A secret that could possibly blow up in their face... But it was worth the risk.

> "No thank you" is what I should've said, I should be in bed  
> But temptations of trouble on my tongue, troubles yet to come
> 
>  
> 
> One sip, bad for me  
> One hit, bad for me  
> One kiss, bad for me  
> But I give in so easily  
> And no thank you is how it should've gone  
> I should stay strong
> 
>  
> 
> But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?  
> Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that  
> I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?  
> Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that  
> I'm weak  
> But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?  
> Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that  
> (Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that)
> 
> No thank you
> 
>   
> They call me after dark, I don't want no part  
> My habits, they hold me like a grudge  
> I promise I won't budge
> 
>  
> 
> One sip, bad for me  
> One hit, bad for me  
> One kiss, bad for me  
> But I give in so easily  
> And no thank you is how it should've gone  
> I should stay strong
> 
>  
> 
> But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?  
> Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that  
> I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?  
> Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that  
> I'm weak  
> But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?  
> Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that
> 
>  
> 
> souce: Weak by A.J.R.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOOOOH I know I'm terrible. ;)  
> I promise I will be nice to you all in the next chapter and seeing as how quick this chapter came along I don't foresee much of a delay. Thank you all so much for sticking with this story I know it's been a slow burn but I promise you all will be rewarded for your patience soon enough! I also know I left some unanswered questions regarding John's near-death experience in this chapter, but it'll all come together have faith!  
> -Eros
> 
> PS, if you wanna get a feel for Arthur's kiss watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44ZZN9BqlEE&t=65s  
> When Ennis kisses Jack when they reunite, ugh so passionate! T.T


	13. Chapter 13

Arthur and John walked back to camp, John was desperately trying to look fine when in reality he was scared out of his mind. What if he wasn't enough for Arthur? What if he was ugly?

That thought really hit John, they always cracked jokes to each other about their appearances but he knew out of the two of them Arthur was by far the more attractive one. He was beginning to get lost in his head when he felt Arthur's hand gently nudge him and nod to Susan. John was actually relieved to see her and focus on her, as soon as she settled her icy glare on him, he gulped.

"It's about time John, we need your help!" She scolded but Arthur quickly held up his hand seeing John practically terrified.

"Sorry, Miss Grimshaw. I actually need John." Arthur interjected, she settled her suspicious eyes on Arthur.

"Oh? And what for?" She inquired.

"It's been a while since we've been able to hunt... I know everyone would like a fresh meal after the last few weeks." He explained, Susan's gaze softened a bit as she looked to John who looked like a deer in headlights.

"... I suppose as long as you catch somethin' good." She granted, John sighed in relief.

"I guess we can promise that, we'll be gone until tomorrow." He mentioned casually as he turned towards his and John's tent. "C'mon John, let's get supplies."

John cleared his throat and nodded silently before following after Arthur, he felt like a toddler. He ducked into the tent with Arthur to grab a rifle and some of the basic items he'd need for the night before finally managing to speak.

"Sorry for back there, Miss Grimshaw scares me." He mused, hearing Arthur puff out a rich chortle, the kind that made John's hair stand on end.

"I don't blame you... She scares me too." Arthur replied, John was surprised Arthur didn't insult him, he was thankful for it.

After gathering what they would need for the short trip, which wasn't much, they loaded the horses up. They left without saying goodbye, too caught up in the night ahead of them. John figured they would do most of their hunting the next day but he was indeed curious about Arthur's plans.

"Where we goin'?" John inquired from behind as they rode.

"Kamassa River. It's not very far." Arthur replied, John groaned at the thought of  _another_ river.

After about a half an hour of galloping, John was pleasantly surprised to find that this river was much calmer. He wasn't necessarily afraid of falling in here. Arthur pulled out his watch to check the time, he missed simply be able to know what time it was. It was nearing five o'clock, he could see the sun was in the beginning stages of going down.

Arthur found a nice secluded spot that he figured would give them plenty of privacy just in case. Pulling back on the horses, they dismounted and immediately began working on setting up camp. Usually, Arthur wouldn't have bothered bringing a tent but whatever they planned on doing, he was sure neither of them could do it in the open.

"Alright, you have two options." Arthur announced turning to John, who arched a brow in perplexity. "You can either set up camp or go find us something to eat tonight."

John bit his tongue as he saw a smirk appear on Arthur's visage. Arthur was  _undeniably_ the better hunter, and he knew Arthur asked just to hear John tell him to do the hunting... He wanted to challenge it but he wasn't used to the unusual influence Arthur's dominant gaze had over him in that moment.

"... Just shut up and go, I'll take care of camp." He grumbled and pushed passed Arthur who couldn't help but chuckle.

Despite that the fun was had at John's expense, he was happy to see that Arthur was smiling again, really smiling. He couldn't recall the last time he saw Arthur actually laugh and smile, they had their moments over the last few weeks but in the last hour or so alone, Arthur seemed to  _only_ smile. It took John's breath away when he watched Arthur mount his horse once more and glance back to John... The playful wink that followed made John's heart boom in his chest.

John could already see how this relationship was gonna be... If there was a relationship to be had at all. Seeing Arthur trot into the woods, John couldn't help but chuckle softly and shake his head. Despite that Arthur was  _insufferable_... He actually enjoyed this, their chemistry. Even before they had developed these... Feelings, they always had good chemistry, now it seemed to be a different type... John was eager to explore it.

For now, John focused on getting their temporary camp built up so he could get a distraction for his excitement later in the night. He knew he shouldn't hope for more, it was possible Arthur wasn't ready for that and truthfully, John wasn't even sure if  _he_ was ready. Thinking about having sex with Arthur made blood suddenly rush to his appendage, making John quickly shake his head.

Managing to just concentrate on setting up the camp, John already had a fire going by the time Arthur came back and he seemed impressed. He had managed to catch a few rabbits, they didn't need much since they went to a restaurant earlier in the day but it would be nice to have something in their stomachs for the night.

"Not bad John, I was gone what, an hour?" Arthur asked.

"About." John agreed, looking to the makeshift fire pit that he made out of river rocks to keep the fire enclosed.

The sun was starting to fade over the skyline when Arthur approached the fire and kneeled, pulling his knife from the sheath as he started to skin the rabbits, however, a sudden pang in his arm caused Arthur to hiss softly. John quickly looked over and frowned.

"Here, gimme them." John offered and held out his hand. "Your arm is still healin'." He added.

Arthur wanted to refuse but he had to admit that his arm hurt when he tried to grip the limp animal. So without arguing, he handed the soft corpse over to his partner who started slicing into them without much of an issue. He gutted, skinned and section the rabbits in just under a few minutes, they were small so it wasn't a big job anyway.

John handed over the bigger portions to Arthur who nodded in appreciation, they ended up roasting the meat over the fire, laughing and joking like they used to before things started getting complicated. Arthur made sure to bring some alcohol to loosen things up a bit and it helped, neither of them was drunk but they were a bit more relaxed. Arthur was quick to take his journal out when there was a pause in the conversation, John couldn't help but chuckle.

"You gonna write about me?" he asked, mostly as a joke but when he looked over to Arthur he was taken aback by his older partners striking eyes.

"... Maybe." He replied, it seemed more of a tease than anything.

"... Like what?" John couldn't help but ask curiously.

"Dunno yet... Thought about drawing too." He mentioned.

"You know, your good at that, how come you never show them to anyone?"

"They're private."

"... Even to me?"

John knew he was gambling here, asking Arthur to share his journal was serious and he was worried that he had gone too far when Arthur seemed to pause and contemplate the question. John inhaled sharply as Arthur stood, ready to throw himself into the non-moving river if he had abolished his chances with Arthur a second time due to his mouth. But, John's worries were relieved and replaced with new ones as Arthur walked over to him and suddenly sat behind John like he had when he was trying to warm John up from the hypothermia, only this time, John was fully coherent.

His legs came up by John's sides, who held his breath for a moment at the closeness of their bodies, but there was something so sweetly innocent about their current position, he felt a blush rising to his cheeks, thankful that Arthur couldn't see it as he saw Arthur's arms gently travel around his form and resting in his lap. In one of his hands was the journal, his head rested at John's shoulder once more, the familiar feeling in Arthur instilling something more primal within him and yet... He could have stayed like this all night with John.

Beginning to carefully flip through pages, skipping the writing portions, John began to see drawings that he never expected. He was so shocked that Arthur managed to make Dutch look more badass than he already did, every woman he drew, he drew with such grace and fluidity that they almost seemed as if they'd reach out of the book... And then he found different sketches of himself, particularly the one he had already been shown before and another that he hadn't seen... He was on the horse that Arthur had bought for him, he still looked so human... He didn't understand how Arthur saw  _this._

"What do you think?" Arthur asked curiously, John bit his lip as he reached forward, caressing the page gently.

"... I think you need better models." He joked, feeling Arthur chortle behind him, his chest rising and falling, John found it so comforting.

"Nah... I think you do just fine." Arthur seemed to purr.

The tone of his voice caused John to have a heart palpitation, he swallowed harshly. Feeling his skin beginning to set ablaze as he felt Arthur's hands beginning to sneak under the fabric of his shirt. John was ready to beg Arthur to just take him when the thought of Alice suddenly appeared in his head... There was no way he compared to women like her... It caused John to tense and Arthur felt it, his movements pausing.

"You okay?" He asked, John hesitated but nodded.

"Yeah, I just... I'm worried." he admitted, Arthur tilted his head before he gently nudged John forward, silently asking him to move.

John's heart felt as if it would explode out of nerves when he changed positions, his back now facing the fire as he turned to face Arthur still on the ground.

"... You know, we don't have to do this." Arthur clarified, John quickly shook his head.

"N-No it's not that..." John muttered. "... I want to, I just..." He trailed off.

Arthur wasn't the most supportive person, but he could see something was truly bothering John. He propped himself up on his knees to be able to reach forward easier and rested his hand on John's shoulder.

"... Talk to me, cowboy." He coaxed, John couldn't help but smile at the nickname.

"... I-I've never done this before." John managed to say, only confusing Arthur further.

"... Neither have I." He replied.

"Yes, you have." John argued, Arthur's brows raising resulting in a shocked expression, John knew he needed to clarify. "... Y-You're used to being on top." He explained, it took a moment but Arthur processed it and it began making sense. "... I've never been... On the bottom, I have no clue what I'm doing... I know I'm not gonna be good-"

"Shh." Arthur hushed softly, John closed his mouth, averting his gaze out of embarrassment. "Look at me, John." He ushered, the hand that was on John's shoulder coming up to gently tilt his chin up to meet his gaze. "... Under these... Circumstances I don't think it matters about who's the man and whose the woman here." He started, seeing the hint of a smile on John's lips. "... You and I are both in the same boat here, John. Even if I'm on top, as you so simply put it, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing either..." He reassured. "I don't want you to think you have to do this for me, just earlier today I wasn't even sure I was gonna be able to do this." He explained before leaning in and gently planting a kiss on John's lips.

John's worries began to melt away as Arthur kissed him, when he pulled back, John opened his eyes, their faces still just inches apart. The feeling of Arthur's breath against his lips, the heat of Arthur's body beginning to overtake his.

"... If you need to wait... Take your time, it's not like I'm going anywhere." Arthur then said, offering a small but genuine smile to his protege before pulling back.

John was disappointed as Arthur's aura left him, Arthur sat back down reaching up and running a hand through his short hair, glad he had it cut. It wasn't extremely short, but there was a bit of fuzz at the end back of his neck from the close cut. John could only think about how much he wanted to tug on those brunette locks... And how much he wanted Arthur on top of him.

Without another word, John moved forward towards Arthur and kissed him quickly, his palms resting on Arthur's cheeks. Catching his older partner off guard, one of John's hands reaching up, already greedily taking Arthur's soft locks in his fingers. Arthur was surprised at the sudden move but he was quick to reach forward and pull John close, beginning to guide John onto his lap.

John was reluctant at first, but remembering Arthur's words that he too was new to this, he decided to bite the bullet and straddle Arthur's lap. Arthur was gentle, knowing how nervous John was, starting by slowly ushering John down to allow their hips to press against one another. Once he felt John's weight shift to be actually on top of him, he leaned in and began to kiss John's neck once more, wanting to entice those sweet sounds from John's core.

Feeling Arthur's lips tease his skin and travel to his throat, he gasped out softly as he felt Arthurs's teeth nip at his Adam's apple. Shivering, John shrugged his vest off quickly, Arthur was pleased to see where this was heading. His hands explored John's body carefully, traveling to his hips, his chest, his back and many places in between. Just feeling John's curves and muscle definition in a way that the younger man had never experienced before got Arthur off more than it should have, soon after the vest Arthur reached up and began to unbutton John's shirt.

Gauging the situation, Arthur slowly opened John's shirt, doing his best to read any signs of discomfort. He was pleased when John mirrored his actions and started to unbutton his ownshirt. Being so exposed to each other in such an intimate fashion, John was beginning to familiar stiffness pressing against his inner thigh, but he shuddered when he realized that it was  _Arthur's_ stiffness, knowing he turned Arthur on enough for him to get an erection was no simple thing.

Suddenly, John found Arthur's lips traveling lower to his collar bone and then his chest, Arthur had seen John exposed like this before but never just for his viewing pleasure. John on the other hand, was just doing his best to remain alive for the ride, feeling Arthur toy with his body in ways no one had ever done before was nearly too much to him. Looking down to Arthur, a blush covering his cheeks all the way up to his ears.

Thankfully in their foreplay, the evening sun had set and was now sucking all the light remaining in the sky, soon it was dark. The fire being the only light they were able to use for this venture, John found he enjoyed it, seeing the fire dancing on Arthur's sculpted chest as it rose in fall in time with his excitement.

Arthur found his lips roaming to John's pectoral muscle and soon wrapping around a free nipple. John definitely wasn't expecting  _that,_ he gasped out vocally and released a muffled mewl trying to keep quiet, but Arthur pulled back. John looked down to him, his expression that of agitation that Arthur had stopped.

"... Don't quiet yourself here." He ordered, John was taken aback by the commanding tone in Arthur's voice. "... When we get back I won't be able to hear you begging me to fuck you... Don't take that from me now." He growled, the dominance radiating off of Arthur making John feel like putty in his hands.

"... You seem sure of yourself." John replied breathlessly, encouraging a smirk from Arthur.

"I advise you take a look at yourself in a mirror... You're looking at me like a bitch in heat." Arthur swooned, the vulgarity of Arthur's words nearly coaxing a moan from John but he was mildly irked because Arthur was right, he hated seeing the satisfied look on Arthur's face. He wanted to see Arthur get flustered for a change... So he decided to try something bold.

Reaching down, John suddenly cupped his hand over the bulge in Arthur's pants who flinched out of pure reaction. John took a deep breath to calm himself down, starting to rub his palm in circles, effectively massaging Arthur's cock through his jeans. Arthur was obviously holding his reactions in but there was something beginning to form in Arthur's eyes as he released a low hum of approval.

"You're playin' dangerous games, John." He warned. "... If you don't stop..." He grunted softly, trailing off as John increased his power behind the rubbing.

"Who said we was stopping?" John inquired too innocently for Arthur's erection, John could have sworn he felt it twitch through the fabric.

"Fine, you win." Arthur breathed, beginning to look just as disheveled as John before nodding to the tent. "Let's go." he instructed.

It was time... John gulped and nodded before he climbed off Arthur, picking up their clothing to bring with them into the tent. They didn't bother putting out the fire, they could still use the warmth radiating from it after all. Once the two had disappeared into the tent, they began to shed the last few layers of their clothing there was a sense of urgency to see Arthur in all his glory now that he was granted permission to  _look_.

Even though Arthur was definitely hard, his member wasn't completely ready, although it was already intimidating John. How was he supposed to take something so... Large? Arthur soon followed John's gaze before arching a brow.

"Hey don't stare." He quipped, John blinked and shook his head.

"S-Sorry... Just tryna figure this out I guess." He admitted.

"It's not even ready yet." Arthur replied, John gawked in fear, but Arthur quickly got John's attention again. "John, are you  _sure_ you wanna do this?" He questioned, John didn't hesitate, he nodded.

"Yeah... Can I..?" John asked, motioning to Arthur's shaft.

"I'd be disappointed if you didn't... You don't gotta ask." Arthur replied, reassuring John.

John bit his tongue at his foolishness and nodded, Arthur stayed upright on his knees so that John could have easy access to his manhood. Reaching forward, John gently took it in his hand, the slightest attention it received making a jolt run through Arthur's body. He carefully stroked it, not wanting to hurt Arthur in any way, it was such a foreign feeling, he was used to touching his own one way or another... But touching Arthur's was so different.

"Y-You don't gotta be so soft." Arthur grunted softly.

John blushed at Arthur's words, suddenly he began remembering a working girl offering John a special service for an extra fee. She explained it to him as pleasuring him with her mouth and tried to demonstrate it to him as best she could and apparently it was getting popular, he wondered if Arthur had ever received the  _special service_. Nothing was normal about this scenario, perhaps he could see for himself?

"Uh... Can you lay back?" John asked, surprising Arthur slightly.

"Why?" He asked out of sheer curiosity.

"Just trust me, I wanna try something." John ushered and gently pushed down on Arthur's chest.

Arthur took a moment before he gave in and allowed himself to lay back and relax against the pelts they had brought to make this experience comfortable. However, Arthur couldn't help but prop himself up onto his shoulders to peer down at John in curiosity as he positioned himself near Arthur's hips. He was truly awestruck when the thought of John possibly riding him came across his mind, but as he positioned himself kneeling at waist level.

Arthur wanted to ask what John had in mind but soon he saw John leaning over and began to stroke Arthur again the words died in his throat. In the beginning, John was nervous about screwing this up but as he thought about the night to come he realized he had to start loosening up. If he didn't calm down, he knew this would never be an enjoyable experience, he figured if anything he had an idea of what to do since he had jerked himself off before... Perhaps he should just do to Arthur what he wanted to be done to him?

Carefully squeezing the shaft, John's firm hand slowly worked up and down, beginning to get Arthur's blood pumping again. He could definitely feel that Arthur was stiff but as he began increasing his speed, he could feel Arthur's cock getting even firmer in his grasp. He _was_  curious about what Arthur's reaction would be if he used his mouth in this situation. Leaning in, his tongue ran slowly over the sensitive head of Arthur's member, actually hearing Arthur release an audible gasp.

"The hell was that?" He asked, the dim lighting making it hard for Arthur to really watch what John was doing.

"Did ya like it?" John questioned.

"Yeah..." Arthur confirmed, John couldn't help but feel empowered from pleasuring Arthur so harshly.

"Then don't worry about it." John replied coolly, finally giving Arthur some karma.

Arthur huffed softly and leaned back to relax once more to experience whatever John had planned. Taking a breath, John leaned in once more, repeating the movements of his tongue but instead of taking his lips away, he planted a sloppy kiss upon the head. Arthur's breathing quickened, releasing a low guttural groan, feeling John jerk him off while using the tongue on his head, he bit his lip. He had been teasing John for so long and now John was finally getting revenge.

John was actually having fun with this, more than he thought he would pleasuring Arthur. Getting comfortable with working with and licking Arthur's dick, he had a sudden urge to put it in his mouth. He remembered the woman describing the act to him descriptively to try and make the sale, she said how she would suck him dry. John slowly encompassed Arthur's cock between his lips, slowly suctioning it. Arthur groaned a bit louder, it was such an erotic feeling having John's mouth around his cock.

"Fuck, John..." He huffed, a hand coming down to comb through John's ebony locks.

John felt his own dick getting hard as he heard Arthur's praise, he felt like a fucking dog but it was so satisfying to feel Arthur squirm beneath him even if it were a few minutes. The savory salty taste of Arthur's natural flavor making John's mouth water, he felt perverted but he was too turned on to feel embarrassed by the thought. Slowly lowering his head Arthur shuddered, involuntarily bucking his hips, it caught John by surprise but he was even  _more_ shocked with the fact that he didn't gag. Maybe he was a natural?

The thought made John shiver, he wasn't sure whether to be ashamed or proud of it, but in reality, he hadn't asked Arthur if he was having fun yet. He knew the answer due to both the noises Arthur was making and the taste of Arthur's pre-cum leaking in his mouth. John didn't realize he had started bobbing his head up and down until he came up, releasing Arthur's member with a lewd  _pop_  before reaching up to wipe his mouth and look to Arthur who was peering up at him.

"... Enjoyin' yourself?" John inquired breathlessly.

Arthur glared powerfully at John from his position, he was looking John up and down now that he was able to do so easier, his eyes traced over every scar on John's body. Now it was Arthur's turn to savor the view of John's body. When John asked him the teasing question, Arthur sat back up and brought John close, their lips coming back together. John was surprised at the gentle approach but it was all a cover, Arthur slowly moved John as their tongues danced before suddenly shoving John down onto the pelts on his back.

John flinched at the rough handling, looking up at Arthur and suddenly feeling more submissive than ever before in his life. With Arthur hovering above him, his weak arm came up to caress John's cheek, meandering down John's neck, his fingertips gracing John's nipple. John shivered at the feeling and wincing as Arthur grasped it gently, teasing it for a moment before his hand slipped lower. John averted his gaze bashfully as Arthur's hand passed his navel, finally feeling Arthur take ahold of his dick.

"A-Arthur..." John sputtered softly, he could feel Arthur's weight shift slightly, glancing back for a moment he could see that Arthur had sat up and positioned himself in between John's legs.

"Yes?" Arthur asked clearly, his voice nearly dripping with lust.

"... You didn't answer my question." John asserted, Arthur smirked and chuckled softly before he bent over John, his lips hovering over John's teasingly.

"... I'm havin' the time of my life, Marston." He drawled tantalizingly, making John shudder subtly as Arthur placed a light and gentle kiss on John's lips before pulling back and sitting back up to the best comfortable position.

John felt so exposed as Arthur held his legs apart, seeing Arthur look down at him with such... Desire, John couldn't look for too long, he either had to avert his eyes or they would flutter shut.

"How come you won't look at me?" Arthur asked curiously, John bit tongue as he turned his gaze back to Arthur.

"I dunno, it's overwhelming." John replied honestly.

"You need me to stop?" Arthur inquired.

"No." John answered seriously. "... I want you... I-I want it inside me." He stated seriously, Arthur's hair bristled slightly at the words.

"Say that again." He commanded, John blushed at the order.

"I want it inside me." He mused, his eyes challenging Arthur's.

Arthur grinned at John doing what he was told, reaching up he spat in the palm of his hand before reaching down and beginning to spread it over the length of his manhood. Once he got himself lubed up he reached forward and slathered some saliva over John's entrance, the foreign feeling forcing John to slightly arch his back. He had never explored his ass, the thought that Arthur was going to be inside it soon made John take a breath to try and relax.

Arthur was truthful when he said that he was new to this, but he figured that he should, in a way, treat John like a woman. He wouldn't just force himself inside someone who wasn't ready, he wanted this to be enjoyable to both of them. He kept hold of John's throbbing member, still teasingly stroking it while his other hand came down to grab the base of his cock. Moving his hips forward a bit his member rubbed his head against John's hole, John recognized the different feeling' his eyes widening for a moment, tilting his head up to try and look.

"I-Is that your..?" John muttered

"Mhmm." Arthur replied, flinching occasionally from the sensitive tissue getting toyed with the soft skin of John's opening. "Figured you should feel it for yourself."

John let out a shaky breath and nodded, Arthur used the head of his member to spread around the lubrication before his thumb came down to massage the entrance. John couldn't help but release a small moan into the night air as Arthur rubbed firmly but it felt so  _good_. John writhed beneath Arthur for a few minutes as Arthur teased John's opening, nearly slipping his digit inside John but pulling back at the last moment.

"Arthur..." He groaned, his tone was oozing with lust and frustration.

"What?" Arthur asked simply

"P-Please..." John pleaded.

"Please what? Be specific John." Arthur scoffed softly.

"Stop teasin' me." John huffed softly, Arthur chuckled in response.

"I suppose I owe you for earlier." He noted, John gulped until Arthur carefully and slowly slid his middle finger inside of John.

The feeling was nothing like John had ever experienced, it was so intrusive and uncomfortable he actually flinched and held his breath. Despite all of that though, there was apart of John that loved this... Because it was Arthur doing it to him.

"Relax..." Arthur whispered soothingly.

"Easier said than done." John grumbled.

"I know... But if you don't it's gonna hurt a lot more when it's my dick." Arthur stated matter-of-factly.

Fuck, John had completely forgot about that part, he gulped and took a breath, releasing it slowly and working on releasing his muscles around Arthur's finger as he carefully massaged John's prostate. He focused on the actual feeling itself rather than the meaning behind it and the pain to come... He concentrated on the now, shivering, John leaned his head back and moaned quietly. Arthur felt the easing tension and he carefully added a second finger, John tensed again but he relaxed much quicker this time around.

The feeling was euphoric and John was only getting a taste of what was to come, he was already a heaving mess beneath Arthur as he was prepared... And Arthur loved watching. Seeing John's chest gleam with sweat as it rose and fell rapidly with pleasure, watching his eyes flutter shut on occasion when John's gaze broke away due to Arthur's treatment, he had sped up considerably now that he was working two fingers in and out of John. His dick was  _dripping_ with excitement as he watched John writhe beneath him, he was so fucking beautiful in his raw form.

Without the gruff, confrontational persona that John constantly strutted around with, Arthur was able to see the shy docile side of him... And he was fucking gorgeous, leaning down, Arthur placed kisses at John's neck. Normally John would have liked to play hard to get with all the teasing but... His defiance had all but been drained from him, his head laid submissively to the side to allow Arthur more room to do as he pleased.

There was something about John in that moment that nearly made Arthur lose it, the way his body laid against the pelts, his hair sprawled out in all directions, the look of pure pleasure on his usually stoic expression... It was art and Arthur would make sure he would be the only one to ever make John feel this way, he was going to fuck John in such a way that left him limping but begging for more.

Arthur's teeth latched onto John's neck, making him wince and yelped softly at its roughness. He would be sure to mark John as taken to anyone who decided to get in his pants... They would know that Arthur had John first and there was an obscene type of pleasure involved with such a thought... It was nearly perverse, to own John in his own way. Tracking kisses up John's neck and nipping the younger man's earlobe Arthur spoke in a harsh whisper.

"Beg me to fuck you." He snarled softly.

The words instilled something in John, something he wasn't sure about yet but his heart fluttered in only a way that he knew was good... He liked this. He liked Arthur ordering him in this way. John panted softly, unable to speak for a moment and released a small grunt of disapproval as Arthur pulled his fingers out of him.

"I can't hear you." Arthur mused, suddenly reaching up and grabbing a fistful of John's hair, surprising John for a moment, the painful pleasure only making his cock twitch at the feeling, Arthur forced John's head to tilt upwards to look at him.

John had never seen Arthur's eyes so contorted with greed and lust, implanted a type of excitement in John knowing that much more was to come... Seeing a smirk slither onto John's lips, Arthur arched a brow, expecting John to be disobedient.

"... I want you to  _fuck_ me, Arthur." John whispered against Arthur's lips.

While it wasn't necessarily begging, Arthur swallowed discreetly at the rawness in John's voice, it was so simple and the words were spoken evenly and almost calmly and yet... The amorous tone caught Arthur off guard and he loved it... He couldn't wait any longer.

Arthur grinned and pecked John's lips briefly before releasing his hair and sitting back up to assume the position. Lining himself up with John's opening, he spat into his palm one last time just to make sure he was lubricated enough before he eased himself passed the initial barrier of John's entrance. Once he felt John's muscles give away, his already swollen member was met with a tight warmth that he wasn't prepared for.

John on the other hand, gasped out and cupped a hand over his mouth, he felt tight... Full, feeling Arthur inch in further he whimpered and arched his back to try and find a comfortable way to lay that would help with the process.

"How you doin' down there?" Arthur panted, gently prying John's hand away from his mouth to intertwine their fingers, giving John some support.

"... Hurts." John replied simply, huffing out breaths here and there as his body slowly compensated for the sudden pressure, his grip on Arthur's hand tightening with every movement.

"I know... Need me to-"

"No." John interjected, the familiar feisty glint coming to John's eyes at the mere suggestion of Arthur pulling out.

"Okay then." Arthur snickered quietly.

"... H-How does it feel for you..?" John asked, hoping that Arthur was at least getting something out of this, Arthur reached down to gently caress John's cheek.

"... Good." Arthur expressed seriously. "... Real good, John." He added, blushing himself, John smiled up at Arthur sweetly.

"At least you like it." John chuckled softly, Arthur frowned but shook his head.

"Give it some time... I'm not gonna do anythin' if you don't like it." He assured.

John felt relief from Arthur's words and nodded, inhaling sharply as Arthur moved forward again. He took long labored breaths to try and ease his muscles into relaxing, but suddenly, he felt Arthur's hips pressing against his and he shivered. The thought that the entirety of Arthur was  _inside_ him was almost too much to bear, thankfully Arthur pulled out, giving John a much-needed reprieve.

John nearly gasped out a sigh of relief when Arthur slid out, Arthur paused and waited before slowly sliding in again. It was still painful but it was easier than before... Arthur repeated the motions slowly despite every bone in his body, including the one inside John, begged him to go at John until morning. The thought of fucking John into a writhing mess was tempting but he reminded himself that they would get there... If they kept doing this.

Slowly, the pain began fading, it was still uncomfortable for a little while but John's expressions softened... Arthur swallowed harshly as he looked down at John, taking him in so well... Responding so good to everything Arthur had thrown at him in this night of exploration.

And then John moaned...

Arthur paused just for a moment when John finally seemed to  _enjoy_ having his dick inside him... Now Arthur could finally indulge himself a bit, he wasn't going to go crazy but he needed more... Pulling out Arthur slammed his hips back into John's, bucking his hips roughly, earning a gasp and a yelp from John below but the sound was far from pain, it seemed like a shock of pleasure almost. John seemed to glare up at Arthur in annoyance, but Arthur would quickly wipe that expression off John's face.

Pulling his hips back, Arthur began a smooth rhythm with his hips... It was so much better than he thought it would be, John felt better than any woman he had ever been with even... Even better than Mary. Pushing the thought out of his mind before he could dwell on it, he huffed out breath after breath in time with his hips, his hands resting onto John's hips to hold him in place.

John truly didn't think he'd enjoy anything about this but as Arthur's member provided its own lubrication and his hole was stretched accordingly to Arthur's size... He actually started feeling pleasure, every now and again Arthur would rub against a special spot that nearly made him crumble every time Arthur nudged it... And when Arthur started a pace, John's body seemed to melt into it, feeling Arthur's cock carving its way through him was such a lovely feeling...

"Fuck... Arthur..." John moaned softly.

Arthur felt his hair stand on end as he heard John say his name in a heap of pleasure... He bucked his hips roughly forward again.

"Good boy..." Arthur praised, his deep voice reverberating through his large frame that towered over John, just like that Arthur grazed that special spot again John gasped out softly, the familiar term of endearment bringing John back to his fantasy.

"A-Arthur! R-Right there!" He begged, his fingers digging into the pelt beneath him.

Seeing such an involuntary reaction out of John intrigued Arthur, right there? Arthur maneuvered his body only slightly angling his hips towards where John had cried out from, beginning to thrust forward like a massage, his hips moving slowly and kneading forward. He was glad he was looking at John because of the way John's eyes rolled back into his head beyond his control as Arthur began caressing his g-spot.

"Fuck, John..." Arthur hummed at the display, it was so hot to see John unravel below him into a mess of sounds and sweat.

"I-I-I... I'm gonna..." John choked out slightly, trying to tell Arthur he was going to orgasm.

Now was the time to really indulge while John was feeling just as good as he was. Arthur made sure he had a good grip on John's hips before he began ruthlessly pounding away at John's entrance. The obscene sounds of Arthur's skin slapping against John as Arthur gave in to his primal urges that he had been holding back on for so long. He could feel his stomach beginning to tighten and his shaft aching for release.

"I'm gonna too." He huffed out.

John moaned out loudly as his body gave into it's most vulnerable form of pleasure, finally just submitting and allowing Arthur to do whatever he pleased... His body was rocked back and forth with the force behind Arthur's thrusts... Managing to rest his palms on the back of Arthur's hands that dug into John's skin in his rushed thrusts. He was so overtaken by bliss that when his orgasm hit him he actually blacked out for the first few seconds, once again his eyes rolled back in their sockets as he released a cry of pure ecstasy.

John was so beautiful when he came, so much so that the sight alone drove Arthur to climax. He pounded forward until he felt his seed beginning to burst from his shaft, he pulled John towards him harshly as he emptied his load into the younger man below him, the feeling had been so intense and euphoric he felt as if he had died and come back. Arthur doubled over John, his good arm coming out to steady him as they panted heavily. John was nearly unconscious, his eyes opening as he felt Arthur's breath on his neck. Seeing Arthur just a few inches above him, trembling hands reached up slowly, cupping Arthur's cheeks and delicately bringing him down to plant his lips on Arthur's for a short, sweet kiss.

The feeling of Arthur's cum shooting into John was something he would  _never_ forget. It was warm and intimate he wanted to feel that again and again...

Arthur relished the kiss from John, still connected to John's hips by his own, his free hand caressing John's side, coming up to caress his cheek and gently comb through his hair. Both of them slowly came down from their high and eventually Arthur sat back up and slowly pulled out of John, the both of them flinching from the sensitivity post orgasm before Arthur nearly collapsed next to John.

Both laid on the animal skins, their chests rising and falling as the gravity of their situation hung over them. For once though... Arthur decided not to think about it and just focus on the present... That was the best sex he had ever had. John, on the other hand, had no idea how much fun being fucked would be, he laid there in his afterglow simply trying to slow his heart rate, when Arthur laid next to him he glanced over briefly.

"... Was I good enough?" John finally asked, despite both of them being a complete wreck, John still felt the need to ask, Arthur rolled his eyes.

"... Suppose so... Perfect sounded better in my head but whatever makes you feel better." He replied casually, John huffed but he didn't have the energy to fight.

"Can... We do it again?" John asked.

"Jesus, give me a minute." Arthur said in bewilderment.

"No, I mean like... Back at camp?" John clarified.

Arthur paused, could they? They would have to keep an extremely low profile, it would be a pain in the ass and it would suck not being able to hear John's noises of pleasure but... He didn't think he could say no even if he wanted to, he knew he would have to fuck John again at some point... It was too good, he was already hooked.

"... We'll talk about that more tomorrow." He finally decided, John nodded not wanting to ruin the mood.

"... You were good." John complimented hesitantly not wanting to give Arthur a bigger ego.

"Good hm?" Arthur inquired.

"... Maybe more than good." He murmured.

Arthur snickered softly, he knew they were going to pass out soon, but recalling both he and John were covered in ejaculate he sat up and reached over to his jeans. In his pocket, there was a handkerchief just in case of messy situations... He'd probably just burn it after tonight. He handed it to John first since he had the most mess.

"Here, wipe yourself off." He instructed, lighting up a cigarette as John carefully sat up to take and cloth.

Arthur waited patiently, taking a drag off the cigarette and simply propping one of the tent flaps open for a few minutes, it was rather stuffy in there anyway. John didn't take long, wiping up the mess from his orgasm that had painted his stomach and chest, knowing he'd have to take a bath for the rest he handed Arthur the cloth. They traded, Arthur handed John the smoke while he just wiped off his shaft and tossing the rag out of the tent.

John hesitantly leaned over and rested against Arthur, exhaling smoke slowly before handing it back. Arthur looked over as he felt the weight of John increasing, he had to admit... He liked this, Arthur gently wrapped an arm around John's shoulders to solidify that the feelings were mutual despite neither of them knowing what to say. After finishing the cigarette, the two laid down once more, this time pulling up the pelts to cover them for the night, not even bothering to put their drawers back on.

Arthur ended up pulling John close, wrapping an arm around him as John's head came up to rest on his chest. Arthur wasn't used to this type of bonding and intimacy, he had only ever done it with one other woman who broke his heart... The thought was scary but John spoke, pulling him out of his head.

"... Gonna write about this?" He asked.

"... Maybe." Arthur replied, feeling a small puff of air hit his chest, indicating a small chuckle.

"You better." John replied tiredly.

"Yeah? What should I say?" Arthur inquired softly, playing with John's hair gently.

"... That I loved every minute." John replied, his eyes closed and just like that John dozed off.

Arthur looked down and couldn't help but smiling and shaking his head at John's words. They had a long journey ahead of them, but with John by his side maybe it wouldn't be so shitty... Feeling John quietly breathe against him as he slept peacefully eventually lulled Arthur to sleep as well, and he slept better than he had in months.

> This is not the way into my heart, into my head  
> Into my brain, into none of the above  
> This is just my way of unleashing the feelings deep inside of me  
> This spark of black that I seem to love
> 
> We can get a little crazy just for fun, just for fun  
> Don't even try to hold it back, just let go  
> Tie me up and take me over till you're done, 'til I'm done  
> You got me feening and I'm ready to blow
> 
>  
> 
> Push up to my body, sink your teeth into my flesh  
> (Get undressed, t-taste the flesh)  
> Bite into me harder, sink your teeth into my flesh  
> (Pass the test, t-taste the flesh)
> 
>  
> 
> Hold me up against the wall  
> Give it 'til I beg, give me some more  
> Make me bleed, I like it rough  
> Like it rough, rough, rough
> 
>  
> 
> Push up to my body, sink your teeth into my flesh
> 
>  
> 
> Hold my arms above my head and push my face into the bed  
> 'Cause I'm a screamer baby, make me a mute  
> You put your hand upon my neck and feel the pulse beat-beat-beat-beat  
> It's like a trigger get me ready to shoot
> 
> Wanna wrestle with me baby, here's a sneak little peak  
> You can dominate the game 'cause I'm tough  
> I don't play around that often, when I do, I'm a freak  
> So you'd better believe I like it rough
> 
>  
> 
> Push up to my body, sink your teeth into my flesh  
> (Get undressed, t-taste the flesh)  
> Bite into me harder, sink your teeth into my flesh  
> (Pass the test, t-taste the flesh)
> 
>  
> 
> Hold me up against the wall  
> Give it 'til I beg, give me some more  
> Make me bleed, I like it rough  
> Like it rough, rough, rough
> 
>  
> 
> Push up to my body, sink your teeth into my flesh
> 
>  
> 
> Hold me down and make me scream  
> Lay me on the floor  
> Turn me on and take me out
> 
>   
> Make me beg for more
> 
> Push up to my body, sink your teeth into my flesh  
> (Get undressed, t-taste the flesh)  
> Bite into me harder, sink your teeth into my flesh  
> (Pass the test, t-taste the flesh)
> 
>  
> 
> Hold me up against the wall  
> Give it 'til I beg, give me some more  
> Make me bleed, I like it rough  
> Like it rough, rough, rough
> 
>  
> 
> Push up to my body, sink your teeth into my flesh
> 
>  
> 
> source: Flesh by Simon Curtis
> 
> [This song helped this chapter so much ;)]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably one of, if not, the longest sex scenes I've ever written lmao. I figured you guys deserved something for being so patient, I apologize I was going to post this last night but once I was done, I was so exhausted I didn't have the energy to proofread. I hope everyone enjoyed while I played with Arthur's and John's personalities a bit, I figured once Arthur accepted this and went with it he would be a rough but giving dom. I hope it was worth the wait! Expect more soon!  
> -Eros


	14. Chapter 14

****When John woke up the next morning, he was alone. For a moment, he questioned what he remembered from the night before... The passion, the lust and the raw desire that he and Arthur had for one another. Did it really happen? Looking around, John could see that Arthur had already gotten up and he could hear the campfire crackling from outside with a few footsteps, Arthur was just outside, there was no way that they actually...

John was in sheer denial until he went to sit up and felt a clenching cramp within him as well as a distinct soreness that he remembered from the night prior... Arthur fucked him, what he had remembered was correct. He wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or more anxious, however, the familiar warming scent of coffee hit his nose and John felt compelled to get up, he couldn't stay in here all day. Leaning over to carefully sneak his watch out of his pocket, John winced at the stretching but managed to get ahold of the contraption.

It was nine o'clock in the morning, he really needed to get up. Sighing, John glanced over to the small overnight bag he had packed and brought out his outfit. He changed relatively quickly, unknowing of the multiple love bites adorning his neck, taking a breath to steady his nerves as he checked over himself to make sure he didn't look completely... Fucked, he reached up and ran a steady hand through his hair before slipping through the flap of the tent door... Trying not to seem like he was limping.

Arthur was sitting by the fire on a tree stump scribbling something in his journal, John couldn't tell if he was writing or drawing because when Arthur looked over, the book was snapped shut and hidden back into his satchel bag. He nodded to the pot of coffee still steaming by the fire.

"Still hot." He commented casually, John gulped and nodded his thanks, he knew that this would only be weird if he made it out to be.

"Thanks." He replied as he went to kneel to grab an empty cup.

When John lowered, using his haunches to stabilize himself, he felt a quick fiery blast of pain shoot through his lower body. He gasped softly and winced as he wobbled but managed to keep upright. Seeing the display, Arthur felt both a sense of pride and a sense of guilt. Quickly standing up and approaching John, he held out a hand and John seemed to glare at it for a moment.

"I'm fine." He grumbled stubbornly.

"Shut up and take my hand, Marston." Arthur ordered.

John swallowed harshly but he reached up and took Arthur's hand, he didn't realize how sore he was until he went to stand, having to use his posterior to force himself back up, Arthur actually had to end up catching him from stumbling. Feeling Arthur's arms quickly reach around him to balance him, John blushed deeply both due to the amorous nature of his pain and embarrassment.

"Seem's like I did a number on you last night." Arthur mused trying not to sound like a purr, John huffed and shook his head.

"You're loving this aren't you?" He inquired as Arthur gave the stump to him to sit on, John sighed in relief when the pressure was taken off of him, he knew once he stretched himself out he would be fine.

"I dunno about loving but..." Arthur chortled softly as he got John some coffee, handing the younger man the cup which he took begrudgingly, glaring at Arthur as he did so before Arthur pulled out a pack of smokes and offered one to John.

John paused and hesitated before caving and taking a cigarette, he needed to get the edge off of him. There was a question still hanging from his head the night before but he didn't know how to approach it... Was he just supposed to come out and ask? Knowing Arthur that was probably gonna be the best decision... Just straight and to the point.

"... What now?" He asked simply as Arthur was turned to the fire lighting his cigarette.

Arthur's actions paused, making John worry he had really fucked things up by asking but when Arthur turned to him, his expression was serious but not angry. John quickly slipped the cigarette between his lips to lessen the likely-hood of saying something idiotic. Arthur stayed silent for longer than John was comfortable with but Arthur reapproached John, he was standing in front of him.

Arthur reached out and gently connected their cigarettes together to light John's without extra effort before sticking his own in his mouth before turning back to face the fire. Obviously, he was thinking and John didn't want to interrupt him but he was getting anxious.

"... What do you want?" Arthur finally asked, John bit his tongue since he didn't truly know.

"... I-I dunno." He said honestly, he could see a shift on Arthur's energy and he knew he had to reiterate quickly. "I liked last night... More than liked really." He admitted, clearing his throat.

"But?" Arthur inquired more curiously than anything, but John knew Arthur was hiding his worry since he wouldn't look at him.

"Not really a but..." John muttered.

"I'm not following." Arthur replied, confused.

"... You could probably get anyone you wanted, you made it clear with Alice." John explained to Arthur's dismay.

_Ouch._

"I-I'm more concerned that you liked it." John stammered, not trying to out his insecurity if he could help it.

Arthur stayed staring at the fire as he thought about the night before... How much he had felt like an animal in the best of ways, the way John's submission paired so well with his dominance... The way they were so fluid, there was no awkwardness after the first initial touches. If he were honest... He had never felt more alive.

Turning, John didn't dare to take his eyes off the fire, Arthur took a sharp inhale of the nicotine before he leaned down, exhaling as he went and dropping the fresh smoke. When he was about eye level with John, who finally managed to tear his gaze from the fire to meet his ocean hues, the fear in John's eyes was almost pathetic.

"... If I didn't want this, I wouldn't have fucked you John." He stated, John's entire face flushing from the vulgarity of Arthur's statement. "... If I didn't like it, I wouldn't have finished." He added, only making John blush more somehow now that Arthur's face was nearly inches from his own, the cigarette in John's mouth the only things between them.

"... But?" John finally asked, Arthur blinked but sighed softly and stood back up to tower over John.

"... But no one can know." Arthur explained, slicking his hair back with his fingers, John seemed a bit relieved, nodding. "No one, John... Not even Annabelle." He stated seriously, John paled suddenly as he stared up at Arthur.

"H-How did you-"

"Don't worry about it." Arthur interjected. "... I just mean  _no one_  John." he said clearly, John bit his tongue but nodded.

"Why did she tell you?" John couldn't help but ask.

"... The kiss from before was botherin' me and she could tell." Arthur replied. "In the end... I think she did us a favor." He reminded seeing a slightly betrayed look in John's eyes, they softened when Arthur spoke and he eventually nodded.

"Still it wasn't her business to tell." John scoffed softly.

"That's fair." Arthur agreed evenly, knowing John would ultimately have to confront her about it but he didn't want him to be harsh on her. "... We can't give anyone  _any_ ideas, John." He stressed.

"I know." John snorted before he suddenly stood up to be closer to Arthur's face, Arthur was impressed when John didn't show the pain he was feeling.

They were close to one another once again... The way John's eyes challenged him made Arthur want to slam him into the nearest tree and take him. However, he knew there was still a question in the air, Arthur reached in and rested his palm on John's neck where the marks of their previous activities showed, his thumb rubbed circles around them, John leaned his head to the side slightly to expose more skin for Arthur.

"... In the end John, you're the one taking the most out of this... The decision is yours." Arthur hummed.

While originally John was scared of the decision moving forward, seeing Arthur's eyes looking him over with such desire and admiration... Dare say he felt beautiful. John quickly leaned in and closed the gap between him and Arthur, snaking his arms around his older partners neck. Arthur wound his arms around John out of instinct and brought him close. The powerful kiss lasted only about ten seconds but when they pulled back, John nearly had to catch his breath.

"... Does that answer you?" He questioned, Arthur smirked before nodding to John.

"Maybe... But before we head back you might wanna cover those up." He snickered before releasing John who furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Cover what up?" John asked, looking down to his chest, just barely able to see one of the many bruises, he gasped. "So much for keeping it a secret huh?" He sneered slightly, knowing he would be mortified if anyone asked.

"Hey, that's your job, not mine." Arthur chuckled softly.

"Says who!?"

"Your big mouth."

John huffed but couldn't argue since he had told Annabelle about their dilemma. Arthur had turned back to the firepit and began putting the fire out. He really wanted to annoy Arthur now... And he knew the best way how. Walking forward, John rested a hand on Arthur's lower back, which made Arthur pause his motions just briefly.

"Guess you're right." John mentioned as he ran a hand slowly up Arthur's back. "We should probably pack this place up and get ready to catch something that will stop Miss Grimshaw from castratin' the both of us." He sighed, abruptly taking his hand away from Arthur's back and walking towards his horse, smirking as he went.

Arthur turned his head to follow John's form, frowning at the obvious teasing... He'd remember to put John in his place later for that.

* * *

When the horses were both packed up and John had buttoned his shirt up fully, both Arthur and John set off to find something to bring home to lift everyone's spirits. They were in rich game land, they just had to find a trail. John had to admit that riding sucked... Bad, after being railed the way he was, his saddle was rather uncomfortable but they had to hunt. After about twenty minutes of riding, Arthur dismounted his horse and walked forward, kneeling down to look for tracks.

"Anything?" John asked.

Suddenly, Arthur remembered when he had taken John hunting him nearly a month prior... He didn't know how to track and he recalled John asking to be taught. Blinking, Arthur looked over to John and motioned him over. While John wasn't keen to get off his horse and climb back on, he did what he was told as Arthur kneeled again.

"C'mere, what do you see?" Arthur asked.

John tilted his head but knelt down, wincing slightly but not complaining. Following Arthur's gaze, he stared at the ground for a long time, trying to find what Arthur was looking at.

"... Nothin'." John replied honestly.

Arthur chuckled softly, but it seemed like Arthur was laughing with him as opposed to at him which helped. He pointed at the small, almost unnoticeable indents of grass in a few places.

"See how the grass here is folded down while all the other stuff is facin' up?" He asked, John narrowed his eyes but seeing what Arthur meant he nodded. "Means something wasn't here too long ago grazing, but seein' how small the tracks are I reckin' it's not bigger than a deer... And we need bigger." He stated before he stood back up, offering John a hand once more.

This time, John took it without arguing, when Arthur pulled him up their chests brushed against one another discreetly, John's gaze met Arthur's for a moment... He'd always feel weak under those experienced, wise and unrelenting eyes that Arthur had. They mounted their horses quietly before Arthur spoke up again.

"If we're lucky we might bag an elk in the area if they haven't moved on yet." Arthur mentioned as he kicked his horse, John in tow.

"We might be able to catch one before they go back up to the mountains." John replied.

Riding deeper into the forest, John and Arthur remained mostly quietly until Arthur abruptly stopped. John was worried, pulling back on his reigns next to Arthur as he looked over to John expectantly.

"Look around." He instructed. "... See anything that could tell us if we're on the right path?" He asked.

John raised his brows and looked around, if Arthur asked that, it meant that he had seen something that John hadn't. He looked around, not wanting to disappoint Arthur, and John thought he would until he noticed a few rather prominent marks on a nearby tree.

"There, that tree." John pointed out, Arthur nodded.

"Good... Looks like something was rubbin' its antlers on it... Or it could be a bear." He mentioned, John snapped his head back to Arthur.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, we brought those rifles for a reason." Arthur chuckled softly.

John felt uneasy knowing that they could just run up on a sleepy bear and it wasn't the most pleasant thought. However, with Arthur being so calm, his attitude bled over onto John who could only trust Arthur not to lead them to their impending doom.

Arthur made sure to show John every single track, dropping and clue. Surprisingly, it seemed as if sleeping together improved their relationship more than anything else had... He knew that was reaching since it was only the day after but he already felt an easier atmosphere with John, who listened to him without a second thought and actually absorbed the knowledge that Arthur had passed to him. He almost wondered if their repressed desires for each other was causing the tension... Which only made Arthur wonder how long they had these feelings... For a moment he felt perverted, John was only eighteen...

"You okay Arthur?" John asked as he rode next to Arthur, who was thankfully sucked out of his head.

"Hm? Yeah, I was just listening for calls in the woods." he lied smoothly, he'd really have to talk to John later...

Arthur knew they were close, he pulled back on the reigns, watching John do the same. He held up his index finger up to his lips to signal John to be quiet, nodding in the direction to travel.

"Can you hear 'em?" Arthur whispered as he dismounted his horse.

John furrowed his brows as he mirrored Arthur's actions and listened as hard as he could... He could hear a small rumbling in the distance and looked to Arthur, nodding.

"Get your rifle, c'mon." Arthur ordered as he slipped his gun over his shoulder and started walking.

John did as he was told and quickly caught up to Arthur, kneeling when Arthur did and followed him to a large clearing, he could see a small herd ahead, there was probably about fifteen, but John frowned seeing as it was a group of females.

"We don't shoot cows do we?" John asked.

"Who said they were cows?" Arthur asked back, seeing John's puzzled expression he pointed to the gun. "Pull out your scope."

John hesitated but he trusted Arthur, reaching back and pulling his gun out and putting the scope to his face and looking out to the herd. He realized that it was a bachelor herd, it was spring and he remembered Hosea telling him about the bull elk shedding their racks and regrowing them, he just couldn't see the small antlers emerging from the animals' heads.

"That answer your question?" Arthur asked.

"Shut up." John scoffed softly as Arthur took out his gun to look and help John pick a target.

"... None of 'em are too big... But there's one that's packin' on weight better, must have seen more luck after the thaw." Arthur commented.

Looking for said elk, John swiveled his scope until he caught eye of a stockier male than the rest, he ventured he was a bit older and knew where better meadows were.

"Your shot, John." Arthur offered, John felt nervous and pressured again.

"You sure? You saw it first." John countered.

"I'm sure... Unless you think you're gonna miss." Arthur taunted lightly.

John gritted his teeth and huffed before he locked his eyes on the elk.

_Exhale and pull the trigger slowly..._

John took a breath and focused, making sure he was aimed right... He exhaled and a loud pop emerged from John's gun. The large animal staggered but fell as the rest of the group scattered.

"Good job, John, but I think it's still alive, let's go." Arthur mused and hurried over towards the animal.

John felt a smirk rising to his cheeks until he heard the animal release a pained cry. He had never felt so guilty about shooting something before until he and Arthur got to the elk's side.

"Get your knife out." Arthur hurried as he knelt next to the dying beast, John hesitated but did as he was told and got to his knees. "Take it and drive here." He pointed to the elk's chest.

"What?" John asked in surprise.

"Like this." Arthur said and carefully guided John's hand over to the chest of the animal and without warning, shoved the blade into the mammal's flesh.

There was something beautiful about the way the elk slightly gasped, it's eyes wide... And then they slowly closed calmly. John also couldn't help but feel nauseous about making the animals last few moments be in complete agony, all the men that John had shot before deserved it one way or another but this... Arthur glanced up, obviously, John was distressed about this, he reached forward and rested his palm on John's shoulder, now pulling the younger man out of his own head, John looked up to Arthur.

"... It happens John." He muttered, John sighed and nodded, he felt a bit relieved at the words but that squeal of pain still haunted him. "... Sometimes when they're full of muscle like this, bullets just don't do the job good enough... Wasn't your fault." He consoled.

John seemed to finally relax a bit once Arthur explained, he nodded and pulled the knife out of the bleeding giant. In the end, this was a meal nothing more, Arthur was glad to see John lighten up a bit before he whistled for the horses.

"You're gonna have to do most of the lifting. I can section it but my arm is still..." Arthur grumbled, looking to the still splinted limb, luckily the pieces of wood for his current splint was just the length of his forearm so it didn't get in the way too much.

"Go ahead then." John agreed.

They worked quickly, packing the horses almost to the very brim with fresh food. Arthur was personally excited for the meals this animal would provide, he  _loved_ elk, it was his favorite animal to eat. Once the corpse was pretty much ransacked, the two finally got back on their horses.

While they were relieved to be able to go back, there was a bit of worry in the air. They now had to be extra careful, they had to lie to  _everyone,_ John knew that would be the hardest part to the both of them, the lying. However, they turned back up at camp within an hour, it was early afternoon by the time they arrived home, everyone pleased to see the meat they were carrying.

"See you two did as you were told." Miss Grimshaw commented as Pearson and John unloaded the meat off the horses.

"Good enough?" Arthur inquired as she walked over and stopped next to him.

"Suppose so... You and John keep makin' those shots we'll eat good forever." She praised before she went to help as well.

Arthur watched them for a moment, particularly John before he decided that he should probably put some distance between him and John for the moment. He retreated and saw Dutch and Hosea conspiring near the fire. Arthur arched a brow and trudged over before sitting next to Dutch.

"Welcome back, son." Dutch greeted pleasantly.

"Thanks." Arthur replied evenly. "You two looked like you were plottin'." He commented.

"When are we not?" Hosea inquired, Arthur paused but shrugged and nodded in agreement.

"We were talkin' about Cain O'Driscoll." Dutch clarified, Arthur frowned lightly.

"Shouldn't we just ignore them for a moment? Get our bearings?" He asked, was Dutch even  _listening_ during their last conversation?

"And let them get away with hurting Annabelle?" Dutch asked, frowning.

"I'm not saying we'll never go after them but... Hosea, you gotta back me up here." Arthur pleaded.

"Arthur's right Dutch." Hosea agreed to Arthur's relief.

"I just... I can't just sit here and do  _nothin'_." Dutch growled.

"But Dutch, if we let them think they won in the end, even if it makes us look cowardly, they won't expect us when we're ready." Hosea explained.

"What he said." Arthur encouraged, Dutch sighed softly as he thought.

"Those pigs ain't worth goin' after." The familiar voice of Annabelle chimed in behind them, Dutch jumped and spun around quickly to see Tilly and Karen helping Annabelle walk.

"Annabelle, don't you think it's a little early for you to be walkin'?" Dutch scolded slightly.

"Dutch I can't stay in that bed any longer... I don't mind taking it easy but I can't just sit there in that tent and rot." She groaned, Arthur quickly got up and helped Annabelle sit down, she sighed in relief. "Much better." She sighed in relief and nodding thanks to the other young women.

"How you feelin' darlin'?" Arthur asked.

"Much better... It'll still be a while before I can walk without help but... I'm alive thanks to you." She beamed up at Arthur.

She had thanked him profusely since he had dragged her out of gunfire, but Arthur still felt at fault for her getting shot to begin with.

"That's all on you." Arthur replied with a small smile to her, but Annabelle didn't forget the conversation she had heard brewing. "Speakin' of Cain O'Driscoll..." She then mused, Dutch shook his head.

"It's bein' taken care of-"

"Why?" Annabelle asked, frowning. "... In the end, we did steal from them and got the consequences for that."

"You're going to defend the men that woulda killed you!?" Dutch snapped, Arthur never knew how Annabelle always seemed calm, even when Dutch was blowing his stack.

"Defending, no... But we got cocky Dutch." She sighed, Dutch wanted to argue it was obvious but it was worse knowing she was right. "... We're good people, and you're good thieves, but we got a wake-up call... Why not just let it go?" She asked.

Arthur still didn't agree with letting it go, but he understood Annabelle's words and if Dutch came to terms with it and calmed the hell down, he would accept it. Dutch quickly turned away so he didn't set his scalding hot glare on Annabelle.

"Remember Dutch... We don't wanna be them." Arthur reminded gently, Dutch flinched as he remembered the day before in the house of those innocent farmers... But he knew what had to be done.

"... Maybe you're right." He affirmed, but the look in Dutch's eyes when he turned around told Arthur this was still far from over, despite him telling Annabelle he would leave it alone. "We need to focus on the future." He added for good measure, under normal circumstances, Dutch usually wasn't able to lie to Annabelle, but the darkness behind his hues gave him huge motivation to be convincing, which he was.

Annabelle smiled and reached forward, taking one of Dutch's hands despite Arthur frowning discreetly. Dutch leaned down and kissed Annabelle affectionately, running his fingers through her hair as she smiled up at him. Arthur worried... If he was willing to lie to Annabelle so openly, he was going to be willing to do plenty more, maybe even lie to Arthur himself.

He couldn't simply call Dutch on it now, but he would be sure to pull Dutch aside at some point soon to talk to him again, hopefully, to get the truth out of him. He knew that deep down, Dutch already had a plan... And he needed to know what it entailed. Dutch eventually looked up to Arthur, the frown on Arthur's face telling him that Arthur wasn't convinced, their eyes met for a moment and there was tension, Dutch's gaze narrowed slightly, almost as if sending a warning. That was all Arthur needed to know that it was serious and he turned away, he suddenly couldn't bear standing there any longer.

Arthur departed the campfire quickly, John was approaching the group but Arthur brushed passed him as he hurried away. John was surprised, stopping in his tracks and looking after Arthur and back to Dutch, he could see Dutch watching Arthur as he walked away... For some reason that sent a chill down John's spine, what the hell happened..? He bit his lip and turned around to follow after Arthur as he walked towards the pond.

John saw Arthur stop at the water's edge, resting his hands on his hips as if conflicted. John frowned and approached, stepping to stand next to Arthur, making sure to put an appropriate distance between them.

"You alright?" John asked.

"... I think a shit storm is comin' John." Arthur revealed, John arched his brows and tilted his head.

"Uh... Care to explain?" He asked.

"I just don't think Dutch has it in him to let this go." Arthur murmured quietly.

"Are you surprised?"

"I was when he lied to Annabelle." He replied coolly, John hummed.

"You're right that is somethin'." He agreed. "... But if it had been Mary-"

"Why did you bring her into this?" Arthur growled softly.

"Not to hurt you." John quickly defused. "... But if someone had shot Mary and then mocked you about it? How would you deal with that?" he asked.

"Not good... But something feels off, I can't put my finger on it... Besides I wouldn't hold two people hostage over it." Arthur scoffed.

"I suppose you're right... But those bastards need to pay." John snorted, suddenly Arthur was brought back to finding John's body, his heart lurched.

"... Especially for what they did to you." Arthur growled, the abrupt change in Arthur's tone forcing John to look over.

"... It wasn't fun." John sighed and looked back out to the water. "... Did I mention I thought I met my mother?" He asked, hoping to distract Arthur, who nodded.

"Briefly." He replied shortly. "You were freezing to death so I wasn't sure if you were talking nonsense." he grumbled at the memory.

"... When I was drifting after bein' tossed around like a ragdoll by the current... I felt warm and fuzzy inside." John muttered, Arthur listened intently. "... I didn't remember falling asleep but when I woke up I was in this house, it felt... Safe, but I'd never been there before, there was a note there from my ma." He described, frowning. "It said something about meeting her by the river, I was so confused I went walking... I saw her in the distance." John muttered.

"... What'd she look like?" Arthur asked out of curiosity.

"Ginger." John stated matter-of-factly. "Long curls, her hair was like fire." He said in admiration of the beauty. "... Her eyes were like mine... She smiled when she saw me... And then I heard your voice." he revealed, Arthur felt another pang hit his gut and he actually took a step away from John and averted his gaze. "... She was talkin' to me but I couldn't hear her... All I could hear was you yellin' at me." He mused with a small smile.

"... I thought you were dead." Arthur sighed, biting his tongue harshly, John glanced over, shocked to see the hurt expression washed over Arthur's features. "When I saw you I-" His voice cut off, shaking his head. "You were  _dead_ , John." He stressed, swallowing harshly and taking a breath as John walked over to slightly close the gap between him and Arthur.

"... But I'm not, you know that right?" He inquired.

"Sometimes I worry." Arthur managed to joke, smiling over at John, eventually shaking his head.

"... I heard your voice and she called me her son, then I woke up in your arms." John concluded the story, smiling almost shyly up at Arthur. "If I hadn't been paralyzed I may have thought it was a pleasant experience." he chuckled, Arthur couldn't help but puff out a small laugh as well. "... Did you mean what you said?" John then asked, confusing Arthur slightly.

"What did I say?"

"That you were supposed to go first." John clarified, Arthur couldn't help blushing at the words.

"... I might have, but I'm pretty sure you were just hearin' things." He grumbled, John laughed.

"You can't live without me? So sweet." He teased, Arthur's face burning with embarrassment with his words that he had said in the moment.

"It was definitely a scary thought..." Arthur managed to explain, catching John's attention. "I promise I'm going first." He then snickered before beginning to walk back towards camp.

"Not if I can help it." John argued quickly following. "You're not allowed."

* * *

Pearson made an excellent stew that night with the fresh elk meat that Arthur and John provided and they got the next week to be lazy as thanks for it. It was nice to see everyone smiling again. John sat next to Arthur, who ate mostly silent as John and everyone else chattered and laughed. As usual, when Arthur was done eating, he soon left the circle of people to get some alone time.

John's gaze subtly followed Arthur as he slipped back into their tent, part of him wanted to follow but he had to remind himself that being a lost puppy wasn't attractive, plus following Arthur this way might have looked inappropriate, but his conversations soon became boring, just thinking about the previous night that he and Arthur shared.

Arthur, on the other hand, was thankful to get some peaceful quiet, when he and John had walked back to camp, he knew that confronting Dutch tonight probably wasn't the best idea, he would need to let Dutch simmer down over the next few days before broaching the topic. When he walked into the tent what became apparent quickly was how far away he and John's sleeping mats were from each other. The night before was spent in each other's arms and if Arthur was honest he enjoyed it... Without much hesitation, he rearranged their situation, figuring that John wouldn't argue, if he did he would have to wait until the morning anyway, he was exhausted and he wasn't moving once he fell asleep.

By the time John was able to sneak away from the crowd of drinking hooligans, Arthur was already unconscious, he slipped into the tent in the darkness with a lantern in his hand, hearing Arthur snoring softly. He didn't want to wake Arthur up, so he went to quickly turn out the light until he saw his bed and Arthur's pushed together. Arthur was also naked, which took the breath out of John's lungs, he could obviously see that Arthur's torso was exposed, but he could see Arthur's drawers off to the side, the pelts covering up everything else to John's dismay.

John was so caught up in surprise, Arthur's eyes fluttered open and he covered his eyes with his hand.

"What're you doin'?" He growled, John flinched and quickly turned away, turning out the lamp.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you." John quickly apologized to cover up his gawking.

"Well, you did... Hurry up, come on." Arthur ushered.

John quickly discarded his clothing, all the way down to his bare skin before slipping beneath the pelts next to Arthur, he wasn't sure how close Arthur wanted him, but he could feel the heat radiating off of Arthur's body. It felt nice, but John felt Arthur's arm wrap around his midsection rather swiftly. John gulped and blushed before turning onto his side away from Arthur and scooting back to press against him so that Arthur could hug him comfortably. He couldn't help but slightly get aroused feeling Arthur's flaccid member pressing against his backside.

"You mind?" Arthur couldn't help but ask.

"Nah... I like it." John replied honestly.

"... Me too." Arthur assured, making John smile.

Within a few moments, Arthur was snoring quietly once more. John knew he would find it hard to fall asleep for a few days, too giddy about his situation. However, when he did finally fall unconscious he slept peacefully and comfortably... He could definitely get used to this.

> Oh damn, oh damn, oh damn  
> I'm so perplexed  
> With just one breath, I'm locked in  
> Oh damn, oh damn, oh damn  
> I'm so perplexed  
> On that, it's almost shocking  
> I know, I know you know you're scared  
> Your heart, your mind, your soul, your body  
> They won't, they won't, they won't be careful  
> But I guess that you don't know me
> 
>   
> 'Cause if I want you, and I want you, babe  
> Ain't going backwards, won't ask for space  
> 'Cause space is just a word made up by someone who's afraid to get too  
> Close, oh  
> Oh, so close, oh  
> I want you close, ooh  
> 'Cause space is just a word made up by someone who's afraid to get close, oh  
> Oh, so close, oh  
> I want you close, ooh  
> Oh, I want you close, and close ain't close enough, no
> 
>   
> Oh man, oh man  
> I am not really known for ever being speechless  
> But now, but now somehow  
> My words roll off my tongue right onto your lips, oh  
> I'm keeping cool while you keep smiling  
> Saying all the things I'm thinking  
> Oh man, oh man  
> I am like you so I want proof of what you're feeling
> 
>   
> 'Cause if I want you, and I want you, babe  
> Ain't going backwards, won't ask for space  
> 'Cause space is just a word made up by someone who's afraid to get too  
> Close, oh  
> Oh, so close, oh  
> I want you close, oh (yeah baby)  
> 'Cause space was just a word made up by someone who's afraid to get close, oh  
> Oh, so close, ooh  
> I want you close, ooh  
> Oh, I want you close, and close ain't close enough, no
> 
> source: Close by Nick Jonas feat. Tove Lo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry for the small lapse in uploading, I'm currently going through a really stressful time moneywise and healthwise, I've just been diagnosed with Celiac disease and other things that I'm going to have to make major life changes for. I don't plan on going on hiatus or anything but if for some reason it takes me a little longer to update here and there just be patient with me.  
> Also, obviously, I hope you all are still enjoying, this chapter was more of John and Arthur coming to terms with their relationship, if you're enjoying do make sure to let me know in the comments below!  
> Thank you!  
> -Eros


	15. Chapter 15

_Time heals all wounds..._

Two more weeks flew by, with those two weeks, Arthur's arm and ribs healed. Annabelle was still having trouble walking but she was able to stand without help. Arthur was still suspicious of Dutch, often times Dutch left camp by himself but he was truly impressed that he hadn't killed anyone yet. However, Arthur was still worried, Dutch was beginning to get more and more vague with his cover-ups. He didn't understand why he just didn't include anyone on his plans... Both he and Hosea were in the dark, and it was painful being on the outside.

On the other hand, with so much time on his hands... They were usually all over John. Almost every day at some point they had some  _alone time_. At first, it was difficult to keep it to themselves, they opted to do it late at night when most likely no one would hear them. Although the last few days, morning sex had been the easiest option for both of them seeing as a lot of their family members were night owls.

Currently, it was about six in the morning, John peeked out just to see who was up just in case, it seemed that Hosea, Miss Grimshaw, and Bessie were the only ones up around the fire chatting softly and drinking coffee. They were obviously distracted but both John and Arthur were wary to do this when Miss Grimshaw was awake only because she was so nosey...

"Miss Grimshaw is up." John muttered softly to Arthur as he pulled himself back inside.

"Who else?" Arthur inquired quietly.

"Hosea and Bessie." John replied, Arthur was silent for a moment as he contemplated their options, finally glancing back over to John he spoke.

"... You up for the challenge?"

The question alone caused a shudder to go up John's spine, but before he even had time to reply, Arthur's head was buried in his neck. Feeling Arthur's lips grazing his skin and his teeth nipping it teasingly, John gulped and huffed.

"Not giving me much of a choice, hm?" He inquired curiously, John always liked to play hard to get but he frowned feeling a smirk form on Arthur's lips before the other pulled back.

"... As if you could say no." He crooned, the cocky yet amorous nature of his statement swooning John immediately.

"You're such a show-off." the younger man grumbled as Arthur leaned in to kiss him.

Despite hating being bested by Arthur, he was so fucking right. Every now and again, he would feel guilty for feeling this way about Arthur, but the raw hunger they had for each other that could never be sated was far more  _insistent_. Without a fight, Arthur slowly pushed John back down and making his way in between John's legs and melting away his worries. However, John had been planning on trying something for the last week but Arthur was so smooth and quick with his ways he was usually being railed on his back before he could suggest anything new, John quickly pulled back from the kiss.

"Wait." He halted softly, Arthur arched his brows in surprise, but John could see the fear behind his eyes. "... Can I ride you?" He asked, the question forcing itself out of him as his dignity was drained, but the fantasy was worth the blow to his pride.

While John was expecting Arthur to smirk at him he was pleasantly surprised to see Arthur genuinely shocked. Eventually, a small grin etched his way onto Arthur's features, which John always found so charming, the way he looked with his hair tousled from a night's sleep when Arthur looked down at him was what John could only describe as  _dreamy_. Reaching down, Arthur ran a hand through John's hair and leaned back down to John's neck, placing a small feathery kiss on John's throat.

"... You sure you can handle a ride like that? It'd be your hardest one." He chuckled, John rolled his eyes at Arthur's pun and tried not to acknowledge it but a smile slithered across his lips.

"That was terrible." He snickered faintly, Arthur pulled back once more to see John's face and once again took his younger partner's breath away with his smile. "... But I mean if you don't want me to-"

Arthur quickly connected their lips again, John gasped in but he relaxed quickly into the kiss. Their tongues involved in the most sensual type of tango, eventually though, they would have to strip their clothes. Finally pulling back Arthur suddenly ground his hips forward against John's, who visibly shuddered as he felt Arthur's stiffening erection rubbing against his ass. Quickly reaching up, John began to unbutton his shirt to display himself to Arthur, who replied to the gesture by resting a hand on John's chest and moving it to a nipple. The night previous both men were so exhausted they passed out in their clothing from the previous day, but Arthur always enjoyed unwrapping John.

John flinched and arched his back slightly, the hardest part out of all of this... Was not making a sound. Typically Arthur had to cup a hand over John's mouth, which was actually pretty exciting in itself. Arthur saw the arousal wash over John's face and was impressed when he kept quiet, continuing to grind himself against John just to test his endurance, his hand changing positions from John's chest to the bulge that rapidly grew in his trousers, rubbing the outline firmly with his palm.

John gasped and quickly slapped a hand over his own mouth, he managed to keep quiet but... Just in case.

Arthur loved seeing the vulnerable side of John, the blushing stubborn lover that liked to challenge him but begged for his cock when Arthur demanded it of him when he was being fucked. Truthfully, John's O face was one of the hottest things Arthur had ever seen, and if he could save an image of it he would, just the thought of it made Arthur pull back and sit up off of John, seeing the slightly disappointed look come over his face until Arthur nodded to him.

"Take 'em off." He ordered as he reached up and unbuttoned his shirt.

Despite being deprived of the current pleasure, the brown eyes of the smaller man lit up at the prospect of more. Clothes were shed within minutes and soon, Arthur was on his back, watching John straddle his hips. Despite wanting to just sink down on Arthur, there was an ulterior motive here... Arthur was so used to running the show and getting every single wanted response from John... And now John was controlling the situation, he was going to make Arthur beg.

Arthur rested his hands on John's inner thighs near his groin, his thumbs rubbing circles affectionately as John got comfortable, but when John didn't slip Arthur's dick inside him, the blue-eyed man sent a questioning look up to his partner. John sent a small smirk down to Arthur and took both of their erections in his hand before holding them together and starting to stroke them as one. The feeling was so alien and yet so euphoric, Arthur winced slightly and his hair began to stand on edge.

"John, what are y-" Arthur was cut off by John quietly shushing him.

"... If you're not quiet I'll have to stop." John purred too sensually for Arthur's current state of arousal, he had never heard John sound so... Alluring.

Arthur narrowed his eyes playfully up to John, he wanted to play that game, did he? Arthur would remember that when pounding John into a state of near unconsciousness, but Arthur was brought out of his head when John continued to jerk them off, pulled back into the moment. Puffing out a breath, Arthur leaned his head back, his eyes closing as he just relished the attention his needy cock was being given, heat beginning to rise to his cheeks.

Seeing color form on Arthur's face, it was definitely a win in John's book but he wanted more. It was time for Arthur to get a taste of his own medicine, leaning down, John suddenly latched onto one of Arthur's nipples, his eyes flew open quickly in shock. Looking down to see John toying with his body was almost too much, his grip on John's hips increased in pressure, slightly thrusting up into John's hand, in turn against his member. Without warning, John felt a peculiar wet sensation gathering on his hand. Arthur's shaft was beginning to pump out precum from the stimulation.

Continuing to tease Arthur, John moved to his other nipple and soon his hand was only focusing on Arthur's manhood alone, pumping it eagerly. Arthur bit his lip and slightly fidgeted under John, craving more. He needed more, huffing out a few breaths he gritted his teeth, John had been stroking him for what felt like ages and soon he would have to burst.

"John, come on." He grunted.

"What?" John asked in feign confusion, sitting back up to see Arthur's sexually frustrated expression, his hand released Arthur and came up to lick his hand, the sight earning a deep exhale from Arthur. "... You want to fuck me?" He asked, grinning down at Arthur.

Arthur should have known what John was doing... And he would get him back... But for now, he  _needed_ to be inside of John desperately.

"... Yes." He growled, his chest rising and falling slowly as his hands reached around to squeeze John's ass.

John jumped slightly but he blushed and gulped, feeling butterflies burst inside his stomach he knew that he  _too_  needed te release. He reached up and spat into his hand quickly before reaching down and beginning to slowly stroke Arthur once more to make sure his member was completely lubricated. Once John felt that Arthur's shaft was slick enough, he hovered his hips over the appendage before slowly beginning to lower himself down upon it.

It felt as if electricity had shot up John's spine as he felt Arthur slide within him. Since they had begun a regular routine of sleeping with each other, John's body was much more...  _Used_ to this treatment. The way Arthur's manhood slipped inside him so easily was almost erotic by itself, he released a small but breathy sigh as he felt his body come down on his partners... Their hips pressed against one another in the lewdest yet romantic of ways.

Arthur's grip on John's waist had significantly increased, when he felt John's hips come in contact with his own, he held John down for a moment, slowly thrusting up as if there was still more of him to fit inside, but it successfully massaged John's insides in just the right way to make him whine softly and cover his mouth again. His cock flinched from the sudden influx of pleasure at that moment while Arthur watched John blossom into the beautiful creature he became when he was being taken. John took a shaky breath and trembling hands came down to gently rest on Arthur's forearms.

John would  _not_ lose control of the situation that quickly despite being completely willing to grovel at Arthur's feet at the moment. He took a breath and looked down to Arthur who also seemed to be having trouble controlling his breathing. He grinned and send a silent wink down at Arthur before he slowly rose and fell back down, he had to focus all his willpower on not making a sound. John leaned his head back and released a small sigh into the air as he rode Arthur slowly to start, he didn't realize how fun it would actually be.

Arthur changed his position only slightly, his knees coming up behind John so that he could begin contributing as well, thrusting up to meet with John coming down, it was a truly memorable experience. Sighs turned into huffs and huffs turned into grunts, John's pace had quickened within a few minutes and he was literally biting on his tongue to keep himself from moaning out as he reached back and rested his palms onto Arthur's knees for better stabilization. Sweat formed at Arthur's brow as his eyes fluttered shut for a moment, John was by far his favorite sexual partner.

After what felt like hours of John riding Arthur at a decent pace, Arthur suddenly sat up, thanking God that his ribs were healed. He needed to kiss John, he needed to relish his taste and his lovely expressions up close. Running his tongue up John's throat as he wrapped his arms around John's form, caused the younger man to whimper softly and throw his arms around Arthur's neck so that he had something to hang on to. Soon their lips collided once more, the dance of dominance being awarded to Arthur without a fight.

John couldn't believe how much he  _loved_ this... He wanted this every single day, he wanted Arthur more than he had ever wanted any woman. He  _enjoyed_ being Arthur's woman and he couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Managing to open his eyes, John looked down to Arthur just as the other looked up at him, when their eyes locked, something hit John in the chest so hard he was almost breathless for a moment, and it seemed as Arthur had felt the same, quickly leaning in and pressing his forehead against John's he huffed.

"Want it inside you?" He asked.

"Yes... A-Always..." John panted out a quiet reply.

"How much?" Arthur inquired, John could hear the smirk in Arthur's tone he focused on Arthur's gaze, despite wanting to defy Arthur, he couldn't.

"I need it." John groaned softly as he continued to work Arthur in and out of him with Arthur's assistance. "I-I need to feel it inside me."

Arthur was nearly set off by John's words, how was he so fucking perfect? Guiding John down on his cock roughly it wasn't much longer before he felt his orgasm coming. He didn't even have time to warn John before forcing John's hips down as far as he would allow it to bury himself completely. John gasped softly, suddenly feeling Arthur's hand clasp over his mouth as he felt his own orgasm hit him hard. He moaned loudly into Arthur's hand which he was thankful for. Ropes of John's cum spurted from his own member, shooting onto both he and Arthur's chests and abdomens. Without warning, John hunched over Arthur, panting roughly his arms still around the other's neck.

Arthur held onto John tightly as they came down from their highs, both of them heaving in breath after breath. Eventually, John was able to pull back to face Arthur, who quickly leaned in and kissed John's lips, the younger man's hands slithered back to rest on Arthur's cheeks gently. It wasn't often they were so affectionate after being with one another, generally, once they finished they separated and cleaned themselves up, mainly because of their camp members were less than twenty feet away from them. It was nice to indulge in a post-coitus embrace.

"So... What did ya think?" John asked after their kiss had ended, Arthur opened his eyes and looked up to John, there was doubt in his dark eyes, Arthur puffed out a small chortle.

"You gotta stop worryin' so much, John." He mused, John huffed and averted his gaze, but his attention was quickly captured once more as Arthur's lips pressed firmly against his neck, still instilling a small sense of pleasure in his exhausted body, when Arthur pulled away John looked back to him.

"... I think if you challenge me again, I'll bend you over and show you what it's like to be punished." He purred, but the seriousness in his words nearly made John solid once more.

"Promise?" John asked, grinning.

Arthur wanted to say something along the lines of a vulgar promise but footsteps made their way by their tent, causing both of them to whip their heads in the direction. When the steps faded they sighed in relief before looking back to one another, obviously disappointed but they had to remember how dangerous their situation really was...

"We should probably get out there before someone hears." Arthur muttered softly, John nodded in reply.

Within about fifteen minutes, both Arthur and John were cleaned up and presentable. Back to back, they achieved getting ready to face the day, Arthur slicked his hair back while John finished buttoning up his shirt. The two of them seemed to turn to face one another at the same time and there was a moment of silence, it felt like there was something hanging in the air but neither man could put a finger on what it was, eventually, Arthur approached John. He rested his thumb on John's chin and craned it up, there was something in Arthur's eyes that John had  _never_ seen before in their entire relationship, it made John scared, but when Arthur leaned in and simply pecked John's lips, he was surprised.

"... Let's go." He instructed and winked before he took his hand away and slipped out of their sanctuary.

John stood there a moment in shock, what had he seen in his friend's stare? Blinking he gulped and finally walked out as well, catching up with Arthur quickly as they walked over to the fire pit. By now it seemed that Dutch and Annabelle had woken up too but everyone else was still fast asleep, Annabelle was sitting in a chair next to Dutch while they drank coffee, Dutch glanced up when he saw Arthur and John approach.

"Mornin' gentlemen." He greeted friendly enough, Arthur paused his actions as he went to grab himself a cup of coffee.

"... Mornin' Dutch." Arthur replied warily.

Things were still slightly awkward between him and Dutch but he was glad no one else seemed to notice. Over the last few weeks, Dutch had gotten increasingly distant and he was worried about their relationship, Arthur cherished it almost more than anything. Dutch wasn't inherently hostile to him but he could feel something between them that wasn't the same and they needed to confront it.

"... Dutch, you wanna go on a ride with me?" Arthur finally asked, biting the bullet for the both of them, Dutch's actions seemed to hesitate this time.

"I got some business to deal with." He deflected, Arthur's gaze ignited with anger and hurt but he managed to keep his composure for now.

"Then I'll join you." He mentioned, when Dutch looked up to meet Arthur's glare, there was a long pause as they stared each other down.

"... Alright then." Dutch murmured, relieving Arthur as he stood up.

Arthur quickly handed his cup of coffee that he hadn't even sipped yet to John and nodded to Dutch. John raised his brows but nodded subtly in reply as he watched Arthur quickly follow behind Dutch.

* * *

The ride was silent and uncomfortable, Arthur didn't understand what he had done to deserve this treatment from Dutch and he was getting sick of it. When they came up to an abandoned farmstead that Arthur wasn't familiar with, he furrowed his brows when Duch dismounted The Count and walked towards the shell of a house, but when Arthur got off his mount and went to follow, Dutch turned and stopped.

"Sorry son, stay here."

" _What?_ " Arthur asked, completely dumbfounded.

"Stay here." He repeated firmer, Arthur grit his teeth and huffed.

"No." He defied openly.

"Excuse me?" Dutch asked.

"What the hell are we doin' here Dutch?" He asked.

"It's fine Arthur, I'm just meeting with a contact." Dutch mused.

"Then why can't I come?" He asked, Dutch paused and sighed. "What the hell is goin' on with you Dutch!?" He spat.

"Watch your tongue, boy." Dutch growled.

"Dutch what is goin'  _on_!?" He demanded again. "You're actin' crazy, scarin' everyone in camp, and you  _lied_ to Annabelle! You lied right to her face!" He yelled.

"I know!" Dutch barked and turned, reaching up and resting a hand on his forehead. "I ain't proud of it."

"Then why did you do it? Why can't you let it go?" Arthur asked. "I ain't stupid, Dutch."

"... When Colm told me ya'll were dead, and you told me Annabelle got shot... Seein' you carryin' John's body after he froze in that  _godforsaken_ river..." Dutch seethed, Arthur furrowed his brows in confusion. "... It made me realize what I could lose, I always knew our way of livin' was dangerous... But nearly wiping out my whole family before my eyes. I  _can't_ let that go!" He fumed.

"... Dutch we're harder to kill than that, you know that." Arthur scolded.

"Are we?" Dutch inquired. "We nearly perished in the winter, runnin' like we do... And then these bastards kill  _anyone_ who gets in their way, women or children... Seein' those kids burn up in that house... Seein' Annabelle covered in her own blood... Seein' John practically blue and seein' him shiver for  _days_ because of them... I need to make sure they suffer." He snarled, Arthur frowned as he thought about the kids back at the Fairfax house.

The more he thought the more he knew Dutch was right but at the moment they were powerless, they had little to no men to fight and not enough money to get the equipment to wipe them out. He didn't understand what Dutch was trying to accomplish.

"What happened to talking to me and Hosea?" He questioned, Dutch paused and turned away once more.

"... Cause I wanted to keep ya'll outta this." He admitted, confusing Arthur even further. "... Ya'll are good people who  _can_ let this go... I can't. I can't no matter how much I try, no matter how much I know that Annabelle and John made a full recovery... I see those kids in my nightmares and I think of what would have happened if they really had wiped my family off the face of this world... I may not be able to do it all, but I have a plan to  _really_ hurt them." He explained.

"What do you mean?" Arthur asked.

"... I'm gonna kill Cain O'Driscoll." Dutch revealed.

"Dutch, are you insane?" Arthur scoffed.

"I might be... But even if the end I die, the family is in good hands... You could take over." Dutch stated too casually for Arthur's liking, and suddenly he was so angry.

Arthur was enraged, how could Dutch be so fucking delusional? For the first time, and probably his only time, he reached forward and grabbed Dutch's shoulder and spun him around. He met Dutch's cheek with his fist roughly, sending Dutch's back against the house, he looked shocked, Arthur's fists were still shaking.

"... How could you be so fucking selfish!?" He asked, Dutch was too stunned he couldn't reply. "... D-Do you think so little of us that we'd just forget about you?" He asked.

"What?" Dutch finally asked.

"How in the hell could you sacrifice  _your life_  for those bastards! For Colm and Cain O'Driscoll!? They're... They're parasites! Worthless sacks o' shit!" He shouted. "You know that if you even come  _close_ to them they'll kill you. If you do that? Annabelle would  _never_ forgive you and... Neither would I." He stated coldly.

Dutch stood there, reaching up to rub his jaw as he glanced down the floor and seemed to actually listen to Arthur's words.

"... We love you, Dutch, don't ever think you're just replaceable, even by me... If you really can't let this go... Let us  _help_  you." He pleaded.

Dutch and Arthur stood there staring at each other, Arthur praying that he had finally gotten through to Dutch, the older man finally released a small exhale

"... I'm sorry." He finally said. "... You're right, I am in over my head... I do have a solid plan but... Even for me..." He mumbled.

"... Let us help Dutch." Arthur begged, Dutch lifted his eyes back to Arthurs and nodded, Arthur sighed in relief before he threw his arms around Dutch, he usually wasn't so affectionate but he was so relieved, and even more so when Dutch embraced him back.

They hugged for a long time before they finally pulled back, Arthur rested his palm on Dutch's shoulder and nodded to the house. Dutch nodded in reply before they both walked in, they were alone for now but Dutch knew it wouldn't be long before his contact would arrive.

"So what's the plan?" Arthur asked.

"Well, Cain has a woman too, I guess she lives in the city of emeralds." Dutch explained, Arthur tilted his head.

"Ridgemoore?" Arthur asked.

"Precisely. He visits her twice a month and I suppose her family is rather powerful in the area, that's how I think they fund a lot of their activities." Dutch mused. "... I suppose next week there's a gala in the ritzy part of town and he's attending with her to find more places to rob."

"Ain't he just usin' her?" Arthur asked.

"I thought that at first but I intercepted some letters between them and I suppose she knows about the gang, she's okay with it as long as it doesn't come back on her family. He's also mentioned leaving the gang if it means he could be with her." Dutch chuckled.

"If only she knew what a sick bastard he really was." Arthur mumbled.

"Well, my plan is to substitute myself as their driver to the gala, but the problem is their gonna have armed protection and I haven't figured out a way around that yet and I know there's gonna be a ton of law once I kidnap the daughter of a rich businessman." Dutch sighed.

"That's easy." Arthur mentioned, watching Dutch looked over in surprise. "I told you to just let us help you... I'll come with you and we can have John, Bill and Uncle cause a ruckus and lead the guards away... Then we're free to slip away." He explained. "As for the law, as long as we don't lose our cool, we might be able to ride off before we're noticed."

"That's... Actually not a bad idea." Dutch hummed, making Arthur smirk softly.

"I know... Remember Dutch, we're family... We'd do anything for you." Arthur reminded, Dutch looked to Arthur and smiled before he nodded.

Arthur couldn't help but be relieved for two reasons, knowing that he and Dutch were on the same page again and that they had a real plan with little chance of backfiring as long as they kept their cools. As for lying to Annabelle... Whatever she didn't know, didn't hurt her right?

> Right now I feel  
> Just like a leaf on a breeze  
> Who knows where it's blowin'?  
> Who knows where it's goin'?  
> I find myself somewhere  
> I never thought I'd be.  
> I'm going round in circles, yeah  
> Thinkin' bout you and me...
> 
> And how do I explain it when  
> I don't know what to say?  
> What do I do now?  
> So much has changed.
> 
>  
> 
> Nothing I've ever known  
> Has made me feel this way.  
> Nothing I've ever seen  
> Has made me want to stay.  
> Here I am, ready for you.  
> I'm torn and  
> I'm fallin'  
> I hear my home callin', hey!  
> I've never felt something so strong.  
> Oh no.  
> It's like nothing I've ever known...
> 
>  
> 
> You're the one I'm lookin' for  
> You're the one I need.  
> You're the one that gives me  
> A reason to believe.  
> Followin' our star  
> Has lead to where you are.  
> I feel so strong now  
> This can't be wrong now...
> 
>  
> 
> Nothing I've ever known  
> Has made me feel this way.  
> Nothing I've ever seen  
> Has made me want to stay.  
> Here I am, ready for you.  
> I'm torn and  
> I'm fallin'  
> I hear my home callin', hey!  
> I've never felt something so strong.  
> Oh no.  
> It's like nothing I've ever known  
> Nothing I've ever known...
> 
>  
> 
> Right now I feel  
> Just like a leaf on a breeze.  
> Who knows where it's blowin'?  
> And who knows  
> Where I'm goin'...
> 
>  
> 
> source: Nothing I've Ever Known - Bryan Adams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know this chapter is a little shorter than my previous ones as of late but I promise this is only the beginning for some pretty intense chapters ahead! Hope you are enjoying!  
> -Eros


	16. Chapter 16

Both Arthur and Dutch discussed the plan at length before letting Hosea in on it, only because they knew to convince the old man that it would work they would need a solid plan with little to leave up to interpretation. It took twenty minutes of convincing before Hosea finally gave in, realizing that the two wouldn't let it go.

"Are you  _sure_  this is the right move?" He would ask.

Of course, they said yes, Arthur wasn't completely sure but what he was certain of was that Dutch needed this for closure and he was willing to help give him that. Dutch's contact was very helpful, he provided them with uniforms needed to blend in and a map of the route they would take to the party. It seemed that whoever Cain's mystery woman was, she lived on an old plantation outside of the city, it was no wonder why they would have armed protection. If they played this plan out carefully, the law would never have to get involved.

"Alright, boys the execution is tomorrow." Dutch explained, they were all gathered near Moonstone pond, away from the women. "The plan is as such, Hosea and Arthur will man the carriage while John, Bill, and Uncle will lead the armed cavalry away from the carriage. I want  _chaos_  people, Hosea and Arthur need to get the carriage off course and without chaos, it won't happen." He ordered.

"I thought you was drivin' Dutch?" John asked with curiosity.

"I was, but because Cain and I have spoken at length it probably wouldn't be a good idea just in case, Arthur is going with Hosea to ensure nothin' happens to him, Hosea is gonna do all the talkin'." Dutch replied.

"Yep, my old friend here is gonna turn idiot." Hosea mused much to Arthur's dismay, he  _hated_ playing the idiot.

"Hosea  _please..._ " Arthur groaned, seeing John crack a smirk at him, he'd pay for that.

"Trust me, my friend, it'll be worth it." Dutch chuckled.

"Yeah for you." Arthur scoffed softly as he pouted.

"Where will you be Dutch?" Bill asked.

"I'll be waiting at the rendezvous point, there's an old abandoned cabin south of here, belonged to an old mad war vet, hasn't been touched in ages." Dutch explained. "I'll mark it on your maps, does anyone have any more questions?"

When no one replied, Dutch nodded and looked to his watch.

"Good, you're all dismissed, we gather tomorrow evening at seven." He instructed.

When they broke away, John found himself at Arthur's side as always as everyone else went back to camp, he often worried that he was too close to Arthur and that he was being a nuisance. He found it funny, before, he would love to make trouble for Arthur and now he worried about it constantly. Lighting up a cigarette as they stood there alone, he offered one to Arthur which he took with a small nod.

"You think it'll be as easy as Dutch says?" John asked.

"I dunno." Arthur replied honestly. "Cain is a coward, when he came to kill us he made his men do the dirty work while he ran off... Said he had some business or somethin' but that doesn't change that he just didn't wanna get shot at." He explained.

"At least Colm stuck around." John mused as they smoked casually.

"If I'm bein' honest I feel like Colm is the dangerous one." Arthur admitted.

"You might be right but if Cain is willin' to kill kids... Can't really come back from that." John stated, Arthur had completely forgotten and the thought pissed him off all over again.

"That sick bastard will get what he deserves." Arthur growled, quickly bringing the cigarette up to purse it between his lips and inhale the calming tobacco.

"Sorry I brought it up..." John muttered seeing Arthur's attitude change immediately.

"It's alright." Arthur mentioned, glancing over with soft eyes briefly. "Not your fault... I just don't understand how he can kill children but  _run away_ from us." He scoffed.

"I'm not really surprised." John mused as he took a drag of his cigarette as well, watching Arthur shrug.

"Guess I'm not surprised that you're not surprised." He chuckled softly, John was pleased to see that the sour taste in Arthur's mouth didn't stick around for too long, he hated when Arthur was upset.

When their cigarettes were finished, the two stuck around side by side and watching the pond. John didn't want to go back... Pretending that nothing happened... Pretending that he didn't feel anything. He knew Arthur was most likely viewed this as nothing more than casual and while that was devastating to think about, he started thinking about why it was devastating... Why would he be upset that Arthur viewed this as a casual relationship? Sure he loved Arthur, but he wasn't  _in_ love with him... Was he?

The thought of being in love with Arthur sent a cold chill up John's spine. It wasn't natural to love another man, he had always heard stories of men being with one another when they were trapped up in the mine, forced to give every second of their life to their job and he even heard of male prostitutes down in Mexico... But he never heard of men loving one another. He had always listened to Hosea talk about the men he ran with before Dutch and how they  _weren't right in the head_...

Was that what John was? Was there something wrong with him?

Was he in love with Arthur?

John was so far in his head he didn't hear Arthur speaking to him, he jumped harshly when he felt Arthur's hand touch his shoulder, which actually caused Arthur to jump in surprise as well.

"Jesus John are you alright? I've been tryin' to talk to you." Arthur scoffed.

"O-Oh, yeah I'm alright. Sorry." John muttered, reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, for the first time in over a month he wanted to get away from Arthur, he was scared and he knew Arthur wouldn't reciprocate his feelings. "We should probably get back." He suddenly said, not even bothering to wait to Arthur's response before turning and heading back towards camp.

Arthur arched his brows at John's swift depart, that was strange for sure. Was it something he said? He didn't recall saying anything confrontational, he knew he tended to be a bit... Brash on occasion but he couldn't see how he could have offended John in any way. He was truly curious as to what suddenly changed.

He frowned as he watched John's retreating form until it disappeared, perhaps John finally realized this was a mistake.

The thought alone made a wave of nausea wash over Arthur for a moment, part of him wanted to go grab John and punch him until he fessed up and another part of him wanted to disappear forever so he would never find out. Perhaps a ride would do him some good... Since obviously, John didn't want to be near him. Reaching up he whistled into the trees and waited patiently, looking up when he could hear hoofprints racing towards him.

Perhaps he could go get another horse? He had been meaning too for a while, there was nothing wrong with his current horse but he knew he wanted something different. He hadn't found the perfect match since Boadicea and he knew that it would take a while to find that... He climbed up on his mount and reached down and patted his neck, he appreciated the horse after all.

Recalling that they would be heading to Ridgemoore the next night and knew that they would probably not want to step foot in that town ever again afterward... There was a stable in town. Arthur nodded to himself at the plan coming together before he kicked his horses' sides and began riding away from camp.

It was around two in the afternoon, Ridgemoore was a good two-hour ride, if he was quick enough he should make it to the stables before they closed. He just needed to ride... Kicking his horse, again and again, he was soon rushing in a sprint, the galloping steed huffing as they rode. If there was one thing Arthur loved, it was riding, the wind against his face, the thundering hooves beneath him and the feeling of flying, he loved every moment.

The ride ended up passing by much quicker than he expected and he was quickly reminded of why he hated cities. Ridgemoore wasn't exactly a city but it was a large town and it was becoming much more. Tall buildings, carriages, and bustling people, Arthur was thankful that the stable wasn't too far in the maze, he hated to admit it but the bigger the place the better chance he'd get lost. He could survive in a forest for days by himself, but a city? Dream on.

Pushing those thoughts out of his head, he cantered towards the tall barn-like structure, looking around for any signs of danger, he could see some police officers bullshitting with each other at the end of the block but he was certain that as long as he didn't cause trouble he would get in and get out with no issue. Tying the tired horse up to a hitch beside the door he walked inside. The robust scent of the barn quickly made it's way up his nose, he was thankful that the smell didn't bother him as much anymore, it wasn't pleasant but he could deal with it.

Looking for someone to inquire about horses, he glanced down the stable hallway, seeing a few stablehands struggling with a particularly strong-willed horse.

"You fellas need help?" He called.

"W-What!? Oh! Oh no, we're alright! I'll be with you in a minute sir!" One of the men hollered as they continued to fight with the steed who huffed.

Arthur frowned but shrugged, watching on, he could tell that this wasn't going to end well but when the horse yanked his head back and suddenly got free, he gasped softly and quickly ducked out of the way as it charged in his direction to escape.

"Stop that horse!" The injured wrangler yelled.

Arthur quickly turned to watch the horse escape the stable, he broke into a sprint to follow the horse. He grabbed the reins of his own hitched horse and jumped up onto it's back to follow the unruly animal. Trailing after the rather beautiful stud, Arthur managed to chase it away from the trolly tracks and away from any people that would have been mowed down by him. He didn't run far, just out into the pastures, there was still a lasso around his neck and it ended up getting caught on a low hanging tree.

The horse began panicking and thrashing his head, Arthur frowned knowing he had to calm the beast before it ended up hurting itself. However, now that he could get a good look at the horse he could definitely admire the beauty, a silver dapple pinto stallion. He was definitely gorgeous and obviously had a lot of life in him.

"Whoa! Whoa!" He tried to calm as he got off his horse and slowly started approaching the aggressive stallion who huffed and thrashed his head again. "Calm down boy, it's alright." He cooed softer, stopping so that he could try and comfort the spooked horse.

Repeating gentle phrases softly as he approached the horse, it was still obviously agitated but began calming. He stamped his hooves a few times as Arthur got within a few feet of him and tried backing away.

"It's alright, boy... C'mon now." Arthur urged softly as he held out his hand, hoping the horse wouldn't bite him.

There was a moment of tense silence and Arthur gulped, but the horse eventually released a small snort and leaned down to sniff Arthur's hand. Arthur sighed in relief a bit before reaching in and gently resting his hand on the horse's snout. The horse calmly breathed and seemed to welcome the affection.

"Good boy..." He praised more in relief than anything before he looked back towards town.

This horse, while stubborn, was obviously intelligent and willful, Arthur briefly considered slipping his saddle on this steed and riding off... However, despite being a criminal Arthur did have  _some_ kind of integrity. Reaching up and gently untangling the horse from the tree before walking back towards his mount. Reaching on his saddle and pulling out his lasso, he slipped the rope over the dappled stallion and climbed on his horse's back.

The horse followed easily, making Arthur regret not stealing him, but once back in town, he lead the animal right back into the stable. Right as they walked in, he could see the man the stallion had originally knocked down nursing one of his arms. When he looked up he seemed shocked.

"Oh my god, I didn't think you'd actually get him back." He stated as Arthur slipped himself off his horse and took the rope, walking towards the horse's handler.

"He's definitely a character." Arthur chuckled softly. "What is he?" He asked out of curiosity.

"Missouri Fox Trotter, the biggest ass of 'em yet." He scoffed towards the stallion.

"... How much you want for him?" Arthur asked.

"I can assure you he's not cheap... Nine-hundred and fifty dollars... But after this incident... I may let him go for a bit of a  _discounted_ price." The man explained.

Arthur almost gawked at the price, but he wasn't surprised, the horse was gorgeous, reaching up and slicking his hair back Arthur thought for a moment.

"... I got this horse." Arthur mused, nodding his head to the thoroughbred. "How bout I give you him and make up the difference?" Arthur inquired.

The stable manager hummed and walked over to the calmer horse, he walked around, reaching up and patting the horse's neck. Seeming to be happy that Arthur's horse was far less aggressive, he turned back.

"... Five hundred and that beast is yours."

"Four hundred?" Arthur countered.

"Four-fifty..."

"... Four-twenty-five."

There was a short silence, the man looked from the wild trouble maker to the peaceful steed, he finally nodded.

"Deal." He settled.

Arthur smiled before he nodded and reached into his satchel. After precisely counting out the money they agreed on, Arthur switched his saddle over to his new horse. He prayed that he would take to riding quickly, if he was thrown he would have wasted all that money... Leading his new mount out of the stable he took out his watch, his heart fluttering to his dismay at holding it... Goddamn John for doing something so heartfelt.

It was about five o'clock, he needed to get riding if he wanted to be back at camp by nightfall. Shutting the watch and slipping it back into his satchel, he looked back up to the calmed horse, he'd need to think of a name...

"... Alright boy, please don't throw me." He begged quietly to the animal before slowly climbing on the saddle.

The horse huffed and fidgeted in place slightly at the discomfort of Arthur on top of him. Arthur was nervous in the back of his mind but he did his best to be as calm as possible for the horse's sake. He reached down to pat the stallion's neck reassuringly, hoping to calm him once more.

"Whoa, now it's alright... Let's get outta this loud place." He stated, looking back towards the way he came. "... Here goes nothin'." He mumbled.

Kicking the horses sides, the stubborn animal grunted defiantly for a moment, bobbing his head but beginning to walk forward. Obviously, the horse still felt insecure but he was listening for now...

"Good boy." He praised and kicked once again.

Thankfully there was no fight this time around, the horse quickly transitioned into a trot and soon a canter. He waited to command the horse to gallop until they were out of town, just in case but Arthur took a breath and kicked again, barking out the command. The horse didn't hesitate to take off, Arthur could tell that they would need to work with each other, he needed to gain the horse's trust but this was a step in the right direction.

* * *

Arthur had been gone for hours and despite John being relieved to be away from Arthur, he was angry that Arthur disappeared, as he always did. However, he knew that this time it was his fault, he had given Arthur the cold shoulder for no reason and had been feeling guilty since he realized Arthur had left. Now he just wanted Arthur to come back so he could make it up to him.

Walking towards their tent he ducked inside, everyone had been in an especially pleasant mood and he really wasn't in the mood to  _be_ pleasant... But he wasn't about to ruin another person's day, he just retreated in solitude so that he could think and be alone. When he disappeared behind the canvas he stretched and ran a hand through his hair, perhaps he should just take a nap...

He reached up and unbuttoned his shirt, looking down at all the marks from him and Arthur  _bonding._ Blushing at the sight he quickly tossed the shirt away, Arthur loved to bite John and John couldn't say no... He didn't want to say no, he wanted them... Why did he push Arthur away earlier?

Sitting down on their messy blanket arrangments he took off his boots and slipped off his belt to be as comfortable as possible. He laid back on his side of the bed before feeling something hard slightly jab him in his back. Furrowing his brows he sat back up and turned, searching through the pelts he was laying upon until he found Arthur's journal.

John's breathing hitched and again he held the book in his hands... He was so conflicted... But without warning he opened the journal and began searching through for the most recent entry, he looked away from anything else... He flipped through dozens of drawings that he had been given permission to see and despite this feeling wrong he couldn't stop. He continued quickly surfing through pages until he found an empty page, it was nearing the end of the book Arthur would have to get a new one soon...

John's eyes were averted... He hadn't read anything yet... Once he read it he couldn't go back. Was this worth it?

"... Looks like we're gonna find out..." He mumbled to himself before he looked down, the label was from four days prior.

_May 5th, 1890_

_John... Even writing his name makes my chest clench up like I'm about to stop breathing but it never happens... It's hard to believe that a few months back we were always at each other's throats... We are still, just in a different way._

_That boy makes me crazy many different ways, I keep being reminded of Mary and it scares me... One day, I know he'll find the right girl and I accept that but it doesn't make it any less painful to think about... I've always loved that kid but now... With everything that's happened, I worry that when that time comes that I won't be able to stay. The thought of him making those faces for someone else... Saying someone else's name... Even looking at someone else the way he looks at me when we sit at the campfire... It kills me._

_I'm getting too close... Too invested..._

_I love him... And I'll love him enough to let him go._

_But I'll remember it as a nice distraction._

John blinked as the words on the pages ended, Arthur's words were so raw and so honest, he felt like his heart would burst... And then he was angry... Would Arthur just let him go without a fight..? He wasn't sure whether to be touched or pissed off... All he knew was that he regretted brushing Arthur off earlier in the day. They needed to talk... He was tempted to turn back the pages to read more but he abruptly slapped the book shut and slid it under Arthur's pillow. He felt guilty enough... He wouldn't read more.

_I love him._

John thought about the words he read in the journal... Arthur said he loved him, but did that mean they shared the same feelings or did that mean that he loved John as a brother? It was hard to get context when they were just words on a page and it's not like he could just ask Arthur... And the question before still hung in his mind...

Was he in love with Arthur?

Like clockwork, he heard hooves approaching the encampment and the pit in his stomach only grew, he knew it was Arthur... And despite wanting to rush out to greet him he stayed where he was.

"Whoa Arthur! Nice horse!" He heard Hosea comment.

"Yeah, he's a bastard. Reminded me of you." Arthur chuckled.

John pouted because now he  _needed_ to go outside, his curiosity about to eat him alive. He groaned softly and redressed before he slipped out of the tent. He could see the beautiful horse from where he was standing, his brows arched and his feet began moving on their own towards it. He slowed when he saw Arthur look up at him, a tense air settling between them, but John approached Arthur anyway.

"... Gotta name?" John asked, doing his best not to be awkward.

"Not yet... You should help me name him." Arthur mused casually, their gazes met and John's knees felt weak but looking to the horse and back to Arthur a name rang in his head immediately.

"... Admiral." John suggested.

Arthur made a face for a moment and looked to the horse, but Arthur soon nodded and looked back to John with a small smile.

"... I like that." he commented. "Suits him." He chuckled softly before he nodded John to follow him as he led Admiral to the hitching post.

"Well Dutch has The Count, it only makes sense for you to have The Admiral." John chuckled softly as he walked with Arthur.

"I like it even more now." Arthur chortled with John, who was relieved to see that Arthur wasn't angry with him, but how were they supposed to approach the elephant in the room?

Once Arthur tied Admiral to the post, he removed the saddle to let him rest comfortably before finally turning his full attention to John. He could see that John was still distressed and it made him worry...

"... You alright cowboy?" Arthur asked softly, the words rolling off his lips so sweetly that John was already swooning, he gulped and averted his gaze.

"Y-Yeah... I mean I think so... I dunno." He stammered, Arthur frowned and released a small breath.

"John... C'mon." He instructed gently and began walking towards their tent to get some privacy.

John went rigid but he followed Arthur anyway, his palms were sweating and he was so nervous... He kept thinking about the words in Arthur's journal, how in the hell was he supposed to ask questions about things he wasn't supposed to know about? The guilt he should have felt before slamming him in the gut harshly... When they were alone in their tent, seeing Arthur face him he was afraid to speak.

"... What's goin' on John?" Arthur asked. "What'd I do?"

John's heart nearly exploded out of his chest when he realized Arthur thought this was his fault. He quickly shook his head trying to formulate words.

"I-It's not your fault." He quickly said. "... I got in my head earlier and when I got out... I was scared." He admitted.

"What's the secret John?" Arthur inquired, confused.

John bit his lip, the only way to truly talk about his feelings was to confess what he had done and possibly ruin what they had...

"... I read your journal." He muttered, Arthur took a step back, the look of betrayal was something John would never forget.

"You what?" Arthur snapped.

"O-Only one entry!" John quickly stated. "I-I know I shouldn't have done it and I'm sorry... B-But let me explain..."

"Let you explain!?" Arthur barked, making John flinch. "Let you explain what!? Why you felt it was your damn right to go through something of mine that was private?" he asked. "I let you look at my drawings because I  _trusted_ you John."

"I-I know! But you don't understand-"

"Understand what?"

"... That I love you, you asshole." John hissed, still having to keep their affairs private, but the words left Arthur quiet.

"... No, you don't." Arthur sighed, shaking his head.

"What?" John asked.

"... You love this... The nights we share... You don't love  _me,_ John." Arthur explained as gently as he could.

"How the hell would you know what I love?" John growled.

"Because I know, John." Arthur replied, his tone warning not to press the subject but John refused to let this one go.

"Goddammit Arthur!" John barked and threw himself at Arthur.

When their bodies collided, instead of a physical altercation breaking out, their lips crashed together sloppily. Kissing turned into groping and within minutes, Arthur was laying John down beneath him on their bedding. It was dangerous to do this while everyone was still up but neither of them cared. Arthur held his hand over John's mouth as he roughly pounded into him...

By the time the sun had set, Arthur and John were laying side by side, both coming down from their highs and panting. John's head rested against Arthur's shoulder, his hand laying on his lover's chest, feeling his heartbeat and his breathing.

"... I'm sorry I read your journal... I won't do it again..." He promised.

"See that you don't." Arthur grumbled. "... Which entry did you read?" He asked, unable to stop himself.

"The most recent one." John replied honestly. "... I-I wanted to know if you felt the same way I did..."

"... I still don't believe you." Arthur countered seriously, John snorted and rolled his eyes.

"I'm used to that." He snickered softly.

"... Think we got a chance against the O'Driscoll's?" Arthur inquired.

"... I think that as long as you turn idiot, we'll get through it." John joked, laughing as Arthur groaned.

"I hate this." He scoffed as John sat up and leaned over him.

"You do?" John asked, feigning a slight pout.

"... Maybe not."

> You know I want you  
> It's not a secret I try to hide  
> I know you want me  
> So don't keep saying our hands are tied  
> You claim it's not in the cards  
> Fate is pulling you miles away  
> And out of reach from me  
> But you're here in my heart  
> So who can stop me if I decide  
> That you're my destiny?
> 
>  
> 
> What if we rewrite the stars?  
> Say you were made to be mine  
> Nothing could keep us apart  
> You'd be the one I was meant to find  
> It's up to you, and it's up to me  
> No one can say what we get to be  
> So why don't we rewrite the stars?  
> Maybe the world could be ours  
> Tonight
> 
>  
> 
> You think it's easy  
> You think I don't want to run to you  
> But there are mountains  
> And there are doors that we can't walk through  
> I know you're wondering why  
> Because we're able to be  
> Just you and me  
> Within these walls  
> But when we go outside  
> You're going to wake up and see that it was hopeless after all
> 
>  
> 
> No one can rewrite the stars  
> How can you say you'll be mine?  
> Everything keeps us apart  
> And I'm not the one you were meant to find  
> It's not up to you  
> It's not up to me  
> When everyone tells us what we can be  
> How can we rewrite the stars?  
> Say that the world can be ours  
> Tonight
> 
>  
> 
> All I want is to fly with you  
> All I want is to fall with you  
> So just give me all of you
> 
> It feels impossible (it's not impossible)  
> Is it impossible?
> 
> Say that it's possible
> 
>  
> 
> How do we rewrite the stars?  
> Say you were made to be mine?  
> Nothing can keep us apart  
> 'Cause you are the one I was meant to find  
> It's up to you  
> And it's up to me  
> No one can say what we get to be  
> And why don't we rewrite the stars?  
> Changing the world to be ours
> 
>  
> 
> You know I want you  
> It's not a secret I try to hide  
> But I can't have you  
> We're bound to break and my hands are tied
> 
>  
> 
> source: Rewrite the Stars by Zac Efron and Zendaya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys sorry for the short lapse in updating, I've been extremely stressed for the last few weeks and I'm gonna be stressed for a while lmao. I'm in the process of moving, my health is declining and it's just gonna be difficult for a minute. Thanks for understanding.   
> -Eros


	17. Chapter 17

Arthur slipped his arms through dark navy sleeves of the driver's outfit he had been provided with. It was nearly seven and they would have to roll out soon. There was still worry in his gut about the consequences this night would have, but when the tent opened and Arthur glanced over, his anxieties were calmed at the sight of John. He still didn't believe that John was in love with him but that didn't change anything between them, he just hoped John wouldn't do anything stupid to prove himself.

"You almost ready?" John inquired, his eyes slithering down to Arthur's exposed chest and back up to his face rather quickly, but Arthur noticed.

"Just about." He replied evenly. "... You like what you see?" He flirted softly, a small smirk forming on his lips as he started buttoning his shirt up, John scoffed.

"I suppose." He grumbled since he had been caught.

"You suppose? I'm wounded, John." Arthur chuckled as a subtle hue of pink rushed across John's face.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you'll be fine." John replied.

When Arthur had finished buttoning up his shirt, John walked forward and gently fixed Arthur's collar. When he took his hands away, he could still see the smirk behind Arthur's eyes and he quickly puffed out a small huff.

"If you make any jokes about me bein' your woman I'll shoot you right now." He warned, the pink hue turning crimson before he turned away to storm out of the tent.

However, John's waist was caught by Arthur's arm and he was pulled back, a sour expression still etched on his visage. When he was met with a rather pleasant smile on Arthur's expression, his own softened a bit but he was still on guard.

"... Thanks." He said simply before he leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on John's lips.

Despite hating how insufferable Arthur was, he had to admit, moments like these were ones he cherished... But he wouldn't tell Arthur, although it seemed that his face spoke for him because Arthur released a small chortle.

"You look like a baby deer." He snickered quietly, John quickly reigned in his swooning and shoved Arthur away.

"Shut up." John growled before Arthur gently pulled him back once more.

"Come on, I'm playin'." Arthur laughed softly.

John eyed Arthur suspiciously, but eventually, he sighed and reached up to rest his hands on Arthur's shoulders. A small pit forming in his stomach knowing that they had to leave soon. He was worried...

"... Be careful." Arthur suddenly said, surprising John. "... I can't watch you die a second time." He admitted, a blush tinting his cheeks albeit briefly, John couldn't help but chuckle softly.

"... Same here." John replied. "... How about we both just make it back... If anything we can offer Uncle as a sacrifice." He stated to lighten the mood and smiled when Arthur laughed.

"Suppose you're right... Let's go." He instructed, leaning in and pecking John one last time before he grabbed the hat for the uniform and slipping it on.

When both of them slipped out of the tent, they walked over to where everyone had gathered, Dutch was saying goodbye to Annabelle. He had made up a smooth lie about a bank robbery in another county and she believed him. While his gut told him this wouldn't end well he didn't hesitate to mount up and ride off with everyone towards the fork in the road about an hour ahead.

"Remember the plan gentlemen, John and Arthur, you say as little as possible! Understood?" Dutch asked.

"Got it." John chimed.

"Yep." Arthur responded.

"Good. I want them to remain ignorant as long as they can." Dutch affirmed.

When they came up to the fork in the road, the group separated, Dutch going off alone as well as Hosea and Arthur. The last goodbye he was able to say to John was a small nod before they rode towards Ridgemoore. He sent a silent prayer hoping that this wasn't a huge disaster.

* * *

"Alright Arthur, you ready?" Hosea asked softly as they approached the plantation house, it was heavily guarded and Arthur was beginning to get nervous.

"I guess... You really think we can pull this off?" Arthur inquired a bit nervously.

"Guess we'll find out..." Hosea murmured as they rode up, the two men at the gate pointing their guns immediately at Arthur and Hosea.

"Who are you?" One asked.

"We're Lady Harriet's drivers for the evening! We were told to ride up around this time." Hosea explained calmly as he dismounted his horse, Arthur mirroring his actions.

"Oh, right... Seals?" The same man questioned, Arthur almost broke a sweat but Hosea quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out two seals, handing it to the guard who approached. "... Good, head on in. The carriage is right next to the front door, just wait." he ordered.

"Sounds good my friend." Hosea stated before they walked inside.

Looking around, Arthur could see why Cain was with this woman. Fancy was an understatement, he had thought places like this only existed for people who weren't sinners. They made their way to the carriage quickly and climbed in the driver's seat, Arthur sat on the side farthest away from the front door to avoid being recognized while Hosea handed Arthur the reigns.

"Ready, son?" Hosea asked barely above a whisper.

"... Ready as I'll ever be." Arthur murmured in reply before the front door swung open.

Arthur quickly turned his face forward, the cooler he was the less likely he'd be noticed. He could see from where he was sitting that there were two people, and one of the voices was very familiar.

"Cain, darling please stop fussing, we're going to be late." A woman dismissed, hurrying towards the carriage, not even paying mind to Hosea as he stepped off and opened the door for her, Arthur assumed this woman to be Harriet.

"A-Are you sure this is safe though? Big parties tend to be a big shooting gallery." Cain sighed as he too followed, he glanced briefly at Hosea but didn't bat an eye, phase one was complete and Arthur was relieved.

"Maybe for people like you dear, trust me, it's safe." Harriet chuckled before the two of them climbed in and settled, continuing to talk in hushed whispers.

Hosea shut the door carefully and climbed back into the driver's seat before sending a small look to Arthur and nodding. Arthur quickly snapped the reigns, however, seemingly out of nowhere, they were suddenly surrounded by about six people armed to the teeth on horseback. Arthur felt the hair on the back of his neck rise just at the thought of being trapped by O'Driscoll gunman. The next step was getting these guards away and getting off course.

Arthur tried his best to hear what Cain and Harriet were discussing in the back but they were quiet and the hooves around them didn't help. He eventually gave up and focused on the road ahead... The waiting was anxious, he was too afraid of saying anything to Hosea with multiple bodyguards around to hear them plan their boss' demise. Arthur turned out onto the open road towards town, he knew any minute they would be  _attacked_.

The attack Arthur had in mind was not what actually happened, after about fifteen minutes in the quiet of the night, without warning...

**_BOOM!_ **

Charges suddenly went off in front of the carriage, less than twenty feet away, causing both the horses to spook and charge off, but chaos and confusion to erupt, especially with Harriet screaming in the back, the horses of the guards charging in completely different directions as well as Arthur trying to get control back over their own horses. He was  _not_ expecting that, Arthur was relieved it was dark so their passengers didn't have much of an idea where they were going.

"What in gods name is going on out there!?" Cain yelled.

"N-Not sure sir! We're gonna get you away from this!" Hosea replied, suddenly hearing gun shots.

"Stop the carriage now!" Cain ordered.

"Are you crazy!? Drive!" Harriet scoffed, Arthur snapped the reigns to put the horses into a gallop.

"We know a different way into town miss! We'll get you there safe!" Hosea stated as the gunshots of the ambush slowly began to fade.

Everything happened so fast, Arthur didn't even see any of their men, he only hoped John was fine. All he knew now was that their armed guards were gone and they had to somehow subdue Cain before he caught wind of the actual situation. The noise began fading, Arthur knew that in a fight he could probably overpower Cain without much issue, but he was certain he was carrying a firearm.

Glancing to Hosea, Arthur arched a brow silently, wondering if Hosea had any ideas. Hosea looked to Arthur before looking our around the landscape, they were pretty far out in the middle of nowhere. If they could get a good length away from the firefight behind them, they could probably just disarm him. Hosea could see the fork in the road ahead, soon their  _passengers_ would probably start getting suspicious.

"Go left..." Hosea mused softly, hearing soft arguing in the back of the carriage, they probably had about ten minutes, if that, before their prisoners started asking questions.

Arthur steered the horses where Hosea had directed him, about two minutes into the new direction, Hosea listened carefully into the night, they had gotten away from the first battle. This wasn't a very popular road either...

"Pull over when you see an opportunity... I think it's time we greet our guests." Hosea mentioned to Arthur quietly enough.

"Sounds good." Arthur replied smoothly.

When they began veering off the path, Arthur frowned knowing that they would have to expect a fight, he reached down to grab his sidearm, but Hosea quickly caught his hand.

"Follow my lead..." He muttered, Arthur frowned.

"Hey what's the hold-up!?" Cain demanded from the carriage as they came to a stop.

"I-I'm so sorry sir but it seems like I've been shot." Hosea replied, his voice wavering before he dramatically fell off his seat to the floor.

"Oh my goodness! Cain get out there and help him!" Harriet cried.

"For god sake, we don't have time for this! I'll steer myself, your partner can carry you to town from here for all I care!" Cain barked as he threw open the door.

"Cain we can't do that!" Harriet replied.

Arthur watched Cain step out to look over Hosea without any inkling of what was coming his way. Hosea was so fucking smart, and without warning, the barrel of Arthur's gun was pressing against Cain's temple.

"Nice to see ya again, partner." Arthur chuckled softly as the other froze in place.

"... You." He growled as Hosea got up and dusted himself off.

"I shouldn't have done that." He groaned. "I'm gettin' to old for this shit."

"W-What's going on?" Harriet asked as she poked her head out of the carriage, gasping as she saw Arthur's gun against her lovers head.

"Sorry, ma'am... This doesn't concern you but we need you to step out." Hosea replied calmly, pulling out his own gun.

"Leave her out of this!" Cain commanded.

"... This sounds familiar doesn't it?" Arthur asked as he climbed off of the carriage and casually taking Cain's weapons before coldly meeting his gaze. "... As I recall, I asked you the same thing when you and your dogs open-fired on innocent people." He explained as he suddenly drove his fist into Cain's nose, sending him back, hearing Harriet scream.

"Cain what are they talking about!? Surely you have the wrong man!" She countered.

"This is rich, you have no problems roasting women and children alive but don't have the gall to tell your lady about your dirty deeds." Hosea scoffed.

"I-I don't know what they're talking about Harriet! They attacked us first!" Cain quickly stammered, trying to save his own skin once again.

"Say what you want but you're both comin' with us..." Arthur retorted.

Cain was a coward, and while he expected a fight, Arthur also wasn't surprised when there wasn't much difficulty tying them up, if anything Harriet proved more difficult but they were both loaded back up into the carriage, both gagged to stop and cries for help.

"These two have a date with destiny." Arthur chuckled as he and Hosea continued the journey.

Looking at the map, they were only about an hour away from the cabin that Dutch had marked for them. A pit or worry was building in Arthur's gut. This didn't feel right and it felt like this was a mistake, and it made Arthur angry because he knew this bastard deserved nothing more than death.

"You alright Arthur?" Hosea asked now that they could speak freely.

"Huh? Yeah... I just hope that Dutch can finally get over this after tonight..." Arthur sighed.

"You and me both... I guess it'll all depend on the brother... If he decides on revenge." Hosea murmured, and Arthur felt that hard pit hit his stomach again... He didn't reply.

* * *

When they were nearing the cabin, they could see lights on inside as well as hearing multiple voices, it sounded like a damn party and hearing the carriage approaching, the men spilled out from inside the house. Arthur was relieved to see Dutch leading the way seeming unscathed as well as John, perhaps he was worrying over nothing.

"Hello, boys! Have you got our packages?" Dutch inquired with a laugh.

"Sure do." Arthur mused as they stopped the horses.

Both Cain and Harriet were dragged out of the carriage by Bill and Uncle while Dutch waited eagerly, seeing Cain ignited that familiar rage all over again. The woman struggled fearfully as she was pulled up into the standing position by Bill and faced towards Cain, a knife coming to her throat as tears escaped her eyes. Cain struggled at the sight but was unable to break free to Dutch's delight, he loved watching his enemies squirm.

"Hello, brother." Dutch greeted with a sinister grin. "Let him speak." He ordered, John kneeled down and freed Cain's lips.

"You bastard you have no idea what you've done!" Cain spewed angrily.

"How rude... I've transported you in a luxurious carriage with two very fine drivers who I know were nothin' but gentle with you... And this must be Harriet." Dutch purred, reaching forward and caressing Harriet's cheek despite her flinching away from his touch.

"Please for the love of god, let her go!" Cain begged.

"Why..?" Dutch asked. "... She won't need you anymore... And you put Annabelle out of commission. I could definitely use her." He taunted, Dutch wasn't a rapist and everyone knew that... Except for their captives.

"If you touch her I swear I'll-"

Dutch slammed his foot into Cain's gut, ignoring another muffled screech from Harriet.

"Manners... Mister O'Driscoll." Dutch reminded gently before looking to Harriet, seeing her tears causing guilt to surface within him for a moment before he reached into his satchel and pulled out a cigarette and lighting it as Cain sputtered and coughed, reeling from the kick.

Reaching forward, Harriet cringed again as Dutch carefully uncovered her mouth to allow her to speak.

"... Let me tell you this darlin'." Dutch began, exhaling smoke casually. "... Now is  _not_ the time to lie to me, do you know who I am?" He questioned.

"You're... D-Dutch Van der Linde..." She whimpered.

"Smart girl... Tell me, what do you know about me?" He inquired, seeing confusion cross Harriet's expression.

"... I-I only know that... You got in a scuffle with the O'Driscolls." She replied, Dutch snickered softly.

"Let me correct you... This man has burnt families alive and nearly killed mine... But you, you have done me no harm... So I'm done with you for now, take her inside." He instructed.

"Don't hurt her! Harriet!" Cain yelled as Harriet was hauled away screaming inside, her cries cut off as the door to the cabin was shut behind them. "I'll give you whatever you want! I'll do whatever I have to do just don't hurt her!"

"You see, Mister O'Driscoll, we're kinda past that." Dutch sighed almost bored as he took another drag from his cigarette. "You shoulda thought about that before you shot Annabelle and forced us off a cliff."

"That was all Colm's idea! He's the boss! I'm just an enforcer!" Cain pleaded on deaf ears.

"You goddamn snake." Arthur growled. "You can kill children but you're beggin' for your life, willin' to turn your back on your own family." He spat and for once Cain didn't have an excuse.

"Look, Mister O'Driscoll... Here's what's gonna happen," Dutch began as he took out his revolver. "... I'm gonna kill ya... Gonna shoot you like a dog... Just like you deserve." Dutch stated bluntly.

"Wait! Wait! What if I give you a tip to our next robbery! A good one!" Cain blurted, Dutch paused briefly, arching a brow.

"You have thirty seconds."

"The Heartland Oil Fields! They're stashing a whole bunch of cash up on the second floor as well as top secret information from the government! We've been staking it out for months but it's heavily guarded, you'll need a fully armed militia if you even think about heading up there, the foreman of the operation, his name is Jack Greenwald he has the key to the safe!" Cain explained, Dutch hummed, it wasn't a bad thought actually.

"... Thanks for the tip." Dutch mused.

"Can we discuss a deal-"

**_BANG._ **

Dutch pulled the trigger, the bullet piercing Cain between the eyes, and just like that he felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders as he saw the body slump lifelessly. Finishing his cigarette he flicked the butt onto Cain's body before turning and walking back towards the cabin without an afterthought, followed by Arthur and John.

"Uncle, bury him in a shallow grave somewhere, I'm done with him." Dutch called.

When they walked into the cabin Harriet was tied to a chair left behind by the previous owner, the place was pretty cleaned out but there was an oil lamp and multiple bottles of liquor from the party waiting for Arthur and Hosea to show up, her mouth was covered once more. Bill was leaned against the wall rubbing his cheek, amusement rising to Dutch's face.

"Did she manage to hit you?" He asked.

"Bitch headbutted me." Bill growled.

"Unbelievable." Dutch chortled before he took the bandana from her mouth so that she was able to speak once more.

"A-Are you gonna kill me?" She asked, Dutch rolled his eyes.

"No." He said simply. "We're not animals... You've done us no harm." Dutch explained, seeing both relief and suspicious concern wash over her.

"S-So what  _are_ you gonna do with me?" She asked.

"I'm gonna put you back in that carriage and take you back to your family... But let me tell you this..." Dutch mentioned, kneeling to her level. "... You tell anyone what happened tonight... I will find you again, and I will kill you as well as everyone you care about... I did it to Cain and I will do it to you too... Do I make myself perfectly clear?" He interrogated seriously, Harriet nodded and gulped. "Good... Bill, go with Hosea and make sure she gets home safe... As for the delivery, I'll leave that up to you, we're done here." Dutch concluded.

Arthur sighed in relief, this night could have gone so much worse, feeling someone brush against him, he looked over to see John standing next to him. Feeling relief wash over him again he nodded quietly to John. He hated admitting Dutch was right after the craziness in the past week but he did feel better knowing Cain was dead, all they had to worry about was Colm.

The cabin was dark once more as everyone walked out, Harriet looking around until she saw a pool of blood near the carriage... Cain was nowhere to be found. She stifled a sob but climbed into the carriage.

"What do you think of that little morsel that Cain told us about?" Hosea inquired curiously as they readied to leave.

"I think it's a huge risk but worth lookin' into... Let's make sure we're covered before we go lookin' for more trouble." Dutch replied.

"I second that." Arthur mused, smiling as Dutch wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"This wouldn't have happened without you, son... Thank you." He stated to Arthur, who almost blushed from the gratitude.

"We're family Dutch... You'd do it for us." He reminded.

"That I would... Let's get outta here." Dutch chuckled before he whistled for his horse.

"What're you gonna tell Annabelle when we don't come back with cash?" John asked curiously, Dutch frowned.

"... The truth I suppose, she deserves that."

* * *

It had been a long night... But Cain was dead, the mission was a success and they had one less enemy lurking in the shadows. The sun was peaking over the horizon when the band of criminals rode back into camp, the plan now was to get everyone moving so that they could get out of Colm's line of fire, for now however, Dutch needed to confront Annabelle and come clean about his activities. He frowned seeing Annabelle, Bessie and Susan already up with coffee.

"You're back!" Annabelle cheered and stood up, Susan quickly coming to her aid and supported her as she limped towards Dutch. "How much did we make off with?" She asked as Dutch wrapped his arms around her, Arthur wished he would've had enough time to slip away before it got ugly.

"... Nothing." He replied, Annabelle pulling back with a shocked expression.

"D-Did something happen? Where's Bill and Hosea?" She asked with a hint of panic.

"They're fine... Cain O'Driscoll is dead, I put him in the ground tonight." He sighed, guilt clouding him for lying to her, there was a long pause as she stared at Dutch, her expression unreadable.

Arthur almost thought she was going to take it with grace until she pulled herself back and her palm met Dutch's cheek hard enough to make a few people audibly gasp. Dutch was taken aback as well, she had never struck him before but when he met her gaze again, all he could see was hurt... And he couldn't be mad at her.

"... You've been lying to me for weeks!" She snapped. "I told you to leave it!"

"He shot you Annabelle!" Dutch argued. "Was I supposed to let him get away with it!?"

"Yes! Because you brought it on yourself!" She yelled back, regret crossing her visage for rubbing Dutch's mistake in his face once again, his lips formed into a tight line. "... Whatever happens... It's on you, Dutch." She stated calmer than before, Dutch huffed and reached up to rub his cheek before he turned away from her.

"... Everyone get packed up." He instructed before quickly walking away from Annabelle as tears formed in her eyes.

Arthur frowned as he watched the display unfold, Dutch and Annabelle  _never_ yelled at each other ad he had never seen Annabelle be physical with anyone let alone Dutch. Seeing her cry, he knew it was possible that approaching her was a bad idea, but he walked up to her regardless.

"... C'mon darlin'." He muttered and reached in to support her, but she quickly pulled away from Arthur, looking up to him as she tried to keep herself together.

"... You knew, didn't you?" She asked, Arthur opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out, he wasn't sure if he was going to lie or not, but his actions did the talking for him, she frowned bitterly and reached up to wipe her eyes and turned away. "I'm fine, Arthur." She sniffled briskly before limping away from him.

Annabelle had never been mad at Arthur openly like this, it hurt more than he thought it would. He sighed and watched her as John came back to his side.

"... C'mon, let's go get packed." John said, gently ushering Arthur towards their tent.

Arthur begrudgingly followed John, now feeling like a dog that had been kicked. When they got into the privacy of their tent, Arthur gasped as John basically threw himself at him, nearly having to catch the smaller man as their lips locked in an intense kiss. Feeling his heart melt a bit, Arthur gave in and held John tightly and dominating the kiss as he always did. When John finally pulled back Arthur looked down at him with surprise.

"Uh... Thank you?" He asked, John scoffed and pulled himself away.

"Thought you could use a distraction." He replied before turning away so that he could start packing his things.

Arthur watched him with bewilderment, how could he do something so passionate and go back to being completely normal like that? Perhaps Arthur  _did_ have some things to learn from John. He shook his head and took a breath before he too began to pack as well, occasionally pinching John's ass when he was in the direct vicinity of it, which always made John huff defiantly but make no move to stop it.

Their whole tent as packed and ready to go within about a half an hour and the camp was packed within two. Despite it being none of his business, Arthur noticed that Dutch and Hosea manned the first caravan while Annabelle and Susan drove the second one... Dutch and Annabelle normally traveled together. He hoped that this wouldn't last long.

Arthur yawned, exhausted from pulling the all-nighter, but when John handed him a cup of coffee he sighed in relief and nodded his thanks. This would be a long drive...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm so sorry about going for like a month without posting! It's been really difficult finding my muse lately and it was frustrating because whenever I was busy I would think about this fic and all the plans I had for it but when I sat down to write nothing would come out lol. Thank you so much for sticking this out with me and supporting this fic!  
> -Eros


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the actual FUCK how has it been over a MONTH since I've updated!?!?!? Time passes to quickly I am so sorry guys! I went on vacation in July and I originally planned on posting a notice so I didn't just leave ya'll hanging but I literally had no time on my hands whatsoever and I hope this chapter was worth the wait!  
> -Eros

The ride was quiet and awkward, the air was tense. When they finally arrived at their destination, it was far from the oil fields but it was also far from Colm O'Driscoll. Arthur couldn't remember a time when it was this uncomfortable around camp, he kept thinking about the way Annabelle looked at him with such disappointment and betrayal... Annabelle was one of the only people whose opinions mattered to him, and he betrayed her. He laid in bed that night with John who was comfortably asleep next to him, he stared up at the canvas protecting their forbidden relationship... He still had that pit in his stomach, like something horrible was coming.

Arthur was frustrated, everything had gone beautifully with the plan and now Cain was in the ground... He should be relieved, they should be celebrating but...

"Shit..." He sighed softly and leaned his head back exasperatedly.

"Huh..? You alright?" John yawned quietly, still half asleep.

"Oh, yeah I'm fine... Sorry, John." Arthur replied as he sat up and got out of bed, John blinked and slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"What time is it?" He asked.

"I dunno, late..." Arthur replied, the camp was silent he assumed it was around two in the morning, but he remembered he could actually check the time again.

Pulling open the tent flap just a bit to get some moonlight inside before he brought out his watch and opened it. He was correct, it was just past two, releasing the curtain the tent was dark again.

"What's goin' on Arthur?" John asked furrowing his brows and yawning again.

"Nothin'... Just can't sleep... I'll be back in a little bit." He explained as he slipped his shirt on and buttoned it up about halfway.

"Want me to come..?" John inquired, frowning at Arthur's behavior. "Is it about Annabelle..?"

"No, no... Just been a long few days... It's fine John, go back to sleep." He stated before he leaned over and kissed John's forehead.

"Alright... You know where I am if you need me." John sighed and laid back down as Arthur slipped out of the tent.

Arthur walked outside and ran a hand through his hair. They had settled at the Elysian Pool nearing the mine excavation that had been under construction for a few years. It was always a wonder as to why they kept digging. The small lake was relaxing and he figured maybe if he washed his face and had a smoke he'd be able to go back to bed in peace, looking to his satchel Arthur dug in to get a smoke preemptively... However, when he looked up he saw Annabelle sitting in a chair by the shore... By herself.

He wondered if he walked away slowly he would be able to get away without being noticed... He still wasn't ready to face her yet, but before he could make the decision to do so, she turned and looked back to him. She too seemed surprised and for a moment an eerie silence settled in the air. Eventually, she turned back around to face the water.

"What're you doin' up Arthur?" She asked, her tone hinting that she didn't know what to say, Arthur found a little solace that she felt just as nervous as him, hesitating, he walked forward and stopped when he was beside her, quickly bringing up a lighter to his cigarette.

"... Couldn't sleep." he replied shortly, inhaling the rich nicotine to slow his heart down. "Why are you?"

"Same thing..." She muttered, Arthur glanced over, Annabelle was always so certain and so strong, hearing her so down was odd.

Silence once more took over and Arthur gulped. He hated this... He hated things not being the way they were supposed to be. He breathed out the smoke before he spoke again.

"I'm sorry." He said, turning to face her. "I-I'm sorry for lyin' to you... I knew that going after Cain was a bad idea but somewhere deep down I just... I know it was the right decision... I know you wanted Dutch to leave it, even I tried gettin' him to leave it but... He loves you Annabelle, I ain't never seen him love something like he loves you... Not being able to protect you really messed with him." He explained, hoping he was making sense.

"Fightin' wrong with wrong  _ain't_  right Arthur." She countered, looking up to him seriously. "... I know that I don't know the details of your plans, Dutch does his best to keep me out of it but I'm not stupid and I hate bein' treated like I'm a flower." She stated. "... It wasn't just about lyin' to me, I'm not a fucking damsel... He used to include me on  _everything_ Arthur... And now it's always about how I'm feeling or waiting on me hand and foot... I know I shouldn't complain but he treats me like I'm dying..." She muttered, it started making sense to Arthur, even he worried about her whenever he thought of her. "... Even bein' together... It ain't the same... And when he lied to me because he couldn't face me and talk to me as his partner... That he didn't take me seriously and he couldn't let it go  _for me..._ It hurt Arthur." She huffed, tears gathering in her eyes once more.

"... He's scared, Annabelle." Arthur said, reaching over and resting a hand on her shoulder. "... We all are if I'm bein' honest, but Dutch? He's terrified of losing you, he tries to hide it, but... When I told him you were shot the look on his face..." He paused, his gut clenching at the memory. "I'll never forget that... I think something broke. He couldn't protect you." He sighed.

"He's never lied to my face like that before... And he had me fooled Arthur I believed him... What else could he be lying about?" Annabelle asked, looking over to him.

"Aw come on, Annabelle give Dutch a little credit." Arthur sighed, kneeling beside her to be more on her level, offering her the cigarette, she hesitated but soon snatched it out of his hand and took an inhale. "... What could Dutch have lied to you about? Do you really think that he'd lie about loving you or somethin'?" He asked.

"... Smooth-talkin' son-of-a-bitch... No." She replied and sighed out the smoke. "I know he loves me... But now he's more concerned about protecting me than loving me."

"Maybe... I worry about him." Arthur sighed, Annabelle suddenly choked out a sob and cupped a hand over her mouth.

"Y-You think he's terrified..? I'm so fucking scared Arthur, I'm  _so, so_ scared of what's gonna happen if I-... If I get sick again... When he lied to me and killed Cain, I was so scared... He showed that no matter what he'd gonna do whatever he thinks is right, even if it costs his life... And if I die? What then? He's going to throw his life away... O-Or worse, someone else's!" She sniffed and wiped her eyes, Arthur couldn't lie when he said that he worried about Dutch's decision making when Annabelle had been sick and injured.

"... You gotta trust him." Arthur said, shrugging. "I know it's not the best advice and I know it's still raw from the lie... But in my life, I didn't really believe in that whole soulmate crap until I saw you two..." He mused, a blush coming to his cheeks before clearing his throat and looking around to make sure they weren't being watched. "... Remember all them things you said about me and John..?" He asked, hoping he wouldn't regret this, she looked over and nodded... Arthur took a breath and spoke. "W-We uh... Ya know..." He muttered, it took a moment but seeing Annabelle's eyes light up when she figured out what he was saying gave him much relief.

"R-Really!?" She asked with excitement.

"Yeah, yeah don't go spreadin' that around." Arthur grumbled softly.

"Are you happy?" She asked a bit more seriously, Arthur paused but met her gaze before nodding.

"... Yeah, we are."

Annabelle looked away for a moment as she sat in thought, if John and Arthur could make things work... She finally breathed a small huff and stood up to Arthur's surprise before looking down to him with a small smile.

"... Come on, son." She chuckled.

"Don't ever call me that again." Arthur chuckled before he too stood back up as well and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

Arthur held her close as they walked back towards camp, Annabelle understood him in ways Mary never did... She always had ways of putting him right at ease, even before when Arthur was nervous of speaking to her, he already felt ten times better.

Annabelle was always the one woman that Arthur was never interested in persuing. They were so close and he loved their platonic relationship more than a lot of things in his life... He cherished her and it would hurt like hell when she was gone, he just hoped Dutch would be able to overcome it.

When they finally got back to camp with little help from Arthur, Annebelle suddenly embraced him tightly, he raised his brows but hugged her back.

"I-I'm so sorry Arthur... About earlier... I-I shouldn't have taken my hurt out on you." She said, and while Arthur wasn't expecting, nor necessarily needing an apology from her, it did mean the world to him.

"I'm less than fun to be with sometimes... I consider it payback." He chuckled.

"I'm serious." She stated, looking up to him with a small pout.

"So am I." He replied shortly, there was a small silence between them for a moment but it was short-lived because Annabelle started giggling which only made Arthur laugh as well.

"Oh, Arthur... I love you." She sighed and leaned her head against his chest. "If Dutch would take more after you-"

"You already have plenty to deal with... Dutch doesn't need any of my drama for you." He mused, his heart fluttering at Annabelle's statement, he ran a hand through her hair before pulling away from her and looking down to her with a small smile. "... I love you too, darlin'... Go get some rest." He encouraged, nodding towards her tent, she sighed and rolled her eyes.

"I suppose I've punished him long enough..." She murmured, looking back to Arthur as she felt his hand on her back.

"Trust me... Any punishment you give is too much for the old man." He snorted, laughing, even more, when Annabelle swatted him at mocking Dutch's age.

"Oh shove it... He's not old where it counts." She snickered, laughing some more when she saw Arthur's hand recoil in disgust as well as a rather unpleasant expression at the thought.

"The hell is goin' on out here?" Dutch asked slightly groggily as he slipped out of the tent having been woken up by the giggle fits, freezing slightly when he saw Annabelle and Arthur together.

Annabelle and Arthur too quieted immediately when they saw Dutch... The couple hadn't spoken yet since the  _incident_  and the tension was eminent, Arthur suddenly wanted to slink away. He felt like a child with fighting parents.

"... Hope I'm not interruptin' nothin'." Dutch finally muttered, reaching back and rubbing the back of his neck, Arthur quickly shook his head.

"You weren't... I-I should probably-"

"I'm sorry." Annabelle suddenly said, breaking the ice. "... Lying to me for god knows how long wasn't right... B-But I never should have..." She said, quickly looking to her hands in shame. "... You've never hit me."

There was a small pause as Dutch was still reeling that  _she_ was apologizing to  _him_ for a well-deserved smack, but eventually, he approached her almost warily as if he was a dog that had been scolded, it was certainly a marvel to see considering Dutch was the fearless leader of a group of wanted thugs... Annabelle had no idea the power she actually had over this gang.

"... I'd never hit you." He sighed and took her hand in his, pulling her attention up to him. "... I told you that I'd never lie to you... And I did." He explained, Annabelle looked away briefly from the sting of the lie, but Dutch's other hand came up to caress her cheek and gently bring her gaze back to his. "... And I'm so,  _so_ sorry." He said just above a whisper to her.

Annabelle's eyes searched through Dutch's and despite wanting to snub Dutch some more... She couldn't. His words were so genuine, Annabelle's lip quivered and she threw herself into his arms. Arthur had never seen Dutch so relieved before in his life, he released a small audible sigh before he buried his face into her neck and holding her tightly. Despite not exactly supporting PDA due to the fact that it was  _disgusting_ , the scene before Arthur was actually quite sweet... He also sighed quietly in relief before he backed away slowly and slipped away back to his tent so that he could give them some much-needed privacy.

When he climbed back into the tent he disrobed quickly, looking down to John who slept peacefully... His heart throbbed at the sight and gulped, John was so adorable when he slept. Arthur slid back into bed and breathed, looking over to John who was on his side facing away from him. Reaching out, Arthur ran a hand down John's bare-back... That fucking kid was so gorgeous and... Maybe even his soul mate.

Arthur knew in the long run that he wouldn't be John's forever... But whatever time he had with the younger man he would cherish...

Perhaps it was the scene of pure love that was making him feel certain things, but all Arthur wanted right now was to show John his love... He reached over and carefully prodded John onto his back, sufficiently waking up the other who drowsily rubbed his eyes as Arthur climbed on top of him.

"Arthur what're you-" John gasped as his sentence was interrupted by a kiss.

"Quiet..." Arthur purred softly as he moved down to John's neck.

John shivered as he was swiftly woken up, wrapping his arms around Arthur. While he definitely wasn't expecting this, it was second nature to submit to Arthur, feeling the other's lips on his neck made John grip Arthur's back.

"A-Arthur, w-what's gotten into ya..?" John finally managed to ask, flinching when he felt Arthur's palm rest on his manhood.

"You want me to stop?" Arthur replied huskily, causing John to blush.

"N-No, before you-"

"Then hush... I-I just need this John..." Arthur managed to mumble, his movements pausing, allowing John to actually listen to his words.

While he didn't fully buy Arthur's deflection of what had happened earlier in the night, the rawness in his cobalt pools made John's brows arch in surprise. His heart sped up and his soul felt lighter, it wasn't like Arthur to beg for something...

John took a breath, sighing out slowly before he nodded slightly and leaned in towards Arthur.

"Okay..." He whispered before kissing Arthur gently.

Arthur relaxed into the kiss and nudged himself between John's legs, pressing his groin against the younger man beneath him... Making John release a small but audible sigh into the kiss. Arthur took the opportunity to slide his tongue between John's lips. Their tongues danced while Arthur's hands continued their jobs, caressing John's shaft again, forcing a small muffled moan from the younger man.

Hearing the primal noise of arousal ignite in John made Arthur feel a sense of urgency, a  _need_ to be inside John... But he kept reminding himself that he wanted to  _show_ John how much he cared, he wanted John to be a heaving mess at the end.

"Fuck." Arthur snarled in between kisses before he suddenly sat up, despite seeing a sense of disappointment flash across John's expression, Arthur nodded to him, his gaze hungry and challenging John to disobey him. "Take 'em off." he commended, referring to John's drawers.

For the first time in his life, he was truly intimidated by Arthur but in the best way. The last layers of their clothes were shed without a second thought and Arthur was between John's legs once more. Feeling John's skin against his, it was hot to the touch and he could feel a distinct  _prodding_ between his legs. John was definitely ready... But that wasn't good enough, he wanted to  _ruin_ sex for John... He wanted to make sure that no matter what, no one could ever compare.

"Arthur..." John moaned softly, only encouraging Arthur more.

Arthur smirked against John's neck before biting it harshly, forcing a sharp gasp out of John and beginning to pump John's member with a firm grip. John's back arched, shuddered as he released a strangled moan, he was trying hard to hold it in.

"Feels good, don't it?" Arthur inquired, his tone playful.

"Stop teasin' me..." John huffed.

"Or what?" Arthur challenged, John narrowed his eyes unable to respond. "Thought so... Tell me how good it feels, boy." He ordered.

John wanted to stay quiet and defy Arthur, but the dominance radiating off his older partner somehow forced John into submission. He blushed and averted his gaze almost shyly, the way Arthur was manhandling him was so erotic, John was tempted to just go with it.

"It feels fucking amazing..." John hummed.

"How hard was that?" Arthur asked with a grin, wounding John's pride.

"Fuck, Arthur..." John whined softly.

Arthur smirked down at John before kissing his neck once more, this time his lips beginning to travel lower. He knew he probably should have done this to John a long time ago, but he was going to make sure he made up for lost time. John furrowed his brows slightly at first but as Arthur's lips pressed against his navel, John flinched slightly in anticipation, quickly propping himself up on his elbows and looking down to him.

"A-Arthur you don't have to-"

"Hush, John." Arthur grunted, shutting John up effectively.

Arthur gulped, he was only a bit nervous but he remembered that John was also slightly inexperienced with the art of oral, but if John could do it, so could he. Once he took John's base in his hand, he leaned in and licked the head of John's member, who watched intently. Arthur felt a sense of pride in this that he didn't quite understand, there was something so lewd about what he was doing... Maybe he'd do it to John more often.

The natural salty taste wasn't off-putting, Arthur expected worse, he continued licking and teasing the head of John's cock so tantalizingly. John released a shaky breath as he reached down and gently ran his fingers through Arthur's hair. Feeling Arthur pleasure him in a completely different way was so arousing that precum was already leaking from his member.

When Arthur's lips gently wrapped around the head, John released an almost relieved groan. He quickly laid back down and arched his back slightly, the noise of encouragement only affirming to Arthur that this was one of his new favorite activities. He smirked before lowering his head slowly, careful not to push his gag reflex too hard, but he established a smooth rhythm quickly and confidently.

John's breathing sped up and sweat formed at his brow, his legs bent as his arms reached down and gripped Arthur's hair. He gasped softly at the overwhelming pleasure, he had always heard of this but he had never experienced it himself, he wasn't interested in paying extra for it... He was missing out, but it wasn't the same as being fucked.

"Arthur..." John moaned, his tone hinting at strain, he was having problems keeping quiet. "I-I want you to fuck me..." He admitted, blushing afterward as Arthur slowly slid his mouth off of John and reaching up to wipe his mouth... He was so sexy.

"Do you?" He asked, continuing to jerk John off.

"Yes... I've never wanted anything more..." He muttered, giving in to fully submitting to Arthur, seeing John's vulnerable side definitely meant something.

"Oh trust me... I will be fucking you tonight, but first things first..." Arthur trailed off, continuing to suck John's cock, making John throw his head back with a shudder.

The treatment continued for several more minutes, but John could feel his undoing near... His cheeks were crimson and sweat covered his forehead and part of his chest, his breaths were labored and harsh. He was so close...

"Arthur... I-I'm gonna cum..." He warned.

Arthur briefly thought about his options, originally he planned to swallow John's load, but he had an even better plan in the works. He quickly took his mouth off of John's dick, feverishly pumping John's shaft while his other hand came forward, Arthur quickly covered his fingers in saliva before he suddenly slid them inside John.

John's eyes widened as an open palm came and slapped over his mouth quickly, Arthur watched, drinking the view greedily as John's copper orbs rolled back into his skull while his cock spurted white streams of John's seed all over his midsection, a few splatters landing on his chest. Every single time John's eyes rolled when he came, Arthur truly believed there could be a god ironically enough, he was blessed to have John all to himself...

John released a muffled cry into his hand as he came, eventually coming down from his high as his orgasm wore off. He panted deeply, completely exhausted. Arthur smiled and slowly pulled his fingers out of John, but only to transition. He crawled back on top of John, leaning down and pecking John's collar bone, who managed to open his eyes.

"You are so,  _so_ beautiful..." Arthur whispered to John.

"No, I ain't..." John chuckled tiredly. "Jesus Christ, Arthur..." He huffed, leaning his head back.

"Don't fall asleep on me now, we're not done yet..." Arthur chortled before sitting up.

John's eyes opened again, filling with slight surprise. He was intimidated once again as Arthur pulled John closer to him, pressing his hard length against John's ass. However, when Arthur leaned down, licking a trail through a small bit of cum on John's chest, the younger man gawked at him, his manhood flexing slightly with a hint of arousal. Arthur then sat back up and reached down, running his index and middle finger through the rest of the cum on John's stomach, he immediately lubed up his solid dick with it.

"... What were you sayin' before?" Arthur inquired, grinning as he glared down at John, eyeing him like a piece of meat, John was still catching his breath but he didn't even attempt fighting Arthur.

"I want you to fuck me..." John repeated, meeting Arthur's gaze.

Arthur grinned at the response from the younger man beneath him, but he remembered that he was doing this  _for_ John, he couldn't rush, he had to make sure John was loving every second... And he would. Leaning in and pecking John's lips, he gently prodded at John's entrance with the head of his manhood, he shivered discreetly as he watched John fidget.

"Do you..?" Arthur inquired.

"Yes..." John hissed, narrowing his eyes up at Arthur. "You're teasing me again." He groaned.

"Maybe I am... Very well, if you say so." Arthur stated before he slowly slid himself inside John.

The two of them both gasped softly, John arched his back and shuddered as Arthur chuffed out a small grunt. John was so fucking perfect in so many ways... How he managed to have John all to himself he'd never know... But he would make sure this night was the best night of John's life. Once his hips were pressed against John's, he shifted his position slightly. He wanted to be able to pleasure John in other ways, leaning down and kissing John's chest as his hips pulled out and slid back inside.

"Arthur..." John moaned again, quickly wrapping his arms around Arthur's neck. "It feels so good..."

"I know... You feel so good around me." Arthur growled, flicking his tongue over one of John's nipples.

John flinched at the unexpected feeling, shivering and releasing soft muffled mewls and moans, fueling Arthur's desire like no one ever before. Arthur's lips eventually traveled back up to his collar, then his neck and finally his lips once more. John's eyes managed to flutter open when Arthur kissed him, they were glazed over with lust, which only made Arthur want him  _more_.

However, there was a moment when their eyes met, John blinked and he was suddenly brought back to earth. He blushed intensely as Arthur's movements paused... Watching his partner's hand come up and caressing his cheek, John leaned into the touch before one of his hands quickly reached up, grabbing a fistful of Arthur's hair and bringing him down for an even more intense kiss.

He loved Arthur...

He loved Arthur...

... He was fucking in love with Arthur...

When John slowly pulled back away from Arthur's lips, their eyes met again, Arthur's heart was pounding and his hand slowly slid down, caressing John's body. He was so gorgeous... Even if he was a little rough around the edges, there was nothing like watching John cum... And he was all Arthur's.

Arthur leaned in, gently pressing his forehead against John's... There was plenty they wanted to say but they didn't need to say anything at all... They didn't want to ruin the moment anyway, they just cherished each other's presence and slowly Arthur began a rhythm with his hips again, earning a huff and sigh from John. Whatever had happened just then, it changed everything... Whether they were ready to confront that yet remained to be seen, for now, Arthur made sure to make love to John the way they both needed.

John leaned his head back and clawed at Arthur's back as the other marked his chest with numerous love bites, there had to be at least a dozen already. Reaching up and gently combing his fingers through John's hair, Arthur thrust away into John, his rhythm beginning to gain speed and power. He was beginning to get close... He kissed John again, harshly whispering against his lips.

"I'm almost there."

"M-Me too..." John confessed, panting and wrapping his legs around Arthur's waist.

Knowing John was close to orgasming, Arthur didn't feel the need to waste time in giving John exactly what he wanted. He took ahold of John's hips firmly as he ground his hips into John roughly, massaging John's g-spot in just the right way to milk the orgasm from his younger partner  _again_. Seeing John cum a second time in one session was almost too much to bear.

"O-Oh my god, Arthur-! I-I'm cumming!" John managed to yelp, Arthur's hand coming up to cover John's mouth for him with a grin.

As soon as he saw the familiar white fluid erupt from the head of John's member, Arthur buried himself as far as he could inside John as he came. His knuckles nearly turned pale around John's hip as he held onto it to keep him in place as he rode out his own orgasm.

When he finally fell from cloud nine, Arthur panted harshly, taking deep breaths. He nearly collapsed on top of John, tiredly resting his forehead against John's once more, John laid there, his eyes closed as he too caught his breath from the intense euphoria. His eyes opened briefly when he felt Arthur's head against his own, one of his hands coming up and gently sweeping some of Arthur's hair out of his face before leaning up and gently kissing his lips.

Once Arthur felt himself beginning to get soft inside John, he lazily sat up and pulled himself out of John. Once they were separate, Arthur laid next to John, both still panting.

"Christ, Arthur... That was..." John mumbled as Arthur craned his head over.

"Good?" Arthur inquired, watching John look over, his eyes still looking glossed over like before, it was such a sexy look for him.

"Fuck... Good doesn't even compare... It was the best sex I've ever had." John admitted, knowing he would regret it later as he saw a smirk slither on Arthur's lips, Arthur was confident that he had accomplished  _exactly_ what he wanted.

"... Same here." Arthur purred, he was being honest after all, never before had he ever been so turned on by pleasuring someone else.

"What got into you?" John couldn't help but ask again, Arthur blinked as he thought of an answer.

"... I went out there and saw Annabelle." He murmured, piquing John's interest. "We got to talkin' and Dutch came out... They made up and I guess the mood rubbed off on me." He mused, perhaps it was a  _half-truth_.

"They made up?" John asked arching his brows, watching Arthur nod, he too seemed relieved. "I'm glad." He sighed ad Arthur wrapped an arm around John smoothly.

"I am too... I dunno, for some reason when I was talkin' to her I just... I thought about us." He muttered, unsure if this was smart to talk about but he bit the bullet. "... I thought about those sick fucks in the woods with their hands on you, I thought about you fallin' in that godforsaken river... I thought about finding you on that riverbed..." He gulped, his hand gently grazing John's hair repeatedly almost as if to comfort himself. "... I thought about you."

John wasn't sure if his heart could take this, Arthur had never been so open and honestwith John like that before... He swallowed the slight lump in his throat but he managed to gather himself before he sat up out of Arthur's grasp and turned to face him. His throat clenched as he went to speak, but actions always spoke louder than words, he leaned down quickly and kissed Arthur's lips, carefully taking his stubbled face in his palms.

"... Do you believe me yet?" John whispered against Arthur's lips.

For a moment Arthur wasn't sure what John was implying, but it didn't take long for him to put two and two together.

_I-I wanted to know if you felt the same way I did..._

_... I still don't believe you._

Arthur sighed softly as he sat up as well, for one horrible moment John had worried that he had fucked this up... But Arthur took one of John's hands in his own, intertwining their fingers before bringing them up and planting a kiss on the back of John's hand before meeting John's gaze and nodding.

Relieved was an understatement, John smiled as Arthur leaned in, their lips meeting once more... This was probably the happiest night of John's life, he didn't need a reply from Arthur in regards to his declaration, just the fact that Arthur believed John was enough for him... But even in the good times...

All good things... Must come to an end.

 

> I wanna be alone  
> Alone with you - does that make sense?  
> I wanna steal your soul  
> And hide you in my treasure chest
> 
>  
> 
> I don't know what to do  
> To do with your kiss on my neck  
> I don't know what feels true  
> But this feels right so stay a sec  
> Yeah, you feel right so stay a sec
> 
>  
> 
> And let me crawl inside your veins  
> I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain  
> It's not like me to be so mean  
> You're all I wanted  
> Just let me hold you
> 
> Like a hostage
> 
>  
> 
> Gold on your fingertips  
> Fingertips against my cheek  
> Gold leaf across your lips  
> Kiss me until I can't speak
> 
>  
> 
> Gold chain beneath your shirt  
> The shirt that you let me wear home  
> Gold's fake and real love hurts  
> And nothing hurts when I'm alone  
> When you're with me and we're alone
> 
>  
> 
> And let me crawl inside your veins  
> I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain  
> It's not like me to be so mean  
> You're all I wanted  
> Just let me hold you
> 
>   
> Hold you
> 
>  
> 
> Like a hostage
> 
>   
> Like a hostage
> 
>  
> 
> source: Hostage by Billie Eilish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again guys, I am SO sorry that I took for-fucking-ever to update this work. I'm currently going through some stress irl and am going to be moving soon. I can't say for sure when the next update will be but I promise I will do whatever I can to make sure I get the next chapter out ASAP. I wanted to get one REALLY good sex scene between Arthur and John before the end, I wanted them to have the intimacy that Arthur had been holding out on and I hope I accomplished it! Lemme know what you thought in the comments below!  
> We're almost to the end... :)  
> -Eros
> 
> Also! Fun fact, this ENTIRE work was inspired by the song in this chapter, I've been saving it for a special moment in the series.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg I know right!?!?!? Another update so close to the previous one? Blasphemy!  
> Lmao I'm trying to keep my promise to you guys and post as often as I can I hope you are all satisfied with the chapter!  
> -Eros

The shift in camp was immediate, with Annabelle and Dutch on the same page, the camp ran smoothly. They weren't out of the woods yet but things were looking up a little. It had been a few weeks since moving to this location and surprisingly Dutch stuck around camp more often than not. Things between Arthur and John were also great, they were happy... It had been a long time since Arthur could say he was genuinely happy with something in his life.

The sun had just peaked over the horizon, Arthur was already up while John was still very much passed out... To be fair, the night before he had wore the other man out. He walked over to the fire that had been lit by Susan earlier in the morning and joining Dutch as he sat by it.

"Mornin' son." Dutch greeted as he drank his coffee before passing Arthur a cup.

"Thanks." Arthur mentioned as he took the beverage and drank as well.

"John still asleep?" Dutch inquired.

"Yeah."

"You wanna come with me somewhere?" He murmured more discreetly, Arthur raised a brow.

"Where?" He asked.

"... I wanna check out the oil fields that Cain told us about." Dutch replied, Arthur's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets and Dutch quickly explained. "I only wanna look, that's all Arthur... No plannin' nothin' I just wanna look."

Arthur frowned, that pit forming in his stomach once again, he didn't want to go there, he was hoping they could forget everything about the O'Driscoll's and move on.

"You sure that's wise?"

"Again, I'm only curious... If it's too dangerous we'll never go back." Dutch stated seriously.

"... Does Annabelle know?" Arthur inquired.

"... Not yet." Dutch sighed.

"Tell you what, I'll go if she grants you permission." Arthur replied with a small smirk as he continued drinking his coffee, Dutch huffed softly.

"You're a rotten evil child." He grumbled before standing up and walking towards his tent.

It took a few minutes of convincing, as Arthur finished his coffee both Dutch and Annabelle walked out, she didn't look thrilled. Arthur stood up and approached them to get the verdict.

"Arthur I'm putting you on baby sittin' duty." Annabelle scoffed eyeing Dutch suspiciously. "You see an  _inkling_ of an O'Driscoll, I want you two gone... Promise?" She asked.

"Promise." Both Arthur and Dutch said in unison, there was a small pause but Annabelle finally sighed.

"Fine then... Be careful, boys." She muttered, earning a smile from Dutch before he leaned down and kissed her head.

"We'll be back before you know it... John comin'?" Dutch inquired to Arthur, who blushed discreetly and shook his head.

"Uh no, he was still asleep." He replied, seeing Annabelle smile made him blush harder, thankfully Dutch took that answer without much thought.

"Alright then, it's a long ride so let's get goin'." Dutch mused.

Arthur glanced back to his tent briefly before following Dutch without a beat, they climbed on their horses. Dutch winked at Annabelle one last time before the two took off on their horses towards New Hanover. Arthur didn't understand why Dutch wanted to even go back into the area after what had happened, did he not learn anything? Arthur rolled his eyes and just continued following.

"You probably think I'm crazy." Dutch mentioned, Arthur chuckled.

"Among other things." He replied.

"I know, I just... I have a feelin', but as I said, we're just goin' to look." Dutch stated seriously and Arthur nodded.

"I trust you." He affirmed.

"Thank you, son."

The ride alone took about three hours, they made sure to find higher ground so they would be safer. Arthur wasn't exactly thrilled about being here in the middle fo the day but as long as they were far enough away no one would even notice them. They both took out their binoculars once they were within range, they managed to find a ridge that was positioned just a few miles off from the Oil Fields, Arthur ended up taking out a rifle so that he could scope out the area easier.

"What're you seein?" Dutch asked as he put the contraption to his eyes.

"A lot of people Dutch..." Arthur murmured.

He could see about a dozen people alone standing around near the gate bullshitting to one another, but looking upwards nearer to the building he could also see multiple personnel running in and out of the building. Arthur already knew this was a bad idea, all the machinery, and guards, it was best to leave this one alone, he only hoped Dutch agreed.

"Any sign of the O'Driscoll's?" Dutch inquired.

"I'm not seein' any." Arthur responded as his scope searched the landscape around the area. "Cain did say that this place was dangerous."

"He wasn't wrong... There's gotta be at least fifty of 'em down there..." Dutch murmured in slight awe.

"Can we both agree that this isn't worth it and be done here? I don't like bein' so close to the government." Arthur grumbled.

Dutch didn't reply, he frowned and continued looking for a few more moments before he eventually took the binoculars away. There was a moment of silence before he sighed and nodded, he didn't like to give up, especially when there was a lot of money involved but after what happened with Annabelle... He knew that they needed to let this one go.

"... You're right." He eventually sighed and slipped his binoculars into his satchel. "... Even if we wanted to, I don't think we'd be able to get in and outta there alive, who knows how many people are actually there." He mentioned, Arthur sighed in relief and gently clapped Dutch's shoulder in support.

"I know we need money but with something this huge... It ain't gonna happen anytime soon." Arthur mused, suddenly a light bulb went off in Dutch's head.

"... This place is huge, you know what we gotta do? We gotta go somewhere that's off the map but somewhere that has alotta money... And I know exactly where that is." Dutch chuckled, Arthur tilted his head slightly in confusion.

"Enlighten me?"

"You know that mine closer to camp?" Dutch asked, Arthur still wasn't following.

"The one they've been diggin' for years?" Arthur questioned.

"Precisely... I learned a few months back that there's actually a bank in the area, apparently whoever is funding the project is confident that the mine will be a big profit... Apparently, when the settlement is done they're gonna call it Annesburg." He explained.

"That's a big leap of faith for a mine that hasn't produced anything yet..." Arthur said with a hint of surprise.

"I know, but the point is there's money there, buckets of it... All unguarded because no one even knows about the place yet." Dutch stated with excitement.

"... That could work." Arthur said, trying not to get excited himself, their luck had been shit lately.

"Let's go, son! We don't need this place anymore." Dutch mused as he walked towards his horse.

"Yay another three-hour ride for no reason." Arthur snorted, following Dutch.

* * *

The two rode back into camp a little after two in the afternoon and everyone was up, including John. Arthur's eyes lit up slightly when he saw John talking to Hosea casually, just seeing him made Arthur's heart flutter. Looking up at hearing the horses ride back in, John discreetly smiled at Arthur's return. Annabelle seemed more than relieved also, she walked over to them to greet them.

"I don't see any blood." she mentioned.

"It was too dangerous." Arthur replied as he climbed down from his horse.

"But we have another plan in mind." Dutch added.

"Should I be afraid?" Annabelle asked Arthur who shook his head.

"No this plan is actually a good one." Arthur replied.

"You both wound me." Dutch scoffed as Annabelle went to his side, smiling and hugging him.

"So what's this plan?" Hosea inquired as he and John also walked over.

"The bank in Annesburg." Dutch stated.

"Annesburg, where the hell is that?" John questioned with furrowed brows.

"It don't exist yet." Arthur explained briefly which only raised more questions.

"Come on, we'll fill ya'll in." Dutch said as they all walked towards the fire pit that they frequently used for meetings.

Dutch explained his plan to Hosea and John, eventually letting Uncle and Bill in on the plan as well. Hosea was pleasantly surprised with the information, this was probably the best opportunity they would have for a while and he was for it, but they needed to do some investigating yet. They didn't want to walk in on the US government if this place wasn't as safe as it sounded.

Later into the night was when they decided to go  _investigate_ the area, which meant they had time on their hands. Annabelle and Dutch retired to their tent  _alone_  which made Arthur want to do the same but after the night before he figured John could use a break. He was exhausted after the trip earlier in the day, when their gazes met, Arthur subtly nodded to their tent.

When they both managed to join each other in the tent, Arthur stretched and yawned softly.

"You guys were gone pretty early." John commented.

"Yeah, Dutch just had to check out the oil fields." He sighed, but as he felt John wrap his arms around his waist from behind he couldn't help but smile. "Careful, boy... Don't start something I have to finish." He purred, John chortled and released Arthur.

"You can't tell me you came in here to fuck me again."

"Firstly, I can fuck you anytime anywhere, secondly no I'm just exhausted... Did you wanna take a nap with me?" Arthur offered as he slipped his belt off and began unbuttoning his shirt, John thought for a moment before shrugging.

"What the hell why not?" John asked as he mirrored Arthur's actions.

When both men had their shirts off they laid down comfortably, John scooting close to Arthur and laying his head lazily on Arthur's chest. He loved laying like this... And secretly Arthur did too, he rubbed John's back soothingly.

Even though Arthur wanted to sleep when he originally walked into the tent, now that he was laying down, his thoughts were beginning to storm his head... He thought of John mostly and how much he loved moments like this and how much it sucked to have to be careful outside these walls under threat of execution by nearly everyone in America... He thought about being with Mary and how he planned on leaving the gang to be with her... He could picture doing the same for John.

"You alright Arthur?" John asked, Arthur snorted softly and leaned his head back, his free hand coming up to run a hand over his face.

"You always know me so well." He sighed.

"So what's going on?" John chuckled.

"Nothing really... Just thinking, the usual."

"Bout what?" John inquired curiously, Arthur hesitated in speaking because even mentioning leaving the gang was taboo to some, he didn't want to risk anyone hearing.

"... You ever think about... Leaving?" Arthur inquired, John arched his brows slightly, Arthur was the last person he would have ever expected to leave. "I-I don't mean overnight or like... Plannin' or nothin'... Just, have you ever thought about it?"

John hesitated before answering, of course he had thought about it, but would he if given the chance? He wasn't sure.

"Yeah, sometimes I mean... Sometimes when all you do is runnin'... I dunno, I always wanted a home as a kid, like a real home." John explained.

"You still  _are_ a kid." Arthur chuckled softly.

"Oh shut up." John grumbled, Arthur smiled and held John a little closer for good measure.

"I know what you mean... When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing and how I'd been living, they asked me why, but there's no use in talking to people who have a home... They have no idea what it's like to seek safety in other people... For home to be wherever you lie your head." Arthur sighed.

John listened intently, Arthur's words were so beautiful and yet so true and rough... The entire family was  _exactly_ the way Arthur described. John actually sat up and turned around to face Arthur.

"... I didn't know you were a poet." John mused with a small grin, Arthur actually blushed at the statement and shook his head.

"I'm not." He scoffed.

"I dunno, that was pretty poetic." John snorted as he slowly swung a leg over Arthur's hips so he was effectively straddling the other man, Arthur's hands instinctively coming up to rest on John's hips. "... Ya know, some people find that shit romantic." He said with a shrug, Arthur raised a brow and sat up so he was face to face with John.

"Oh really?" He asked. "Were you tryin' to give me a hint?" Arthur questioned.

"Absolutely not... Only women like that shit." John snickered and shoved Arthur back down onto his back.

"You're a prick." Arthur chortled, John leaned down and kissed Arthur's neck gently.

"You gonna ask me to run away in the night with you?" John asked, nipping at the skin near Arthur's throat, making Arthur's breath hitch momentarily.

"Nah... But... Would you?" Arthur couldn't help but ask, his curiosity getting the better of him, watching John pull back slowly so that he could meet Arthur's gaze.

"... If you asked I would." He replied, Arthur gulped and nodded before leaning in and pressing his lips against John's.

"I wouldn't." He clarified. "I don't plan on leaving anytime soon, but it would be wrong to ask that of you anyway." He mentioned, John quickly shook his head.

"I wouldn't forgive you if you left without me." John stated seriously.

"Oh yeah?" Arthur asked with a small smirk, John rolled his eyes but he nodded. "... Good to know... And I'm pretty sure we came in here to sleep not... This." He added with a smile as John leaned down to continue teasing Arthur's neck.

"You want me to stop?" John asked.

"I-I mean..." Arthur stumbled, of course he didn't, but it was the middle of the day, he didn't want to risk anyone hearing them fucking like rabbits.

John finally released a small laugh and pulled away from Arthur and got off of him slightly to Arthur's dismay. He resumed himself at Arthur's side and blushed feeling Arthur's arm wrap around him securely.

"You gonna be able to sleep now?" John inquired.

"Yeah... Thanks." Arthur said, running his hand up and down John's back gently.

* * *

Multiple weeks passed at this new location, and with that time, came a plan to make off with loads of cash and get the hell out of here. They were so close to being set for months, they just needed to finish this last job and leave. Despite Arthur being reserved before, this plan was solid and left little room for error, they had been plotting and watching the bank ever since Dutch had mentioned it, now they were pretty sure they knew the routine of the guards. It was time.

After weeks of debate, stealth was decided as the best option in the dead of night. There were only about four of five guards, three outside and two inside at all times, but they would be easy to take care of. They were never trained properly and were just sitting ducks.

Arthur got himself ready, making sure to pack his throwing knives since they wanted to be as discreet as they could. If they could avoid getting found out, this would be one of their best heists and no one would ever know... At least so they thought.

"Arthur, you just about ready?" Dutch inquired as Arthur turned around in his tent, watching the older man walk in.

"Just about." Arthur replied, making sure he had his bandana as well. "Everyone else ready?" Arthur asked, following Dutch outside.

"I think so, John was askin' about ya." Dutch mentioned.

"Oh? Where is he?" Arthur asked.

"I think he's by the lake, go grab him while you're out there." Dutch stated.

Arthur nodded as he and Dutch split up, Arthur walked out towards the water, an eerie mist had settled along the water making for an ominous view. He could see John looking at it from the shore and approached quickly, glancing behind him before coming up to John and resting a hand on the small of his back. Seeing John jump Arthur chuckled softly.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya." He said, John shook his head.

"It's alright, I shoulda known it was you, no one else touches me like that." John scoffed.

"What were you so concentrated on?" Arthur inquired, John nodded out to the water.

"Looks almost... I dunno, sinister." He mused with a shrug, Arthur looked out as the fog rolled in.

"Guess you're right, you ready to go?" He inquired, John turned to him and nodded.

"Yeah, Dutch sent you here to get me?" John asked.

"Yeah, he said you asked for me and said to come grab you while I was down here, did you need something?"

"Nah, just this." John said before leaning up and pecking Arthur's lips with a small smirk. "Let's go." He said and began walking back to camp with Arthur.

On the way back to camp, Arthur took one last look at the lake, John was right, it was foreboding and for some reason, that familiar feeling in his gut came back... Something was wrong, but he couldn't figure out what. They had studied this location religiously for weeks and were as prepared as they were gonna get, why did he feel like this? Arthur frowned and reached up rubbing his face before mounting his horse just as Dutch walked out of his tent.

"Alright, boys! Hosea, you run the fort while we're gone?" Dutch asked.

"As always." Hosea responded.

"Let's head out then!" Dutch whooped before kicking The Count's sides and racing off with the group.

The plan was for John, Uncle and Bill to take care of the men outside while Dutch and Arthur snuck inside and took care of the guards there while quietly cracking as many safes as possible. It was a solid plan and with only five guards it shouldn't be too much of a hassle as long as they kept under the radar.

* * *

The group of five ditched their horses in the woods not far off from the trail to the bank, Dutch made sure to go over the plan one more time before dismissing, Bill, John and Uncle to take care of the guards. When they split up, Dutch and Arthur waited until the three other men were completely out of sight, when they were clear to sneak in, Dutch and Arthur moved quickly.

There was a back door, but when Arthur and Dutch arrived it was locked, Arthur wasn't surprised but he cursed under his breath.

"What's wrong, Arthur?" Dutch asked.

"It's locked, I should be able to pick it as long as the kids keep the guards away." Arthur whispered.

"Well try to make it quick, we're in the open." Dutch muttered.

Arthur reached into his bag and pulled out his lock picks, reaching in and slowly beginning to dismantle the lock from the inside, under normal circumstances they would just shoot the lock but in this case, subtly was key. The lock took Arthur only about two minutes before there was a distinct  _click_. Arthur looked up and nodded before he slowly and carefully swung the door open.

They seemed to be behind the counter of the bank and Arthur froze when the door opened to reveal a guard just a few feet in front of them. Dutch quickly lunged forward and drove a knife into his neck, Arthur blinked and walked forward as Dutch silenced the first guard, the last seemed to be in the front of the bank, Arthur reached into his back and pulled out one of his throwing knives. He positioned himself just on the edge of the counter before whistling. The guard made a small hum of surprise before turning around, but Arthur threw a knife, puncturing his windpipe as he turned. The guard never stood a chance.

"Good work son." Dutch praised softly before Arthur stood up from his hiding place. "Let's get started on those safes."

Arthur immediately went to work, pulling out his lantern, the bank was dark and quiet, only a small light was out in the waiting area but everywhere else was dark. It made Arthur's job a little harder but it assured almost total secrecy. Only about five minutes and the first safe was open, Dutch went in and began packing all the cash and the bonds as Arthur worked on a second safe.

This was going smoothly, almost too smoothly. Arthur was beginning to worry when John, Bill and Uncle walked into the bank. He didn't understand why he was still worried, why did he still feel a sense of dread in his stomach?

"Just focus on the safes Arthur..." He whispered to himself quietly and shook his head, his hands were shaking.

Something was  _wrong._

"You okay Arthur?" Dutch asked as he watched Arthur pause and glance at his hands.

"Y-Yeah... I dunno why I'm a bundle of nerves right now." He sighed as he continued working.

"You? Nervous?" Dutch chuckled.

"I know, trust me it doesn't make sense to me either." Arthur snickered.

In total there were five safes, incuding a few safety deposit boxes, Bill went to work on those while Dutch looted whatever was in the safes, Uncle and John kept a lookout. Everything was going just fine until they could hear hooves outside the bank, everyone stopped.

"Who the hell is that?" Dutch growled.

"Me and Uncle will check." John whispered before he looked to the old man and crept to the window, peering out carefully until he furrowed his brows. "It's Swanson." John said with surprise.

"What?" Dutch inquired. "What the hell is he doin' here? He'll blow our cover!" He growled, Arthur suddenly felt nauseous.

"He wouldn't just come for no reason Dutch." Arthur snapped, Dutch frowned but Arthur was right.

John opened the front door to the bank as Swanson ran towards it, he looked to be in a panic.

"Reverend, what are you doin' here?" Dutch asked, his tone hinting that he better have a good reason.

"Dutch! The camp! Annebelle!" Swanson panted, making Dutch's blood run cold.

"Annabelle? What? What're you goin' on about?" Dutch asked, Arthur's hands suddenly froze, he fucking  _knew_ something was wrong!

"S-Some fellers... Stormed the camp... Th-They took Annabelle!"

"They what!?" Dutch yelled, Arthur completely stopped what he was doing and ran out to meet with everyone else.

"Who!?" John asked.

"Don't just stand there! Let's go! We know who!" Arthur barked.

"The O'Driscoll's!?" Bill asked as everyone gathered what they had and whistled for their horses.

Arthur glanced over to Dutch, there was something in his eyes, fear and regret. He reached over as he waited for the horses, his hand landing on Dutch's shoulder, catching his attention, his intense eyes meeting Arthur's.

"... We'll get her back." He said, Dutch released a shaky breath and nodded.

"For their sake... They better not have hurt her." Dutch growled as everyone mounted their horses and raced back towards camp.

How had they not noticed they were being watched!? Arthur knew he had been feeling nervous for a reason and he knew that telling Dutch what he had was wrong... They had killed Colm's brother and this was lookin' like to be revenge. He prayed for the first time in years, begging for Annabelle to still be alive...

* * *

When they got back to camp, it had been completely trashed but everyone seemed to be in one piece except for Annabelle who wasn't anywhere to be found. When Susan saw the group approaching she ran towards them.

"Miss Grimshaw! What the hell happened!?" Dutch asked as he quickly dismounted his horse.

"Dutch! Th-The O'Driscoll's came shortly after you fellas left... W-We didn't have a chance, A-Annabelle they... They took her." Susan explained, reaching up and wiping her eyes of angry tears.

"She was alive?" Arthur asked.

"Yes... They had to been watchin' us for a long time, they took Annabelle hostage and told us that if we wanted to see her alive again we'd send you to the Heartland Oil Fields..." She stated.

The fucking oil fields, of course... Dutch took a moment and turned away, a shaky hand coming up and wiping the sweat from his brow. Arthur and John glanced to one another with a frown, Arthur was scared out of his mind, but he knew Dutch was taking this way harder. He approached Dutch, knowing he had to keep him grounded.

"... What's the plan?" Arthur asked, Dutch looked over at Arthur briefly before sighing.

"Where's Hosea?" Dutch asked.

"He went with Pearson to make sure no one else was watchin' us..." She sighed.

Dutch nodded but as he looked out to camp he walked forward, reaching up and pinching the bridge of his nose. Arthur stood behind for a moment before he looked to Susan and nodded before approaching Dutch once more.

"You were right." Dutch suddenly sneered.

"Pardon?" Arthur inquired.

"You tried to warn me...  _Annabelle_ tried to warn me and now-"

"Don't." Arthur interrupted, catching Dutch's attention. "... Let's go, the longer we wait, the more she's in danger..."

Dutch took a moment but he nodded, glancing behind him as he saw everyone awaiting orders. There was a moment of silence as Dutch came back to reality, but when he was ready he took a breath.

"Miss Grimshaw, when Hosea and Pearson return gather everything that ain't destroyed and get outta here... It's gonna be a long drive and it's gonna be hard... But we need to get  _outta_ here." He said seriously. "There's an old abandoned cabin in the woods about two miles west of Lake Isabella in Ambarino, I will mark your maps... Kill  _anyone_ who gets in your way." He spat before turning to Arthur, Dutch's eyes had ignited into something that Arthur had never seen before, he was actually intimidated and he was worried that Dutch would do something rash. "Let's go."

"Wait a minute, I'm coming too." John said seriously.

"Same here." Bill quipped.

"I can't ask that of you two." Dutch sighed.

"You ain't askin'." John replied before Dutch reached forward and resting his hands on John's shoulders.

"... Thank you son." He said and turned to Arthur as well who nodded.

"Let's get prepared... I have some things that will probably come in handy." Bill mused before he jogged to his tent and walked out will sticks of dynamite, Dutch's eyes lit up.

"... That gives me an idea."

> Lay it, lay it down, let me see your hand  
> Show me what you got  
> You're always talking, but you're not playing  
> It doesn't match your face  
> Gotta find my way, away from this place  
> Can you take me now?  
> I-I want it, I want it real  
> Are you afraid of me now?  
> Are you afraid of me now?
> 
>  
> 
> Do you feel it, do you feel it?  
> Do you feel that I can see your soul?  
> Do you feel it, do you feel it?  
> Do you feel the beat in your heart?
> 
> I-I want it, I want it real  
> Run away with me now  
> I-I want it, I want it real  
> Run away with me now
> 
>  
> 
> Somedays I'm built of metal, I can't be broken  
> But not when I'm with you  
> You love me real, we have it all  
> Can't leave me now  
> I love the way, you are today  
> Run away with me now  
> Wind in my hair, 'cause I don't care  
> Baby, run away with me now  
> Run away with me now
> 
>  
> 
> Do you feel it, do you feel it?  
> Do you feel that I can see your soul?  
> Do you feel it, do you feel it?  
> Do you feel the beat in your heart?
> 
> I-I want it, I want it real  
> Run away with me now  
> I-I want it, I want it real  
> Run away with me now
> 
>  
> 
> Drinking in the summer, I'm good at running  
> I beat you in the race again  
> Are you afraid, when I look your way?  
> It's easiest to stay at home  
> But then we taste it, we got to have it  
> We have no control  
> Where is the love, the kind we dream of?  
> The kind that makes us young  
> The kind that makes us young
> 
>  
> 
> Don't leave me  
> Never leave me out
> 
>  
> 
> source: Do You Feel It? by Chaos Chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOOOOOOOOH I know right? I'm not 100% sure but I'm pretty sure that the next chapter will be the LAST AND FINAL chapter of part one in this series! It's so crazy to me I can't believe you guys have come so far with me and dealt with my crap when I went a month or so without posting cause my life is a mess. Thank you guys for reading and I hope you all are just as on the edge of your seat I am!  
> -Eros


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh you guys, before we get into the last chapter for the first part in this series, let me say thank you SO much from the bottom of my heart for sticking out this story with me and I only hope you guys enjoyed this with me just as much as I enjoyed writing it! I gave you guys an extra-long final chapter for being so great with me!
> 
> -Eros

The four men were about a mile from the Heartland Oil Field, Dutch and Arthur drove a carriage while Bill hid in the back. They had planned this for only about an hour but it was their only option and to be fair, for only an hour of planning this was a good plan... Even if it was possibly a suicide mission. Dutch watched the oil fields through binoculars and he frowned.

"What's it look like?" Arthur asked.

"... Not the way we left it." Dutch murmured and handed Arthur the contraption, Arthur furrowed his brows in confusion before he took it from Dutch and looked through the lenses.

They couldn't see the whole yard, but what they could see, there were bodies strewn about everywhere... How Colm had managed to storm this mini fortress was slightly impressive but it was also intimidating.

"What the hell did they do?" Arthur asked softly.

"I dunno..." Dutch replied.

Arthur was nervous, John was in there right now... Planting dynamite in various places. They found a hole in one of the fences and John was the smallest to fit through, and while John wasn't stupid and was a tad stealthier than Arthur wanted to admit, he was  _nervous_... If Colm found him, John would be killed... But before Arthur could dwell on it for too long, John appeared from the brush to Arthur's relief.

"John, how'd it go? How many?" Dutch inquired.

"I won't lie Dutch... We have a big fight ahead of us, but with the dynamite and Bill in there... We might have a chance." John muttered, motioning to the enclosed carriage, Dutch nodded.

"The dynamite all rigged and ready to go?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah, I hid the detonator well, I'm ready when ya'll are." He stated.

"Good boy... You ready Bill?" Dutch asked swiveling his head back.

"I sure as shit am." Bill stated, his voice muffled.

"Alright then... Get in position John... Remember, as soon as you hear Bill, detonate the dynamite." Dutch ordered.

"Sounds good... Be careful in there, I'll join you when the dynamite explodes." John said before he slinked back into hiding to get back into position.

Dutch glanced to Arthur and nodded before he slapped the reins of the horses. They trotted forward and Dutch lead them towards the gates, they had one chance and if they fucked it up they would all die. It was a hard fate to face but Arthur did it with no hesitation, Dutch's hard gaze settled on the gate.

"Looks like Van der Linde!" A voice shouted from inside, there wasn't any words exchanged as they slowly rode in, over fifty guns trained on them.

Both Arthur and Dutch held their hands up away from their own weapons, neither of them saying a word. There was a tense silence in the air as Colm walked out from inside the large building, a smirk plastered on his face.

"I see you got my message." He said casually.

"Where's there girl?" Dutch demanded.

"In a safe place." Colm replied before glancing to the carriage, curiosity crossing his features briefly.

"Look... That girl had nothin' to do this, she's innocent." Dutch explained, trying to keep his temper.

"You crossed the line of the innocent when you killed my brother." Colm said, though his tone suggesting he wasn't torn up over it.

"But we didn't kill the woman he was with." Arthur growled, Colm rolled his eyes.

"Save your high and mighty bullshit for when I put a bullet in ya..." Colm scoffed.

"We brought a peace offering." Dutch intervened, catching Colm's attention immediately. "... You give me the girl, I give you what's in here and we never cross paths again." He explained, he could see Colm considering the option.

"Depends on what's in there." Colm mused.

"... Allow me to show ya." Dutch said slowly standing, the guns following his movements, Arthur copied Dutch.

This was going well since they hadn't been shot yet... They just had to make it to the back of the carriage. Colm's eyes were trained on Dutch and Arthur as they carefully climbed down from their seats and walking around to the back, Colm followed with a few men.

"We don't want to fight with ya'll anymore, both of us have lost more than this feud is worth... So please," Dutch paused, gently slapping his hand on the outside of the carriage. "... Accept our offering."

Arthur quickly looked to Dutch as suddenly the shell of the trojan unfolded, revealing Bill on a gatling gun... Dutch had to spend most of what they robbed at the bank to get it but it was worth it to see Colm's face go pale. Bill released a battle cry and began shooting at anyone who wasn't Dutch or Arthur, who both quickly dove under the carriage to avoid getting shot by either the O'Driscoll's or bill. They dragged their bodies underneath quickly, both gasping as they heard the horses beginning to whinny.

"We have to release the horses before John sets the dynamite off!" Dutch yelled.

"I'll get that, you focus on getting to Annabelle! I'm willin' to bet he's keepin' her with the safe in there!" Arthur barked over the roaring of the military-grade weapon above them.

"Are you sure!?" Dutch asked.

"Just go!" Arthur snapped and quickly rolled out from underneath his cover and pulling out his rifle, shooting anyone in his immediate eyesight before he quickly sprinted up as he unsheathed his knife, not even bothering to try and unhook the horses.

Arthur's knife quickly sliced through the leather bindings and the horses took off as soon as they were free, Arthur swiftly took cover behind the carriage once more now that Bill had mowed down a significant amount of Colm's troops, most of them were in cover seeking refuge from Bill's wrath. Arthur had no clue if Colm was killed when Bill began shooting or if he had escaped death, but he knew he needed to catch up with Dutch.

_**BOOM.** _

Just like that chaos ensued, multiple carriages that were kept in the courtyard exploded, John made sure to take out all other buildings on the property except for the main structure since that's where Annabelle was most likely being kept.

Arthur's ears were ringing and he shook his head trying to keep his equilibrium, the booming from the Gatling gun was messing with his inner ear and the dynamite didn't help. Arthur cursed under his breath before he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder, he gasped and nearly shot who was behind him, relieved as he saw John.

"Jesus John I almost shot you in the face!" Arthur snapped.

"You weren't respondin' to me!" John replied, Arthur blinked and frowned.

"That damn gun! It's screwin' with my hearing!" He groaned, John frowned and looked towards the warehouse where Dutch had ducked into earlier.

"Go! Bill and I will cover you while you head in there and we'll make sure no one follows!" John said and nodded towards the doorway. "You're no use if you can't hear!"

Arthur frowned, he didn't like leaving John out here alone, there were way more people outside rather then inside, but he knew that if he stayed out here he wouldn't be able to stand. He nodded and reached forward, his hand resting on John's shoulder and meeting his gaze.

"Stay alive!" He commanded, John grinned and nodded.

"You too!"

Arthur took a breath before he managed to tear his gaze away from John, he was fucking terrified if he was being honest. Dutch could have been killed for all they knew, which only affirmed John's decision for Arthur to go ahead. He quickly emerged from cover and ran towards the doorway, Bill quickly moving to any target aiming at Arthur and managed to keep Arthur from getting shot.

His heart was racing but he entered unscathed and he could see a trail of bodies, Dutch was definitely here, but before Arthur could fully deduce where he had gone a bullet whizzed by his head, making him jump into the first bit of cover. Despite slightly regretting leaving John behind, he could hear again despite the ringing. Peaking out with his rifle he took down whoever was shooting at him before he began running forward and sprinting up the stairs, looking around slightly panicked before he heard a gunshot in a door down the hall along with Annabelle screaming.

Arthur's breathing almost stopped as he approached the door as quick as he could, throwing it open with his gun ready. Colm was standing on the other side of the office with Annabelle in front of him, a shotgun pressing against her back, tears streaming down her face. Dutch was on the floor in front of him, clutching his arm, he could see his gun laying carefully on the floor next to him, it seemed as if Dutch had placed his gun on the floor in order to barter for Annabelle. His blood began boiling and he trained his gun on Colm's face.

"Hold it there partner." Colm chuckled coldly. "Unless you want me to pant ya'll with this little whore's blood, I suggest you put your gun down right now." He commanded, Annabelle released a sob as she stood there helplessly as Dutch held on to his arm that was leaking blood heavily.

"... D-Don't do it Arthur." Annabelle begged.

"... Dutch." Arthur muttered.

"I-I'm fine..." Dutch replied, his voice strained from pain.

This was the toughest decision Arthur had ever made, he wanted to just pull the trigger, however with the possibility of hitting Annabelle, he couldn't, but Colm had already shown he was willing to pull the trigger... If he put his gun down, they could both die... Arthur took a breath and slowly lowered himself to the ground, placing his rifle on the floor.

"No Arthur..!" Annabelle wept as she watched Arthur drop to his knees, Colm was obviously surprised.

"Wow... This girl must be pretty important to you... You really want her?" Colm inquired with a sinister smile as he gently nudged Annabelle forward, causing both Arthur's and Dutch's breaths to hitch.

"Easy, Colm." Dutch warned. "... There's no reason to hurt an innocent woman." His voice had quieted slightly, he was nearly pleading, Colm quickly glanced behind him to an open window before turning his attention back to Dutch and Arthur.

"You're right... Take the girl, Dutch." Colm mused, Dutch's eyes widened slightly at the change in attitude.

Annabelle gasped softly as she looked to Dutch, Colm was letting her go..? She gulped and took a step forward-

**_BANG._ **

Annabelle's eyes shot open and suddenly everything was in slow motion as she fell to her knees... Arthur's heart stopped, Colm had just pumped a shotgun shell into Annabelle's back... Before Arthur or Dutch could reach for their weapons Colm dove out the back window, sliding down the roof before falling to the ground below. Arthur's first priority was not to let Colm get away, he quickly jumped up, his rifle in hand before running to the window and looking for Colm, shooting at him, cursing every time he missed, but his hands were shaking and tears were already blurring his vision.

He kept firing until his gun clicked... He was out of ammo and Arthur could only watch as Colm mounted the nearest horse and took off out the back way, not even sparing a glance for his own men. Arthur stood there, not wanting to turn around as everything suddenly came back... He could hear Dutch sobbing behind him... He was too afraid to look.

Arthur released a scream and threw his gun across the room before he finally turned his body towards Dutch... A pool of blood had already formed around Annabelle's body as Dutch held her in his arms, she was still alive... There were tears still running down her cheeks as Arthur approached, also dropping to his knees beside her, she was afraid...

"You were right..." Dutch said again, but this time, he was broken, tears were falling quickly from his face. "... I should've... I-I never..." He stumbled, but Annabelle's hand weakly came up to shush him gently.

"... It's okay." She whispered, caressing his cheek, smearing her blood all over Dutch's face, he didn't even care... They weren't saving her this time.

"No..." He bawled, shaking his head, he didn't know what to say... He wanted to say so many things. "W-We have to stop the bleeding, we have to-"

"Dutch." Arthur interrupted, resting a shaking hand on Dutch's back as Dutch's head snapped in Arthur's direction as tears fell from his eyes as well. "... T-Tell her that you  _love_ her..." He ordered, he didn't want to say anything else.

Dutch broke down, he knew that Arthur was right... He knew that no matter what, he couldn't save her this time... And he couldn't take it, but this wasn't about him, he turned his eyes back to Annabelle, she was already so pale... She had lost so much blood that Dutch and Arthur were basically sitting in it. She was beginning to fade, but she wasn't in pain any longer... She looked up at Dutch and smiled.

"... I love you so much..." She whispered, her hand still resting against Dutch's cheek, her thumb gently rubbing it, but within moments, it was too much for her and her hand fell from his face... She was going to be gone soon, and it made tears gather at her eyes again. "... Please, live for me..? P-Promise..?" She asked, Dutch cringed and nodded, pressing his forehead against hers.

"I promise... I-I'm sorry I couldn't protect you... I love you..." He sobbed, he pulled back and he could see Annabelle's breathing slowing down.

"... It's not your fault..." She said, leaning her head against his chest before her tired eyes looked to Arthur, who at this point had buried his eyes in his hand, tears dripping from his jaw as he clenched it shut. "Arthur..." She murmured, Arthur swallowed and forced his hand away so he could look at her, but she didn't say anything... She just smiled at him.

Arthur wasn't sure if she was just to weak to say anything else or if she just wanted to see him, but he reached forward and took her hand, squeezing it gently before Annabelle's eyes slowly fluttered shut... And her breathing came to a halt, but she was still smiling... Even in death...

Arthur wanted to be sick... He wanted to scream... He wanted to throw himself out the fucking window... He wanted to disembowel Colm alive... He wanted Annabelle to still be alive... He wanted so much in that moment but without hesitation, Arthur wrapped an arm around Dutch and held him close as Dutch hunched over Annabelle, his heart shattering and all he could do was sob... He didn't even care that he had still been shot... He was numb, but he leaned into Arthur as he was held... And Arthur just sat there, saying nothing... Just being there.

Neither men had realized that the shooting outside had long stopped, nor did they hear the two sets of feet running up the stairs. When the door opened again, John froze, Bill, coming up behind him, also stopping in his tracks. Arthur glanced to them and shook his head, reaching up and trying to wipe his tears away despite the fact that they weren't nearly done.

John stood there, jaw slightly agape as he hesitantly walked around, staring as if he couldn't believe his eyes before he slowly backed up against the wall and slid down onto his rear and stared up at the ceiling, unable to watch the scene any longer, taking off his hat and coming to rest his head in his free hand.

Despite not knowing Annabelle well, even Bill wasn't sure what to do or say... But it was obvious he was the only one able at the moment, he cleared his throat softly.

"... I'm gonna go make sure no one runs up on us..." Was all he muttered before he departed the room and walking back downstairs.

No one responded but none of them knew how much time had passed before Arthur decided to break the silence once more.

"... I-I'll take care of her since... You gotta get patched up." He sniffed, Dutch quickly shook his head and managed to pull himself together despite blood sweat and tears staining his face, his eyes a deep red, he looked to Arthur.

"... Just bandage it... I'm not leaving her." He argued, but Arthur wasn't about to tell him no, he looked to John.

"John." He called softly, catching John's attention who was also on the verge of losing it but he was ready to help to distract himself. "... Go get some bandages, Dutch has a bullet in his arm."

John didn't say a word, he managed to stand up and walk out of the room, he needed to get out of there but he couldn't find it in himself to leave before finding an excuse... But as he walked outside he quickly ducked to the side and held himself up against the wall as he wretched, Bill quickly jogged over and stood beside him, unsure of how to help, he awkwardly shifted before reaching forward and patting John's back, at least he was trying...

"C-... Can you go take some bandages to Dutch..?" John managed to ask after throwing up a few times, unsure if more was going to come up.

"Yeah... You gonna be alright out here?" Bill asked.

"Don't worry about me... Just go." John replied, not exactly trying to be rude but he knew he wasn't the one to be worried over right now.

Bill jogged up the stairs and walked into the office, Arthur furrowed his brows slightly as he remembered telling John to grab the bandages. He took them from Bill but he couldn't help but ask:

"Where's John?"

"He's uh... He needs some time." Bill managed to say, Arthur frowned before he released a small sigh and he pulled out his knife to gently cut away the fabric against Dutch's wound.

It was still bleeding pretty heavily and he knew that if Dutch didn't want to end it up like Annabelle he needed to get it bandaged and fast... Just the thought made Arthur's stomach turn unpleasantly but he searched through his bag trying to find any alcohol that he could use to sterilize Dutch's arm for the time being.

"Here." Bill blurted slightly, handing Arthur an unopened bottle of what looked to be expensive whiskey, Arthur arched his brows. "I-I found it downstairs before we came up here... I was gonna keep it for myself but..." He mumbled, trailing off.

"... Thank you, Bill." Dutch stated tiredly. "I'll repay you."

"N-No... That's not necessary." Bill said and shook his head, Arthur glanced up as he opened the bottle and nodded discreetly in appreciation.

He poured the liquid onto Dutch's arm, causing him to wince momentarily before Arthur applied pressure, which only made him groan, but Arthur wrapped the hole quickly and efficiently, watching it for a few moments to see if it would bleed through the wrapping quickly. He was relieved when it was still white about ten seconds later, but now he knew that Dutch wouldn't be able to hold a lot of weight.

"... I'll take her." Arthur said, Dutch looked over to him, he seemed resistant at first but he knew that the only other person who could have loved Annabelle anywhere near as much as he did was Arthur... He gulped but nodded, gently transferring Annabelle's limp body into Arthur's arms.

Both men managed to stand up, blood absolutely covering their pants but neither of them paid any mind... Arthur carefully walked out and downstairs with Dutch and Bill in tow, making sure he was carrying her with the dignity she deserved. Her head was laying against Arthur's chest, she looked so peaceful, almost as if she was asleep, it hurt so much more knowing she wouldn't wake up. When they walked outside, John had managed to gather a few horses left over by the dead O'Driscoll's for the four of them.

"You okay..?" Arthur asked as he approached, John paused but shook his head no, Arthur sighed softly. "... Me too." He replied quietly.

Despite John having just been sick a few minutes prior, he took Annabelle in his arms so that Arthur could mount his horse and Bill helped John carefully hoist her up back into Arthur's arms. He made sure that she wasn't going anywhere before everyone else mounted their horses, they needed to get away from here before the place was surrounded by the law.

* * *

They stayed off of the roads since Arthur was carrying a corpse and they were all to a degree covered in blood... They rode for about three hours into the woods, because they weren't using any trails, cutting through the wilderness shaved off some time. When they approached the Lake Isabella, Arthur was relieved that they beat everyone else and it would probably take everyone at least a day to catch up with the caravans... It gave them time to put Annabelle to rest.

"There." Dutch mentioned and pointed at the small island poking out of the water.

Arthur almost didn't recognize this place given that every other time he had been here it was covered in snow and ice, but with the approaching summer, it seemed they were lucky. Even though it was still rather cooler than their camp near Annesburg, it was nice and secluded... Good for them to get their bearings.

At first, Arthur was concerned about how exactly they were going to get Annabelle out there but walking around the lake on horseback, it became clear that there was a window where his horse would be able to cross without issue. Carefully motioning his horse towards the water the animal stalled momentarily but with a bit of encouragement, the beast slowly walked forward, his knees submerging before coming up onto the dry land again, he missed The Admiral.

John and Bill got to work on digging a hole for Annabelle while Arthur carefully laid Annabelle very gently onto the ground. She was beginning to get stiff, it made him sick to his core... However, he looked over and saw Dutch a few feet away, facing towards the lake and smoking a cigarette... Arthur was worried. Dutch hadn't said much since...

"Hey, partner..." Arthur greeted softly as he approached Dutch.

"Hey, son..." Dutch murmured softly, inhaling some nicotine before passing it to Arthur.

"... How you holdin' up?" Arthur asked, Dutch snicker bitterly and shook his head briefly.

"... I keep thinkin' it's a nightmare... That I'll wake up... And she'll be there..." Dutch mumbled as Arthur smoked, he didn't know how to reply, he had no clue how Dutch was still standing.

"... She loved you so much." Arthur sighed. "I-I know that saying that isn't the same as hearin' it from her... But she did."

"I know... This isn't over." Dutch growled before swiftly turning away from Arthur and walking back towards Bill and John, avoiding further conversation.

Arthur swallowed harshly at Dutch's words, he knew that there was no way Dutch was  _ever_ letting this go... And Arthur didn't blame him. He just hoped Dutch managed to gather some sanity before he started making the big decisions. He sighed and walked back seeing as Bill and John were nearly done with the hole. Dutch had kneeled next to Annabelle and gently brushed some hair out of her face... She was still so beautiful.

"W-Whenever you're ready, Dutch." John muttered, making sure he didn't sound like he was rushing.

It took a few moments but Dutch eventually nodded, standing back up and getting out of the way so Arthur could delicately pick Annabelle up and place her in her final resting place. For a few moments it was silent, no one was sure if they should say anything or if they should just cover her up... Arthur glanced to Dutch, giving him the decision.

"... Thank you boys for... Everythin' really." Dutch finally said. "... Even though today will be a day that will be remembered for the worst reasons... I'm thankful that you boys were there, especially you Arthur." He mentioned. "... Thank you for bein' with her til the end."

Suddenly, Arthur felt like he was going to cry all over again. He quickly cleared his throat and shook his head, he didn't deserve thanks... He failed... He failed both Dutch  _and_ Annabelle. He let Annabelle die and he let Colm get away... How in the hell did he deserve thanks?

A harsh reality hit Arthur like a tidal wave as his guilt came down on him... If he couldn't protect Annabelle, how was he supposed to protect John? He couldn't keep Mary, he failed her, just like he failed everyone else and soon he would fail John too... And he wasn't sure he could handle that, but he was brought back to reality remembering that he needed to say something out of respect for Annabelle, even though his throat was closing up.

"... You know, that girl..." Arthur started, suddenly starting to chuckle, albeit tearfully. "I remember when uh... It was shortly after John started ridin' with us and I was tryin' to break The Count before Dutch claimed him, she kept tellin' me to leave it that I would get thrown but I didn't listen." He explained, wiping his eyes momentarily before he continued. "... I got on the horse's back thinkin' I was hot shit and I wasn't even on his back three seconds before I landed on the floor on my ass. I could hear her laughing from all the way across camp... Suddenly she came over and calmed him with no effort, I never understood how she did it and I was sore about it for days after... I know The Count still remembers." He concluded.

"I remember that." Dutch managed to chortle, Arthur was relieved that even his small story could earn a smile from Dutch even in the darkest times. "... Just like I remember her takin' a switch to John after he stole her necklace right after he joined us." He mused, making John blush.

"Hey now, in my defense I was  _twelve_ and I would have gotten away with it if it hadn't fallen outta my pocket." John laughed.

"Oh yeah, I've never seen her face go sour so fast." Arthur snickered.

"My ass was sore for a week." John scoffed but in good humor.

"She was a nice lady... Wish I could have gotten to know her better, welcomed me with open arms even after I tried robbin' you." Bill said, nodding to Dutch.

"Yeah... She really was." Dutch sighed.

Once more there was silence as the gravity of the situation hit them... She was gone, truly gone. Arthur took a breath before reaching into his satchel, quickly rifling around in it until he pulled out a picture, one he always carried. It was the one and only picture he had of the family together. At the time it was only himself, a young John, Dutch, Annabelle at his side, Susan, Hosea, and Bessie... It was an old picture and he cherished it dearly... But he walked forward and knelt down, gently tucking it into her blouse before standing back up and stepping back.

It was a nice sentiment and soon everyone else mirrored Arthur's actions, Bill left the last of the expensive whiskey that had been used to treat Dutch's arm, John left the lucky rabbit's foot that Annabelle had given him when he was about fifteen, and Dutch... Dutch pulled out a folded piece of paper, he didn't disclose what it was and he didn't need to, but he placed it in Annabelle's hands which were neatly folded on her midsection.

Nothing more was said as she was covered with dirt, Dutch turned away to spare himself the sight and Arthur came to his side for support. It didn't take long and when it was over, Dutch hesitantly turned around, his heart lurching at Annabelle being nothing more than a pile of dirt... But he kept his dignity intact before speaking.

"... I-If ya'll don't mind... I'd like some time alone with her." Dutch murmured, Arthur shook his head.

"You deserve that." He mentioned before he turned to Dutch and held out his arms.

Dutch seemed to sigh in relief slightly before he wrapped his arms around Arthur briefly, but hugging him tightly.

"Thank you brother." He said quietly to Arthur before pulling away and nodding.

The group departed the small island to leave Dutch to grieve alone for a while. They needed to set up camp since their things probably wouldn't be here until the next day or possibly even the day after, thankfully no one had an appetite and they got to work making a fire. Bill had passed out shortly after the fire was lit and to be honest, he deserved it, without Bill there was no way they could have assaulted the oil fields.

Arthur looked to his watch, it was dark and he wasn't sure how much time had passed since they were here. He knew there was still a bit of light when they arrive but not much, they probably had only been there a few hours... John was at the water watching his face from the blood and he knew that he needed to do the same... He was just completely numb and he knew he needed to use this feeling to do what needed to be done before his heart stopped him...

_Arthur, there's no shame in loving someone..._

Arthur paused briefly as Annabelle's words rang in his head... She was right... But he couldn't watch something happen to John again because of him, he thought that he had lost the boy once already and after today... After he fucking failed  _again_...

Seeing John crouched by the water, Arthur's heart was clenching, but he took a breath... This was the right thing to do and he knew it... He couldn't second guess himself and risk going back on his intentions... John glanced back as he saw Arthur approaching, he seemed pleasantly surprised.

"Oh... Hey." John greeted.

"Hey..." Arthur muttered before he crouched as well and splashed water up to his face, watching the red flow from his face.

"... You alright?" John asked as he watched Arthur, he looked just exhausted.

"Better than Dutch I guess..." Arthur sighed.

"I uh... Know you and Annabelle were close." John mentioned, trying to offer support but he himself was barely holding up.

"Close..? I was in love with her." Arthur chuckled softly, revealing a secret that he had long since kept, in the corner of his eye he could see John gawking at him.

"... You were?" John asked.

"Not like that exactly..." Arthur clarified before he thought about it and eventually shrugged. "Well, maybe I guess... She and I were always just... I dunno, we went good together... When she and Dutch began their relationship I stepped back a bit cause I didn't wanna disrespect either of them... But I still loved her and she was there for me through everything... Mary... Isaac... She was a good woman. If Dutch hadn't been around I probably woulda married her." he explained with a small smile of fondness at the memories but it left quickly. "But it wasn't meant to be and I accepted that I woulda rather had her friendship than had nothin' at all..." He said and looked out to the water, John nodded.

"... What do you think is gonna happen?" John asked, fear hinting at his tone.

"... I dunno, John." Arthur said honestly, but his heart clenched again... It was time.

Arthur stood back up and turned away from John as he thought about his words... How was he supposed to do this? John felt the shift in Arthur's attitude and he too stood up, looking at Arthur from behind, a pit forming in his stomach.

"Arthur?" John asked, his voice slightly quivering to his dismay, Arthur swallowed the lump in his throat before he turned to face John, his expression was unreadable but he took a few steps toward John and reached forward, his body moved on it's own as his hand came in contact with John's cheek... Caressing it carefully,

Despite the gesture being loving, John knew something wasn't right and he was worried... But soon Arthur hung his head slightly and shook it.

"... We let this go on long enough." He murmured, John's fear coming true.

"What?" he asked in disbelief.

"... This... You and me... It needs to end." Arthur finally said, taking his hand away from John's face.

"... Why?" John asked, feeling as if Arthur had just stabbed him, Arthur turned away before reaching up and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"We been livin' in a fantasy... Two men together... It would never work." Arthur said almost coldy, hoping John would just leave it but he should have known better.

"... So all that shit about you and me runnin' away together... All that was a  _fantasy?_ " John asked, his blood beginning to boil.

"John please-"

"Please what? Let me guess, don't make this harder than it has to be, you knew it wouldn't work out, I love you but it's just too much to handle, did I leave anything out? After all the shit we went through?" John asked, Arthur knew he had to get one good hard blow at John to make the younger man regret being with him... Before he changed his mind and took John in his arms again... So he responded in a way he knew was wrong from the start.

"... I never said I loved you." Arthur replied shortly as he turned back to John, the hurt and betrayal hitting John all at once, he could see it go through the other's dark hues and Arthur regretted it instantly, but he remained stoic.

John stood there in complete shock at what Arthur had just said... Had Arthur just used him..? Did Arthur manipulate him just the way he manipulated Alice? His world had been completely blown to pieces into a span of just a few hours, and now he didn't know what the hell he was going to do... But one thing he was certain of...

John walked forward calmly, approaching Arthur before suddenly slamming his fist into Arthur's nose, putting Arthur onto his back, his expression one of surprise and pain as he reached up and held his nose. John panted slightly as he stood over Arthur, glaring down at him.

"... The next time you wanna be fucking sad and miserable, pick someone else to be your guilty pleasure..." John hissed before spitting at Arthur and storming back toward the fire.

Arthur groaned and laid there for a few minutes... He deserved what John had done and that kid could pack a fucking punch, then again John was always good at sucker punching him when he least expected it, he always made sure Arthur was unable to hit him back when he did but this time he wouldn't have hit back even  _if_ John hadn't completely laid him out.

He almost laughed as he shook his head, he knew one of these days John was going to fuck him up, it only took heartbreak and betrayal... Eventually, Arthur sat up and reached up to his pounding head as his nose poured blood, he didn't think it was broken but fuck did it hurt. He took an extra few minutes washing his face off in the water and putting a handkerchief to his face to stop the blood from making another mess.

Arthur turned to head back toward the fire until he remembered that he hadn't seen Dutch since they had buried Annabelle... He frowned and walked towards the small island where they had left Dutch alone. He hadn't heard any gunshots so he assumed Dutch was still there... At least he hoped; wading through the water carefully, Arthur could see Dutch still sitting by Annabelle's grave, he was hunched over looking at something but Arthur couldn't tell until he got closer and he could see a revolver in Dutch's hand.

His blood ran cold momentarily as he stopped walking, Dutch looked up and saw Arthur, neither spoke for a moment but Arthur approached Dutch and held out his hand for the gun.

"... C'mon partner... Gimme it." He said as he stuffed the bloodied cloth in his satchel, Dutch hesitated but sighed and handed over the weapon before Arthur sat next to him. "... No offense." Arthur added softly.

"No... Probably for the best." Dutch chuckled softly and reached up, rubbing his eyes.

"... Why don't you come over to the fire, warm yourself up?" Arthur asked.

"I... I can't... Not yet... I don't wanna leave her." Dutch mumbled.

"I get it... Mind if I stick around? John and I aren't exactly talkin'." Arthur scoffed, it was then Dutch glanced over and arched his brows at the black eye forming already.

"Jesus, what happened?" Dutch asked, Arthur quickly shook his head.

"N-Nothin' too serious." He lied, Dutch was too exhausted to press the subject to Arthur's relief, it was silent once more before Dutch looked up into the sky.

"... How'd you do it?" He suddenly asked.

"What?" Arthus replied.

"... How'd you move on? After losing Mary and your son... I just... I don't get it... You are far stronger a man than me, son..." Dutch snorted and looked over to Arthur who thought long and hard about his answer.

"... I didn't." He finally admitted somberly. "... I think about them every day... The people I loved and lost..." He chuckled starting to think about John and his heart only broke all over again, but thankfully with Dutch's presence, he was able to hold himself together. "... I just... Survive, I go one day at a time, it may not be easy now but soon tomorrow will come and then the next day... Sooner or later you stop and realize that years have gone by and even though it don't hurt like it used to, they don't leave you.. You just use what you had with them and what they taught you to your advantage... And eventually remembering them won't be so hard." He sighed, smiling and shaking his head as he looked out to the calm peaceful water shining through the trees, Dutch had been so strong for everyone and now Arthur vowed to be strong for Dutch so that Dutch didn't have to be now.

"... That's a beautiful way to look at it." Dutch said, sighing. "... It'll probably be a long time before I get there... But it's something to look forward to, thank you..."

"... What was it that you gave her?" Arthur couldn't help but ask, Dutch hesitated but looked forward.

"... Marriage license." Dutch admitted.

"No shit?" Arthur asked with shock.

"Yeah... We didn't have a service or nothing, just signed a few papers after a bribed a judge... I knew she always wanted to get married, maybe not to someone like me but..." Dutch trailed off with a small laugh.

"... You know what I think?" Arthur asked, a thought coming to him as he glanced over to Dutch.

"Hm?"

"... I think we need to get outta here... I mean  _way_  outta here." He stated, Dutch seemed intrigued.

"Oh really? Where were you thinking?" He asked.

"I dunno, west maybe? There's a lot of places to lay low and no one wants to admit it ain't been tamed yet." Arthur mused, Dutch hummed as he thought.

"... That's actually not a bad idea... I think we could all use some time away from here." Dutch sighed.

"I'm not saying we gotta leave tomorrow or somethin' but... Maybe we should plan a trip." Arthur said and Dutch smiled before he nodded.

"... I think you're right... We'll probably stick around here for a while till we get our bearings but... Let's meet with Hosea when they get here." Dutch concluded before he stood up and offered a hand to Arthur which he took gratefully. "You ready to go back?" Dutch asked.

"... Uh, no... Actually, I think I'm going to hang back for a few minutes... I-If you don't mind..." Arthur muttered and Dutch paused but shook his head to Arthur's relief, turning and walking back towards the light from camp.

When Dutch was gone, Arthur turned back to Annabelle's grave, he stared at it for a few long moments... He missed her.

"... Hey, darlin'..." He muttered, his voice trembling, he quickly cleared his throat to try and alleviate it but now that Arthur was alone... There was no reason to hold himself back anymore.

Arthur was silent, but he let the tears fall... And they fell for a long time in the quiet of the night, it felt wrong not having Annabelle around and once again Arthur was reminded on how much he failed.

"... If I had just taken the damn shot." He sneered and reached up, wiping his eyes. "... I know you uh... Wouldn't want us groveling about you but... Goddamn, we miss you already... And I know you're yellin' at me for what I did to John but dammit I ain't strong enough..." He scoffed, sniffing before an idea came to him, he quickly looked back to make sure no one was coming up on him before he pulled out his journal. "... You always asked me to read it." He puffed out a small laugh.

Arthur got down onto the ground and carefully dug up a little bit of dirt over Annabelle's resting place and placed the book in the small hole above her before covering up quickly.

"... I know there are still some blank pages and I know I ain't the best writer but... Someone once told me I was a poet and you always liked that kinda stuff... Try not to judge it too hard." He mused before he looked back to the fire and back to Annabelle, he took a breath before he took off one of his gloves and placed his hand on the mound of dirt. "... I'll see you later darlin'... Pet my dog while you're waitin'..." Arthur murmured.

More tears almost escaped, but Arthur managed to stand back up... He slipped his gloved back on and finally turned away...

While this chapter in their lives was over and things would never be the same again... Arthur found solace knowing that she wouldn't be alone up there, and he knew he probably would be going to hell, which he didn't really give a damn about... But at least there was someone up there on their side for once...

In the end... Arthur was alone... Just the way he wanted.

 

  _ **FIN.**_

 

>  
> 
>  
> 
> I am not the only traveler  
>  Who has not repaid his debt  
>  I've been searching for a trail to follow again  
>  Take me back to the night we met
> 
> And then I can tell myself  
>  What the hell I'm supposed to do  
>  And then I can tell myself  
>  Not to ride along with you
> 
> I had all and then most of you  
>  Some and now none of you  
>  Take me back to the night we met  
>  I don't know what I'm supposed to do  
>  Haunted by the ghost of you  
>  Oh, take me back to the night we met
> 
> When the night was full of terrors  
>  And your eyes were filled with tears  
>  When you had not touched me yet  
>  Oh, take me back to the night we met
> 
> I had all and then most of you  
>  Some and now none of you  
>  Take me back to the night we met  
>  I don't know what I'm supposed to do  
>  Haunted by the ghost of you
> 
>   
>  Take me back to the night we met...
> 
>  
> 
> source: The Night We Met by Lord Huron (more like rip my fucking heart out)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, lemme just say this chapter was such an emotional rollercoaster for me. I know some of you are going to just hate me with the way I ended this but I promise this story is not over!  
> I will be taking a small break from writing RDR2 just so that I can refresh my writing and probably replay the game. I may release something between this part and the next part but at the moment I'm unsure. I will do my best not to keep you guys waiting for too long since I know ya'll are gonna want Arthur and John together lol.  
> Before I officially end this, I cannot believe this has gone on for TWENTY chapters, that blows my mind!!! You guys are so amazing thank you for keeping me going and supporting this series... I can't wait to see you all again in the next part of the series!  
> -Eros


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